hearing_voices25 Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Hello all, I have come here seeking some advice on a LDR I have. I have been talking to a wonderful girl for the last 6 months online. She is from Canada and I am in the US. Though we have talked online and on the phone every single day for at least 5 months of that, we have only actually seen each other face to face for a total of 5 weeks. She has visited here twice and I have gone to visit her twice. The last time I went to see her I proposed. I realize some more time should have been spent together before proposing because of the short amount of time we had actually spent with each other. We had pretty much decided that I was going to move up to Canada and we would live there , because I would better be able to handle the separation from my family. She came down here and we were going to ride back together next week, but I have gotten very cold feet about the move and now I do not want to move. She is very upset by this as she does not want to move here and now she feels that I am breaking her heart and she doesn't know why I would do this to her. I have talked to her about us just keeping up the LDR for a while, but she is certain if she goes back home without me that we will never get married and well will break up. All of this has kind of conjured up feelings in me that maybe it would be best for us to wait as we have never spent more than two consecutive weeks together (only 5 total) and I am afraid once in a real relationship setting that our love may change as we start seeing each others annoying habits. I have been married before, but she has not.,This engagement has meant the world to her and she is horrified at the thought of it ending. I do not know what to do . I truly feel that she could not live here. She has been down here for two weeks and she cries daily because she misses home. I know that right now I have unresolved issues with moving (mainly leaving my kids from my previous marriage) so I cannot move to Canada. I think this may be over and I am scared that this will devastate her. She has emotional problems as well that come from clinical depression. I cannot see breaking her heart (as she sees I am doing because I am scared to give up my life here) Does anyone have any heartfelt suggestions they could give to me? Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Explain to her that although she will have seperation anxiety if she moves there, you have kids to think about as well. Your kids should be (am sure they are) #1 to you. If she can't understand that about your kids, then what kind of stepmom would she be anyway? I know you don't want to break her heart, but you don't want to break your children's heart as well. This should be the test, the test to see what kind of wife she will be. Will she be a selfish one? Will she be an understanding one? Also, you have been through a marriage and divorce before. You don't want that again either. Marriage is a HUGE STEP and she needs to realize that as well. Link to post Share on other sites
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