inloveandconfused Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 After a failed marriage and with a small child in my life, I have finally found my soul-mate. He too had a bad marriage and after we talked for a years just as friends, we started to trust each other and share our life stories. He and I have been a couple for a year now and we love each other dearly. The problem is me. He has four children from his marriage which ended just before we got together. The last child was born a couple of weeks after his marriage ended and he has visitation with the kids every two weeks. His ex tried to keep him by telling him she was on the pill, but in reality she decided to get pregnant to trap him. It didn't work, but I have such a hard time dealing with the fact that he had another baby with her so soon into our relationship. I know that I wasn't in the picture when she became pregnant, but that doesn't help sooth my jealousy or help me cope with the baby. I love all of the kids and my child plays with them every time they come to see their father, but I am haunted by this baby and the fact that she is not mine. I feel like my opportunity was stolen from me by this woman who didn't love him in the first place! It truly depresses me sometimes and I need some advice as to how to cope with this. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 I don't get it. Why is this last child any different than the other three? You weren't in the picture when those children were conceived either. He didn't have a baby, his wife did. She played the old "I'll keep him by getting pregnant game." It usually works -- for ahile anyway. If he knew he was divorcing this woman, whatever was he doing having sex with her? You understand that this is your problem and that the problem is jealousy. You are half way there. Jealousy is an indication that you don't feel secure. One thing you need to do is change the way you are thinking. You use the word "soulmate." There is no such thing as a soulmate. This is romance novel stuff. Everyone calls their new love interest their soulmate anymore. It sounds so romantic and sugggests that this particular love is deeper, stronger and better than any other and that the relationship is destined to last forever. But it isn't so. It's a relationship between a man and a woman and it will require the same amount of effort to keep love alive as any other. Use of the word soulmate indicates to me that the user isn't being terribly realistic and has unreasonable expectations. You are now in a relationship where there are ex-wives, ex-husbands, and young children from previous marriages. It's the toughest kind of relationship to make work. If you are going to make it happen, you have to be very realistic in your expectations and you and your man are going to have to work together very hard to anticipate problems and take care of them before they actually become problems. You can't do this if you are wrapped up in your own jealousy. I think the key to getting over this is to concentrate on your relationship with your man and put all consideration of his relationship with his ex-wife out of your mind. That is all past and should have no bearing on what's going on right now. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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