sleepie Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 So this morning I received a voicemail from xMM. In all fairness, he did not know I instituted NC. Our last chat was a bitter one. And though we didn't officially end it, I figured there was nothing else to say. His tone was chatty and friendly. He mentioned his upcoming trip to the Bahamas, his work stuff, etc. I did not respond. (Normally I would've jumped on this within seconds.) Then just TWO hours later he emails and says "If you want to act like this, then this A is finished. Don't email or call me anymore." (I didn't respond again. Normally I would've jumped in that one, too. Either angrily or with platitudes about our R.) For all he knew, I was in a work meeting or something those two hours! My first thought: childish petulance My second thought: fishing to get a response from me (which is what normally would have happened) My third thought: he knows as well as I do that this A has run its course, and he wants it done as much as I do. We've done nothing but fight lately, and our "This is over" conversations and emails have been happening a ton. I lean toward the third one. Since I am firmly in NC and plan to stay there, I probably should not be analyzing this. Isn't analyzing it a sign that I haven't let go? Or maybe analyzing it is a way of working through it. I don't know... Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Hey sleepie, Cheers to you for maintaining the strength not to react. That's a good sign that you're getting stronger through NC and you've made up your mind. I can imagine how you might have felt down in the pit of your stomach though. I prefer to think that your working your way through it. LOL! Oh what does it mean?! It means he doesn't like that he may not be in control of this situation. Just my first thought. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 So this morning I received a voicemail from xMM. In all fairness, he did not know I instituted NC. Our last chat was a bitter one. And though we didn't officially end it, I figured there was nothing else to say. His tone was chatty and friendly. He mentioned his upcoming trip to the Bahamas, his work stuff, etc. I did not respond. (Normally I would've jumped on this within seconds.) Then just TWO hours later he emails and says "If you want to act like this, then this A is finished. Don't email or call me anymore." (I didn't respond again. Normally I would've jumped in that one, too. Either angrily or with platitudes about our R.) For all he knew, I was in a work meeting or something those two hours! My first thought: childish petulance My second thought: fishing to get a response from me (which is what normally would have happened) My third thought: he knows as well as I do that this A has run its course, and he wants it done as much as I do. We've done nothing but fight lately, and our "This is over" conversations and emails have been happening a ton. I lean toward the third one. Since I am firmly in NC and plan to stay there, I probably should not be analyzing this. Isn't analyzing it a sign that I haven't let go? Or maybe analyzing it is a way of working through it. I don't know... Analzing this is a sign you haven't let go. How can you be letting go if you are dissecting his every word and intention and thought? Letting go is deleting and blocking his email. Letting go is no longer caring if he even sent an email. Honestly, you won't let go for some time. Even if you did say "never contact me again" and then deleted him - you would worry all about IF he did. Which is little different from receiving the message and wondering WHAT it means. and WHY he sent it and why he has one smiley face and not two.... Look, let's make deal. You block and delete him. In 10 lousy days, if you must, re-add him. You're not going to forget his contact info in a mere 10 days. What YOU get is a first real psychological step. Deal?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sleepie Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 Hey sleepie, Cheers to you for maintaining the strength not to react. That's a good sign that you're getting stronger through NC and you've made up your mind. I can imagine how you might have felt down in the pit of your stomach though. I prefer to think that your working your way through it. LOL! Oh what does it mean?! It means he doesn't like that he may not be in control of this situation. Just my first thought. Thanks! Yep, I had a few weak moments today after I read his email. But overall, I feel strong and determined. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sleepie Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 Analzing this is a sign you haven't let go. How can you be letting go if you are dissecting his every word and intention and thought? Letting go is deleting and blocking his email. Letting go is no longer caring if he even sent an email. Honestly, you won't let go for some time. Even if you did say "never contact me again" and then deleted him - you would worry all about IF he did. Which is little different from receiving the message and wondering WHAT it means. and WHY he sent it and why he has one smiley face and not two.... Look, let's make deal. You block and delete him. In 10 lousy days, if you must, re-add him. You're not going to forget his contact info in a mere 10 days. What YOU get is a first real psychological step. Deal?? Ok, I laughed at the "one smiley face and not two." I don't go quite that far into analyzing (I hope), but I get what you're saying. I was laughing at myself. I like your deal. I think it may be pointless, as I don't expect to hear from him ever again. Like I said, I think he wanted the A over, too. And me going NC is probably a relief to him in a lot of ways. But yeah, you're right. I can't make the deal yet, but I'm working toward it. I think, in another week or so, I'll be ready to do it. Maybe for now I just need to prove to myself that I *can* resist the temptation to break NC, even if he contacts me or I'm feeling weak. Because the truth is, even if I block and delete him, he has other avenues of contacting me that I can't control. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I completely agree with skywriter. Even when we're accepting of a relationship ending we often want to be the one who does the ending of it. It's a control thing. You are best not to respond. I would suggest an auto-divert to a folder other than your inbox so you don't accidentally stumble across future emails (should there be any) when you don't expect it. Keep control of what you receive and when Link to post Share on other sites
Author sleepie Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 I completely agree with skywriter. Even when we're accepting of a relationship ending we often want to be the one who does the ending of it. It's a control thing. Yes, and maybe we got the best of both worlds here. He thinks he ended it with his email. And I think I ended it by instituting NC. So now that we both think we ended it, we can move on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Yes, and maybe we got the best of both worlds here. He thinks he ended it with his email. And I think I ended it by instituting NC. So now that we both think we ended it, we can move on. Sounds like an excellent plan!! Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Yes, and maybe we got the best of both worlds here. He thinks he ended it with his email. And I think I ended it by instituting NC. So now that we both think we ended it, we can move on. Likin' your style Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 My third thought: he knows as well as I do that this A has run its course, and he wants it done as much as I do. We've done nothing but fight lately, and our "This is over" conversations and emails have been happening a ton. I lean toward the third one. Since I am firmly in NC and plan to stay there, I probably should not be analyzing this. Isn't analyzing it a sign that I haven't let go? Or maybe analyzing it is a way of working through it. I don't know... Good for you for not replying back to any of his messages. And yes, he knows the A is over and was seeing what kind of control he had/has over you. Link to post Share on other sites
EmptyHeartGirl Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Good for you Sleepie! It takes a lot to not respond, believe me I know. Analyzing what he meant is normal, you can't turn your feelings off immediately, otherwise we wouldn;t all be on this site, however it speaks volumes that you didn't cave and respond. That is the most important thing and that is the first step in moving onward and upward. Stay the course! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sleepie Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 Yes, I'm afraid I've been an analyzer all my life. Not that I think every message has a hidden meaning or that there's always something between the lines to read. Sometimes a piece of s*** is a piece of s***, whether you spray it with perfume or not. You know? Though as I sit and think, I guess what some of you are saying is true. I'm analyzing because I'm not over this yet. I haven't quite put it behind me yet. No, I will not break NC. This is the only way to move on, I know. But I suppose the residual stuff is still hanging around a bit, as much as I want it to magically disappear. I long for the days when I think about this less, and everything passes, and this is nothing more than a horrible, wretched mistake that I never should have made. I'm getting there, moving closer, but it's taking longer than I wished. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 So this morning I received a voicemail from xMM. In all fairness, he did not know I instituted NC. Our last chat was a bitter one. And though we didn't officially end it, I figured there was nothing else to say. His tone was chatty and friendly. He mentioned his upcoming trip to the Bahamas, his work stuff, etc. I did not respond. (Normally I would've jumped on this within seconds.) Then just TWO hours later he emails and says "If you want to act like this, then this A is finished. Don't email or call me anymore." (I didn't respond again. Normally I would've jumped in that one, too. Either angrily or with platitudes about our R.) For all he knew, I was in a work meeting or something those two hours! My first thought: childish petulance My second thought: fishing to get a response from me (which is what normally would have happened) My third thought: he knows as well as I do that this A has run its course, and he wants it done as much as I do. We've done nothing but fight lately, and our "This is over" conversations and emails have been happening a ton. I lean toward the third one. Since I am firmly in NC and plan to stay there, I probably should not be analyzing this. Isn't analyzing it a sign that I haven't let go? Or maybe analyzing it is a way of working through it. I don't know... NC doesn't mean automatically letting go. If you could automatically let go, girll...there would be no need for NC or half the drama we go through You can analyze all you want during NC (well to a degree, as after a while it can just be you stewing in your own sauce of wanting this man and still making things about him). I'd respond frankly and tell him that the A is indeed over and you won't be contacting him again. I edited to add that your plan is better of moving on since you both think you ended it LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 sleepie I admire your resolve in not responding to his emails. I think there is a little bit of all three of the reasons you mentioned behind his contacting you. If you are only 10 days out then I don't think there is any way you can be expected to be over it or be able to fully let go yet. Just keep on working on it one day at a time and you will get there. Don't bother emailing him to tell him that the relationship is over. He will respond to that with questions and demands and then you will feel obligated to answer his questions and he will then want to talk about how you answered and before you know it you will no longer be in NC and all the progress you have made this far will be lost. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hermione08 Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I am in NC as well at the moment, but I had already tried last April but unfortunately I slipped and replied to his third e-mail asking, no, begging to know how I was. It was such a bad idea as it led to more misery for me. Nothing good ever comes of replying to these emails and they all come from the same place: a desire to resume the A like nothing ever happened. Now I come to think of it, the ego and the cheek of these people! Who do they think they are???? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts