wonderinggirl Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Bear with me, this is a long one.... I recently went on vacation to South America alone. Hadn't been on vacation in 2 years, and hadn't fully recovered from a long a painful breakup. Throughout the trip I was hit on by various guys, locals and fellow tourists; however, I wasn't looking for romance, just relaxation. However, on the last stop of my trip, in a very remote jungle area, I met a local resident who was working as a tour guide (not my tour guide). I noticed his enthusiasm and intelligence and love of nature and his surroundings in how he dealt with his tour group. Later, he approached me and very shyly asked me if I would join him in the village for a beer. I said I didn't think so -- again, I wasn't looking for romance and after being pursued by so many aggressive latin men I had an instant "no" reflex built in. But he we ran in to each other later and I agreed to go for a walk with him. He was intelligent, sweet, thoughtful, and not at all aggressive. And after a while his attentions won me over, and eventually I slept with him. We had amazing sex, afterwards he asked if he could stay for a little while, he spent the whole night curled up beside me waking up occasionally to tell me how beautiful and amazing I was. In the morning when he left for work he told me he couldn't bear to leave me, and, to my surprise, that he loved me. When we met after work he told me he really meant that he loved me, even though it might make no sense to me since we had only just met, that he knew the moment he saw me I was special, that he "had always known was coming, he just didn't know when." For the remainder of my visit we spent our free time together. He was always afraid I wouldn't show up for our scheduled meetings, even though I always did. His said his feelings were growing even stronger, that he was feeling things he hadn't felt in years, that if he told me everything he felt for me I probably wouldn't believe him. As my departure grew nearer he seemed very concerned that I was going to forget about it him; that maybe I had someone at home, that once I got back to the big city the jungle would seem far away and I wouldn't think of him any more. I kept reassuring him I wouldn't forget him, even though I wasn't sure what that met. He asked if there was any way I could come back in a few months. I said I didn't know. His last words before we parted were "just hold me very tight." It was magical, and incredibly healing to have some one adore me so after my past heartache. And now that I am home I am thinking about him more than I ever thought I would. I like to think of myself as a good judge of character, and it all seemed very sincere, and our chemistry was undeniable. He loves where he lives and would never move away, certainly not to a big city, so a visa wasn't an issue. But now that I am back our communication has been very one sided -- he did send me an email as soon as I got back -- he has to travel 2 hours each way to get to a computer to do so -- but hasn't since. Although that is a 4 hour journey that is tough to schedule with his job. And evidently it is almost impossible to get an international line out on the cell phone he shares with the other guides (there are no phone lines in the area). And then he lost my number! Whenever I call him he says he has been thinking about me all the time, that he really wants me to come back. That he is afraid I have someone at home, or that if I come back it wouldn't be for him. When I ask him why he thinks that, he says, I don't know, maybe I just haven't had very good luck. But the lack of communication coming from his bothers me. I suppose our concept of time and communication is different -- jungle village versus hitech metropolis. He doesn't live in the world of constant calls and emails that I do. Once when I was there one of the other guides told me that my amor always chased all the tourist women; but when I asked him about that -- saying it would be okay as long as I was his favorite this week! -- he got very upset, said it was totally untrue. That the other guy only said it out of jealousy. But to risk generalizing, Don Juan was latino..... Would a man go to such lengths, faking emotions that don't exist, for a woman who has already slept with him? Seems like a lot of work..... in my culture I don't think it would happen. I want to believe that he is sincere, and I'd like to go back there. But I'm cautious to think I could be making a fool of myself or being played.... and in my culture there are a lot of players! Or should I just give myself over to the life experience and see where it takes me? Any thoughts or insights, anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Would a man go to such lengths, faking emotions that don't exist, for a woman who has already slept with him? Sure, if he wants to keep having sex with her for the rest of her trip. Or if he can convince her to come back and have sex with him some more. I want to believe that he is sincere, and I'd like to go back there. And then what? Realistically, how do you see this relationship working out? He's got a four hour trip to send you an e-mail, he can't call you, he doesn't want to move to the city, you don't want to move to the jungle. So where could this possibly go? I think it's fine to visit from time to time, have a fling, get your groove back or whatever, but I don't think you should expect any more than that. I also would not be surprised at all to hear that you aren't the first tourist he's done this with. Link to post Share on other sites
wonderinggirl Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Thanks a lot for taking the time to read my post and reply, Clia. I appreciate your input. For the record, I never presumed to think he hadn't had flings with tourists before, I just wonder if he puts so much effort into it every time! To play with emotional words like that on a consistent basis would leave one pretty hollow, and he seemed to be quite sensitive and alive, to the degree that he even seems afraid of being hurt, and that I worry that if I stop calling he might feel heartbroken. But it's true that it's hard to see the relationship going anywhere conventional. I have the sort of job where I can sort of go 3 months on, 3 months off, and I'm not the most conventional of people, so I have toyed with country-commuting a bit in my head. But that's a good example of getting ahead of things! Again, it was a long post, so thanks for slogging through it and offering a reality check. Link to post Share on other sites
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