relationships

[monica]

i need some advice! i am 17 and a senior in high school. i have had a blast while in high school, but never had a serious relationship in that time. i know i shouldn't let having a boyfreind define my self worth but somehow it does. i don't think i'm gorgeous or anything, actually i think i'm pretty ordinary. for the most part i think im a nice freindly person who hates it when people think that they are better then anyone else. overall i think im a pretty neat person. so why don't guys. you always read in magazines how if your happy with who you are guys will like you-but thats just not cutting it with me!! help please. i would appreciate any advice you could give.

[Draconis]

i need some advice! i am 17

and a senior in high school. i have had a blast while in high school, but never had a serious relationship in that time. i know i shouldn't let having a boyfreind define my self worth but somehow it does. i don't think i'm gorgeous or anything, actually i think i'm pretty ordinary. for the most part i think im a nice freindly person who hates it when people think that they are better then anyone else. overall i think im a pretty neat person. so why don't guys. you always read in magazines how if your happy with who you are guys will like you-but thats just not cutting it with me!! help please. i would appreciate any advice you could give.

I was having trouble finding a question in your message, but then I found it...or at least I think I did. You want a boyfriend, you're having trouble getting one, and you want to know how to get one? Is that basically it? I'm proceeding assuming it is.

 

OK, let me start my saying I'm a guy and I'm in college. So I guess I have a different perspective than you, so don't expect too much of me.

 

There is something in what you mentioned: be happy with yourself and guys will like you. I think that a better lesson is "if you are not happy with yourself, guys will not like you." If you see someone who is nervous and with no self-confidence, you aren't going to want to be with her. On the other hand, you are not going to want to be with someone JUST because she IS self-confident. So being certain of your own self-worth is an important step but not all you need to do.

 

I would note that the fact that you feel as though you need a boyfriend to "define" your self-worth is not very healthy, but it's very understandable--a lot of people judge themselves by who they can get. So while it may not be the best mindset, it's one that a lot of people not only live with but find great guys with.

 

It's really hard to tell people what they can do to appeal more to guys. I'm sure that you're already familiar with the obvious, which is to present yourself as a more sexy, appealing person. I assume that you are already doing that; after all, (I know this propably sounds pitiful) but for a lot of guys thats the first and foremost thing they're looking for. Period.

 

Almost anything else will onyl appeal to a segment of the male population. Frequent social situations which guys that /you/ like hang out at. YOu have to figure out wat kind of boyfriend you want--or even a specific person--and then appeal specifically to that kind of person or specific person, trying to do the same things that they/he like/s. The second most important thing (after sexual appeal) to hooking up with someone is shared interests. Without that, you won't have much to talk about, you won't have contexts in which to meet, you won't have safe area you can fall back on if things get rough.

 

So I guess the next step for you is for you to decide what kind of guy you want, and try to get involved with activities that will bring you closer to them. If you want more detailed advice, as usual, I say give us more details and we can give you more specific help.

 

Good luck in finding a guy,

 

(Draconis)

[Cry Baby]

i need some advice! i am 17 and a senior in high school. i have had a blast while in high school, but never had a serious relationship in that time. i know i shouldn't let having a boyfreind define my self worth but somehow it does. i don't think i'm gorgeous or anything, actually i think i'm pretty ordinary. for the most part i think im a nice freindly person who hates it when people think that they are better then anyone else. overall i think im a pretty neat person. so why don't guys. you always read in magazines how if your happy with who you are guys will like you-but thats just not cutting it with me!! help please. i would appreciate any advice you could give.

 

i say dont worry about it. i mean, why would you want a boyfriend anyway? just for some one to love and say oh yeah i got a man? personally, dont go looking for guys. let them come to you. i was the same way. but then i realized that a lot of guys liked me, but they were too afraid to say something. so hang in there, and keep it real. they may be scoping you out, but are too afraid to show how they feel.

[kiey]

Take your time. I accidentally jumped into a relationship when I was 17. However, I did have lots and lots of fun during high school. This is my first really serious relationship, and I'm just learning how to act in it and what NOT to expect. You don't need a man/boy to define your self-worth. Trust your instincts. When you meet the right guy, you'll know, just RESPECT yourself and always put yourself first.

i need some advice! i am 17 and a senior in high school. i have had a blast while in high school, but never had a serious relationship in that time. i know i shouldn't let having a boyfreind define my self worth but somehow it does. i don't think i'm gorgeous or anything, actually i think i'm pretty ordinary. for the most part i think im a nice freindly person who hates it when people think that they are better then anyone else. overall i think im a pretty neat person. so why don't guys. you always read in magazines how if your happy with who you are guys will like you-but thats just not cutting it with me!! help please. i would appreciate any advice you could give.

[arlene]

I use to have the same problem ,i let it take over my life and at times bring me down,i dont know why or how but things changed just give it time and youll find someone when you least expect it.