pureinheart Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 I just wanted to share this with ya'll because I feel there is a lot of wisdom in these words. Not to mention that TD Jakes is one of my favorite, anointed spiritual leaders. This has been out there for a long time, and fits for me personally right now. Feel free to post other inspirational wisdom, or discuss "letting go"...it's hard to let go, but this gives much encouragement for the one that has to let go... TD Jakes states: There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The bible said that, "They came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us." [1 John 2:19] People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!! If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...LET IT GO!!! If you are holding on to past hurts and pains... LET IT GO!!! If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth... LET IT GO!!! If someone has angered you ... LET IT GO!!! If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge.... LET IT GO!!! If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ... LET IT GO!!! If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents .. LET IT GO!!! If you have a bad attitude... LET IT GO!!! If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better... LET IT GO!!! If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him... LET IT GO!!! If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.... LET IT GO!!! If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.. LET IT GO!!! If you're feeling depressed and stressed ... LET IT GO!!! If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to... LET IT GO!!! Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2010!!! LET IT GO!!! Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then LET IT GO!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 Very good message. But I'm wondering exactly how to apply this in my case. I am currently the one who--technically--has "walked away" from the marriage. I couldn't handle the physical and emotional abuse anymore. So, even though I agree entirely with TD Jakes, it's important to know exactly where to apply this--or not apply it. What if my wife is hearing TD Jakes' message and just decides to let me go..instead of doing what she SHOULD do by apologizing and admitting her wrong? I also know there are many cases where women "walk out" on their husbands because of abuse. It would be equally wrong for the husband to "let them go", right? I mean, don't women expect the man to NOT let them go and to make it right? Shouldn't it apply both ways? Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 I expected nothing from Mr. Messy. His apology was for himself. I know the Lord is where my healing is. Saying the "right" thing does not equate with having the "right" feeling in your heart. What is she says everything you want to hear and still walks away? What will you do then? What if what she is supposed to do is "let it go" because she isn't capable of treating you the way you desire? What if you are supposed to "let it go" because you aren't capable of treating her the way she desires. How are we to say that divorce can be what God wants when he clearly says he hates it? Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 God did not intend for any of us to be abused. He also said what He has joined together let no man.....(you know the rest). I don't know about you but when I got married I was 20, I knew God existed but I did not have a relationship with Him. I didn't ask God if Mr. Messy was the "one". I didn't ask him to send me who He wanted me to be with. I let my hormones and "feelings" of love take over. What I am asking is if you are sure God put you two together? If you believe God put you two together then you can only control your actions and behavior. You can't wait around for her to realize she is "wrong" or for her to apologize to your satisfaction. You are in control of you. Does your wife have a relationship with God? From personal experience....I would say at the very least it is weak but more than likely no. There is no way you can abuse someone with God's love in your heart. I didn't have that love and I let Mr. Messy have a foot up the behind more than once. It doesn't matter what my reason/excuse/justification was.....I was wrong. She is a professing Christian, and so are her parents. Her brother is not. However, over the years I've found it kind of telling that her parents would sort of shrug off certain verses of Scripture or certain doctrines that would come up--like how we cannot worship God and money, or how we are saved only by grace through Christ. I would refer to them as "cultural Christians", or people who are the product of a Christian culture and even call themselves Christian but when it comes down to cold, hard Scripture really have issues with it. So if both my wife and I are professing Christians, how did this happen? I prayed for wisdom before we were married and asked God to direct my steps. It's almost like he failed me here. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 I have been there myself:( I have often prayed for guidance and then didn't take that guidance. I am not saying that is your situation...I can't possibly know that. There is nowhere in the word that says you should be married to an abuser. She is not acting Christ like, nor is she behaving according to doctrine. I can't tell you to divorce, but I can say to you either let it go (she isn't going to acknowledge anything until she is ready if ever)and focus on your relationship with God or walk away. See the problem is that when she does bad things, it's always "something we need to work on together". Yet when I do bad things, it's a different story: it's my fault and my fault alone, and I need to make changes or else it's over. Even her parents promote this pathological view. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 I am stubborn( the thorn in my side:o) so I can't see myself dealing with people like that. It is clear you want to be with her..but it is also clear your situation is not going to change unless you change it. The OP applies to you in that sense. If there is nothing you can do....let it go. Yes I still love her and want to be with her. This is why I stayed with her 5 years. But it was destroying me. Reality unfortunately is sometimes stronger than our love. It came down to this: stay with her and get destroyed, or leave her and preserve myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted July 21, 2012 Author Share Posted July 21, 2012 (edited) God did not intend for any of us to be abused. He also said what He has joined together let no man.....(you know the rest). I don't know about you but when I got married I was 20, I knew God existed but I did not have a relationship with Him. I didn't ask God if Mr. Messy was the "one". I didn't ask him to send me who He wanted me to be with. I let my hormones and "feelings" of love take over. What I am asking is if you are sure God put you two together? If you believe God put you two together then you can only control your actions and behavior. You can't wait around for her to realize she is "wrong" or for her to apologize to your satisfaction. You are in control of you. Does your wife have a relationship with God? From personal experience....I would say at the very least it is weak but more than likely no. There is no way you can abuse someone with God's love in your heart. I didn't have that love and I let Mr. Messy have a foot up the behind more than once. It doesn't matter what my reason/excuse/justification was.....I was wrong. My God-mother taught me this concept. That not every marriage is of God. Very powerful post... Edited July 21, 2012 by pureinheart Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted July 21, 2012 Author Share Posted July 21, 2012 Yes I still love her and want to be with her. This is why I stayed with her 5 years. But it was destroying me. Reality unfortunately is sometimes stronger than our love. It came down to this: stay with her and get destroyed, or leave her and preserve myself. God is never ok with abuse, and kudos to you for calling it what it is. I'm sure there are many men that would have a very hard time communicating this (no offense meant to men at all). My exhusbands wife used to beat on him. I have a friend (female) that put up with the worst kinds of mental abuses possible. For years. Because of the stress she lost all body hair due to her hormones being so screwed up...he abused her more afterwards. We all suggested she leave, many times, although after awhile we realised her determination so we prayed with her, because we loved her. She is one of the most sweetest, Godly people I know. She wanted so bad for her marriage to be saved. After THIRTY YEARS of this she finally left him and is divorcing him. M30, abusive people usually never change and in many cases they only become worse over time unless they get help and submit their will to God..even then it can take years unless there is a supernatural deliverance through divine intervention. I am wondering if she could be a tool meant for your destruction and based on what I have seen posted from you on LS in many other threads...it really sounds demonic to me. GBU M30, you got my prayers:( 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 T.D. Jakes! He's the man, my hero, precious gift of God. Did you see him on Super Soul Sunday? His words really speak to me. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The bible said that, "They came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us." [1 John 2:19] So very true! Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 I would really recommend all Christian singles watch this. I have never seen a pastor lay out how to find a spouse so clearly! Finding The Love Of Your Life 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 You can't read T.D. Jakes without a little Madea! Relationship Advice - Madea - YouTube 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 It took me years to learn that. I will wait for the right one if the Lord so sees fit. If not....all is good. Same here on both points/counts:) God takes much better care of me than the men I have picked, so I'm too used to getting treated right:D 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 You can't read T.D. Jakes without a little Madea! Relationship Advice - Madea - YouTube That was awesome! The end was sooooo true.... Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 That was awesome! The end was sooooo true.... Yeah the end really gets to me too. Each time I listen to Madea I laugh cry laugh cry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 I would really recommend all Christian singles watch this. I have never seen a pastor lay out how to find a spouse so clearly! Finding The Love Of Your Life Thanks for this teaching TFW. LOL, it helped me not feel so bad concerning all of the not so good choices I've made, and also gave me a clear and different perspective concerning choices and relationships:) Link to post Share on other sites
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