Dblock10 Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 If your now ex was giving you no attention and treating you so badly over the last 6 months to the point you were in counseling because of him then why do you care he won't talk to you? Why would you want him back? my thoughts also Link to post Share on other sites
Author louisehawley6 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 I've always suffered from depression and anxiety attacks. We were planning on moving in with one another the Feb that's just gone. I'd started buying things for the house and we had both told all our friends and family and then he backed out, told me he couldn't do it, that he felt pressured into saying he'd live with me and that he just wasn't ready. I took it really hard and that's when I started to become depressed and have anxiety attacks- it kind of just went downhill from there. So I went to counselling to learn to cope with the depression and anxiety, I also asked him to go to relationship counselling but he refused. He'd given up. My anxiety attacks took its toll on our relationship. We needed to break up, during the BU i've learnt so much and now understand my mistakes. I don't want our old relationship back I want us to start again- a brand new relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
edelveis Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Your bf acts normally.obviously he thinks that you have feelings for the other guy and that you dropped yourself in this situation because u wanted to.his trust on you is shaken.give him time and stop begging and pleading.but i also think that you should take some time off too and clear in your head what you really want.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author louisehawley6 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 Your bf acts normally.obviously he thinks that you have feelings for the other guy and that you dropped yourself in this situation because u wanted to.his trust on you is shaken.give him time and stop begging and pleading.but i also think that you should take some time off too and clear in your head what you really want.. I have NO feelings for the guy i have done everything i can to show my ex that. Like I said previously I didn't put myself in a situation I went out with a group of work colleagues, so no I didn't put myself in a situation because I wanted to. There was no situation I went out for a gf's birthday nothing more. I have never had feelings for him, I don't really even know him. I have not spoken to my ex now for almost 4 weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Vee Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Louise based on what you've outlined about your relationship it's clear that you guys were in trouble and possibly headed for a breakup before all of this drama with the colleague. Him backing out of living with you earlier is a clear indication that he had some reservations about the relationship a while ago. Basically you just gave him a reason/impetus to do something he'd been thinking about for a while imo. My 2c is that you should give him space, sever all contact if you haven't already and accept that the relationship is over, because even if you want to get back together with him and start a new relationship you'll have to have let go of - and mourned - the one that's just ended. Don't blame yourself exclusively for the breakup - everything that happened with the colleague is just a red herring in my view. If you guys were in a happy relationship where living together had been raised, an unsolicited drunken kiss shouldn't have ended it. So forgive yourself, work on you and what you contributed to the breakup. Hopefully he will also in the meantime reflect on what he may have contributed to the demise of your relationship and, if he wants to be with you he'll be willing to give it another go in time. You may want to consider giving yourself a time frame in which to reach out again - but make sure that whenever you do try and reach out to him, it's at a point where you wont be devastated if he says 'no' because as I said earlier, it seems like he may have had dooubts for some time. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Girl you can't start a "brand new" relationship with an ex bf. Esp one that you barely have separated from. You will still have all the same issues there, nothing has changed those. Link to post Share on other sites
Author louisehawley6 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 (edited) Louise based on what you've outlined about your relationship it's clear that you guys were in trouble and possibly headed for a breakup before all of this drama with the colleague. Him backing out of living with you earlier is a clear indication that he had some reservations about the relationship a while ago. Basically you just gave him a reason/impetus to do something he'd been thinking about for a while imo. My 2c is that you should give him space, sever all contact if you haven't already and accept that the relationship is over, because even if you want to get back together with him and start a new relationship you'll have to have let go of - and mourned - the one that's just ended. Don't blame yourself exclusively for the breakup - everything that happened with the colleague is just a red herring in my view. If you guys were in a happy relationship where living together had been raised, an unsolicited drunken kiss shouldn't have ended it. So forgive yourself, work on you and what you contributed to the breakup. Hopefully he will also in the meantime reflect on what he may have contributed to the demise of your relationship and, if he wants to be with you he'll be willing to give it another go in time. You may want to consider giving yourself a time frame in which to reach out again - but make sure that whenever you do try and reach out to him, it's at a point where you wont be devastated if he says 'no' because as I said earlier, it seems like he may have had dooubts for some time. Good luck Thank you, for this. I agree, things between us had not been the same since he told me he couldn't live with me. He always said that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and I believe that. But we were at totally different stages, I wanted the whole living together, going on holidays you know being a grown up in a grown up type of relationship. Whereas he was happy to be with me plod along, and always said that we had plenty of time for all the other stuff. There's a part of me that believes we met too soon. I have accepted that this relationship is over, I have mourned it and I am in a very good place. I posted this on this forum because I just wanted peoples opinion as to whether there would be any chance of me and my ex getting back together in the future. To be honest with you I don't want to be with him right now, the way he has treated me over the past few months has made me realise that he needs to grow up and that it is going to take time for us to even be able to speak to one another again. I have no desire whats so ever to contact him right now because enough time hasn't past for him to be remotely nice to me so I have no desire to hurt myself. I just hope one day he'll understand where we went wrong and want to try again. I am slowly trying to forgive myself I just hope he can one day. I also agree with what you said about the fact that the drunken kiss wouldn't of made him leave so quickly if he hadn't had reservations beforehand. If it wasn't that it would have been something else. Neither of us were strong enough or wanted to end it earlier even though we hadn't been happy for a while, it was almost like we were kidding ourselves because we loved each other. I know deep down that he had to break up with me on the phone because he wouldn't have been able to do it to my face as soon as i would of broken down he wouldn't of been able to do it. He's had to be this way in order for us both to move on. We both want different things right now, i just hope we can come back together at some stage. Also in any form of communication that we have had since the BU there has been times wherein I have said "tell me that you don't love me anymore" or "why didn't or don't you love me enough to give me a second chance?" and he can never answer, he just ignores it. That confuses me a little! Edited July 24, 2012 by louisehawley6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author louisehawley6 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Girl you can't start a "brand new" relationship with an ex bf. Esp one that you barely have separated from. You will still have all the same issues there, nothing has changed those. I believe that you can have a brand new relationship with an ex when enough time has past. You both can see and understand where you went wrong and what caused those issues in the first place. With good communication and willingness on both ends I think you both can make sure those same issues don't crop up again! Link to post Share on other sites
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