neeedtheinfo Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) MY CASE = PROTECTIVE ORDER ( Hearing on July 30th 2012 ) Girlfriend's Claims: Scared to be around me and that I have been threatening her Her Facts: 1.) she got all 4 of our teenagers to say that I have been mean to her, threatening and so on. 2.) Judge awarded the temporary restraining order ( until the actual hearing on the 30th of July) based upon the kid's testimonies of arguing and threatening, and also because she went to the women's shelter 3 different times within the last year and documented the threats. Even though these allegations are just heresay, the judge allowed the temporary restraining order it via a "preponderance" of evidence. This is the way a woman can "thread the needle" technically, to get a man put out of the house without and actual documented crime or harm. It's VERY UNFAIR. My Facts: 1.) I have this video : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJGBoncjlU4 2.) She did NOT get me thrown out because she was scared of me.She got me thrown out because I wanted my son to move out of the house because I could not get him or any of my teenagers to mind, and because I wanted him out, she took revenge and got me put out through saying she was scared of me. 3.) I have a police report where I called them out 13 times in one year to prevent the violence and escalation. Of the 13 times they were called out, there was NEVER enough violence or anything to document in ANY report. 4.) I have a time-stamped text message that I sent to everyone in the family ( 9 days before I got put out) telling them that we need to be more peaceful and loving to each other and they all ignored it. FINAL NOTES: Nobody EVER hit anyone........NO CRIMINAL CHARGES FILED. NOW IM FACING EVICTION on the 30th. So my question is: *****Do I play OFFENSE OR DEFENSE? Do I show this video ( above ) to the court to counter her allegations of my character? ***** Or do I just go in there with the heart of Jesus and Do nothing? Am I shooting myself in the foot by showing the CHAOS no matter who is at fault? ***** I do NOT want to get evicted and feel totally "ganged up on" by this mess. I feel like even if I show the judge the above video, and it proves her temperamental character ( along with everyone else in the house ), it will do nothing but freak the judge out and make her put someone out anyway VIA THE SOLE INTENT OF A PROTECTIVE ORDER IS TO KEEP PEOPLE SAFE. Please chime in with your thoughts. Thanks. Edited July 20, 2012 by neeedtheinfo
darkmoon Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 tbh, i see alot of shouting over by the man in this film "you're acting like a four year old"....."nobody wants to hear what you have to say" = sh*t
darkmoon Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) tbh, i see alot of shouting over by the man in this film "you're acting like a four year old"....."nobody wants to hear what you have to say" = abusive bully, sorry, but you're not even trying to create a happy family, you're doing the opposite, see, bullies are scary Edited July 20, 2012 by darkmoon
Author neeedtheinfo Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Thats my SON......at the top of the stairs. not me.
darkmoon Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Thats my SON......at the top of the stairs. not me. omg! wow! - I'm so sorry I think you need a lawyer, a pro who can see the ins and outs, family lawyers are specialists, some more worth hiring than others, everyone wants to win, so get a heavy-hitter who knows what they're doing
petterr Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Ok! This is just some thoughts and I believe you wanted them! "Even though these allegations are just heresay" Whats the " truth" about these situations? The woman went three times. I know my kids would never lie in favor of their mother. They would never take sides. Second: by filming these tantrums you have control of yourself. Your behind the camera and know that. What happened off camera? Sorry, needtheinfo! I cant imagine how tough your situation is. But there are things to think about if you are going to use the tape. Commenting feelings on the tape is a mistake. Let other people interpret the situation for themselves.
Steen719 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Oh dear God. My heart was racing and I was feeling sick when I heard this. How incredibly sad that your kids have to see and hear this . And, now, they are part of this pathology. I don't know who is right or wrong as we only see the part where she and your kids are upset, but my opinion would be that no matter what happens, every one of you need to get into counseling to help get through this and you and your girlfriend need to be away from each other. If you have the kids by yourself at times, make sure they have a calm and safe environment. Neither you or your girlfriend seem to have this first in mind. You only have so long to really influence your kids and this is unbelievably harmful. Look, I am not trying to judge you. We all know how difficult situations can be and I know the legal issues are uppermost in your mind. Go to a lawyer and get all of that straight. Then, get some help for your family. I would not think efforts to stay together would be helpful, at least at this point, so I would concentrate on trying to put some peace in your kids lives. I'm sorry for your pain and I sort of wish I had not seen that as it gives me a pain in my gut for you all. I wish you peace.
Author neeedtheinfo Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 I think I will definately not show this video in court because it will really "seduce" the judge i.e. bring the judge into the home and "feel the intensity" ......and probably freak the judge out.......and ban me anyway. As far as "what did I do on my end to contribute to the drama"? - Yelled, called her names.....made it worse. Why did the kids take her side? Well because she spoiled them and had them around her finger, didnt make them do chores..........etc. The literally ended up hating me because of the parenting-style-distortion.
Owl Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Get a lawyer. Follow the legal advice of the professionals. There's little that LS can offer to help you with this kind of legal matter. As far as 'why' the kids went the way they did...there's no way that a bunch of strangers on the internet could guess that. It could be that they're just angry and upset because they felt you were being controlling (every teen feels this way)...it could be that they truly feel she's right in some fashion....who knows? Get an attorney. Follow their legal advice. As far as rebuilding your family in the wake of all of this...I don't know what to tell you on that either. If the kids side with her...I don't know how you change their minds.
Author neeedtheinfo Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Actually your completely WRONG. anytime I have had problems liek this in my life...the BEST thing I ever did is to get "many heads thinking for me collectively" as opposed to just my current frustrated stressed out head tha I have now. Its synergistic and more than appropriate. My lawyers wants $550.00 to show up and I dont have that kind of money right now. And NO she wont let me make payments either...already asked her. SO Im SCREWED legally. I come into the forums because many people have already LIVED what I have been through. Theres not harm in doing it.
petterr Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Needtheinfo! its a good thing to get advice from others! Some times we are stuck in our own mindframe and to get different perspectives we need to listen to others. You might not always like what you hear ( nobody knows you exept for some meanings in a thread) but listen to what people say. With that said your situation is complicated! As complicated as it gets! If you dont stand a chance legally then you really should look at your options! What do you want? Your realtionship working again? Closeness to your kids? What? This is now... Your actions will define the outcome even if you feel that you have no "power" over it right now! If it doesnt end in your favor, how do you want it to continue?
Author neeedtheinfo Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Peter <----------- my god thank you for your input. Your answer has been the closest to what I needed so far. Here's what I want: I want all of us to make each other better people as opposed to tearing each other down out of ego, struggle for money, and parental disciplinary distortions. And if the "making each other better" results in a culmination of cohesion in the family...........then it doesnt matter if we are together or apart because the "symbiosis" of the environment will take care of itself. Does this make sense?
darkmoon Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 apropos of law > on-line for free put up by kindly lawyers, so represent yourself
KathyM Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 I would suggest that if your goal is to keep your family together, you need to calmly, and without accusation, talk to your gf about starting family counseling right away. You're not in any position to take an offensive stance in any of this. The judge will grant the restraining order just based on your gf's testimony and your children's testimony. No video is going to change his mind on that. You may think you are the innocent party in this and a victim of an out-of-control household, but it sounds to me like you are intimidating your family and they are afraid of you. That is grounds enough to get a restraining order granted. You may not have physically harmed them, but verbal abuse and intimidation is also considered abuse, and if you are trying to throw your son out of the house against your gf's will, I can see why she considers that intimidating and is taking action with a restraining order. This is your gf's home too, and her son, and you can't just throw her son out of the house without her consent. If he is a minor, you can't throw him out at all. If your goal is to stay in the house and stay together as a family, then your only option is to peacefully ask your gf to go to family counseling with you, and the counselor will try to help your family to resolve their issues and will teach you all better ways of communicating that don't involve verbal abuse, intimidation, etc. Counseling is often given on a sliding fee basis, based on what you can afford. Perhaps if she sees you are calmly trying to help the situation instead of make it worse, she may get the protective order hearing dropped.
petterr Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 It makes sense! And it seems as though things have gone too far for too long! No one pushed the pause button in time! So... Im just a guy having problems of my own but my advice would be: Ride out the storm! As the other posters said, your kids are most important " victims" in this situation. If you have to leave make sure your kids know that you love them. And that thay are more important then you or your GF! Looking at the video you should all benefit from IC. But that will probably not happen. So... Your actions towards your kids will, given time, show them what you want! As for your GF! No matter what your parental or relationship problems are... She needs help coping with her anger and frustration. Take care and carlm down! This is not the rest of your life!
M30USA Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Welcome to America. All a woman has to do is make up a story and the whole world bows down at her feet. (I actually have a police report with a judicial confession on her part that my wife actually physically assaulted ME, yet I still only got joint custody.) Are there legitimate cases of abuse against women? Yes. But I'm beginning to suspect they are the minority.
Author neeedtheinfo Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Thank you Kathy and Peter. I also feel that I may still love here. And Kathy... my son is 19. not a minor. But thanks for your input.it is indeed no biasedgood advice. Very good advice......thank you. 1
Owl Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Actually your completely WRONG. anytime I have had problems liek this in my life...the BEST thing I ever did is to get "many heads thinking for me collectively" as opposed to just my current frustrated stressed out head tha I have now. Its synergistic and more than appropriate. My lawyers wants $550.00 to show up and I dont have that kind of money right now. And NO she wont let me make payments either...already asked her. SO Im SCREWED legally. I come into the forums because many people have already LIVED what I have been through. Theres not harm in doing it. Tell you what...I hope to hear that I am indeed wrong. I completely hope to see you come back in six months with a post indicating that your family situation has improved, that you and your GF and your kids are all getting along great under the same roof, the charges were all dismissed, and everything is going wonderfully.....and that you owe it all to the wonderful advice you got from the folks here on LS (except for that jerk, Owl). Let me know that your lawyer was completely unused and his services weren't required at all to resolve this situation. Come back in six months time with that post (truthfully), and I'll write you the floweriest, most profuse apology you can imagine. Six paragraphs minimum. I truly would be happy to spend the time writing that apology if your situation plays out this way based entirely off the advice you get here.
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