I can't do this anymore

[kareena]

Hello,its been a while since I've last been on here.I was trying to avoid everything and anything that had to do with MM,my "plan" failed miserably.

So MM and I have been broken up since last year,I found out I was pregnant a while after that and after much confusion and hesitation decided to terminate the pregnancy and went through with it. Now,here's what really got under my skin..we hadn't been talking or anything I just informed him that I got an abortion and that was that,for months,nothing.it was difficult and I did struggle but it was managable and I was doing O.K

About a month ago,a mutual friend of ours died after losing the battle to cancer,naturally I went to pay my respects and of course MM was ther. It was very awkward and hurtful to see him,I did of course expect to see him there and I thought I was prepared for it but I wasn't it just brought back all those feelings and memories and I am a total mess right now,its like I've made zero progress! And I just don't want to stay stuck in his love web of lies and deceit forever.and what hurt me the most was him calling me afterwards saying that he's glad he saw me,saying that he missed my smile,saying that he's sad I'm not having our baby..I just don't understand wth he's trying to do!!we're not getting back together,impossible he and I both know it so why is he making it so much harder for me to get on with my life!! Does he truly love me?is it genuine?or does he just miss fooling around with me?I really don't know I'm clueless and hurt and angry and I don't know if I can do this anymore..

[woinlove]

Hello,its been a while since I've last been on here.I was trying to avoid everything and anything that had to do with MM,my "plan" failed miserably.

So MM and I have been broken up since last year,I found out I was pregnant a while after that and after much confusion and hesitation decided to terminate the pregnancy and went through with it. Now,here's what really got under my skin..we hadn't been talking or anything I just informed him that I got an abortion and that was that,for months,nothing.it was difficult and I did struggle but it was managable and I was doing O.K

About a month ago,a mutual friend of ours died after losing the battle to cancer,naturally I went to pay my respects and of course MM was ther. It was very awkward and hurtful to see him,I did of course expect to see him there and I thought I was prepared for it but I wasn't it just brought back all those feelings and memories and I am a total mess right now,its like I've made zero progress! And I just don't want to stay stuck in his love web of lies and deceit forever.and what hurt me the most was him calling me afterwards saying that he's glad he saw me,saying that he missed my smile,saying that he's sad I'm not having our baby..I just don't understand wth he's trying to do!!we're not getting back together,impossible he and I both know it so why is he making it so much harder for me to get on with my life!! Does he truly love me?is it genuine?or does he just miss fooling around with me?I really don't know I'm clueless and hurt and angry and I don't know if I can do this anymore..

 

((kareena)) You've been through a lot with the pregnancy and abortion, death of friend, and then seeing xMM again. The word love gets tossed around here a lot, but to any outside observer, none of this looks like love and I think when you find love, someone who treats you lovingly, what xMM is giving you won't look like love at all. Likely he has feelings and he may think of these as love, they almost certainly have an addictive quality to them, but most likely he has something missing inside himself that he is trying to fill. To love one has to be able to give, not just fill one's own needs. And all xMM is giving is more pain. He's making it harder because he doesn't have the wisdom, maturity, compassion, or love to really put himself in your shoes and do what is best for you. So...you have to do that yourself.

 

Take care of yourself, protect yourself, love yourself, and heal yourself. You can do it and in doing so, you will come out stronger. Right now, you're having a setback because some extra sh*t has been thrown at you, so be kind to yourself. But, try not to spend too much time worrying about what xMM is thinking or feeling, and remind yourself that he is NOT giving you the love you deserve, whatever it is he thinks he is feeling.