i dont know what to think

[susie]

OK her is the story i have been sleeping with this guy for about 7 months now! we never were actually dating we were just having casual sex. so one night i was at a club and found out that he had almost slept with another girl and i was about to kill her i was so mad but i really had no right to be mad so i quit talking to him for about two month and got over him. well just recently i went to his place and slept with him and we had done something we had never really done before. we actually talked after we had sex. we were talking and he was cuddling with me and he was being so sweet but i have these strong feelings for him now and i dont want to have them because i know i will just end up getting hurt. so should i just stay away from him and not sleep with him anymore or should i keep talking to him and sleeping with him and see if he ever feels the same way? i dont know what his feelings are for me but i am too afraid to ask for fear he will think it is the dumbest question ever.

[Mitch]

"i have these strong feelings for him now and i dont want to have them because i know i will just end up getting hurt"

 

"so should i just stay away from him and not sleep with him anymore or should i keep talking to him and sleeping with him and see if he ever feels the same way? i dont know what his feelings are for me but i am too afraid to ask for fear he will think it is the dumbest question ever."

 

Like most carefully posed problems, the solution usually lies in the question already. It's usually impossible to see as the poster because he or she (myself included) is too close to the problem.

 

If you want to "end up getting hurt", then stay with him. Heck, you know this even according to your post.

 

If you ask if he feels the same way, and he thinks it's the dumbest question ever, he has answered the question with a big resounding "No way."

 

This doesn't seem like a good situation. Throw this one back. There will always be others. There always have been right?

[Tony T]

A lady who has sex with a guy for seven months, casually, is going to develop some feelings for the guy. You say you were not dating him, just having casual sex...slam, bam, thank you mam. But you do describe having some pretty intense feelings for him. You would not have reacted the way you did when you found out about this other girl unless you really cared for him. If you didn't have feelings for him, you would have been totally indifferent.

 

First, let's talk about why you have casual sex at all. Obviously, from your post, you are terrified of being hurt. So you enjoy the physical aspects of sex and try your best, though unsuccessfully, not to have feelings for the person. You need to find out why you have this fear. Getting hurt is not pleasant. Nobody likes that. But love is a risk, a big one. If you think you're so hot that you can go through life without being hurt by love, you must think you're pretty hot stuff and you are way wrong too.

 

If you have feelings for this guy, you should let him know and see how he feels about you. You need to start being honest with yourself and with other people. If you can't be honest with yourself, you may as well crawl up and stay in a corner somewhere. Talk to him, tell him your feelings. If he rejects you, that's totally fine. It just happens. That's what it's all about. Finding someone who really loves us. But if he rejects you, stay away from him and do not continue to lie to yourself about your feelings.

 

From your post, it sounds like this guy has a greater interest in you. You may want to talk to some girlfriends about a strategy you can use here. You don't want to just throw yourself at him. You might just want to let him know you'd like to date him, do more than the sex thing. If he cares about you, he will want to take you to the movies, dinner, clubs, dancing, concerts, walks, etc. and do more than just screw. Wouldn't that be nice.

 

I hope you will resolve yourself to conducting future relationships in the traditional fashion. A booty call now and then is fine, but going through your life just having physical sex and nothing more will cause you to miss out totally on some of the most special and loving moments you will ever have. And continuing this casual sex thing with guys you have feelings for will drive you deeper and deeper into this fear thing...to the point where you will be incapable and psychologically frozen from having a healthy and customary romantic relationship with any man.

[Kelly]

Well it's obvious that you guys would feel comfortable sleeping together if you have been for a while, but it hasn't turned into anything yet has it? The other time he almost slept with another girl..I understand your jealousy, but you don't have a committment with him and I know you know that. I don't believe you should continue to sleep with him you must know that girl! If he really wanted more from you..don't you think he would let you know. But then again how can you know if you keep giving him what he wants (not saying you don't want it too) the dumbest question is going to be the question that's going to eat you up inside. If you want to know ask the guy..he's been sleeping with you so he owes you that much. If he doesn't know what to say or dances around it...please move the hell on. No point in waiting around and sleeping with him, for what, for him to say I love you afterwards..it's not going to happen. I don't care who you are (good or bad person)...as women we need to not give this stuff away for free, make him work for what YOU want, not give give give until he finds another f*** friend.