collins3 Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Hello Everyone, I am new to this forum, and I'm not sure if I have posted my question in the right place, so bear with me. My situation is that I feel trapped in a complicated circumstances - I feel as though I am only living half a life. I am a black-British woman (50yrs old) living and working inAustria for 10 yrs. My then husband(white-British), son and I moved here for his job. We divorced in 2010 and now I would like tomove back to UK. I talked to my son(13yrs) about moving back, but he refuses, unless all three of us moves back tothe UK (we share 50/50 custody of our son). The problem is my ex-husband refuses to go back, and told me son theywould not see much of each other if my son were to move back without him (myson now believes this wholeheartedly, even though I have told him it's nottrue). His father says he is happy here and in a 2yr relationship with hisgirlfriend, he has bought a house and he says he has no intentions to everreturn to UK. One friend suggested that my son has made his choice andthat I should leave my son with his father, and move back to the UK and let himknow he is welcome anytime and for as long as he wants. I feel I could never leave my son and move backto UK without him, he is only 13yrs old. Perhaps when he is an adult at 18yrs old this will be a possibility, but until then, I feel a child needs theirmother. But at the same time, I feel as though I am not having a 'life' becauseof where I am. The racism in Austria is subtle but evident. There are notso many single eligible black men here for dating, and it is difficult to meet'local' sincere eligible men to date, and who would date a black woman. I am an attractive woman, but even so, I have been single for 7yrs, I feel so lonelyhere. I guess it doesn't help that I donot speak the language very well due to my working in an English speakingcompany and so all my friends, aquaintances and sociallising are mostly withother ex-pats and English speakers. The quality of life is good here, and I remind myself dailythat I am lucky to have a job, my health, and able to feed and clothe my childand myself - but what about emotional/spiritual happiness. There also needs tobe a good balance between monetary, emotional/spiritual and physicalhappiness. All I know is that for the last 3yrs I have been feelinglonely, sad, and sometimes a bit depressed - (but then I tell myself - who's tosay I will not feel sad and lonely if I moved back to the UK - but at least myfamily are there, and I am in my native country and speak the language). I hope I do not come across as selfish - I just feel thereshould be more to life than this. I amat a loss as to what to do. Has anyone had a similiar situation, what did you do? Link to post Share on other sites
worldover98 Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Hi UK sista You're in a tricky situation. But it seems your son may be preferring to be with dad and the culture of Austria. He seems to have adapted to the lifestyle there. I have a similar issue whereas I'm a black American male separated from a french woman in France. We have two children and I struggle with the language too. However, if I decided to move back, my ex would be willing too. In fact she would prefer to move back but I do not want to. It's for several reasons including quality of life here is not very expensive, there's her extended family too. I know the cost of living in the states is enormous to have a good quality of life. I told here the only possibility for us to move back is if she can secure a well paying job, which may not be easy now. I would say to bite the bullet, do like me and commit yourself to learning the language. In the short term it will make you feel less secluded. And nevermind no black guys to date, Austrian guys and German guys dig very much black women. But you may feel it's in fact not racism so much as it's your inner insecurities feeding bad thoughts in your head because your are different from the locals, and outsider. You're probably great to chat with as British women are so fun to be with. Hang up your hang ups.... Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Unfortunately for me, the whole rest of this planet is ass-backwards and I'm not getting off of it until I croak. I just have to work with what's available. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 collins3 what plans have you made for moving to the UK? home, job all that... is it an abstact notion or have you got a workable long-term plan? Link to post Share on other sites
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