honey2005 Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 no, its more often the woman. perhaps it is because some women hold in and store up a lot of pent-up desire and/or resentment. SOME women. Key word there, some. Not all women are like that, and not all women are interested mainly in sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Ali G Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 Originally posted by honey2005 not all women are interested mainly in sex. Aint that the truth, most couldn't give a flying rip If anything, to support havNfun's view, it would be that females want to create jeliousy out of their insecurieties or want to see if they still have what it takes to "get what they want". Sex may be a byproduct because most guys will respond (or fall for their tactics) respeck...westside! Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted August 3, 2004 Author Share Posted August 3, 2004 I still with all of this discussion have not heard any women explain why they think having guy friends is okay while no doubt few would wish their men to be running around with close female friends. = without them! No way is it practical or exceptable to have good guy friends that you do stuff with alone when you are married or involved. get real. always comes back to women completely wanting their cake (or should I say their sex) and eating it too. And you know the night is going to come, when the comfort that you keep this guy friend around for, will go to far and become physical. Link to post Share on other sites
BIG RED MACHINE Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 I just want to say that I Broke up with my GF 3 days ago because of one of her so called male friends. We have argued on this subjuct for the past 2 months out of the 4 months we dated, I thought it was overwith since we posted both our sides of the story on healthboards.com and 53 out of the 58 responses agreed with me on my part. Our problem was that when I would be at work at night she wanted to go spent the evening over at her other single males house watching movies and having drinks with him while I am working, may I add I have asked her to let us meet several times and it never happened. I have no idea who this guy is and I still dont to this day. She said I was controlling and all that but I only wanted us to respect each others relationship, she talked about marriage that she wanted to marry some day, I cant imagine marrying someone who wants to spend alone time at night watching movies and drinking with another single straight male, it just makes for a bad situation, nobody can tell me that this is appropriate behavior, NOBODY. Link to post Share on other sites
BIG RED MACHINE Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 I had to reply to this, I dated my gf for about 5 months, for the last 2 months we have been argueing about her so called opposite sex single male friend. Our problem was that she wanted to go spend time with him alone at his house in the evenings when I was at work watching movies and having drinks with him, this is inappropriate behavior unless you are in what I believe they call a open relationship or playing the field. it simply puts you in a bad situation with drinks and being alone with them on the same couch watching movies. We posted both our sides of the story on healthboards.com and 53 out of 58 responses agreed with me on the subject, but she still wants to continue seeing her friend in this way. May I add that she has never introduced me to this guy friend of hers and every time I ask to meet him it gets put off for some reason. She told me I was a controlling freak that needed help. I also have to add that I comprimised by telling her I dont mind if you talk with him on the phone in chat or even have an occasional lunch or stop by during the day with her son to see his puppies he has, but I was not going to tolerate her spending evenings alone with him at his house watching movies and drinking, cuz things happen when you put yourself in that situation. I dont have a problem with my gf having opposite sex friends, but here HAS to be boundaries when they have a significant other. Its been 3 days now that we have broken up over this issue, I wouldnt even dream of doing something like this to her, I cant figure out why she would do it to me, and if any of you are wondering, her male friend is not gay, he is straight. I dont care what anybody says, any decent relationship if you care for someone like the way she said she loved me all the time you would never do something like this to them, its simply morally wrong and makes for a bad relationship, a bomb ready to go off in other words, no matter what way you look at it, no ifs ands or buts about it, there is no excuse for this kind of behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Ali G Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 Bigups to you on how you handled the situation! If anyone was controlling, it wan't you! She have no respeck for you mate! Tell her where to go scratch herself! Respeck...westside! Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted August 3, 2004 Author Share Posted August 3, 2004 EXACTLY!!!! Big red, I am so sorry to hear about your present situation but also think you are wise and right for sticking to your guns on this issue. If she is going to be this selfish and unreasonable about his issue, and cannot see your point of view enough to change her behavior - who knows what other kind of **** she will pull in the future. ALSO, it really make me wonder about what was really going on, OR, what this guy really means to her that she has put her relationship with in in jeaporady over this guy. Just by the fact that she would call you names controlling freak that needed help and cause a break up between you - is proof to me that she does not just view this guy in a "friendly way!" This is crazy. Believe me, if anyone is the controling freak who needs help, IT IS HER!! NOT YOU!! hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 I'm glad that this topic was brought up because I am having a hard time making an opinion of it. For the most part, since I started college, I have had nothing but trouble when it comes to male friends. Most of them involved one person having feelings for the other, but then I have one extremely good male friend who I know I have a completely platonic relationship with. However, I would say that usually, feelings develop when guys and girls become friends, and it gets dangerous when one has a significant other. Recently, my female friends and I have become close friends with a group of male friends, who are great guys, but most of them have girlfriends. In fact, I used to date one of them, and so things between us are awkward, but at least I know now that nothing will ever happen between myself and any of the other guys in the group! However, one of my girlfriends has become close with one of the guys, who already has a girlfriend. She denies her feelings, but they have become obvious to everyone else in the group. I've warned her to be careful, and although she sees it, she continues her behaviour. If you are in a committed relationship, I don't believe that you should be having deep, emotional conversations with others of the opposite sex. In fact, I think that if you are in a committed relationship, your bf or gf should be able to meet your friends and trust that nothing will happen. If you feel like you have to hide a type of friendship from your gf or bf, then there are definitely trust issues in your relationship that need to be looked at. Yes, it takes two to tango, but the person in the relationship has a responsibility to make sure that 1) the gf/bf is informed of the friendship 2) the friend is informed of the bf/gf and knows that there is no romantic possibilities for them. If everyone has this understanding and are honest with themselves about the truth of it, then there should be no problems in friendships between males and females. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 Like I said before, I think it's ok to have friends of the opposite sex if your partner is friends with them, too (like in my situation). I think if your s/o says you can't have ANY friends of the opposite sex, not even their friends, period, I think that is wrong and controlling. Your s/o has to have trust in you, including trusting you with having friends of the opposite sex. I don't think it's right for a girl to go out and drink with a single male friend, on his couch (or really anywhere else) if her boyfriend isn't there with her. What I don't agree with, though, is when you think that all women mainly want sex, and that any friendship they have with a male has sexual intentions behind it. I believe that is completely wrong. Women are just as capable of having platonic friendships with people of the opposite sex as men, if not more so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted August 4, 2004 Author Share Posted August 4, 2004 What I don't agree with, though, is when you think that all women mainly want sex, and that any friendship they have with a male has sexual intentions behind it. I believe that is completely wrong. Women are just as capable of having platonic friendships with people of the opposite sex as men, if not more so. sarah and honey - I liked your posts - all very good points. honey, I don't think every (or even any) women adopt a male for a friend THINKING that something might happen. There is just a fine line (perhaps especially for women) between emotional intimacy/support and physical "support." And from my experience, and those of my friends, the women usually cross that boundary. but, can we all agree then that it is only right to hang with a male friend if you are also, at the same time, with your husband. Of course dinner parties, bowling, ski trips, wine drinking, theatre attending, golfing etc. these are all great to do with friends (male or female), and it is usually more fun to have a friend - or several - along. So there is your friendship. But, these activities should not be engaged in with a male friend - without your husband or boyfriend there and completely involved in the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemmy Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 Oh it's only right to bring your S/O around your friends, male or female. It's easier to accept a guy being friends with a girl as a bf to said girl if guy is also in a committed relationship or they've been friends forever and have moved beyond any romantic interests. Of course it is awkward when girl is friends with someone they used to date, but not an impossible situation to overcome provided of course they have both moved/evolved beyond any romantic interests. It's also fine for a girl to be with other girl friends where one of them has a guy friend who tags along sometimes (patsy) without the bf present. Easier if the bf has plans the same night with his guy friends. Not so easy if bf has plans with a hot single female friend... sarah12: You might as well be putting your hand up to stop a speeding locomotive. Don't even bother, nothing you say will stop anything from happening if both people want something to happen lol... Under NO circumstances should anyone male or female be hanging out alone at the house of a 'friend' of the opposite sex...worse thing you can do to destroy any trust with your S/O. It's just not a normal thing to do, it's not comfortable, it's not polite and it's not what someone who is serious about a relationship would do. Agreed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted August 4, 2004 Author Share Posted August 4, 2004 I went to the house of a friend of a girlfriend's once and the friend tried to get on me. Of course it is awkward when girl is friends with someone they used to date, but not an impossible situation to overcome provided of course they have both moved/evolved beyond any romantic interests. actually I agree with this although it is rare. Takes a certain type of girl to comfortably pull this off. I actually had a girlfriend where often 2 or 3 of her ex boyfriends would be around at times. Link to post Share on other sites
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