benskrewd2 Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 [font=century gothic][/font][color=red][/color] my 2nd husband semed like adream come true. After the new wore off, he began screwing off with his friends, engaging in risky behaviors, and genereally wastingfinances to the point our lights are about to be cut off. He always says he wants afamily, but never acts accordingly. i've already weathered one horrible marriage..i just don't have time for him to grow up. He is loved deeply by my 2 children from previous marriage..I am economically bound from moving out. I'm at the end of my rope. Help. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Tell him to get himself to a counsellor. He needs to have someone help him understand that he needs to assume his responsibilities. Link to post Share on other sites
havNfun Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 perhaps you should give him more sex and show him more admiration? boost is estime, be a team, take care of him. Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 you may need to kick him out and get a second job Link to post Share on other sites
havNfun Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 or perhaps he has different priorities as far as what he believes is meaningfull and important behavior. Something makes him the way he is? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 If it's money, tell him that after paying half of the expenses in the house, he can spent the rest of his own money as he choses! You've got 2 kids to raise, and love won't put food on their table! My pov: start standing up to this kind of behavior. No one's telling you to dump him or move out, but the least he can do is show respect and provide for his family! It takes two to raise a family, he ought to be held responsible for it! Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Maybe you should spend more time getting to know someone before marrying him. Talk about future goals, what you do and don't want and how you are going to get there. That way you could find someone a little more compatible with what you want. How can you be economically bound? In Canada, there are supports/shelters/financing assistance available. Is that not available in the US? Can't you get child support or alimony from your children's father? Link to post Share on other sites
Author benskrewd2 Posted July 10, 2004 Author Share Posted July 10, 2004 I wish it were so simple as more sex. When he is so deceitfeul, and staying up all night watching porn, running up truly obscene bills: i don't feel paticularly inclined to want tohave sex. his emotions are quite obviosly elsewhere which pretty much ruins the ol' mood for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author benskrewd2 Posted July 10, 2004 Author Share Posted July 10, 2004 in the beginning, he did sincerely seem to share goals with me, like raising a family, (although the children's real father is currently incarcerated and owes over20,000$ in child support). He accepted them as his own, and so did his family. it really seemed too good to be true, but after a while i came to trust him despite my fears of my past marriage repeating itself, and sadly, it has, except there is no longer physical abuse. I sort of want to leave so i won't have to worry about what he, or any other man, does or doesn't do. But, there are two children who are deeply attached to him. My own parents divorced when iwas 11, and i really don't want them to go through that ordeal of separation, and economic disaster. I'm even tired of pondering the whole situation, yet i must resolve it somehow. USA,well in the deep south, child support is ajoke. Not enforced,Nobody cares. Good ol' American apathy. Link to post Share on other sites
havNfun Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 well you are waiting for him to change so that he behaves more like you, and stops being so much like himself. Perhaps it is frustraiting to him that you are not participating much within his construction of endevour. Perhaps he feels very lonely as he sits up ALONE spending money on porn. Have you really made any effort to change your behavior to meet half way with your partner, OR, are you 100% staying your perfect self and wondering why he hasn't gotten with your program yet? What have you changed or done different to appreciate his lifestyle and differences? You cannot assume your lifestyle and behavior is the end-all benchmark that all should migrate towards if they are interested in "behaving properly." Where you got this attitude I don't know but it could be what keeps messing up your relationships. hugs Link to post Share on other sites
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