She's cheated and moving out. Wtf

[Chi townD]

Even though it really sucks now. You have to try and be positive about things even when you think you can. You have to remind yourself, "Welcome to the first day of my new life!"

[David84]

I'm on day 3 of NC.

I find it most difficult when I'm in the bedroom. Falling asleep last night and I couldn't help but think she is in honeymoon stages with her new guy Friday night. It's tough to wake up alone without her or the dog. I used to rub them both every morning for a few minutes before I got up. I have her blocked on my phone but I find myself constantly checking my emails or wanting to unblock my phone for her incase she realized she made a mistake. I want my comfort back but I know she really ****ed up. Who leaves a healthy relationship without warning? Who spends everyday with someone and seemingly can't get enough of them, moves in and then throws in the towel after 90 days? How can you just leave me for a kid 2 years younger than you and 5 years younger than me? He's a freaking drug dealer and you work in the government. I know there is still feelings for me in you. The passion isn't dead I could see it in the way you kissed and wanted me the times we saw each other alone do why? Did you get scared of the comfort and the caring and the love? Why am I hoping that my NC is going to wake you up out of this? Why am I spending so much time thinking about you when you have someone else right away to distract you. Why would you want me to hurt like this?

 

Times in bed are the worst...

Time to get up and out and on with my day.

Thanks for listening.

[David84]

UPDATE

 

So I'm currently on day 6 of NC. It's really hitting me that this isn't gigs and that she infanct made a decision to cheat on me and then follow through and continue a relationship. Looking back over the three months we were living together it was clear that our relationship had lost its spark. She has very little interest in being intimate. I did bring this up a few times and she said she was exhausted and shed make up for it the next day. It never happened thou. In those 3 monthes she never wore sexy underwear or tried to be intimate. She would let me have sex saturday morning but it was so dead and forced she never got aroused. She stopped oral sex claiming she didn't like it. It had always been rare anyways. I stopped feeling wanted and loved. I still did everything for her around the house. Took care of her dog. Rubbed her sore neck daily. Paid for dinners and food. Flowers every weekend. I stopped going out with her to her work functions and after baseball games drinking. I felt like I was getting tired of doing things for her and getting nothing in return. Now I feel like I'm fully responsible for her losing interest in me. I know it's not me thou. I'm a fit attractive loving guy and she chased me for years.

 

Reading cheating posts the night before her vacation her phone died. Cane home at 3am. Went directly into the bath with her phone. I should have saw it but it makes me sick thinking about what must have happened that night. I'm sure she had butterflies that whole week away. She had a parents dinner the upon her return that lasted later into the evening than normal. I now feel she was with him. She later in the week went to walk the dog with her friend and I had commented she was getting really done up for a dog walk and bite to eat. I was still trying to salvage the relationship and still hadn't been told of another man. I blame myself and feel used. I offered a romantic massage that night for 10pm. Had candles lit and waited... 1130 she came home blew out the candles and went for a bath. She wouldn't let me cuddle her that night. She claimed she had been on her period the last 2 weeks also and later that she had stopped her birth control. I feel this is suspect as well. Most likely due to unprotected sex and excuse to not be intimate.

 

I guess I'm just feeling like a huge shot to my ego. She left for a younger guy than both of us on her ball team. It happened right under my nose and I was begging for her to work on us not even knowing what was happening. She later confessed after 1 week to flirting while with me, dating days after she left, physical within that week, met her friends ect. I feel like I handled things with the intentions she would come back. I wish I had told someone close in her life what she really did to me.

 

Any help in dealing with how I'm feeling now?

It disgusts me I lost her the way I did yet a relationship needs two parties to work on things together. She never told me she was unhappy and I was tired of giving and giving. Should I have spent my Sunday's drinking with her ball team?... I dunno. I gave her everything else but.

 

When she left she said she wanted to start over. To start and get the feelings back. I said I couldn't. I know she loves me and is attracted. We couldn't keep our hands and emotions in check the last 2 times we saw each other. I've never seen her want me so badly. Yet she won't agree to just work on us and I haven't heard from her since no contact. She can still email me. I've left that open for her. Why am I waiting to hear from her and wondering if I should chase and show her we had love? It's mixed. With feelings of disgust hurt and anger.

 

Any suggestions on reading material related to my situation?

Edited July 31, 2012 by David84

[Exit]

No reason to chase her. Funny that she was only so passionate and "wanting you" once the relationship was ending. Keep moving on, she's an immature jerk. The second you start to pursue her to change her mind it gives off the impression that you were in the wrong. From that point on once you hand over your power you are screwed. Frankly it's good that you're already accepting this is not GIGS because GIGS is a phrase that was created by various people here on the forums and EVERYONE now wants to believe their ex is just in a temporary state of confusion and they'll be back. It's not GIGS, it's a breakup and that's all that matters.

[Chi townD]

I'm gonna get on my high horse about traveling. Grab a buddy of yours and take a trip somewhere this weekend. Go somewhere and do something different, get out of normal surroundings and get out of your comfort zone.

 

Doesn't have to be far, go camping over the weekend, go to a neighboring city and catch a ball game and visit the pubs afterwards.

 

Just give yourself a break and get out of that apartment for a couple of days.

[David84]

Thanks for posting again. Chi.

I've truly handled this breakup in the most mature and responsible way I feel that could. I've been staying as active as possible and out of the condo as best I've ever done. I have plans lined up daily a few days in advance. It has been a little easier each day NC. Its still just hard to accept I wasn't good enough for her. Really has ****ed up my head in trying to understand why or what I could have done to stop it or if was just a ticking time bomb. I've been talking to a few new girls but there is no feelings or excitement in the least but I need to fill a hole that was companionship and having someone care. We had 3 weeks vacations planned finally! Our schedules took a break and we had vacations planned. Really sucks we didn't get to that time to respark things.

[David84]

Soit's been 7 days no contact. I've deleted EVERYTHING. BLOCKED EVERYTHING. Not my first break up and I intend to do it like a champ this time. I haven't heard from her since she moved out. Telling me she loved me ect. Insta blocked and deleted, friends family, Facebook, twitter, all phone numbers.

 

I've been working out. Tanning. Lost 10 pnds. Getting used to being alone. Reconnected with all my old friends. Picked up soccer again and started playing golf. Talking to a couple girls but not seeing anyone yet. It's been a month in total since she cheated or at least realized her feelings.

 

I've been up and down but tonight I finally thought. I'm looking forward to my busy day tomorrow, I'm super sore and feel healthy from all my exercise and soccer today. I started thinking about my ex. I'm happy for her. It's ****ty what happened but can you blame someone if they are unhappy and by fate someone enters there life and she sees it as her chance to meet the possible love of her life. It's not right but I can see how. Maybe I should have seen the signs. I knew things were dying and I rolled back on the throttle. She put in minimal effort herself and thats all i saw and never directly gave me any indications of how she felt. I communicated that i didnt feel the spark. I was always trying to be more intimate and she was less and less into it. Not being aroused or do any work. It was frustrating. Then she would say things to people and put me down. Just little things but things i asked her to stop. Childhood nicknames that bothered me. She made it a point to tell everyone aboutbthem. I had asked 3 times seriously for it to stop. Looking back I can see her slowly stop loving me. But can I blame myself for not wanting to keep trying 100%. I needed something coming my way in return. She meets this guy and he's completely the opposite of me. Younger. Funner. Plays baseball on her team. I'm sure in better shape like a young kid. Has a dog like her. Has money from selling pot. She likes her pot. Just one drunk night turned into fireworks and she left. Tried to do it gracefully. Without completely crushing me. Was still clearly torn in the moments but her mind was made up. She couldn't wait to see him and date him. It was instant.

 

It has given me the kick start I needed. She wasn't the right person for me. I saw her flaws as much as she saw mine. We grew apart I just never thought she would leave. I didn't even think about it. I took it for granted. But now I realise that I became a man with nothing to offer. I got comfortable. Sure I paid. I rubbed her. I loved her and was there for her. But we stopped really loving each other. There was no passion or lust. Im just as guilty as her.

 

As I went on twitter for the first time since all this. I never use it. I saw her and two of her old friends. I deleted them. That would have been everything. Ex never tweeted but her one friend is religious about it. I don't know why I clicked.

Pictures of the 3 girls, 1 my ex at the pool. Meh bikini shots. No biggie. But in between the posts of pool and drink pics pops up this quote:

 

"people cheat and lie because it is easier to get forgiveness than to get permission" with the context of her "so true".

 

Clearly my ex had just told her old friend of the break up. This was the last ****ing thing to delete. I had inflicted ZERO pain to myself. Her friend had most likely no clue that I was even on her twitter. Or my ex even aware she had posted that. I don't think it's a mind ****.

 

This is a set back. It hurts for so many reasons. It hurts because she is happy and her friends support her happiness, as they should. It hurts because she is pain free!

 

For the first time I want to break no contact. I want to tell her that I saw that and that it's the most ****ing hurtful thing to read after being so civil and caring.

That you cheated and lied your way out. As I waited hoping you come back as quick as you left. You sat yesterday enjoying margarittas with your gfs in the pool gloating about your decisions to hurt someone you told you loved.

 

Blah what a ****ing rant!

I'm 28. I have things I want in life.

Thanks for wasting my ****ing times with your bull**** games. Thanks for the slightest heads up that you weren't feeling it enough to cheat and lie and start up something to fall right into. Your heartless and I hope one day the pain I feel catches up to you and makes you hurt the way I have hurt.

 

Thanks.

Edited August 2, 2012 by David84

[David84]

So,

 

My app on my phone that blocks numbers and texts unknowingly ran over its week trial. Day 8 of NC and I get a text from her "Miss You :(" It came right as I was thinking about her. Made my heart stop because I didn't recognize her number since it was deleted and had no idea my block had expired. She texted me at her normal time waking up in the morning. I missed those texts so much.

 

I don't know what to say, I'm going to at least wait a couple days. I'm sure it's just a breadcrumb and it means nothing. She will know I received her message this time because she wouldn't have received an automated text back saying she was blocked so the lines of communication are open for a bit.

 

I dunno

[Chi townD]

Dude, breadcrumbs. Don't fall back on this! Remember her response to that quote on twitter where she responded, "SO TRUE" She seemed to celebrate the fact that she cut you to the core for her own personal gratification. Having a laugh at your pain. And after all that, do you really believe that her "miss you :(" is sincere? Don't buy it. She shown her true colors.