I almost did it...

[GLDheart]

I think that telling your wife will definately cause trouble. She will have to go through the whole rollercoaster that a betrayed spouse feels.

 

The saving grace by telling her, however, is that the ride will end with her understanding two things:

1. You did not follow through with it and ended it without needing to be caught.

2. You loved her enough to tell her about it.

 

If you keep it a secret and your wife ever finds out she will always be haunted by these thoughts:

1. You came close to having an affair and when will it happen again.

2. You hid it all from her and are capable of lying to her... what else have you kept from her?

 

So in the end, you are gambling that she never finds out. If she does, it will be much worse for you. I might think "ripping the bandaid" off and getting it over with might be the best thing for your relationship. Being truthful and open with your wife is all about honoring your love for her.

Edited July 24, 2012 by GLDheart

[2sunny]

I think that telling your wife will definately cause trouble. She will have to go through the whole rollercoaster that a betrayed spouse feels.

 

The saving grace by telling her, however, is that the ride will end with her understanding two things:

1. You did not follow through with it and ended it without needing to be caught.

2. You loved her enough to tell her about it.

 

If you keep it a secret and your wife ever finds out she will always be haunted by these thoughts:

1. You came close to having an affair and when will it happen again.

2. You hid it all from her and are capable of lying to her... what else have you kept from her?

 

So in the end, you are gambling that she never finds out. If she does, it will be much worse for you. I might think "ripping the bandaid" off and getting it over with might be the best thing for your relationship. Being truthful and open with your wife is all about honoring your love for her.

 

It's a risk he's willing to take by not telling his wife.

 

It IS possible for OW to contact the wife by several means. Facebook messages comes to mind.

 

This OP is risking his M and counting on his OW to not contact the W...

 

Just know - it happens. The OW COULD contact when you least expect it.

[scatterd]

I am glad you came to your senses you could have ruined you and your family's life. I think you took what actions you needed to. Going through the change of life does do something to your sex drive. Hormones are not at the right level and your testosterone's are through the roof. Kind of a cruel huh. If you tell nothing will be the same and she will be insecure. We are always learning the lesson's of life I am glad this one was not as bad as could be.

[standtall]

OP, IMHO, do not under any circumstances tell your wife any of this. It will serve no purpose at all...unless you want out.

 

Most of the posters that are telling you otherwise are doing so mainly because they were betrayed and watched their marriages burn, and they want to see other marriages burn too.

 

There is no cookie cutter, one size fits all answer to deal with what went on via email only with an old flame. You are entitled to your own thoughts, and you must do what is right for your marriage. My recommendation..is to chalk this up as a lesson learned, and get off of loveshack before these people talk you into something that you may regret.

[almostdidit]

OP, IMHO, do not under any circumstances tell your wife any of this. It will serve no purpose at all...unless you want out.

 

Most of the posters that are telling you otherwise are doing so mainly because they were betrayed and watched their marriages burn, and they want to see other marriages burn too.

 

There is no cookie cutter, one size fits all answer to deal with what went on via email only with an old flame. You are entitled to your own thoughts, and you must do what is right for your marriage. My recommendation..is to chalk this up as a lesson learned, and get off of loveshack before these people talk you into something that you may regret.

 

Totally agree with this - I am entitled to my own thoughts and it is pretty obvious that many on here seek drama through others - why else would they have thousands of posts on an internet forum about relationships?? Seriously folks - your thirst for other's blood seems unquenchable after reading your posts on this and other threads. You only want to watch me destroy my relationship or create so much havoc that it takes years to repair if it ever can be.

 

Alice - yes, I do want sex. Lots of it!! With my wife. Who loves me and I love her. But chemistry can interfere with things more than you apparently know or want to admit due to your jaded perspective.

 

Sorry ladies, but simple truth is this - read it, believe it, or live in your own world of fantasy and denial thinking it is any different.

 

M E N W A N T S E X

 

Everything a man does is for sex. oops - did I say 'everything' - I meant EVERYTHING. Example: You are having a fun day with your spouse, goofing off, laughing, doing silly fun stuff, connecting emotionally. Unless he has a medical problem with sex, the man thinks at least 20 times during that day - probably way more if there was a way to really count - that this day may end in sex if I maintain this good vibe. It may never once cross the woman's mind. And he will do what he can to keep it going, and avoid 'blowing' it before the day is over by letting her know something she just said or did annoyed him. Unless of course it is a big annoyance, then he will sacrifice that day's sex. and if the man annoys her, she will withhold it - whether she admits it or is conscious of it, that is exactly what she will be doing. Giving it - or withholding it.

 

If you are a man and deny this, you are a liar.

 

If you are a woman and don't believe this, you are naive or just in denial.

 

I'll repeat it in case you didn't get it the first time:

 

M E N W A N T S E X - and lots of it. And it can be totally intimate real heart-warming complete emotional connection, you are my soiul mate and I just died and went to heaven looking into your eyes sex - but it is still SEX.

 

It is primal and it is normal. And everything we do in a relationship is at least to some small or sometimes very large degree, related to it.

 

And if you don't believe me - read Dr. Laura Schlessinger's books. I have read three of her books and so has my wife. Dr. Laura totally gets it - and women that don't admit or agree, are only fooling themselves.

 

Love for men is expressed in many ways, but if there is not sex, there is not love.

 

Ok - glad I got that off my chest. Go ahead and flame me all of you militant feminists. The guys on here all know what I am talking about.

[frozensprouts]

i don't know...

 

not arguing that sex isn't a big drive for men, but I always thought that men were a lot more complex than that...that they have a lot of the same needs as women...to be loved, cared for, to have someone care how they think and feel, to know they have someone "in their corner", to have the chance to do good in their life, to have good friends, to love their children, to see the beauty in the world around them, to, at the end of their lives, be able to look back and know that they lived it well and made others happy ad that their being there made the world a better place ( I'm great believer in the view of Ralph Waldo Emerson :

 

""The definition of success--To laugh much; to win respect of intelligent persons and the affections of children; to earn the approbation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give one's self; to leave the world a little better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition.; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm, and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived--this is to have succeeded."

 

( personally, I think the biggest drives, after food and water and shelter, for both sexes, is acceptance from others and love from your partner ) like one person said...one of the most basic of needs is to have someone wonder where you are if you don't come home at night...

 

iI've known lots of guys who have lots of sex with a variety of women, yet they still aren't happy...then they find the person they love and care about and suddenly their world is a much better place...they would defend with their life the women ( or man) that they love...

 

not arguing that sex isn't a huge drive for men, but, like i said, I really do believe that men are made up of so much more than that...

 

( I'll stop going on about it now)

[BetrayedH]

Totally agree with this - I am entitled to my own thoughts and it is pretty obvious that many on here seek drama through others - why else would they have thousands of posts on an internet forum about relationships?? Seriously folks - your thirst for other's blood seems unquenchable after reading your posts on this and other threads. You only want to watch me destroy my relationship or create so much havoc that it takes years to repair if it ever can be.

 

Alice - yes, I do want sex. Lots of it!! With my wife. Who loves me and I love her. But chemistry can interfere with things more than you apparently know or want to admit due to your jaded perspective.

 

Sorry ladies, but simple truth is this - read it, believe it, or live in your own world of fantasy and denial thinking it is any different.

 

M E N W A N T S E X

 

Everything a man does is for sex. oops - did I say 'everything' - I meant EVERYTHING. Example: You are having a fun day with your spouse, goofing off, laughing, doing silly fun stuff, connecting emotionally. Unless he has a medical problem with sex, the man thinks at least 20 times during that day - probably way more if there was a way to really count - that this day may end in sex if I maintain this good vibe. It may never once cross the woman's mind. And he will do what he can to keep it going, and avoid 'blowing' it before the day is over by letting her know something she just said or did annoyed him. Unless of course it is a big annoyance, then he will sacrifice that day's sex. and if the man annoys her, she will withhold it - whether she admits it or is conscious of it, that is exactly what she will be doing. Giving it - or withholding it.

 

If you are a man and deny this, you are a liar.

 

If you are a woman and don't believe this, you are naive or just in denial.

 

I'll repeat it in case you didn't get it the first time:

 

M E N W A N T S E X - and lots of it. And it can be totally intimate real heart-warming complete emotional connection, you are my soiul mate and I just died and went to heaven looking into your eyes sex - but it is still SEX.

 

It is primal and it is normal. And everything we do in a relationship is at least to some small or sometimes very large degree, related to it.

 

And if you don't believe me - read Dr. Laura Schlessinger's books. I have read three of her books and so has my wife. Dr. Laura totally gets it - and women that don't admit or agree, are only fooling themselves.

 

Love for men is expressed in many ways, but if there is not sex, there is not love.

 

Ok - glad I got that off my chest. Go ahead and flame me all of you militant feminists. The guys on here all know what I am talking about.

 

Of course, the point of Alice's statement (and of this thread) is that you wanted sex from someone other than your wife and you took steps to set it up. You stopped at the eleventh hour; good. If you want to avoid the trainwreck, you need to dig deep to figure out why you would violate a sacred trust with someone that has dedicated her life to you. Coming clean with your wife gives you an opportunity to live an authentic life and holds you accountable both for your past actions and future ones. You may pay some consequences for what you've done but you will learn the lesson. Going on a rant to a bunch of betrayed spouses about how men want sex isn't convincing anyone that you have learned anything.

 

By the way, at some point you should decide if what you did was a big deal or not. If you expect us to believe that it was justifiable and ok, then why would a big trainwreck ensue? You can't have both. It's either a big deal or it isn't. The fact is that your EA IS a big deal and you know it and you're afraid to tell your wife because she will be extremely hurt. Quit lying to yourself and asking us to believe it.

[Bittersweetie]

to know they have someone "in their corner"

 

I would agree with this...a while after d-day, my H told me that while the betrayal and lying I did was terrible and hurtful, the worst part was that he always knew that I would be "on his side always no matter what happened." And what I did proved otherwise.

 

Yeah, men want sex, I understand that, I've been there in my marriage. But looking at that as the only reason you did what you did is the superficial, easy way out. What happened recently is a perfect reason to be introspective and explore why you did what you did, and why you didn't do what you didn't do. It can only help your marriage and more importantly yourself.

 

And I'm not a militant feminist BS...I was a WS. I cheated on my H. We are over 2.5 years past d-day and doing well, expecting our first child. And I believe in complete honesty in a marriage, IME it is the only way to a happy, healthy relationship in all aspects, sexual and otherwise.

[Spark1111]

Geez, some of the women are frighteningly militant in their demands in this thread. I AM a woman and I'm embarrassed by the over-the-top nonsense I'm reading here.

 

THERAPY???? Get therapy simply he was TEMPTED???

 

He's a MAN, everyone! He's NOT perfect! He's NOT a demi-God!! He was given to temptation - like ALL people are from time to time!!! It's human nature for God's sake, and now he's some kind of whack job that needs to sit on a shrink's couch to figure out WHY he was tempted? Are you KIDDING me??

 

Give me a friggen break.

 

Some of the posters in this thread are acting as if the OP dragged their mothers out into the public square and hung her from the gallows!

 

Take it down a few freakin' notches. This is so ridiculously over the top that my head is about to explode.

 

So you would be fine with your bf or SO contacting an old girlfriend, finding her single, sending 25 flirty emails to accounts set up in secret for just that purpose; making plans to meet as the sexual tension builds, but calling it off at the last minute?

 

You would say, good boy to your spouse?

 

We are ALL tempted. That is human nature.

 

Acting on it in secret, and keeping it secret is a whole different matter.

 

Just a poster, how do you think everyone gets here?

 

Do you think the marriage made them cheat? Do you believe our spouses woke up one day and said, "I'm going to cheat on my spouse today?"

 

This is how most of them start; by crossing boundaries in secret and then keeping it secret; by seeking validation from another and then, keeping that secret; by acting on it, and then keeping that secret.

 

Most of the BS and the WS posting here are seeing a pattern to behaviors we have all either experienced or perpetrated and are trying to educate almostdidit to it.

[BetrayedH]

I would agree with this...a while after d-day, my H told me that while the betrayal and lying I did was terrible and hurtful, the worst part was that he always knew that I would be "on his side always no matter what happened." And what I did proved otherwise.

 

Yeah, men want sex, I understand that, I've been there in my marriage. But looking at that as the only reason you did what you did is the superficial, easy way out. What happened recently is a perfect reason to be introspective and explore why you did what you did, and why you didn't do what you didn't do. It can only help your marriage and more importantly yourself.

 

And I'm not a militant feminist BS...I was a WS. I cheated on my H. We are over 2.5 years past d-day and doing well, expecting our first child. And I believe in complete honesty in a marriage, IME it is the only way to a happy, healthy relationship in all aspects, sexual and otherwise.

 

Nice post, Bittersweetie. I hope your honesty pays off and that you and your H are always in each others' corner. I wish my wife had found the courage to have been honest with me. Good luck to you.

[Furious]

 

And FWIW, I never speak of my recovery without telling whomever I am speaking to that my wife was by my side the whole time, getting me through everything in as tireless and selfless manner that is humanly possible.

 

 

After your wife was by your side during your illness you repay her by contacting an ex-girlfriend from way back when and begin an emotional affair that is getting very close to becoming a physical affair.

 

Yes...you broke off the affair and yes you regret it.

 

You are now angry at some of the posters who have been blunt with you.

You want to defend the decision that you will not give your wife the truth and you go on to lecture us about what a man is...that sex...lots of it...is what a real man is about.

 

I believe a real man does not cheat on the very wife that was caring for you, helping you while you were very ill.

 

Were you thinking about sex when you were sick, sick from your treatments, sick and scared in the hospital, or were you thinking that as soon as you got better that you would cheat on the woman who was by your side.

[GLDheart]

...the worst part was that he always knew that I would be "on his side always no matter what happened." And what I did proved otherwise...

 

THIS.

 

I don't even care about the sex. Through my Ex's self indulgent need for external gratification, I lost my best friend. I lost the future that I had a decade invested in. I lost the family and household we had built for my daughter.

 

Everything a man does is for sex. oops - did I say 'everything' - I meant EVERYTHING...

 

...If you are a man and deny this, you are a liar...

 

 

Sex? Really? Everything I did/do was for that? So everytime I do something good and kind... holding a door for a stranger at the store... picking my daughter up when she gets hurt... Talking with a buddy when he has a tough time in life.... posting on this forum with total strangers...

 

... It's all to get laid?

 

Tone down the T-Pills man... I'm starting to believe you when you say you're out of control.

[almostdidit]

THIS.

 

 

Sex? Really? Everything I did/do was for that? So everytime I do something good and kind... holding a door for a stranger at the store... picking my daughter up when she gets hurt... Talking with a buddy when he has a tough time in life.... posting on this forum with total strangers...

 

... It's all to get laid?

 

Tone down the T-Pills man... I'm starting to believe you when you say you're out of control.

 

Everything in your relationship with your wife is connected to sex. And it is sex with your wife/committed partner that I am talking about - not affairs. Of course I'm not talking about everything in your life being for sex! And I'm not talking about sex with just anyone. *Geesh dude - tone down the "this guy must be crazy" rhetoric already...

 

My last post about men wanting sex was not connected to my almostdidit incident described in the beginning of this thread. It was connected to the many tangents that this thread took - just a reality check for those that have been pontificating on the tangents.

 

Come back to earth. Read Dr. Laura. Then own it.

[GLDheart]

...Read Dr. Laura. Then own it.

 

The interesting thing with point of views is that you CAN ALWAYS find someone out there with a matching one that will back up what you believe.

 

I would like to say that in life and yes, even in relationships, there are other motivators beyond dipping the noodle. Here's a quick few that atleast drive a man like me:

 

Honor

Integrity

Commitment

 

I don't know about a "guy" like you. But, THIS "man" here has PASSED UP SEX when I felt it was wrong to use the girl. YEP, with women I have passed up sex... Wait, what??!? Yes. You heard me right. I have with multiple women NOT used them when they have pressed to have me do so.

 

I take the time to post this simply to defend the honor of men with integrity. Not all of us are d!ck driven raging hormones seeking our next prey.

 

Maybe your Dr. Laura needs to get laid herself, and relax a bit.

[Steen719]

After your wife was by your side during your illness you repay her by contacting an ex-girlfriend from way back when and begin an emotional affair that is getting very close to becoming a physical affair.

 

Yes...you broke off the affair and yes you regret it.

 

You are now angry at some of the posters who have been blunt with you.

You want to defend the decision that you will not give your wife the truth and you go on to lecture us about what a man is...that sex...lots of it...is what a real man is about.

 

I believe a real man does not cheat on the very wife that was caring for you, helping you while you were very ill.

 

Were you thinking about sex when you were sick, sick from your treatments, sick and scared in the hospital, or were you thinking that as soon as you got better that you would cheat on the woman who was by your side.

 

I wasn't going to answer in this thread again because my comments about how it felt to be the person who stuck by her H and then was basically shat on seemed to unimportant to OP. I want to thank you, though, Furious, because that was and will most likely be the most painful betrayal I will experience. Words cannot explain what it feels like to physically take care of a person, emotionally invest all you have and, in my case, financially take care of a person only to have them repay you in this way.

 

Even my 21 year old son knows this is wrong and that there is no excuse for this. We all know there are reasons for everything and we can justify our behavior any way we please, but the bottom line is that you have to find a rationalization for what you did, don't expect others to pick up what you are putting down. IMO, a man can be judged by his actions and all that other crap is just talk, talk, talk. I don't care how much money you have or how successful you are; I would rather have a man with integrity any day of the week.

[Spark1111]

Newsflash: W O M E N W A N T S E X.......with the right man, who has the patience to romance us, date us, cherish us, put our needs first and foremost, respect us, listen to us and spend time arousing us the way we need to be aroused, not the way a many men approach us and reduce the act to rounding the bases.

 

That man? Gets laid every day for his efforts.

 

Newsflash: Women grow bored with the same sexual routine after about 7 to 8 years, same as men. What a man thinks is the hottest sex on the panet, a woman may think, oh ho hum, that again? That's what he wants, AGAIN?

 

Yes, our mental, visual, emotional and biological responses are very different. I know how often men want and need sex to express love. the easier, the faster, the more often,the better.

 

What amazes me is how few men know what women need, or truly care enough to educate themselves to our biology, which explains why 70% of all women learn to fake the big O....uneducable men.

[almostdidit]

The interesting thing with point of views is that you CAN ALWAYS find someone out there with a matching one that will back up what you believe.

 

I would like to say that in life and yes, even in relationships, there are other motivators beyond dipping the noodle. Here's a quick few that atleast drive a man like me:

 

Honor

Integrity

Commitment

 

I don't know about a "guy" like you. But, THIS "man" here has PASSED UP SEX when I felt it was wrong to use the girl. YEP, with women I have passed up sex... Wait, what??!? Yes. You heard me right. I have with multiple women NOT used them when they have pressed to have me do so.

 

I take the time to post this simply to defend the honor of men with integrity. Not all of us are d!ck driven raging hormones seeking our next prey.

 

Maybe your Dr. Laura needs to get laid herself, and relax a bit.

 

Again - you prefer to step onto a soap box that is irrelevant and mis-representative of what I posted. You apparently have a message and need to say it over and over again. Glad I could be of service. Feel better?

 

If you are too inwardly focused or severely damaged by your past betrayal situation, then perhaps your filter is impossible for you to overcome. But for sport I'll try one more time and simply say - when it comes to a relationship - with your wife (not the many women who have apparently chased you around that you so proudly dismissed) - and you are spending time together as a couple (I'll keep it simple for you here: you are doing 'coupley' kind of stuff, together) - THEN, it is at a primal level to have sexual undertones. We are not talking about when you are managing your business, or your friends, or selecting gifts for mother's day, or buying football tickets, or whatever other irrelevant scenario you can dream up to make yourself look good here. I think the sharper tools in this shed got that the first time around.

 

It's pretty amazing that a dude hanging out on relationship forums doesn't even know who Dr. Laura Schlessinger is - and she ain't 'mine' just so you know. She is expert on relationships and she tells it like it is. And she totally gets it when it comes to what men and women have to do to keep their relationships strong, healthy and balanced.

 

Get off your high horse and do some reading now and then. It will do you and those around you some good.

[Spark1111]

Again - you prefer to step onto a soap box that is irrelevant and mis-representative of what I posted. You apparently have a message and need to say it over and over again. Glad I could be of service. Feel better?

 

If you are too inwardly focused or severely damaged by your past betrayal situation, then perhaps your filter is impossible for you to overcome. But for sport I'll try one more time and simply say - when it comes to a relationship - with your wife (not the many women who have apparently chased you around that you so proudly dismissed) - and you are spending time together as a couple (I'll keep it simple for you here: you are doing 'coupley' kind of stuff, together) - THEN, it is at a primal level to have sexual undertones. We are not talking about when you are managing your business, or your friends, or selecting gifts for mother's day, or buying football tickets, or whatever other irrelevant scenario you can dream up to make yourself look good here. I think the sharper tools in this shed got that the first time around.

 

It's pretty amazing that a dude hanging out on relationship forums doesn't even know who Dr. Laura Schlessinger is - and she ain't 'mine' just so you know. She is expert on relationships and she tells it like it is. And she totally gets it when it comes to what men and women have to do to keep their relationships strong, healthy and balanced.

 

Get off your high horse and do some reading now and then. It will do you and those around you some good.

 

Okay, so who are you reading that tells you what men have to do to keep their relationship healthy with their wives?

 

I've read Dr. Laura and evolutionary biologists and agree with much of what they write.

 

What else are you reading, besides "When Good People Have Affairs?"

 

Have you read, "Not Just Friends," by Dr. Shirley Glass?

[almostdidit]

Okay, so who are you reading that tells you what men have to do to keep their relationship healthy with their wives?

 

I've read Dr. Laura and evolutionary biologists and agree with much of what they write.

 

What else are you reading, besides "When Good People Have Affairs?"

 

Have you read, "Not Just Friends," by Dr. Shirley Glass?

 

Never read Glass or WGPHA. I have read "Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch. It was a good look at intimacy and how marriage prepares you for the many marriages you will evolve through.

[almostdidit]

If you believe Dr. Laura to be a expert, perhaps you ought to look at her personal relationship history. It's quite colorful. I believe she also advocates for wives to take a subservient role to their husbands. You must agree with that theory? IMO, men who feel the wife should take on the subservient role are also the same men who feel entitled. Entitled men are more apt to have affairs. From your posts you seem to feel quite entitled yourself.

 

I don't see her as promoting women to be subservient. I do know that feminists can't stand her though.

 

She simply gets it when it comes to men's brains. And she tells women that if they use sex as a weapon or neglect to keep their men sexually engaged if not satisfied, they will lose their men. Period.

 

And she is all about commitment through marriage. She calls women who live with a man and are not married "unpaid whores" - because it simply boils down to the fact that if a guy doesn't have to marry a woman and is 'getting it' anyway - he won't. Again, this is true for most men out there. And when I say most - keep in mind it does not necessarily include ME!

[Furious]

I don't see her as promoting women to be subservient. I do know that feminists can't stand her though.

 

She simply gets it when it comes to men's brains. And she tells women that if they use sex as a weapon or neglect to keep their men sexually engaged if not satisfied, they will lose their men. Period.

 

And she is all about commitment through marriage. She calls women who live with a man and are not married "unpaid whores" - because it simply boils down to the fact that if a guy doesn't have to marry a woman and is 'getting it' anyway - he won't. Again, this is true for most men out there. And when I say most - keep in mind it does not necessarily

include ME!

 

 

You seem to use sex as a weapon, you think looking for it with some old flame of your's was justified.

 

I wonder if your wife was sexually fulfilled during you long illness, perhaps it would have been ok for her to get what she wasn't getting from you

during that time. Perhaps instead handing you the bed pan she should have knocked you over the head with it.

 

How can you call a woman who lives with a man a whore, but you went l chasing after one behind your wife's back.

 

I gave you the benefit of doubt early on in this thread but the more you talk it's evident you are a chauvinist.

Edited July 31, 2012 by Furious

[eeyore1981]

Men need sex like I need fried chicken. We're both real happy when we get it, and we can be real sad when we really, really want it and don't get it, but it's not like we're going to die from lack of it.

 

There have been countless monks through the centuries of time who have lived long, fulfilled and contented lives as celibates. Same with priests. While the threads aren't nearly as plentiful as the 'wife won't put out' ones, there are several times women are complaining about how their male SOs won't have sex with them. Speaking for myself, at the beginning of my marriage, I wanted sex way more than my husband did. It was difficult for a while, but then I changed my perspective, and found other things in the marriage that made it worthwhile, instead of just focusing on this one thing. To me, all this puts the lie to how sex is a fundamental male need. I don't know how the studies were conducted to come to this conclusion, but I think they are flawed, like interviewing a group of compulsive gamblers and coming to the conclusion all humanity is in a daily struggle to keep from hitting the slot machines.

 

Bottom line, OP, is you had an emotional affair with another woman, thought about taking it physical, didn't, and now want a cookie for what a wonderful human being you are. Spin it however you want, what you did is wrong, and your wife deserves better. Own it.

 

My husband pretty much destroyed my sex drive with his awful behavior, but I have managed to get it back. My husband's job takes him away from home, sometimes weeks at a time. He just left Sunday night, and I'm already a little twitchy, but guess what. I'm not having an emotional affair, and I'm not even thinking about doing someone else to satisfy my NEEDS. This is the kind of behavior that deserves a cookie.

[Bailey14]

Congrats for ending things before they got started!! Except for the fact that my high school sweetie has been married for 37 years, my story is the same but, for one fact. He did not end things before they got started and now we live a mess. We did not intend to fall in love with each other but, we did.

We did not intend for this to go on for almost two years but, it has. He did not intend to take risks traveling to see me every month but, he does. And if he ever gets caught he will lose the love and respect of his wife and kids and he will hate me for it. It's a big fat mess and if I had known then what I know now........you dodged a nasty bullet and I congratulate you!

[almostdidit]

You seem to use sex as a weapon, you think looking for it with some old flame of your's was justified.

 

I wonder if your wife was sexually fulfilled during you long illness, perhaps it would have been ok for her to get what she wasn't getting from you

during that time. Perhaps instead handing you the bed pan she should have knocked you over the head with it.

 

How can you call a woman who lives with a man a whore, but you went l chasing after one behind your wife's back.

 

I gave you the benefit of doubt early on in this thread but the more you talk it's evident you are a chauvinist.

 

You reach mighty far with your assumptions. Was it I who said a woman who lives with a man a whore? Don't think so. Pretty liberal use of my words to serve your purpose of characterizing me as a chauvinist. I'm guessing some of you in this forum are pretty good pals based on how you share the trait of picking and choosing what someone writes, using it out of context, and then twisting it into something that suits your purpose (which has been a lot of personal attack). Let me guess - you are politically liberal too. Love those personal attacks don't cha'.

 

Nobody was looking for a cookie here - I am a decent guy who has been a great father to my two daughters and a great husband, friend, lover and provider to my wife, and I nearly made a terrible mistake. But I didn't do it, and I think others will read this thread and learn from it. And I am now doing what I can in the way that I think is best to repair the situation.

 

I haven't bothered to tell you this before - because it hasn't seemed necessary to defend myself to this degree, but here is a tidbit for you: I was overseas for 6 months out of about 18 months about 4 years ago before my health crisis, and every man that was over there with me (about 6 or 7) cheated on his wife. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. But I did not. Never once and believe it or not, I could have easily done so. These men are educated professional men in their 40s and 50s, with families, working as military contractors (engineers). Some of you women on here are so naive it is just painful.

 

And some of you are such bitter and unhappy people that you can only dream about what it is like to have a happy life. Well guess what?!? I DO HAVE A HAPPY LIFE AND A HAPPY WIFE, BUT I AM NOT A PERFECT PERSON.

 

So suck it - I'm done trying to talk reason with you jaded angry people.

[eeyore1981]

You reach mighty far with your assumptions. Was it I who said a woman who lives with a man a whore? Don't think so. Pretty liberal use of my words to serve your purpose of characterizing me as a chauvinist. I'm guessing some of you in this forum are pretty good pals based on how you share the trait of picking and choosing what someone writes, using it out of context, and then twisting it into something that suits your purpose (which has been a lot of personal attack). Let me guess - you are politically liberal too. Love those personal attacks don't cha'.

 

Nobody was looking for a cookie here - I am a decent guy who has been a great father to my two daughters and a great husband, friend, lover and provider to my wife, and I nearly made a terrible mistake. But I didn't do it, and I think others will read this thread and learn from it. And I am now doing what I can in the way that I think is best to repair the situation.

 

I haven't bothered to tell you this before - because it hasn't seemed necessary to defend myself to this degree, but here is a tidbit for you: I was overseas for 6 months out of about 18 months about 4 years ago before my health crisis, and every man that was over there with me (about 6 or 7) cheated on his wife. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. But I did not. Never once and believe it or not, I could have easily done so. These men are educated professional men in their 40s and 50s, with families, working as military contractors (engineers). Some of you women on here are so naive it is just painful.

 

And some of you are such bitter and unhappy people that you can only dream about what it is like to have a happy life. Well guess what?!? I DO HAVE A HAPPY LIFE AND A HAPPY WIFE, BUT I AM NOT A PERFECT PERSON.

 

So suck it - I'm done trying to talk reason with you jaded angry people.

 

BBM

 

And I just read today a married couple were stoned to death for participating in extramarital affairs according to the laws of some religion. But don't worry, according to the article, they died quickly.

 

When people go into a monogamous marriage, it should stay that way, whether 'everyone else is doing it' or not. But they don't. And times, they are achanging. Women are now committing adultery at all time high levels. So if anyone is naive, I think it might be those men off overseas for six months out of 18, thinking this is their time to play, never taking into consideration their wives are just as likely to be hitting someone else as they are.