pwrcat Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 I am a single mom with an 8 year old daughter. Her father is not very involved with her parenting. About 6 months ago I met a wonderful guy and we hit it off together. We still continue to get along fantasticly and have never even had a fight. Now the problem while he says that he fell in love with me he admits that he has no feelings of connection with my daughter. She seems to annoy him. He has never had kids and operates under the impression that if he did they would be perfect (I thought that too before I had them!) Anyway my daughter is not always perfect sometimes she doesn't listen and sometimes she is a pain. I know several parents with kids her age and they all pretty much behave the same way. I also have two older daughters so I am aware what stages kids seem to go through. Anyway, why I am going on and on is to say that I have no illusions that she is a perfect kid who can do no wrong, she is a normal 8 year old girl. She is also straight A student, has a big heart and many positive things going for her. Ok enough about that, anyway when they are together I can just tell that she irritates him. We have talked about the situation and he says that it is very frustrating to him, that he knows that some of it is him but it is the way it is. Sometimes he says it makes him want to break up even though we are great together. I don't know what to do I feel caught in between. Any ideas?? Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Yeah. Find a man that will accept and care for you and your family. It isn't fair for your daughter to try and put someone in her life who is going to find her "irritating". If he thinks his offspring will be perfect, he's in for a rude awakening. -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 I am a man who also has no children. I don;t have any problems with children, but I really have to admit, I don;t know how to relate to them very well. They make me very nervous sometimes and, yes, because I am not a parent and don't know them very well, the often irritate me. because of this, I am reluctant to become involved with a woman with children. I'm sure I could adapt, but I consider the child first. Just because I'm uneasy, doesn't mean the child deserves anything but kindness and gentle patience from me. But I know how your man feels. It may be that he won;t be able to bond with your children for some time. But you are her mother and your first responsibility is to her. If your man can't adapt and bond with her, the two of you have no future. I guess I see it from both perspectives and understand that this will be a problematic relationship unless he and your daughter can connect. This worriess me constantly. At my age the vast majority of women have children. I am faced with the necessity of learning to do what your man is tryng to do now or admit that I may have to live the rest of my life alone. But I also understand your side. You know your daughter and you have the experience to know that she's a normal eight year old. I wish I has some wisdom to offer. BTW, people without children can often provide great insight on parenting. Just becasue we don't have kids doesn't mean that we don't have some understanding of children (we were children once too). We are very objective and studies have shown that we are often much better at parental problem solving than are parents. I don't know why this would be true, but I do know that friends have presented me with a problem they are having with a child and I'll throw something out. More often or not they come back and say "It worked! How could you have possibly known that?" My sister says that I can often reach my neice and nephews and accomplish what she can't, simply because my detachement makes me more objective than she might be, and I exercise more patience than she does. Maybe your man has something to offer. Maybe that becaue he senses an "oh, what do you know, you don;t have kids?" attitude, he backs away and cannot connect with your daughter. Just something to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
Thor Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 that he knows that some of it is him but it is the way it is. Unfortunately, your daughter shouldn't be in this type of situation. Children don't need too much time before reacting adversely to negative behaviors directed at them regardless of how subtle it may be. Your b/f has already made it clear that he's not going to change so any output from him wouldn't be positive. Leave this man and find yourself someone who can accept you and the rest of your children. Link to post Share on other sites
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