He said we will never get back together...any hope?

[louisehawley6]

Me and my ex of two years broke up about 2.5 months ago. It ended pretty badly, he broke up with me over the phone after reading something on facebook in which he assumed I was having a relationship with someone I work with- this is not true what actually happened was this guy kissed me or should I say pecked me whilst we were both drunk (not an excuse). The facebook conversation was just to clear the air. My ex would not even let me explain or listen to what I was saying and told me he could never forgive me.

 

Over the coming weeks I begged, pleaded and cried for him to take me back at which he didn't. He actually turned around and said that he never wants to be in a relationship with me ever again.

 

Do you think he meant this or he was saying this because he is still hurting? Is there still any hope?

[louisehawley6]

If I was your ex.... no way in hell

 

No offense but you're full of crap.... "it was the alcohol and accident and just a peck"

 

I'm not full of crap...its exactly what happened there were no emotions or feelings involved. You do not know the full story.

 

My ex has made some elaborate scenario up in his head. I tried to explain but he wouldn't believe me. There has been no case of cheating or mistrust on either part.

 

I think if you don't have anything nice or understanding to say then you shouldn't say it at all.

 

When all of this happened I told my ex i would of done anything to prove to him, i'd go on a lie detector test, leave me job anything so he'd believe me.

 

It wasn't an affair or anything it was an unwanted peck from a drunken guy i work with.

[headsashed]

Ive read your story somewhere else,didnt you say in the facebook message to that guy that if you werent with your bf then things might have been different? something along those lines anywway. So you bf most probably assumes you have feelings for this other guy and thats why he doesnt want you back,plus you broke his trust. My ex broke my trust and actually cheated on me so i would never take her back.

 

On the other hand,when my ex broke up with me last year (no cheating at this point) she told me we would never get back together,ever,4 months later she came crawling back because she thought id moved on. Just stick to NC and heal,if he comes back then he does,if he doesnt then atleast your healing.

[CaliBabe]

This is such bs. You can rationalize it any way you want. The action still happened. Next time don't put yourself in that situation.. You are were chasing drama

 

 

I feel like your boyfriend probably is thinking what Wilson just wrote... That you should not have put yourself in that situation. He could be seeing it as you bringing it onto yourself.

 

I would give him some time to breathe and reflect. You already made your point about it not being what he thinks it is. If he loves you and cares for you he will think about it and reconsider if he is willing to forgive. In the meantime, give him space, no more begging and pleading. Walk away with your dignity.

[Gulf-Delta]

If I was your ex.... no way in hell

 

No offense but you're full of crap.... "it was the alcohol and accident and just a peck"

 

Wait, some drunk dude pecks her on the lips and it's her fault?

[hinatticus]

Wilsonx vs gulf-delta

 

Fight, fight, fight!

[Gulf-Delta]

Wilsonx vs gulf-delta

 

Fight, fight, fight!

 

Yer silly

 

It just bothers me when people try to black/white things as complex as relationship dynamics and the human mind

[hinatticus]

Wilsonx has valid points as do you. I think it's helpful to readers so that they can see both sides.

 

I do agree with a lot that wilsonx says tho. I like your posts as well. For me I take in bits of everyone's advice. It's bad to give advice, better to give options.

 

Regarding op.. I agree that she shouldn't have put herself into that position. How does some drunk accidentally peck you?! Unless he held her face and pinned her down. On the flipside, if she shows enough remorse for her actions and her ex is willing to forgive and reconcile that's up to him to decide. she has to take the right course of action for her ex to even remotely consider forgiving her.

 

I believe in second chances. Sh*t, I want one.

Edited July 21, 2012 by hinatticus

[TripLine]

Wait, some drunk dude pecks her on the lips and it's her fault?

 

No, but a co-worker she works with went out to have drinks with her to the point that someone could be drunk says a lot about the outing. I assume they were alone together, which also shouldn't even have happened.

 

Maybe the bf doesn't want to deal with a 2nd voice in his head questioning her whenever he gets suspicious, so he rather find someone else who would not go drinking with other men.

[ScienceGal]

I think there are more details to the message as headsashed mentioned. For her bf to leave so quickly, something in their conversation shook him.

[Affliction Shirt]

dude did the right thing. No bs, no crying, just pack up your s**t and leave. The best possible choice for him and he took it without hesitation. Good for him.

[darkmoon]

"he broke up with me over the phone after reading something on facebook"

 

plz - exactly what was on facebook? it must have crossed a boundary whatever it was, and just one more thing - do you have other co-workers as facebook friends or just this one kissy one?

Edited July 21, 2012 by darkmoon

[Better_Days]

this guy kissed me or should I say pecked me whilst we were both drunk

 

Kinda agree with wilsonx.

 

Admit it, you were fully chilling with another guy, getting drunk, and letting him get close to you, all this without your bf being there. And you made it worse by openly talking about the whole thing on Facebook where everyone can see it. You basically rubbed it on your bf's face and let everyone know what happened.

 

Any guy would do same thing here...

[Dblock10]

haha i love how people get bashed if they step out of line in their private life, but you know what... i have to agree!

 

firstly, you were in a position to get drunk with this work guy, he kissed you, so the situation was that it was you and him alone. then instead of apologising or whatever in person, you did it over Facebook.

 

your bf/ex must have felt like complete ****e. i would.

 

good on him.

 

 

not to say its unrecoverable, but i think you need to be true to yourself, was it really a mistake or would you on some level within you want to go further with the work guy

[veggirl]

First of all, your BF found out from facebook not from you. That is a huge strike against you. You should have told him immediately the next day when you sobered up.

 

Second of all, you actually discussed it with the OTHER GUY before your boyfriend! Not cool! Your boyfriend obviously read your FB chat and assumed he would NEVER have found out if he didn't find out on his own, which is likely true.

 

Third of all, you said in another thread that he read this between you and the other guy:

 

We had a private facebook conversation wherein he told me he found me attractive and we both said that if we had met each other earlier or later in life things could have been different

 

:eek:

 

No I don't think you have a chance at getting him back.

 

You should have told him immediately.

 

He shouldn't have had to find out from a FB chat you had with the other guy.

 

Why were you discussing being together with the other guy?!

[Thisisbs]

Try being empathetic.

 

If your boyfriend kissed another girl, didn't tell you, and you found out yourself on his facebook, where would your trust level be?

 

If you're in a 2.5 year relationship with him and you sincerely, maturely love him, you instantly should have stayed away from this guy as soon as he made it obvious he was attracted to you.

 

Also, agreeing that if you and your co-worker met earlier or later in life, things could be different is definitely wrong on your part. No doubt would hurt him and his trust.

[zanzi]

umm, if you were messing around behind said ex bf's back, what do you expect? Of course he doesn't want to talk to you right now. All he is thinking about is what you did.

Maybe you should be thinking about what you did- alone. Before you go begging him to come back to a relationship in which you were not open or honest. or loyal.

[louisehawley6]

Okay, I'd firstly just like to say thank you for everyone's response's some were nice and some not so nice.

 

However, I'd like to point out a few things.

 

I have practically everyone I work with on facebook I work in a retail store and everyone gets a long (I'll also add that I no longer have facebook because of what happened, I take full responsibility for what happened, so no I'm not playing a victim at all)

 

As for putting myself in a situation that again is not true I had never hung out with this group of people before apart from the girls birthday it was so I had no idea that the said work-colleague found me attractive or was interested in me in the slightest.

 

Also I was never alone with this guy we were all sat talking as a group, he lent over and kissed me, I pushed him away he apologized and I left. I was humiliated and distraught and all I wanted was to tell my bf what had happened the first thing I did when I got home was call him but he didn't answer it was 3am so I'm pretty sure he was sleeping.

 

Plus no one on here knows me or my now ex, we had been having problems for about 6 months, constant fighting, he never paid me any attention, he was unwilling to fully commit to me and I was seeing a counsellor and was on anti depressants to get myself out of the downward spiral I'd got myself into because my relationship felt like it was in limbo.

 

As for the facebook conversation my now ex doesn't even have facebook, I have also never give him any reason to not trust me as he always had full use of my mobile phone and computer. He went behind my back and had been reading my facebook from what I can tell for a long time. I never acted suspicious or anything in that regard. It was not a public conversation either, so no one would have seen this conversation.

 

Yes I take full responsibility for the facebook conversation, I thought it was the right thing to do to clarify with him that I was not interested in him like that, and to clear the air as I work with him. Yes I said maybe things would have been different if we met each other down the track and yes I know that if I read that I wouldn't be happy and I would have assumed the worse. But it was a hypothetical scenario but I also said that the bottom line was that I was with my bf and that I don't have any feelings for the work-colleague. Not only did my ex not believe me but he decided to make up an elaborate scenario up in his head wherein I was apparently planning on having a relationship with this person- NOT TRUE.

 

You are wrong when you say I have not taken any actions to prove to my ex that this whole thing was nothing. I have deleted my entire facebook profile, I have sat with my boss and asked her not to roster me on to work whilst the guy is working, I have also asked my boss to look into me being transferred to a different store, I have also moved out of my apartment back to my parents as my housemate is good friends with this guy. I have not and will not speak to this guy ever again. I never had or will have his mobile number. So to say I didn't do anything to prove to my ex it wasn't what he thought is not true.

 

Also as I stated before because things had been bad between me and my now ex, it had seemed for a while that both of us were unhappy, and I knew that if I told him what had happened it would be the nail in the coffin. I was in a loose loose situation. I wanted to tell him straight away as I indicated by calling him as soon as I got home, it was only until my housemate said that I needed to calm down and sleep on it that i realised that what happened was a one off thing, a mistake is was not a sordid affair or anything of the sort. I knew my ex would make into something bigger, so when i did tell him (before he read the facebook conversation), i knew that our relationship was over, and i was correct.

 

I have beat myself up every single day about that night, so please don't think I'm playing the victim. I put my heart on the line for my ex and told him that i loved him more than life and was willing to do anything to fix it, but he had made his mind up.

 

I personally don't believe that going out with a group of work colleagues for a friends birthday is putting myself into a situation. My ex had never had any issues with me going out with anyone ever before, and to be honest I very rarely went out, I would have always rather spent time with him at dinner or watching a movie etc.

 

I'm not the kind of person that thinks I should of gotten away scott free with what happened, I know that what happened I wouldn't of liked if it was the other way around. But no matter what I said to him he wouldn't believe me, I was in utter agony telling him the honest to god's truth and I might as well of been talking to a brick wall.

[Gulf-Delta]

This is where you need to grow up. Shes not innocent, her post is garbage, shes painting herself as a victim "He kissed me, I didnt do anything but go out with a guy that was attracted to me and have drinks with him."

 

Stop believing everything that comes out of a "girls" mouth. Its hot air (Im not woman bashing, I said "girl")

 

 

Stop being a bitter egotistical prick

 

Like, have you ever like, interacted with a drunk/horny person at a bar?

[ihateslowjams]

I'm sorry but your last post proved you put yourself in this situation and everyone's posts (the ones against you) to be right.

 

As for putting myself in a situation that again is not true I had never hung out with this group of people before apart from the girls birthday it was so I had no idea that the said work-colleague found me attractive or was interested in me in the slightest.

 

Sorry, but i find this bit false. There is no way you would not know another person interested in you because they show SO MANY signs. Unless you're blind, you're lying.

 

Yes I take full responsibility for the facebook conversation, I thought it was the right thing to do to clarify with him that I was not interested in him like that, and to clear the air as I work with him. Yes I said maybe things would have been different if we met each other down the track and yes I know that if I read that I wouldn't be happy and I would have assumed the worse. But it was a hypothetical scenario but I also said that the bottom line was that I was with my bf and that I don't have any feelings for the work-colleague. Not only did my ex not believe me but he decided to make up an elaborate scenario up in his head wherein I was apparently planning on having a relationship with this person- NOT TRUE.

 

Plus no one on here knows me or my now ex, we had been having problems for about 6 months, constant fighting, he never paid me any attention, he was unwilling to fully commit to me and I was seeing a counsellor and was on anti depressants to get myself out of the downward spiral I'd got myself into because my relationship felt like it was in limbo.

 

These two quotes are a bad combination. You had a lack of attention from you ex, but found it in another guy. You "liked" the attention you received from him and sought refuge in it, while being in denial of his attraction towards you to justify your time spent with him.

 

You giving that hypothetical scenario proves you had a form of attraction to him, whether you thought it to be hypothetical or not. Again, you were in denial of the attraction you both had and played with it, only burning you after.

 

 

My advice to you is, give it time, much time. If i was in your ex's shoes, i would have done the same thing. Regardless of what you do to prove your love to me. Maybe after much time has passed, your ex may calm down and only then will you be able to talk to him and see if he is willing to try again.

[Gulf-Delta]

No, but a co-worker she works with went out to have drinks with her to the point that someone could be drunk says a lot about the outing. I assume they were alone together, which also shouldn't even have happened.

 

Maybe the bf doesn't want to deal with a 2nd voice in his head questioning her whenever he gets suspicious, so he rather find someone else who would not go drinking with other men.

 

Who says she was trying to be kissed or "letting" the guy do anything.

 

I know in my younger days, I've been drunk and just kissed girls and in those instances she wasn't "letting" me do anything. There were no signs she wanted me, she wasn't leading me on...I was just drunk and did it.

 

Has a similar situation never happened to you?

[louisehawley6]

I'm sorry but your last post proved you put yourself in this situation and everyone's posts (the ones against you) to be right.

 

 

 

Sorry, but i find this bit false. There is no way you would not know another person interested in you because they show SO MANY signs. Unless you're blind, you're lying.

 

 

These two quotes are a bad combination. You had a lack of attention from you ex, but found it in another guy. You "liked" the attention you received from him and sought refuge in it, while being in denial of his attraction towards you to justify your time spent with him.

 

You giving that hypothetical scenario proves you had a form of attraction to him, whether you thought it to be hypothetical or not. Again, you were in denial of the attraction you both had and played with it, only burning you after.

 

 

My advice to you is, give it time, much time. If i was in your ex's shoes, i would have done the same thing. Regardless of what you do to prove your love to me. Maybe after much time has passed, your ex may calm down and only then will you be able to talk to him and see if he is willing to try again.

 

 

How is going out with a group of friends that I work with for a friends birthday putting myself in a situation? I couldn't predict what was going to happen. So does that mean I'm not allowed to go out with a group of people if some of them are guys, just in case they crack onto me and have no self control? I don't think so.

 

When I referred to not knowing he was interested in me I meant before that night, if i was aware he was interested in me I would of put my guard up. Like I said I had never associated with him outside of a working environment before so I had no idea beforehand. Like I said it was a group of work friends all sat talking and drinking, it wasn't a case of being blind it was more a case of being ignorant to it, and he was also seeing some chick that I know from work.

 

Also, he wasn't giving me attention as such, he was just talking to me like everyone else was. I couldn't of envisaged anything happen.

 

Yes i find the guy attractive but it's not a crime to find someone attractive but that doesn't mean I have feelings for him or wanted to be in a relationship with him. If that was the case i wouldn't have spent the first 3 weeks post BU not being able to get out of bed, or crying constantly.

 

How did I play with this supposed attraction? What because i stated a hypothetical scenario? I can't predict the future I have no idea what is going to happen. But the underlying message that was there all along was that I wanted to be with my bf, and he needed to be aware that I had no feelings for him and therefore that also shouldn't stop him from moving forward with the girl he was seeing.

 

I am giving it time, although I don't appreciate people telling me that what I'm saying is false. I know the situation, I didn't see any harm in spending time with a group of friends where we went to footy game first and then a local pub. It's not my fault that the guy had no self control, I believe I showed self control by leaving the pub as soon as it happened and putting into place that it would never happen again.

[louisehawley6]

Plus when me and my ex were on the phone having the conversation about what happened, he kept pushing and pushing and pushing. No matter what I said he didn't believe me, it was almost like he wanted me to say more so he could be satisfied.

[Dblock10]

well seems like you have been put in a hard situation i am sorry to hear of your bu

 

i know what its like when you don't get attention from your partner. only issue i would have is when you said to this guy, about that future and how things may have been different.. its stimulating the idea that hey i like you, but i have a bf but if i didn't, wink wink.

 

thats how guys see it..

 

but your ex and the relationship sounds a bit dead to me if I'm honest

[veggirl]

If your now ex was giving you no attention and treating you so badly over the last 6 months to the point you were in counseling because of him then why do you care he won't talk to you? Why would you want him back?