Too many Thoughts on This! (Part 2 of Did I cheat?)

[willemd]

Hi There - This is sorta a part 2 to my previous thread so some of it repeats!

 

My dilemma relates to online flirting. I started dating this girl that I was good friends with before. After about 1.5 months in, an old girl I used to date starting talking to me on AOL messenger. At first it was plutonic and then she started talking to me about her boyfriend troubles, and then soon she started hinting she had an interest in me. Keeping in mind the girl that I was dating, we were not a couple at the time and we had agreed on that. We also agreed that if did have serious feelings for someone else or if we thought something physical/sexual was going to happen with someone else that we would tell eachother before it happened.

 

I will admit that I did flirt/sexual remarks/innuendo's with this other girl, because we had dated before and I did have a slight interest in her and she knew that and she had an interest in me too. But the thing is our flirting was much more open than normal flirting because we did date before and did do sexual things. Although I never said or indicated that I wanted to be with her, or that I loved her ever! We did talk about hanging out seeing if there was anything there maybe in the summertime because we were both at different schools miles away and nothing could happen until then if it ever was going too. We flirted for a week and then the girl I was dating broke up with me because she clearly wanted a solid commitment from me. I told her that I understood why she broke up with me and that I do have feelings for her, but I just was not ready for a relationship at that time. Later the same day she wanted to get backtogether with me and agreed to just keep dating me and seeing what happens. I agreed to hang out with the girl that I flirted with but I said only as friends. I went to her house strictly with plutonic intentions, we watched some comedy movies with her brother and a mutual friend of ours, I then proceeded to leave she tried to kiss me, I dodged the kiss because I knew in my head I didn't want to kiss anyone except the girl I was dating. After that I never saw or flirted online with that girl again, I knew I wanted to be with the girl I was dating. So about two days later the girl I was flirting with asked if I was dating any girls or had any interests, and I told her that yeah I was dating someone and have been for about 2 months now. Her reaction was a little weird, although understandable. She said "why didnt you say that" and I said because she had never asked. Because I didn't have any commitment to her, after all she had just broken up with her boyfriend, and its not like I was dating her or anything. I think she thought that our flirting online was more just flirting because we had dated before. After that the online girl stopped talking to me, which was what I wanted because I wanted to make it clear that I was now seriously involved with someone. But now 5 months later, we still talk occasionally just as friends.

 

So my questions are, do you think she reacted the way she did because she felt rejected? Was I at fault in anyway? And the biggy ofcourse, because the flirting online with the girl I had dated before was more open and sexual again because we had dated before and talked about that stuff before, did I cheat and should I tell the gf? I guess my real question is if you are just dating someone and not in a committed relationship is all online flirting just flirting? Again all this online flirting happened before me and my girlfriend were a couple.

 

Thank you so much guys for any advice!

[benskrewd2]

Nice 2 know there r still men with a conscience. At least u didn't do it to her while u were married like my sorry husband # 2

[SnowWhite]

Originally posted by willemd

So my questions are, do you think she reacted the way she did because she felt rejected?

 

I will admit that I did flirt/sexual remarks/innuendo's with this other girl, because we had dated before and I did have a slight interest in her and she knew that and she had an interest in me too.

 

It seems obvious that she reacted the way she did not because of rejection but because she felt like you were leading her on. She thought you had interest in her which you admitted that you did and she probably believed all the flirting was going to develop into a relationship.

Were you at fault?

Perhaps partly because you were not considering that all this flirting was causing her to have feelings for you.

 

I wouldn't consider flirting cheating either and I'm not sure if this is something you should tell your gf. Do I want to know everytime that my bf has flirted with another girl. Heck no! If she knew you used to date the other girl and she was ok with you guys talking I don't see any need to tell her about the past flirting.