Michelle Posted October 21, 2000 Share Posted October 21, 2000 I don't know what to do.Theres a guy that want's me to meet him from the net.He keeps saying i should trust him.It has nothing to do with trust.I don't feel safe going out and meeting him after all the things I hear about people conecting.But he says he wont do anything to hurt me.Besides I'm already in a relationship and told him that.But he keeps telling me he's lonely and needs me and says how much we got in common and keeps saying we should be together.Every time he brings this up, I feel like I should be with him cause it makes me feel bad that he's lonely.He really wants me to go down to meet him, but cosidering I don't know him in person,I know it isn't a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 21, 2000 Share Posted October 21, 2000 This guy's loneliness is not your problem, babe. You are in a relationship. Do you have any idea how many gals would love this guy who are on the net and desperately seeking love??? Assuming your relationship is satisfactory to you, tell this man you will not meet him...and do it assertively...and stop talking to him altogether. Why are you even doing this when you are in a relationship??? If you are not happy in your relationship, try to make it better for yourself or get out of it. Then you can put energy into finding someone you will be happy with. A guy who puts himself out to the world as being lonely and in need is pretty sick and may attract a lot of sympathy but he's not my idea of what a girl ought to be attracted to. You told him you are in a relationship and he keeps badgering you. To me, that puts him in a low class of scumbags who like to interfere with relationships and I think he's big trouble and worthless to boot. It's no wonder he's lonely. He has absolutely NO CLASS whatsoever. As far as meeting people from the net, a guy you meet in church, school, or at work can rape or murder you just as easily. When you meet someone for the first time from the net, do so in a public place...a cafe, a restaurant...someplace where lots of people are around. Take a cell phone with you if you have one and arrange for a friend to call you every 20 minutes and make the calls VERY brief. Or, better yet, have some friends sit a few tables down during your encounter. Use your intuition to decide if this person will be safe for subsequent meetings. If you do decide to see that person again, meet him a second time in public. Use your gut to decide the further course of the relationship. Get his address and phone number. Don't give him your phone number for several meetings. Your phone number can be traced and he can get your address from it. The chances of danger from any meeting are very very rare, but they are present. There are some pretty weird people out there. Now, back to your current situation. It doesn't sound good that you are really entertaining meeting this guy, whether it's because he's lonely and you like to be needed or whether you are interested in meeting someone else. Right now, concentrate on your own relationship. If it doesn't work out, find someone who wants to get to know you because he is passionately interested in you and NOT because you feel sorry for him or, as you say, "feel bad because he's lonely." Link to post Share on other sites
susie Posted October 21, 2000 Share Posted October 21, 2000 follow your first instinct!dont go meet him if you feel it is a bad idea. it usualy turns out to be true! obviously he has some emotional problems if he keeps telling you how lonely he is! I don't know what to do.Theres a guy that want's me to meet him from the net.He keeps saying i should trust him.It has nothing to do with trust.I don't feel safe going out and meeting him after all the things I hear about people conecting.But he says he wont do anything to hurt me.Besides I'm already in a relationship and told him that.But he keeps telling me he's lonely and needs me and says how much we got in common and keeps saying we should be together.Every time he brings this up, I feel like I should be with him cause it makes me feel bad that he's lonely.He really wants me to go down to meet him, but cosidering I don't know him in person,I know it isn't a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Paulie Posted October 21, 2000 Share Posted October 21, 2000 I whole-heartedly agree with Tony. Also, in addition to the points he made, I would ask you why you are still in a relationship with somebody who you're considering cheating on?? And why are you even putting yourself in a position where you would be flirting or even meeting other men under the context of romance. This is highly innapropriate behavior for someone in a relationship, and as soon as he made it clear to you that his intentions were more than exclusively platonic, you should've ceased all contact with him. My opinion, and my opinion only. Link to post Share on other sites
Mitch Posted October 21, 2000 Share Posted October 21, 2000 "He keeps saying i should trust him." This is a MEGA warning sign. People who are trustworthy don't need to say this. "But he says he wont do anything to hurt me." This is a much bigger warning sign than above. "Besides I'm already in a relationship and told him that.But he keeps telling me he's lonely and needs me and says how much we got in common and keeps saying we should be together." This is more confirmation that he's acting like a jerk. Really, this is confirmation for me that it's a bad idea regardless. Even without the stuff at the top. "but cosidering I don't know him in person,I know it isn't a good idea." HECK, you've answered your own question. And I couldn't agree with you more. It's the guilt that's the problem really, right? Well, cease contact with him. Let him know in an email and then break things off. Change your email if you need to, or block his address. But just get rid of this guy! Sounds like there might be some troubles with your current relationship as well because otherwise, why would you be contacting him? Unless it's the guilt AGAIN. That's what merits further attention, not him. Your current relationship, and where the guilt is coming from. Heck Michelle, what if I told you I'm lonely AND my toilet doesn't work? And here I am, answering your question and I'm still lonely and my toilet STILL WILL NOT FLUSH!! Would you be over with your plumbing tools?? [Neither of which is true BTW] ------------------- I'm 31 and I'm not a big fan of online dating at all. And not for the reasons most people would think. I've met probably a dozen women this way. Most meetings didn't go much past the first date, but one went for 2 years and then some. And we're still friends (chatted last night). In traditional dating, there is a vast amount of effort expended to find the right person. In online dating, there is even MORE effort expended for the same ideal outcome. And not a little more, a LOT more. Just meeting the person can take months. The person I went out with for years took 6 months to convince her to meet. And all that consisted of was giving her my phone number early on and waiting until she was comfortable enough to call or give me hers or meet in a public place. And it took a LONG time. It was worth it, but 6 months! Come on. -------------------------------------- Anyway, this guy = trouble. Run the other way. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelly Posted October 23, 2000 Share Posted October 23, 2000 Michelle, Have I got a story for you. I met some guy on the net in from another city. We talked for 4 mnths on the comp. Let's just say in a nutshell, I gave him my number. He called 3 times a day, wouldn't let me go off the phone, was really needy, tried to convince me we were made for eachother. After a while I started to believe it, brainwashing. He begged me to come to meet him, I had already seen his pic but being the type of person I am..I didn't feel I should. I said no and he threatened to come to my city and knock on my door. Honeslty girl, if you let this continue you will kick yourself in the ass just like I did, It even went as far as me "breaking up" with him b/c he though we had a realationship and would get mad if I told him I talked to a guy at the bar. Listen to yourself and don't let another person's beliefs come in the way of yours. I cut it off and made it clear that I wanted a relationship but not the way he was portraying it. It didn't feel right for me to go someone and meet this person. Do what your intuition tells you girl, I'm sure glad I did. Link to post Share on other sites
Mitch Posted October 25, 2000 Share Posted October 25, 2000 "Do what your intuition tells you girl, I'm sure glad I did." What Michelle said! And then, from the guy side, there was the "woman" I met up with who I couldn't be even mostly sure WAS a woman, even after hanging out for 120 minutes or so .. but .. well that's more of a guy horror story. (This was before pictures were in such widespread use but.) It's not worth the time and trouble when the real world is right in front of you. And this particular one is almost definitely a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
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