How to cope

[spiderowl]

Hi Ross,

 

I'm sorry to hear what's happened. I can imagine it is putting you under a lot of extra stress. The fact that you are feeling so vulnerable on every front suggests that your medication isn't working. I'd recommend you go back to your GP and tell him/her what's happened (if you haven't already) and tell them how you are feeling. It could be that a different medication would help.

 

Feeling vulnerable like you do, does make one feel that everything is going to turn out bad, whereas the reality is it might also turn out well. If you can do a bit of mental trickery and remind yourself that each of those things in your list could just as easily turn out just the opposite (and think about how that would look so that you can envisage it), then hopefully you will be able to see on an intellectual level, if not actually feeling, that the way you are viewing things at the moment is biased by feeling. If I stub my toe and then someone tells me what a beautiful sunny day it is, I might not be able to concentrate on the beauty of the day because I'm overwhelmed and distracted by feeling bad. Anxiety can be like this - the bad feelings are there and then everything is interpreted in that light.

 

However, I know how hard it is to imagine good things when you are feeling like that. I do think the GP is the first stop, then appealing against the decision. Don't necessarily assume you'll win, but make sure to appeal because (a) the decision is unfair when you're ill; and (b) they need to know that people are appealing because it's unfair; and © you could win and that's worth trying.

 

Not all jobs are hateful and some employers are appreciative of their employees. You may find that however lowly the job initially, your value will be appreciated and you may progress there or into another job that you really enjoy. Contacts make a difference in employment and that would be a step forward. However, you need to be well enough to cope and so doc first.

 

As regards driving, tell them you haven't got a car and so would need a reliable public transport route. If you don't feel safe driving a car, then it may be best not to. I am not sure in what way you feel bullied - perhaps you could explain that because ordinarily people at bus stops do not bully others. Are you in a dodgy area?

 

Finally, please see your local disability organisation. In the UK, there is DIAL, and you can find your local group via this page: http://www.scope.org.uk/services/local-groups/dial-uk Severe anxiety can be disabling, hopefully only temporarily, so these groups would be able to advise you on what support you can get with your difficulties and with appealing. I think if people can work, they should make an effort to, but if they are not well, the emphasis should be on helping them to recover first and this is the kind of support you need at the moment.

[spiderowl]

Oh and I meant to say, the 'geeky' look with glasses is really in at the moment.

[robaday]

Im so sorry to hear about your suffering at the moment, and can empathise.

 

Five years ago, id had a breakup, a friend had died, had a drug addiction. And I procrastinated, and had all these hair brain ideas about how i was going to change my life. It culminated in me checking myself into a mental health facility because i thought i would kill myself.

 

Theres one thing thats helped me and im not sure if it will help you. its a change in your belief system. its basically this and its so hard to do: focus on things you can control and not on things you cant. its hard when everything seems to be falling down around you, but honestly i remind myself daily.

 

what can you control? your diet, your budget, your fitness, your time. i was severely unhealthy and unfit, so every morning would try and do press ups, it started with 2 that was the most i could do, then eventually i could do loads - these small victories are for you, not for anyone else. you cant control other people, you cant control the economy, you cant control major life events. but by focusing on you, and only you, all of a sudden the other things fall into place. you stop thinking about other people - and thats the key, by not worrying about other people, they start to notice you.

 

In terms of work and really chasing that dream that seems so far off. i can tell you that volunteering changed my life. there are charities out there that always need help, and i dont mean just caring roles, you can do work in any field you want, as a part timevolunteer, and just do other jobs in the interim. thats the way to get experience, meet new people, and become employable, it also raises your self esteem.

[Els]

 

Unlike Elswyth, I believe that MOST people are good and kind and just trying to make their own lives better, and there are a few jerks sprinkled in. You have to avoid the jerks.

 

I... don't recall saying anything that was the opposite of this.

[xxoo]

It's curious, but most people I know with rosy jobs have done plenty of ****ty ones. See, the thing with jobs is, they fill your days and get you out of your head and into the world, and the ****tier they are, generally the more they need doing. So get out there and get a ****ty job and hold your nose. You want to get to the top, expect to do a bit of climbing.

 

Or don't. It's your life.

 

 

Yes, Ross, nearly every successful person has held a **** job! I've had several, myself. I've literally cleaned up **** for a paycheck in the past

 

Don't be ashamed of working a **** job. An honest day's work is something to feel good about. Do your best, and stand out as a good, responsible worker. You'll move up faster that way.

[Eclypse]

I... don't recall saying anything that was the opposite of this.

 

I think she got our 2 names mixed up, I'm sure it happens.

[Els]

I think she got our 2 names mixed up, I'm sure it happens.

 

Darn 7-letter consonant-rich names starting with E's !

[Eclypse]

I think people are better being productive and working if they're able, but I absolutely abhor this practice of the government giving private contractors highly lucrative contracts to force people into jobs when they clearly aren't fit for work. It's creating a very rotten system, and it's one that I think should be fought tooth and nail rather than condoned with a "suck it up" approach.

 

Yep, the government and these people are the scummiest blood-sucking leeches in the world. Here in Australia our politicians got a nice pay rise recently. I guess $450,000 a year just isn't enough for Julia Gillard (Prime minister), I could tell just how poverty ridden she was

 

Look yes I do agree with you, it's a rotten system. But as I said in that French phrase: Le jeux sont faits, which means, "the die is cast" - essentially this is what has happened. Like it or not (I certainly don't) Ross needs to get a job in order to survive now. There is just no other way around it. That's a fact that just has to be accepted. At least in the short term, before he can figure out what to do next.

 

Ross also talked about all his hopes and aspirations. On government benefits you will never be able to achieve those. It's impossible to move forward. You can only move sideways or backwards. If he continues living as he does now he'll struggle to move above the poverty line or attract a woman or drive anything better than a 2002 Ford Focus for the rest of his life. Some people are happy living like this forever, but Ross never came across as that way to me.

 

Ross if you can somehow achieve autonomy you will be a winner in every sense of the word.

[Taramere]

Yep, the government and these people are the scummiest blood-sucking leeches in the world. Here in Australia our politicians got a nice pay rise recently. I guess $450,000 a year just isn't enough for Julia Gillard (Prime minister), I could tell just how poverty ridden she was

 

Look yes I do agree with you, it's a rotten system. But as I said in that French phrase: Le jeux sont faits, which means, "the die is cast" - essentially this is what has happened. Like it or not (I certainly don't) Ross needs to get a job in order to survive now. There is just no other way around it. That's a fact that just has to be accepted. At least in the short term, before he can figure out what to do next.

 

I understand what you're saying, but I live in the UK same as Ross does...and while our systems might be similar to yours, there are certain issues that might not be.

 

For a start, Ross will likely be sent on some Back to Work programme. Sounds sensible and productive, right? Except that the private company contracted to run this programme makes people go on "work trials" where essentially they're providing companies with free labour. That's what I would call very cynical profiteering off poverty, unemployment and desperation.

 

Ross will be sent along to a programme like that, they'll find out that he has depression (and will therefore be "hard to place") and so they'll ditch him as soon as he can, because he's not likely to make them money...even though somebody like Ross, who needs extra help, is ostensibly exactly the kind of person programmes like this were set up to help. Those programmes focus their efforts on the people most likely to get jobs fairly quickly...

 

Government's cheapskate approach will hurt the jobless | Society | The Guardian

 

The people employed by the private contractors tend to be from a sales background rather than being equipped to deal with people who have problems like Ross (and other long term sick) people have. The real scandal isn't that Ross is drawing £90 a week or whatever it is for being off sick. It's that the employees of these taxpayer funded Back to Work programmes are drawing £20 to £30k a year for accomplishing nothing of value other than to push people into unpaid work trials or jobs that they likely won't last five minutes in.

 

 

Ross also talked about all his hopes and aspirations. On government benefits you will never be able to achieve those.

Do you honestly think he will achieve those things by being shunted into some work trial that he won't get paid for, only to have them make an excuse as to why they don't want to employ him at the end of it?

 

If there was a service of real value, with people who had the skills to help somebody with Ross's problems (as opposed to salespeople who will just want him off their books asap) then I would be more in agreement with your comments.

 

Ross if you can somehow achieve autonomy you will be a winner in every sense of the word.

The guy needs skilled counselling for his anxiety and depression.

 

Just because there's a global recession going on right now and there's increased pressure to get people off benefits, it doesn't suddenly mean that the nature of mental illness has changed. It doesn't suddenly mean that a bit of pop psychology and sales talk are all it really takes to turn Ross from a social recluse into one of life's winners. I can understand you wanting to pep him up with positive thinking talk, but let's have a bit of realism here.

[josie54]

The guy needs skilled counselling for his anxiety and depression. Just because there's a global recession going on right now and there's increased pressure to get people off benefits, it doesn't suddenly mean that the nature of mental illness has changed. ... let's have a bit of realism here.

 

I also wanted to add that, in my previous post, I did not mean to minimize your issues with depression and anxiety, Ross. I tried to note that I was taking it into account, but I may not have done so strongly enough.

 

I was trying to respond to both parts of your question. You first asked, how do you cope with all this given your anxiety, so I suggested working out a plan with your therapist and taking it one step at a time. Perhaps it's simply to find a very part-time job at first, just a few hours a week, and work from there. If you fear your anxiety will get the better of you, focus on quiet spaces--perhaps helping in a library or museum, or working in a business that needs help after hours. If you're afraid of being bullied, look for a job that allows you to work without interacting too much with others--for instance, doing assembly line work or working in a park. You can narrow your search down to jobs that suit you best.

 

Your second question was, how do you deal with being "forced into a crappy job." To that one, I may have seemed unfeeling, like I wasn't taking into account your condition. However, I was trying to clarify that most first jobs are crappy, and that although you may feel "forced," it might you if you realized that the rest of us had to take those crappy jobs at some point as well. You should not feel singled out, or assume you'll be doing your first crappy job forever--that's your catastrophic thinking and anxiety talking. Do that crappy job well, and you'll be able to move into jobs you like better down the road.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I do realize how hard things are for you. For what it's worth, I was really just trying to honestly offer advice for how you might cope, if it does turn out that your benefits are stopped and you have to look for work. I don't want you to feel as if your only option is to let your anxiety engulf you.

[betterdeal]

Ross, I've found changing my diet has improved my state of mind. There's a fair bit of research that supports the idea that a healthy gut can lead to better mental health (and better physical health in other parts of the body).

 

Have a read of http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/337725-mental-health-confidence-contents-your-guts if you're interested. Small changes can make a noticeable difference.

[Ross MwcFan]

Ross, I've found changing my diet has improved my state of mind. There's a fair bit of research that supports the idea that a healthy gut can lead to better mental health (and better physical health in other parts of the body).

 

Have a read of http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/337725-mental-health-confidence-contents-your-guts if you're interested. Small changes can make a noticeable difference.

 

Hey man, I've read your OP in the topic, don't think I've clicked on the links yet though.

 

I too have heard about how diet may or can affect your mental health.

 

I did try changing it many months ago, I found it hard though, mainly because it's more expensive than a junk food diet and I couldn't really afford it.

 

Also, I'm put off the idea of eating fruit because of how acidy it is (there could be a danger of it erroding tooth enamel if eating it regulary), although maybe there are fruits out there that aren't that acidic.

 

I think my diet now, while not perfect is better than how it used to be, I don't eat anywhere near as much junk food as I used too. There's room for improvemnent, but, it's having to try and find out about foods that are benficial to mental health which wont cost me any more money.

[betterdeal]

Yoghurt is a good one. You can get a big pot of Onken for £1. That lasts me 5-7 days. Really helps settles my guts.

[Ross MwcFan]

Yoghurt is a good one. You can get a big pot of Onken for £1. That lasts me 5-7 days. Really helps settles my guts.

 

I'll give it a go.

[Ross MwcFan]

I got some Onken, cherry flavour, I can only see it lasting me a couple of days though. I will be eating yogurt often from now on.

 

Bought some nuts too, going to start eating nuts often and I've replaced sweets/candy with them.

 

I've been eating porridge regulary for the last couple of months.

 

And I usually eat curry a few times a week.

 

I know eating processed meats in white bread isn't good for you, but I've swapped processed ham for processed turkey, which I actually prefer anyway.

 

I have stopped eating things like burgers and onion rings and whatever, and I will be eating crisps and chocolate a lot less.

Edited July 29, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[betterdeal]

Good to hear, Ross. It takes time to get around to eating healthily, that's all. It's more an evolution than a revolution. I have about 4-5 tablespoons of Onken with a small handful of some fruit (raspberries and strawberries are cheap at the moment) for breakfast. I've had a lot less wind, churning, feeling bloated and hunger since starting doing so. How's it going for you?

 

Soon as you're ready you'll be eating green vegetables! If you have an Iceland / Aldi / Lidl near you you can get bags of frozen veg pretty cheap.

 

And turkey is nice!

[Ross MwcFan]

Good to hear, Ross. It takes time to get around to eating healthily, that's all. It's more an evolution than a revolution. I have about 4-5 tablespoons of Onken with a small handful of some fruit (raspberries and strawberries are cheap at the moment) for breakfast. I've had a lot less wind, churning, feeling bloated and hunger since starting doing so. How's it going for you?

 

Soon as you're ready you'll be eating green vegetables! If you have an Iceland / Aldi / Lidl near you you can get bags of frozen veg pretty cheap.

 

And turkey is nice!

 

I'm not sure how it's going yet as I've only just started. I've never had problems with my guts before, so I don't think I'll notice any difference in that department.

[Emilia]

Darn 7-letter consonant-rich names starting with E's !

 

I know! Vowels are the way to go!

[Emilia]

 

For a start, Ross will likely be sent on some Back to Work programme. Sounds sensible and productive, right? Except that the private company contracted to run this programme makes people go on "work trials" where essentially they're providing companies with free labour. That's what I would call very cynical profiteering off poverty, unemployment and desperation.

 

 

While I'm worried for Ross as well and I'm glad he is getting good advice, I just wanted to chime in to say this isn't just a 'back to work' issue, it's becoming general practice.

 

I company I currently work for (in the City in London) has started employing graduates for a specific type of sales job and they find out after a week whether they have passed or not.

 

If they have passed, they keep their job, if they haven't, they won't get paid for the week's work. Not even expenses.

 

It appears to be the way forward I'm afraid for the more vulnerable