Gotti25 Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 for all of you that know my story in the past thread back in 2011! I'm 26 and was involved with a OM it didn't last long we probably saw each other 4 times in the year when the affair started! He broke contact with me last April of 2011 because he was sick of my husband sending him threatening texts so he just stopped contact completely I never attempted on contact him since then! Well I did something stupid back in December 2011 I called him at 4am after being intoxicated but he don't answer & I didn't leave a voicemail just left it like that he didn't call back! I found myself strangely thinking about him today & ended up googling him I found that he was teaching at a university until January then left for Argentina to finish his phd but apparently he will be back in September or so according to his professional profile he is 27! I know is been so long but If I saw him again I don't know what I would do the feelings where so strong when we where in the affair he told me he loved me many times! I know is not fair to my H that I'm still thinking about him & that the feelings are still there I was hoping for them to go away & I'm sure he moved on! I find myself wanting to send him a text once his back I still have his number an apparently is active I looked it up! Is anyone in the same boat why is this not going away I can't compare him to any man I had other man interested in me of course I rejeted them not because I'm married but I couldn't compare them to the xOM he was just too good for anyone! I really want this to go away am I crazy? I love my husband & have not betrayed him since the affair ended. I'm just lookin for closure I guess...... Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 (edited) Hi Gotti, What kind of closure could you want, when you're the married one, so he broke it off because he was tired of being harassed by your H and tired of being the OM. You know exactly why he broke it off, so I'm not really sure what you mean by closure . You can't give him what he wants, so he has moved on. If you don't plan on leaving your husband, you contacting the OM will probably seem like a selfish act and a nuisance. He never called you back in December...why would he want to talk now? Nothing about the situation has changed. You still are with your husband, you say you love him...so where does the OM fit into this equation? What do you expect/hope for him to say or do if you contact him? Edited July 22, 2012 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gotti25 Posted July 22, 2012 Author Share Posted July 22, 2012 I forgot to add the first 3 times we had sex he had a condom on & changed it several times! The last time we where together he wanted to take it off & finish inside but I refused and I said bsolutely not I believe that might have ticked him off he wanted to make out a lot as well but I kept pushing away! I was rushing to get out of his apartment the last time we where together and he was extremely irritated he said to me in a irritating voice leaving me again of course then the last word he said I would escort you downstairs but I'm in my underwear I said no need for that. Then he said text me when you get home I want to make sure you got home safe something my husband would forget to say just tough I'd add! Link to post Share on other sites
hurting tonight Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 I wish I knew what to say. I would say go for it when he comes back, send a text. Hi, how are you. No harm. See if he answers.I also miss my om, and love him now as the first day I met him.I know I'm not much help, but that's what I would do. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 I love my husband & have not betrayed him since the affair ended. I'm just lookin for closure I guess...... But you have. If your husband KNEW you still were wanting and missing the exOM, had his number, had contacted him, are searching for him and finding out details about his life etc, HE WOULD feel betrayed by you. I give the exOM kudos for disappearing finally after your H threatened him. It's a shame that you can't let go.. You don't need closure from the exOM. There's nothing he can do or say. You need to really get closure from within and get some counselling too. You are not being honest with your husband. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 I wish I knew what to say. I would say go for it when he comes back, send a text. Hi, how are you. No harm. See if he answers.I also miss my om, and love him now as the first day I met him.I know I'm not much help, but that's what I would do. Sorry but this is really not good advice unless she wants her husband to divorce her and then she can go be with the OM. She chose her husband and marriage. The affair is over and it's not fair to the OM if she keeps contacting him. He is trying to go on with his life now and has been in NC mode with her, respecting her husbands request for him to leave his wife alone. It's selfish of her to contact him! And while she is pretending to fix her marriage, her husband has no idea. Sorry that I am harsh, but you need a reality check Gotti. Cut exOM out of your life in every way possible. If you can't or won't, then separate from your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 for all of you that know my story in the past thread back in 2011! I'm 26 and was involved with a OM it didn't last long we probably saw each other 4 times in the year when the affair started! He broke contact with me last April of 2011 because he was sick of my husband sending him threatening texts so he just stopped contact completely I never attempted on contact him since then! Well I did something stupid back in December 2011 I called him at 4am after being intoxicated but he don't answer & I didn't leave a voicemail just left it like that he didn't call back! I found myself strangely thinking about him today & ended up googling him I found that he was teaching at a university until January then left for Argentina to finish his phd but apparently he will be back in September or so according to his professional profile he is 27! I know is been so long but If I saw him again I don't know what I would do the feelings where so strong when we where in the affair he told me he loved me many times! I know is not fair to my H that I'm still thinking about him & that the feelings are still there I was hoping for them to go away & I'm sure he moved on! I find myself wanting to send him a text once his back I still have his number an apparently is active I looked it up! Is anyone in the same boat why is this not going away I can't compare him to any man I had other man interested in me of course I rejeted them not because I'm married but I couldn't compare them to the xOM he was just too good for anyone! I really want this to go away am I crazy? I love my husband & have not betrayed him since the affair ended. I'm just lookin for closure I guess...... So the only reason you reject other men who hit on you is because they don't measure up to the OM, not because you're married. What the hell are you staying married for? Let your husband go find himself a decent faithful woman. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 I forgot to add the first 3 times we had sex he had a condom on & changed it several times! The last time we where together he wanted to take it off & finish inside but I refused and I said bsolutely not I believe that might have ticked him off he wanted to make out a lot as well but I kept pushing away! I was rushing to get out of his apartment the last time we where together and he was extremely irritated he said to me in a irritating voice leaving me again of course then the last word he said I would escort you downstairs but I'm in my underwear I said no need for that. Then he said text me when you get home I want to make sure you got home safe something my husband would forget to say just tough I'd add! Not quite sure how this aspect really adds to the whole thing.... What do you think about the questions I asked before? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 What are you doing to make yourself let go of exOM? It seems like you still are very much into him and if he were to call you directly and ask you to meet him, you'd go in a heartbeat without giving your husband and marriage any thought. The way you speak of him, it was like it just happened yesterday.. 8 months later and it's still on your mind way too much. Have you gone to marriage counseling with your husband? Gone on your own? I had other man interested in me of course I rejeted them not because I'm married but I couldn't compare them to the xOM he was just too good for anyone! How could you compare other men to your exOM when you are married? That makes no sense. And it also shows where your head is at, still very much into the exOM if you are thinking he is just too good for anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gotti25 Posted July 22, 2012 Author Share Posted July 22, 2012 the problem is with this I compare him to my husband they have similar interests maybe that's why is hard for me to let go! Even when my husband was threatening him he still continued seeing me & calling me after my husband yelled at him over the phone telling him he will find him and cut his dick off he insisted on seeing me! I never apologized to exOM after those threats basically after that whole thing happend he was more concerned about my pet that got sick! I don't know I tried councling solo but it hasn't helped much getting over OM! The worst thing is his apartment is super close to my apartment here in the city and I passed by it the other day hoping to run into him but this was before I found out he was studying in Argentina for the summer! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Gotti, you need to make a decision. Either fix your marriage and end EVERYTHING with OM, even thoughts of wanting him, comparing him to your H, any thoughts of continuing the A. And do counselling on your own and WITH your husband by using a marriage counsellor. Right now this isn't working and it's unfair to your husband who thinks that you are not into the OM anymore, he believes that you are done. You aren't. Far from it. Or, you separate / divorce from your husband and go to the OM. You can't have it both ways, in your head and in your life. It's messing you up. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 I never apologized to exOM after those threats basically after that whole thing happend he was more concerned about my pet that got sick! Why shoud you apologize to the exOM? Your husband had and STILL HAS every right to tell your exOM to F-off and leave you alone. If anything, you should apologize to your husband because he HAD to do that. Apologize to your husband for cheating on him, betraying him and actually mean it. Saying the words is nothing..Until you back it up with actions. Your actions show that if you had it your way again the A would be back on and you'd still be married and allow your husband to believe it was over, when in fact it wasn't. If you want change, DO something to change your life.. by either fixing your marriage or divorcing him. Doing what you're doing now is not working at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gotti25 Posted July 22, 2012 Author Share Posted July 22, 2012 Your completely right whichwayisup I need to start working on my marriage! One thing my husband told me he said he wishes I never told him about the affair! I sais that's just wrong to hide things & here I'm hiding more behind his back and afraid to tell him that I'm still not over OM! Maybe is better for me to move on I have one problem with this whole thing is that it just went to NC without any explanation or have a nice life there was no closure to it! Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 how 'bout apologizing to your husband for scr3wing another man. how 'bout apologizing to your husband for having to threaten this man. how 'bout apologizing to your husband for keeping in contact with this man. do i need to go any further? Link to post Share on other sites
hurting tonight Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 My xAP opoligized to me for an email. He felt bad for it. I thankef him for the opology. I think its helped us both knowing there's no bad feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gotti25 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 Thanks trinity but you know nothing about my marriage! the problem is he is coming back he has an office here in the city which I have never been too! Why can't he just stay in Argentina and not come back! The strangest thing is me & husband where having lunch and he mentioned to me how he wanted to relocate to Buenos Aires with his work in 3 years once he gets his US passport I couldn't believe it. This is what I mean similar interests between them! I dont know what to do I wish I never met xOM if it was just a sex fling why did he have to tell me he was in love with me everytime to get me to sleep with? i dont really think thata the case because the xOm told me he had a gf when he was with me and I know he was being honest so where was his gf at the time we where together! Everything is so confusing without any answers! Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Thanks trinity but you know nothing about my marriage! the problem is he is coming back he has an office here in the city which I have never been too! Why can't he just stay in Argentina and not come back! The strangest thing is me & husband where having lunch and he mentioned to me how he wanted to relocate to Buenos Aires with his work in 3 years once he gets his US passport I couldn't believe it. This is what I mean similar interests between them! I dont know what to do I wish I never met xOM if it was just a sex fling why did he have to tell me he was in love with me everytime to get me to sleep with? i dont really think thata the case because the xOm told me he had a gf when he was with me and I know he was being honest so where was his gf at the time we where together! Everything is so confusing without any answers! So what, you're the one who came on here, just as many of us have, and posted your issue. The fact is you're a cheater and whether we know about your marriage or not, I think we can see that you want your cake and you wanna eat it too and you want someone here to tell you it's okay to want to keep screwing your husband over and screwing your OM. Obviously, your H knows something is up or he wouldn't threaten your precious OM so he should just up and leave your butt where it sits. You obviously know nothing about your own marriage and are far more concerned with everything your OM is doing. End your M and go chase after mr perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gotti25 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 No need for that! I come here for advice not negativity! You should concentrate on your own marriage then giving any opinions.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 No need for that! I come here for advice not negativity! You should concentrate on your own marriage then giving any opinions.... What would positive advice look like to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gotti25 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 if your so interested look up whichwayisup advice to my thread Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 for all of you that know my story in the past thread back in 2011! I'm 26 and was involved with a OM it didn't last long we probably saw each other 4 times in the year when the affair started! He broke contact with me last April of 2011 because he was sick of my husband sending him threatening texts so he just stopped contact completely I never attempted on contact him since then! Well I did something stupid back in December 2011 I called him at 4am after being intoxicated but he don't answer & I didn't leave a voicemail just left it like that he didn't call back! I found myself strangely thinking about him today & ended up googling him I found that he was teaching at a university until January then left for Argentina to finish his phd but apparently he will be back in September or so according to his professional profile he is 27! I know is been so long but If I saw him again I don't know what I would do the feelings where so strong when we where in the affair he told me he loved me many times! I know is not fair to my H that I'm still thinking about him & that the feelings are still there I was hoping for them to go away & I'm sure he moved on! I find myself wanting to send him a text once his back I still have his number an apparently is active I looked it up! Is anyone in the same boat why is this not going away I can't compare him to any man I had other man interested in me of course I rejeted them not because I'm married but I couldn't compare them to the xOM he was just too good for anyone! I really want this to go away am I crazy? I love my husband & have not betrayed him since the affair ended. I'm just lookin for closure I guess...... Like any MW you want what you can't have or you don't want to have or you are too coward to have.. Plain fantasy, right? Did you talk about a future with xOM, did you picture yourself with him everyday ? I guess not. Why do you want his news? What do you expect ? To make sure he still loves you? What good will it make to you to get in contact with him? PS. read my signature, it applies to you. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 If you are not happy in your M, then leave it. If you wish to continue pursuing your OM, do so (but get a D first) I can safely say that you are laying the foundations for a miserable life and an even more miserable M. What ACTIONS can you take to improve your life now? Scratch that. First, which man do you love? If given a clean slate and the opportunity to have one man - who do you choose? Honestly, from what you write...you'd choose the OM. Yes? Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 (edited) i guess we should ALL post reply's that resemble whichwayisup's posts, then maybe we can all be happy campers. ugh. Edited July 25, 2012 by Artie Lang Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 no offense, WWIU. Link to post Share on other sites
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