Mistake Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Hi, I've been lurking around reading this forum. I am involved with a MM and am depressed and devastated beyond belief. I have never been more depressed in my entire life. I don't want to explain the situation but I have a question about divorce. Is it TRUE that when people marry without a pre-nup that the husband can lose everything if he got divorced? The MM I'm seeing says he really wants to be with me and would do anything to be with me but then says he is trapped because if a divorce hapended the wife would take everything. They have been married for 5 years and have no kids. During the 5 year marriage the MM's business took off and he made quite a bit of money and he honestly HIMSELF believes he would lose everything in a divorce. I know this part is true that he believes he would lose everything. However this to me seems like real BS... I mean... people get divorced everyday. I just don't see how a divorce would cause someone to lose everything? Especially when the house and business is under the MM's name only, it's not a joint title. I have argued with him over and over again that this can't be true and that he is a lying a-hole... but he refuses to admit it. He says he truly wishes he could be with me but would lose everything in a divorce? I just don't see how a man could lose everything in a divorce when they don't have kids? He knows I have my own business which in 1 1/2 years will make me financially set... and has told me several times that he would divorce when that happens. He cries contsantly that he doesn't want to lose everything and that once my business is stable he will be with me. I am so messed up I cant think striaght anymore. I am so depressed over this I need some advice. Is there ANY chance what he is saying about divorce true? Any chance? God help me Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 He may not lose everything, but he will probably lose half of everything. Link to post Share on other sites
leoleo Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 I believe each state has it's own law about divorce. I know Wisconsin is a "no-fault" state and everything is 50/50. If I were you, I would research what the state law is. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Why do you give a crap if what he says is actually true. What you should be focusing on is the fact that he is willing to put possessions and money above you. Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 He's going to wait until YOUR business is stable? There's a vote of confidence... Link to post Share on other sites
WhyMeWhy Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Yeah unfortunately I think it is BS. I just don't understand why a husband would lose so much that it would be that devastating financially in a divorce? He keeps saying he would lose EVERYTHING and that he is too old to start over and that he would die. He does have a very successful business though (business is worth 2 mill if sold) !! But he still claims he doesn't have enough financially to do it and would lose everything. I see he basically wants me to compensate him for the money he loses in a divorce, ha! I am sick to my stomach and depressed like you wouldn't believe. He is investing tons of money into my new business venture (I'm having something manufactured) and he keeps telling me that once it is successful that he would be with me and divorce and that I would be supporting him then due to the fact he lost everything in the divorce. He really thinks he would lose everything. He keeps saying he would lose everything, would lose everything. It's ok he only lost me... he can keep his everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Leechhater Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 This guy is a behaving like a kind of "sex leech." Pull him off, and then put salt on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistake Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 I'm back... yeah the MM does have a successful business but he claims he's in big dept right now... hmmm. And he says he REALLY wants to be with ONLY me but can't because he doesn't want to lose everything. I really don't know if I should believe this or not... I don't know how divorce works and what it does to someone financially? He says he's too old to start over and divorce would destroy and ruin him. So it appears he would basically have no problem whatsoever spending the rest of his life with his WIFE. Yet he claims he wants ONLY me. Tell me now, how does that work? Do you see the contradiction there like I do? But he has invested $40,000 into my new business invention... he tells me once my new business takes off he would have no problem divorcing. I guess I should just go ahead with the business venture and find out if it's true? But I don't want anybody who would otherwise not be willing to do anything to be wth me. I am sick and very depressed over this He keeps telling me over and over again that he wants ONLY me... but then he would obviously have no problem spending the rest of his life with his wife. He also broke down and sobbed SAYING that I am being very selfish that I am not understanding the situation and that divorce would destroy him. He keeps telling me to work on my new business with a vengence and get going on it. Link to post Share on other sites
fanou22 Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 If he really wanted to divorce he would have done so already reagrdless of the financial situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistake Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 fanou22, I see thanks. But is there ANY chance whatsoever that what he is saying about losing so much financially it would ruin him? Because he is saying that he would lose everything and that he is too old to start over. IF... and I mean IF this were really true then it would be understandable. BUT ONLY if it is true. BUT what I am having an issue with is I don't know whether this is true or NOT. I do know one thing, what he is saying about losing EVERYTHING is complete bullsh*t. But the amount he would lose would have devastating effects on him. I mean, he has been married for 5 years and no kids. He has a successful business which he built from the ground up and he had this business way before he ever got married. He also bought and owned the house before they got married. All this is under his title... not a joined tital with his wife. But during the marriage he put most of his money into rebuilding his house (one of the reasons he is drained financially right now) so I think he thinks the wife would take the house too. He claims a divorce would cost him a million dollars. I don't see why it would cost him a million dollars. He says he doesn't have enough financially to make it through safely. I have known him for 14 years (he is my best friend). I knew him way before he got married and he always wanted me very much but due to circumstances on my end I couldn't be with him back then. Don't want to explain further. But he keeps telling me to concentrate on my new business... and that he can then finally be with me once it is successful. I am driving myself crazy. I don't know if what he is saying about the divorce ruining him is true or not! I am so distrought and depressed you have no idea. I don't want him to divorce right now... I don't have myself together and am the type of person who needs to have my life together and be happy with myself before I can be with anybody. And more importantly my new business is something I have always wanted and really need to do first before I can be happy and have myself in order to even be able to be with anybody. So I don't want him to divorce now... even though I have him thinking I do! BUT I am having SERIOUS issues with is what he is saying about the divorce and financial situation true, any chance? If it's not true I will plunge into such a huge depression I won't make it out. Maybe I should contact a divorce attorney in my state and investigate and get a better idea. Can it be true, or fat chance? I am very confused and ill by this. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistake Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 I really think that what he would have to give up is half of everything. Split 50/50 Since he can't give up the house or his business he would have to part with a million dollars which he doesn't have. This is what he has told me. That a**hole keeps tellng me he would lose EVERYTHING. Why the hell does he say that! He would not lose everything. He makes me sick... just wait until I talk to him again. I gave him such hell today he broke down and sobbed and had to pop several anxiety pills before leaving. He is under a lot of stress. Mostly because of me. I have feeling what he is saying isn't true... but he tells me he just can't make it finnancially. I don't know whether that is true or not and I'm extremely depressed. Link to post Share on other sites
fanou22 Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 He may have to split 50/50. But he is still going to own the business. It will always generate revenues for him. What he loses right now he might be able to make it up with a successful business. He was already sharing the profits with his family. Would it make a difference after divorcing? Not really, it would still be the same thing but it would be on paper. That is the only difference. We had already established that MM is selfish. But why does he have to be that selfish and want to cut his wife off financially? Why doesn't he want his wife to have the house??? Should he divorce and marry you, can you bear living in the house he shared with her? I know I would not be able to do so. You should speak with a divorce attorney and ask him about the whole thing from how long to how much. Don't let him give you excuses and keep you wrapped around his finger. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistake Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 I see, yeah my thoughts exactly. He does have a successful business and I KNOW he would keep it. He's claiming the divorce would destroy him financially and that he would have to start over and he would die. You're right I would not want to live in that same house! I didn't even think of that until you told me. I think it is too big of an inconvenience for him if you ask me. I think i"m going to be sick. But the point is... I wouldn't even want him to divorce right now. I 100% could not be with him right now. There are some things I have to take care of first in my life. He is the first man I was ever involved with and have ever been with (I never dated and he is older than me) and I can't be with anybody until I have myself together finanically e.t.c. If he divorced now I would die... I also wouldn't be able to focus and concentrate on what I need to be doing to get myself in order. I am NOT a happy person right now. I can't be with him until I am happy and have myself in order. My dream has always been to start this new business which I am trying to do right now but can't because I am so distrought and depressed over this. But I have always had this weird issue where I am UNABLE to be involved with anyone until I am finanically set and where I need to be in life. I guess I am just very strange, but that is just the way I am. I have to have myself and my life in order and right now I do NOT. I'm having some garments manufactured and trying to start my new biz which if it is successful I would be able to get myself together within the next 2 years for sure. But what is REALLY REALLY bothering me is that he is willing to otherwise LOSE me. And I have a very sick feeling he could eventually divorce if he really wanted. I'm obviously not worth it to him unless I can compensate him. Greedy a**hole. His business made him into a millionaire. He says after my biz is successful and he divorces I would have to support him. That a**hole honestly thinks he would lose everything! I AM going to contact an attorney and really investigate this. Just wait until I talk to him again... he is on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I am going to give it to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistake Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 Oh and... deep down I already do know the REAL truth. He is comfortable being with his wife in his cozy little setup. He isn't unhappy enough with his wife to leave otherwise he would! I know that people do NOT stay in relationships they don't want to be in and people don't spend the rest of their life with someone they don't REALLY want to be with! That a**hole is with his wife because he isn't UNHAPPY enough to leave. That says a lot. BUT... I do know and am 100% positive that if I were a millionire now and could compensate him for a divorce he would be with me. He is very money hungry and cheap and always has been. He keeps saying he will lose everything and that he has worked for it his whole life and he is too old to start over. A**hole. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistake Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 Sorry I am back again for a third round of posting. I am so despressed and distrought over this I am going to wind up in a hospital or harming myself from despression. I am going to tell him the truth... that I didn't even want him to divorce right now because I couldn't be with him right now anyway. A year or so from now I would have been ready for him. He can't have kids, (thank God) so I don't have to stress over that. I don't want kids myself either. I just need to focus and concentrate on my new business even though I am unable to thanks to all this. The truth is that he would stay married FOREVER unless I could compensate him for the divorce and "support" him afterwards. He would divorce in a second if I could compensate him and he wouldn't have to worry about starting over. Otheriwse I am just not worth it to him, so obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
fanou22 Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 Mistake, You should be stronger than that. Don't let him affect you and your health this way. No man is important enough to lead you to the hospital. Please take a deep breath and clear your head out. IS there anyone you could call and come and get you out of your house or at least stay with you for a couple of days???????? Do that and take care of yourself. Let us hear from you again. Watch over yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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