"Discovery" Process in Divorce?

[M30USA]

I am 6 months into separation after the courst ruled on temporary orders. Now my wife sent my lawyer a butt-load of documents they want me to give them. Everything from bank/financial statements, to phone records, whether I had sexual contact with any other women, and even if a non-relative stayed at my house!?

 

Is this normal!? I don't know what the hell she is trying to find out but she's picking at straws. Anyone else gone through this?

[StrangeBehaviors]

It's about money. It's always about money.

[M30USA]

It's about money. It's always about money.

 

I ain't got a lot. I think she's just trying to grab ANYTHING to give her an edge with regard to the custody of our children.

 

But do all divorces have the "discovery" process?

[StrangeBehaviors]

I honestly don't know.

 

I think most cases have a Discovery process where any and everything can be requested. Then ALL information must be shared between both parties.

 

So, your attorney and her attorney must have all of the same evidence for the process.

 

Trust me, they'll look for any way possible to take from you. Money or custody.

 

The phone records or anybody staying over is trying to infer infidelity. I say infer because you may have done nothing and they have no proof. But they can bring up this friend of hers that stayed over 2 years ago and a phone call where you called her and told her where to pick up the pizza that you, her, and your wife were having while watching Survivor or some other B.S. That can get wormed around into you trying to have an affair. It's not right, but it happens.

 

If you make a good amount and have assets? They'll go for that and full/majority custody with the reasoning that she needs the funds because she has majority custody.

 

If you don't make a good amount or have assets, they'll still go for full/majority custody saying that you can't afford to keep them.

 

On and on. Round and round. And the lawyers take money that could be going to your kids.

 

Divorces are a mess.

[The Tallest One]

I'm still waiting for my divorce to go through. It's messy, ugly and I hate everything about lawyers and family law here in Canada!

 

Cover your butt my friend!

[tojaz]

I ain't got a lot. I think she's just trying to grab ANYTHING to give her an edge with regard to the custody of our children.

 

But do all divorces have the "discovery" process?

 

They all have a discovery process of some sort. Mine was solely about money and property. She wrote down what she thought should be hers and i wrote down what I thought should be mine. They will look at bills, bank accounts, retirement, all that good stuff is standard.

 

The other stuff, family staying over etc. is a new one on me but there were no kids or mandatory separation in mine. Just signed the dotted line and poof she was just a sad memory.

 

TOJAZ

[bentnotbroken]

Discovery for me told me there was an internet business (that made money) that I was unaware of. There were bank accounts and credit cards that I was unaware of. And *drum roll please* hidden assets and an insurance policy with him as the beneficiary. I loved discovery. :laugh:

[worldgonewrong]

The Discovery process is normal. It's just about comparing financial statements/records, keeping it all above-aboard.

And yes, on some level, it involves ulterior motives by the other party.

 

I went through this hoop already. I complied, went through the pain of assembling all this info. My wife? She has yet to reciprocate even though it was mandated.

I have to nudge my lawyer about that.

[carhill]

Blizzard theory was a part of Plan B if exW went sideways. Bury them in paper. In a blizzard individual snowflakes are hard to find. The legal costs of this were rolled into the assessment for offering a more 'peaceful' route to resolution. It could be simple and amicable, or it could be global thermonuclear war. I was fine with both. That's the key. Caring less.

 

OP, you have choices. If the gal/guy with a robe and/or a gun tells you to give something up, do that. Otherwise, do what you want, guided by competent counsel. Your adversary can expect the same treatment and level of care. That's how it goes. Don't short-change yourself. Good luck.

[M30USA]

Blizzard theory was a part of Plan B if exW went sideways. Bury them in paper. In a blizzard individual snowflakes are hard to find. The legal costs of this were rolled into the assessment for offering a more 'peaceful' route to resolution. It could be simple and amicable, or it could be global thermonuclear war. I was fine with both. That's the key. Caring less.

 

OP, you have choices. If the gal/guy with a robe and/or a gun tells you to give something up, do that. Otherwise, do what you want, guided by competent counsel. Your adversary can expect the same treatment and level of care. That's how it goes. Don't short-change yourself. Good luck.

 

So you just gave them billions of papers and drowned them with unimportant crap?

[M30USA]

The Discovery process is normal. It's just about comparing financial statements/records, keeping it all above-aboard.

And yes, on some level, it involves ulterior motives by the other party.

 

I went through this hoop already. I complied, went through the pain of assembling all this info. My wife? She has yet to reciprocate even though it was mandated.

I have to nudge my lawyer about that.

 

How can she just not do the same? I would drill it in until she has to be bothered with hours of paperwork just like you,

[carhill]

So you just gave them billions of papers and drowned them with unimportant crap?

That was one legal strategy we looked at as part of PlanB. I was also advised of the risks and benefits of various levels of response authenticity.

 

FTR, my exW and I settled amicably through mediation. My preparedness to go to the mat was part of why the amicable path was successful. Knowledge is power.

[beenburned]

Discovery is just a process to show all assets, debts, and bank accounts. So that all can be divided fairly.

 

In the cases where this process shows fraud(lying) by the other party, it is then necessary for the lawyer to supena items directly from the source.(company, bank, etc.)

 

We live in a fault state, and my D filed on the grounds of adultery.She had to provide proof of all this and proof of all marital money spent on both OW.(As she is entitled to half of it all back)

 

After d-day when she kicked him out of her house, he withdrew all of his 401K and pension in a large lump sum. By the time a year had passed by, he had spent ALL of it! She was entitled to half of this, as it was an asset of the marriage. He will have to repay her before the divorce is over.

 

Sounds like your wife is grasping at straws trying to get more than she is legally entitled to. It is common for the person that got dumped to try and get revenge.

[M30USA]

In my case there is no clear dumper. She was removed from house but she is technically unwilling to change or apologize so she is equally a dumper.

 

Her being aggressive in the divorce is just an extension of who she is (and her family). She is referred to as a "fighter". Need I say more?

[2sure]

She and her attorney will ASK for the sky, the moon, and the stars.

Asking means nothing.

Im pretty sure the financial disclosure is always required - she gets yours and you get hers.

 

The phone records and questionnaire regarding house guests...I wouldnt give anything like that up whether or not I had anything to hide. And its doubtful the courts will require you to comply.

 

Infidelity doesnt mean squat im most states - if you are in one that it does matter, just ask your attorney in what WAY it matters - because that is state to state as well.

 

The custody issue is what you are both concerned with and she will try to make your life style, your parenting ability, and your home seem unfit for the children.

For that matter you may do the same to her.

 

Be careful with that though - in my state, Ive seen the courts do some really unexpected things regarding child custody when it becomes obvious that the 2 parents are not able to communicate at all.

[M30USA]

You can refuse to supply non-financial documents?

[wow04]

Where I live I had to give all documents they asked for or they could file contempt of court charges on me. Do you have a lawyer? I know some stuff they were asking for was crazy and my lawyer talked to his lawyer and I didn't have to give them.

[carhill]

You can refuse to supply non-financial documents?

You can refuse to do anything. Competent counsel will advise you of the risks and benefits of any legal or illegal decision. That's why they earn the big bucks. It's all about strategy. No one wins in divorce but there's certainly no indignity in losing less.

 

I recall one MW whose husband cooked her up for nearly five years. It was easy to authenticate since the case summaries here are public record and accessible online. I LOL'ed at all the motions and sanctions and bla, bla, bla. She ended up on welfare. While I think what he did was wrong, it underscores what someone can do when they're determined. When we last had contact, she was still attempting to collect on a judgment which was five years old on a divorce that was begun ten years prior. One anecdote.

[Forever Learning]

You can refuse to do anything. Competent counsel will advise you of the risks and benefits of any legal or illegal decision. That's why they earn the big bucks. It's all about strategy. No one wins in divorce but there's certainly no indignity in losing less.

 

I recall one MW whose husband cooked her up for nearly five years. It was easy to authenticate since the case summaries here are public record and accessible online. I LOL'ed at all the motions and sanctions and bla, bla, bla. She ended up on welfare. While I think what he did was wrong, it underscores what someone can do when they're determined. When we last had contact, she was still attempting to collect on a judgment which was five years old on a divorce that was begun ten years prior. One anecdote.

 

Holy smokes that is such a nightmare scenario!! Just amazing.

[2sure]

I found it really very satisfying when, during discovery, we asked my ex straight out for things he thought I had no idea existed. We already had the records of course, but when he said they did not exist and then we produced them....the screw turned.

[M30USA]

I found it really very satisfying when, during discovery, we asked my ex straight out for things he thought I had no idea existed. We already had the records of course, but when he said they did not exist and then we produced them....the screw turned.

 

Yeah, well, perjury doesn't matter in family court. My wife has already perjured herself and it's proveable. Perjury doesn't matter anymore. It's a free-for-all now.

[carhill]

When it comes down to it, IMO all that matters in the end is retaining one's sanity and collecting on/paying the judgment. As with any judgment, entering it is one thing but collecting on it is a completely separate matter. In the example I provided, even with a proviso for the prevailing party being entitled to legal fees of collection (smart move by MW, IMO, and dumb one for H, in general), the H gambled that his impoverished exW would not be able to retain legal counsel willing to pursue collection of both the judgment and fees, essentially working on contingency. If the turnip gives no blood, no one gets a meal.

 

Free-for-all is a good description, though sad, IMO....

[beenburned]

M30USA,

 

It does matter if fraud/perjury can be proven in court!

 

During my D's court appearance, she proved her H received,and spent all of his 401K and pension. She also proved he had not paid child support during their separation! She also produced cancelled checks where he was giving his OW money during this time.

 

The judge was mad! He ordered him to immediately pay child support and alimony, or get thrown in jail. He also ordered him to temporarily pay $1500.00 of her lawyer fees since he is the one that would not compromise on anything, and failed to produce the discovery papers!

 

She will be getting lots more before this divorce is finalized! He bought each OW a car, one a timeshare beach condo, both lots of jewelry, gifts, and entertainment/dinners. He always used his debit card to pay, which on the bank statement shows the locations of all these transactions!

[worldgonewrong]

Be careful with that though - in my state, Ive seen the courts do some really unexpected things regarding child custody when it becomes obvious that the 2 parents are not able to communicate at all.

 

Such as?

I'm genuinely curious.

[worldgonewrong]

How can she just not do the same? I would drill it in until she has to be bothered with hours of paperwork just like you,

 

Oh she can stall and delay, but ultimately it reflects badly on her lawyer.

When we had a scheduling hearing, our lawyer went before the Master (wife and i were not in the room with them), and the Master embarrassed her lawyer about his lack of paperwork.