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My mom is dying and I'm not ready for it

Feelin Frisky

By Feelin Frisky,
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cerridwen

cerridwen

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She had a close brush today. The day before yesterday they unexpectedly removed the breathing tube and she came back after a week of unconsciousness. We were all jubilant. Then today she almost flat-lined and had to be resuscitated. So the joy is gone. Everything that's been wrong with her seems to have all intensified at once. I'm still not prepared for this--I expected her to be around for at least another ten years. Please mom, get well.

 

I hoped the news would be better, Frisky.

 

Will continue to keep you and yours in my thoughts.

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writergal

writergal

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She had a close brush today. The day before yesterday they unexpectedly removed the breathing tube and she came back after a week of unconsciousness. We were all jubilant. Then today she almost flat-lined and had to be resuscitated. So the joy is gone. Everything that's been wrong with her seems to have all intensified at once. I'm still not prepared for this--I expected her to be around for at least another ten years. Please mom, get well.

 

My mom is in the hospital today too, Feelin Frisky, so I know what you must be going through. Just hang in there.

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mercy

mercy

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I'm so sorry. I hope you won't be offended by my praying for you and your mom. :)

 

Sending you a cyber hug. xxxxx :love:

 

Happy belated b'day to you, (*singing*) happy belated b'day to you, happy b'day happy b'day happy b'day to you!

Edited by mercy
wanted to add
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NoMagicBullet

NoMagicBullet

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I'm so sorry about your mom. :(

 

I'm hoping for the best for her, you, and all your family.

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Feelin Frisky

Feelin Frisky

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Thanks friends. Mom is despondent and keeps saying it's too hard to fight. She signed a DNR today. I hope prayer works. I agree if she winds up in a coma that we should let her go, but she has her wits. The doctor told us a transfusion may help so she will be getting some blood today or tomorrow. It would be great if it gives her the boost she needs. :(

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Mme. Chaucer

Mme. Chaucer

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My thoughts are with you, and I feel sad. It's very hard.

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KathyM

KathyM

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I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope there's something the doctors can do to help her. My father had a collapsed lung because of a bad respirtory infection, and had to have a breathing tube put in for awhile. They were able to reinflate his lung, and the breathing tube was eventually removed. Sometimes they put restraints on people's hands to prevent them from removing the tube. I know it's hard to see your parent in this helpless, uncomfortable position, with the possibility they won't make it through. I went through that with my father and my aunt whom I was very close to, as well as my husband just a year ago. I know it's difficult. You said there were things you wanted to say to her that you didn't get a chance to say? It's not too late to say them. Even if your mother is in a coma, I still believe that on some level they can hear you. They say that the hearing is often still there even when a person is in a coma and can't respond, so I would suggest talking to her at her bedside and telling her what you want her to hear, even though she shows no response.

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quankanne

quankanne

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I'm going to be the bad one by saying this, but you may want to reconsider things: She's going to fight "stay," simply because she doesn't want to disappoint the people she loves, even though her poor body can't keep up with living. And it's going to be harder on her emotionally than physically, because she loves you so much. If the prognosis isn't going to change (i.e., these measures won't give much relief, or for a long period of time), is it really in her best interest to ask her to fight when her body is ready to move to the next stage?

 

another thought: If she knows that you aren't getting in the way of the dying process, that peace of mind *could* mean that the healing process begins and she gets better for a while ~ I've seen that happen with my dad, who lived a good 8 months after his doctor predicted a quickly approaching death.

 

seriously think about what you're asking of her, and what you want for her ... immediately, yes, you want her to be healed completely, but if that's not an option, what next? You aren't being an unfaithful or unloving child, but looking to needs other than just her physical/medical ones.

 

it's a hard thing to consider, and I'm praying for all of you kids, as well as your mom, that whatever works out, it's a peaceful resolution.

 

hugs,

quank

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bentnotbroken

bentnotbroken

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She had a close brush today. The day before yesterday they unexpectedly removed the breathing tube and she came back after a week of unconsciousness. We were all jubilant. Then today she almost flat-lined and had to be resuscitated. So the joy is gone. Everything that's been wrong with her seems to have all intensified at once. I'm still not prepared for this--I expected her to be around for at least another ten years. Please mom, get well.

 

 

Frisky I am so sorry. :( I remember having the same thoughts. Prayers are being sent for you and your family.

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bentnotbroken

bentnotbroken

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My mom is in the hospital today too, Feelin Frisky, so I know what you must be going through. Just hang in there.

 

 

So sorry to hear about your mom as well. :(

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denise_xo

denise_xo

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Hey honey, only saw your thread now but as you know I'm thinking of both of you. :love: and warmth

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Feelin Frisky

Feelin Frisky

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When I saw her yesterday her first words were "it's too hard to fight". My mother has never been a quitter but she became despondent with all the pain and fear. My sister said she kept asking her to put a plastic bag over her head last night to just get it over with. Shame, ma. Then they gave her a transfusion. And wow, that seemed to help immensely. She seems much better although she has a bunch of things wrong where one attack of any of them will set off a domino effect again. I'm getting readier than I was when I started this thread because at least we've spoken. Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts and prayers. Jim

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scatterd

scatterd

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I am sorry to hear about your Mom Frisky

 

Kidney stones are painful and the stints are worse I feel for her. I have seen people come out of this sort of thing.

I hope your Mother does a Quick turn around.

My prayers are with you and your family.

Big Hugs

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TaraMaiden

TaraMaiden

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Hey FF, we don't always see eye to eye, but having gone through my father's decline and death, I can understand how distressed, helpless and saddened you must feel.

Please know you are in my thoughts, and I wish for all things to pass in the best possible way, and for the outcome to be peaceful and serene.

Sadly, it's the one inevitable thing that comes to us all, and unfortunately, you're right - we're never ready for it.

 

With much Metta to you and your family.

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scatterd

scatterd

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Frisky I have had two kidney stone operations in a year the first one I came up with pneumonia my lungs did not collapse nor what happened to your Mom but I can say what I went through made me weak and I felt like dying. I was back and forth to the hospital to get my fever down.When they take the stints out it is a relieve. Hopefully with antibiotics she can fight one after another I think they are trying to keep her comfortable while she is going through this. Our body's are so unpredictable she sure had a domino effect. Ask the Doctors what they think her chances are they can give you an idea. Talk to your Mom the sound of your children is comforting. try to keep everyone calm around her also.

Again I hope the best for you and your family.

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Mr Scorpio

Mr Scorpio

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First off, I'm very sorry to hear about the pain that you, your mother, and your siblings are facing. Death is something that we can rarely ever be "ready" for.

 

At the same time, I just wanted to note what a gift it is/will be for you to have your final words with your mother. Mine died of a sudden heart attack nine years ago at age forty-six. I never got to say goodbye. I don't even remember the last time I saw her or the last conversation we had.

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Feelin Frisky

Feelin Frisky

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Frisky I have had two kidney stone operations in a year the first one I came up with pneumonia my lungs did not collapse nor what happened to your Mom but I can say what I went through made me weak and I felt like dying. I was back and forth to the hospital to get my fever down.When they take the stints out it is a relieve. Hopefully with antibiotics she can fight one after another I think they are trying to keep her comfortable while she is going through this. Our body's are so unpredictable she sure had a domino effect. Ask the Doctors what they think her chances are they can give you an idea. Talk to your Mom the sound of your children is comforting. try to keep everyone calm around her also.

Again I hope the best for you and your family.

 

Hi, I had four kidney stone procedures myself since Oct 2011. Three were unsuccessful lithotripsies and one a stent implantation. I still have the stones in both kidneys and there has been no change except to poke the one that was making me bleed heavily into urine back into the kidney where it has been sitting. Thanks for your post and kind thoughts. I'm learning a lot the hard way about kidney stones though.

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Mme. Chaucer

Mme. Chaucer

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Hi Frisky. Is your Mom still hanging in there? Are you? XO

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Feelin Frisky

Feelin Frisky

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Excellent news all you lovely people whom have been my support through this tough time. After a transfusion my mother has rebounded and seems to be out of the woods for now. She's on a lot of meds that will stand in the way of any surgery to try to fix the hiatal hernia or the kidney stone so there's a chance still that she could have an attack and have the same inability to breathe--but it's been a couple of days now that the respirator has been removed and she had the feeding tube removed last night. So, I think she's going to be OK for a while and this will change things to get me and my 7 younger sibs and their kids more prepared to face that the rock of my family--my mom--will die sometime sooner than we've been ready for. It's an emotional thing to say in type or words. But anyway, it comes for us all and I appreciate every one of you for your support. Love Jim.

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