Ghisop Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 I posted this on another forum but I think this is the more appropriate place. Me and this guy are really good friends. I was in a relationship that ended and we began to make out after drinking. Just friends having fun- his words. We have been doing this for a month and it's getting more intimate now. We had never had sex before because he said it changes things and made things more serious. We finally had sex and he told me he was glad we waited and it was worth it. And that he feels closer to me now. He also said he liked me and he felt closer to me So now I'm left wondering if the month ago conversation about us being just friends is still in play. I don't want to read to much into things. This is sticky because we do work together as well, which has always been a big no no for me. Any thoughts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
meanie_monday Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 I wish I had an answer, but I am in the exact same situation! I say, you just ask him. The last time I wasn't sure, I had to find the guts to ask, and it's how I ended up with my ex. But whatever you do, I wish you luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ghisop Posted July 22, 2012 Author Share Posted July 22, 2012 Ugggg doesn't this situation suck???!!! I'm scared to ask because I am notorious for rushing relationships - and we see that hasn't worked out well for me in the past! I keep getting mixed advise - ask don't ask and see what happens. But that route so far is making me crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 If its been a month you're not rushing if you want to see where you two are heading. Better to ask now than later; as a guy, I will know within a month of hooking up with a girl whether or not I want to date her. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Following on WordvAction's advice, what about the following: Are you two actually dating? Not just casually hanging out, but real, public dates?Does he make plans to see you and follow through on them?Does he show affection toward you -- more so than he would other women -- in public?Has he introduced you to any friends or family yet or invited you along on outings with them?Conversely: Do you end up alone together at either your place or his place more often than not?Does he call you when he has time, but never sets time aside in his schedule just for you?Is your time together focused mainly on making out or sex?When not making out/having sex, do you do things that don't involve much talking to each other, like watching movies?If you answered "yes" to more of the second set of questions than the first, then it's likely not moving toward a relationship. You might ask him about it, but if he's enjoying the sex, you may get a vague answer that doesn't really answer your question, and that wouldn't be a good sign either. Actions speak louder than words; ignore whatever he says about feeling close and take a hard look at the effort he makes to be with you. Does he act like he wants to spend most of his free time with you? Does he act like he's happy and proud to be with you? If it's been a month and he's not making an effort to move things forward, then he's probably in it for the fun (i.e. the sex). Usually if a man starts out with the "just friends having fun", that's all it ever is and all it ever will be. Link to post Share on other sites
meanie_monday Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Gah, NoMagicBullet! I pretty much answered yes to every single set of questions. Screw this crap! haha Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Sorry meanie_monday, I just read my sets of questions again, and I think I should rewrite some of those. Under the "Conversely" section: Instead of going out, are all your "dates" with you two alone at either his place or your place?Does he call only when it's convenient for him, and never at regular times? Is he too busy to talk when you call? Does he put off returning your calls? Instead of saying "I'll call you Thursday," and actually call on Thursday, does he he say "I'll try to call you Thursday," then make some excuse later why he didn't call when he said he would?Is your time together focused mainly on making out or sex versus getting to know each other outside of sexual activities?When not making out/having sex, do you mostly do things that don't involve much talking to each other, like watching movies? In other words, you're still not getting to know each other even when you aren't having sex?Even so, my list of questions won't provide a definitive answer to "Is this more than just FWB?" in every single case. People and situations are unique. Part of why I posted those questions is to get one thinking about the types of things they are doing with their partner and weigh if those things are building a real bond or keeping things casual and detached. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ghisop Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Well mine are a little of both sets of questions. It started like the hanging out at my place and all secretive - but it ha ls chaned. Mind you we work together and I don't want people at work to know anything unless it's serious. So already we spend everyday all day together. So there is a secret element because one of us would get transferred eventually. But he has taken to texting me every night and lots of affection when we are together. Hand holding / talking Some people tell me that I should let it ride because it seems like he is becoming my boyfriend so why push it. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts