turnera Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 We went out and bought him a chocolate lab puppy Saturday night. We had him stay with his mom for the weekend so we could surprise him with it. My husband stayed home from work today and when his mom brought him over we told him we had something for him. My husband went in our room and got the puppy. When my step son saw him he was so happy he started to cry. It was so sweet. I feel on top of the world I LIKE IT! Pets are the A#1 way to reduce stress and get people to feel a connection to the world and feel loved. Awesome! I'm proud of you guys. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 btw, I rescued a baby black puppy a few months ago and she's turning out to look just like a lab. Best dog EVER! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smashingpumpkinfan Posted August 28, 2012 Author Share Posted August 28, 2012 I LIKE IT! Pets are the A#1 way to reduce stress and get people to feel a connection to the world and feel loved. Awesome! I'm proud of you guys. Thanks, we hope this helps him. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 We went out and bought him a chocolate lab puppy Saturday night. We had him stay with his mom for the weekend so we could surprise him with it. My husband stayed home from work today and when his mom brought him over we told him we had something for him. My husband went in our room and got the puppy. When my step son saw him he was so happy he started to cry. It was so sweet. I feel on top of the world I think a puppy is a great idea! You all seem to be working as a united team toward his mental health. Remain focused and united. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smashingpumpkinfan Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 (edited) I thought since all of you helped my family (although it only worked for awhile) he snapped a few months ago. We were in the kitchen when he said something extremely inappropriate to me... I told him he couldn't say things like that and I was his stepmom never anything else. He just got a hurt look on his face and walked out. I told my husband who had a stupid response "haaaaaa told you so." I asked him if was worried and he said no. A week later, he attacked my child. He was outside with my son and husband and his dog and my son walked over, he hit my son and started screaming. When he called his mom he told her to hurry and come get him. He told his mother that their son couldn't come over for awhile til we figured things out. She drove him to his aunt's to be watched and he screamed he wanted to come here, he needed me and the dog. He wasn't allowed here for about 3 months, and we got rid of the dog. We couldn't handle him and took him to a rescue. He still hasn't been adopted, but we told our son he was. I feel bad he's still there, but we just had enough. He's still in therapy and we are still in therapy as a parent unit. Thank you all for your suggestions. They did help us feel better for awhile. Edited March 1, 2013 by Smashingpumpkinfan Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I'm sorry to hear that. I hope he gets the help he needs. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 When I saw you updated I was so hoping it was with good news. I'm sorry this is happening to your son and to your family. Isn't getting rid of the dog kind of like punishing the boy for his emotional problems, and gee...throwing away any dog... Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I agree, I think it may have been better to see if you could find someone to adopt the dog first. Link to post Share on other sites
ana0pera Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 this is devastating, i was hoping for something positive too. hang in there, you guys are trying so hard and i think healing takes a long time. do you know why he says he needs to see you? has he tried apologizing? i agree it's best for all of you to keep your space. taking away the dog seems like punishment, though, for an emotionally unstable boy. I completely understand that you might not be able to keep the dog and neither can his mother, but to me it doesn't send a good message to him. I am not saying you are the "bad guys" so don't take it that way, just understand that he might have more resentment aimed towards you because of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smashingpumpkinfan Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 (edited) What he said to me was romantically said, his therapist is working with him on it. As some of you my recall my husband joked about him having an orpheus complex so he thought it was hilarious... We had the dog in obedience training with my stepson and there was progress, and it gave him something to do. We are having him do packets instead of school because school officials and his therapist recommended it. So it got him out of the house. The dog knocked my baby down a lot and we just couldn't handle him, he was the most out of control dog I've ever had. My last dog was also a lab so I was experienced with them, my husband wasn't... The rescue doesn't put them down and works with training them. We still can get him back if no one adopts him. It makes me sad, because I wanted another baby... But, our son is too unpredictable and we both realize he needs us before we have another child... I'm worried that it won't work out. Edited March 1, 2013 by Smashingpumpkinfan Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 My best advice right now is to read as many child psychology books as you can get your hands on; read them out loud to your husband. The more you know, the better you can deal with things. It really helped with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smashingpumpkinfan Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) His mom came and picked him up after his weekend here and asked to talk to me. I brought my son out with us so nothing would happen. She thanked me for "putting up with all of this" I told her he's my baby too, I can't imagine my life without him. I said because of all the things that have happened (my son being attacked) It's made it harder but I know that he's still the same sweet boy that I fell in love with. She thanked me for being the only person he trusted, the only person he can talk to. She said the only time he shows emotion at therapy is when he talks about me... I felt so sad. She hugged me and we both started crying, she told me she blames herself for everything. Then we got him in the car. He just had the same blank expression on his face that he had when he'd just sit in the chair. I got the mail later and there was a letter from his therapist that recommends we put him back in the observation unit at the hospital due to "lack of progress" I don't want to take my baby back there!!!!! I don't understand, we've been being told for months he IS progressing. This is a low blow... I feel like everything I've done just was nothing. We tried so hard... This feels like a joke. Edited March 4, 2013 by Smashingpumpkinfan Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I'm so sorry. I guess, listen to the experts. And like I said, read every book you can find to try to get an idea of how he's feeling, so you can relate to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smashingpumpkinfan Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 He should be admitted in the next two weeks. We've been on the phone all day... I've ordered every book I can get my hands on. I want nothing else in the world but to help him... All we can do now is hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smashingpumpkinfan Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 Well, we've still been reading the books, and he's out of the hospital. He's been doing wonderful so far! We keep a very close eye on him though, we keep our son a good distance away from him, we make sure he knows brother probably doesn't want to play. We got the dog back from the rescue, they both were so excited to see each other. He's really calmed down so we are ok now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 I was diagnosed with depression last year. It took 6 months for the meds to start working efficiently and another 6 months for me to start feeling really good. To try a commit suicide, your stepson must have been way at the bottom of the barrel. Once meds start working, he will have the will to get better but for now he probably just doesn't There isn't much you can do right now. He knows you're there he just doesn't care about anything right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Well, we've still been reading the books, and he's out of the hospital. He's been doing wonderful so far! We keep a very close eye on him though, we keep our son a good distance away from him, we make sure he knows brother probably doesn't want to play. We got the dog back from the rescue, they both were so excited to see each other. He's really calmed down so we are ok now. Oh good, I'm glad to read this! Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 OP, I read the whole thread and I'd like to start by saying you have been a real soldier through this. It seems you have been putting a lot of energy to take care of him - just be careful you do not make yourself sick! Now one thing that set me off is his therapist saying he didn't have a mental illness…hum. Depression IS a mental illness…anyhow... Vitamin B complex has been linked to helping with depression. I am in no way suggesting you take him off his meds - but having him take a B-vitamin complex every day may be good for him (and no it will not interact with his current meds) As for the books you're reading - I hope they are helping. One book I would suggest is Reinventing your Life by Jeffrey Young. It is used by some profs at my university in 'Psychology of Personal Development' courses and its been suggested to me by many psychologists. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is widely used by therapists specializing in depression and anxiety. You can probably easily find Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Dummies and Exercises in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Dummies (I **** you not!) at your library. I haven't read them though. Again, I am not suggesting you stop seeing your therapist. I'm simply suggesting these books so you don't spend an insane amount of money buying whatever you can get your hands on. Now if you really want to learn about depression and mental illnesses, I would suggest attending psychology classes at your local university. Courses you would find relevant would be some intro courses but especially psychopathology and personality. Some universities allow you to attend classes without receiving the credits and the tuition fees are significantly lower then regular tuition fees (in Canada anyways) I am finishing a BA in Psych and plan on specializing in mental health after that - while I understand you are probably surrounded by qualified professionals - if you have questions and would like a quick answer - feel free to inbox me. I usually log on a few times a day. Hang in there I think you are doing a terrific job so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smashingpumpkinfan Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 We had him see another therapist, and it's done wonders. We felt the one he was seeing wasn't working anymore and now I feel we were right. His mom, my husband, occasionally her boyfriend, and I still attend therapy as a parenting group, and we all think we've all been being a little more sensitive with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Great update. Link to post Share on other sites
Calvin's wagon Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Great to hear the good news! Btw, have you considered therapy for your other child? I imagine it must have, at least subconsciously, affected him greatly to be attacked? Best wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smashingpumpkinfan Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 We haven't done much of anything for our little boy. We've experienced problems with him being around my stepson, so we're looking into it now, we didn't think there would be a problem due to his age. He refuses to sit by his brother... In the past he was the only one he'd sit by. When my stepson enters a room my son will scream for me. He told my stepson he isn't his best friend anymore because he's mean. It makes my stepson sad, he cried about it last weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Something happened that neither of them is telling you about. I hope you're getting little one in therapy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smashingpumpkinfan Posted June 21, 2013 Author Share Posted June 21, 2013 (edited) Something happened that neither of them is telling you about. I hope you're getting little one in therapy. Well I know he jumped on my little boy, scratched him, hit him, and yelled at him. I wasn't home at the time, my husband was. As for what is wrong, he was an only child for twelve years, and we thought he was still bitter about it. However, his new therapist has asked if he has been abused. My husband and I originally thought that was going on... We just are afraid of what will happen if we ask. Right now we and his therapist are trying to figure out different ways we COULD go about asking him without a negative effect Edited June 21, 2013 by Smashingpumpkinfan Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 If his therapist is incapable of dealing with this, fire him and find a QUALIFIED therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
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