USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 So...a couple months ago I met a girl on a plane, and we got along great and chatted for the entire flight. We exchanged numbers and emails. Initially, she was very aggressive and constantly texted and emailed me. Due to the distance, I wasn't really interested in anything with her. After a couple weeks of light casual conversation, she brought up the question of us dating...I straight up told her I wasn't interested, was never interested at any point, and probably will never be interested...so we kept emailing here and there for the next month or so...she focused on hardcore online dating and I played the role of friend... So now she's flying out to CA to hang out with me this weekend...and funny thing is, she's also meeting a dude she met from OLD who lives in CA...and part of me kinda wishes she'd just hang out with him the whole time so I don't have to drive out to LA or get a hotel... I would offer that the friend-zone is not gender specific...but do any of you guys actually have women actively in your "friend-zone"...? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 There is no way she is flying to California to visit a guy she met on a plane and hasn't seen since that she thinks she's just friends with. No way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 EDIT: And to the women, would you ever do something like this, that is, fly out for a weekend to hang out with a guy who doesn't want to date you...? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 EDIT: And to the women, would you ever do something like this, that is, fly out for a weekend to hang out with a guy who doesn't want to date you...? Absolutely not. Never, ever, ever. The only way I'd ever do this is if he'd led me on to believe he was interested in dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Absolutely not. Never, ever, ever. The only way I'd ever do this is if he'd led me on to believe he was interested in dating. I pretty much have to agree with Star here Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 So now she's flying out to CA to hang out with me this weekend...and funny thing is, she's also meeting a dude she met from OLD who lives in CA...and part of me kinda wishes she'd just hang out with him the whole time so I don't have to drive out to LA or get a hotel... Don't get used Hokie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 I pretty much have to agree with Star here Yea, I would too. However, this is definitely not the case here. On multiple occasions, I have made it clear that I have no interest in dating her. Our conversations nowadays entail her telling me about all her failed dates, and occasionally I'll put on my LS hat and give her the scoop. And I'll usually mope to her about my own apathy and indifference to dating based from my insecurity. There are no sexually suggestive words exchanged and nothing remotely related to us dating each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Don't get used Hokie. Well, she keeps telling me how her goal is to wingwoman for me so that I'll be properly occupied while she's on her date with random OLD guy... Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Yea, I would too. However, this is definitely not the case here. On multiple occasions, I have made it clear that I have no interest in dating her. Our conversations nowadays entail her telling me about all her failed dates, and occasionally I'll put on my LS hat and give her the scoop. And I'll usually mope to her about my own apathy and indifference to dating based from my insecurity. There are no sexually suggestive words exchanged and nothing remotely related to us dating each other. In that case, she is either crazy or has a hidden agenda of her own (which is not wanting to date you). Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Repeat after me ' thanks but no thanks'. I know you're insecure but is it really hard or you to say no? Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Repeat after me ' thanks but no thanks'. I know you're insecure but is it really hard or you to say no? I don't know how insecurity factors into this...but was it necessarily wrong for me to tell her sure, let's hang out? If she lived down the street, would it have been different? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I don't know how insecurity factors into this...but was it necessarily wrong for me to tell her sure, let's hang out? If she lived down the street, would it have been different? But the fact remains you don't live down the street. How does a hypothetical actually help you in this case? you're actually having doubts aboit meeting this girl. Isn't that sufficient for you to take a raincheck? Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 But the fact remains you don't live down the street. How does a hypothetical actually help you in this case? you're actually having doubts aboit meeting this girl. Isn't that sufficient for you to take a raincheck? Oh, well, it's not that I have doubts...of course I'd like to go out for a change, but part of me also would rather just be lazy and let the other guy take her out. But I just found it weird that someone would actually do this...is it possible to have truly platonic opposite gender friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 It's only truly possible if neither is 100% not interested in anything more. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Basically, this is what you do in these situations: Girl: Let's hang out this weekend! You: OK, but just to be clear again, I see as only as friends. If you are down with that then let's do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Basically, this is what you do in these situations: Girl: Let's hang out this weekend! You: OK, but just to be clear again, I see as only as friends. If you are down with that then let's do it. Yes, that is exactly what was stated. I even told her I wanted to meet the dude she was going to meet, just to see what kinds of guys she's always complaining to me about. I think he's more freaked out by the situation than either of us are... Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Yes, that is exactly what was stated. I even told her I wanted to meet the dude she was going to meet, just to see what kinds of guys she's always complaining to me about. I think he's more freaked out by the situation than either of us are... In that case, you are not leading her on. If she still hopes for something, it's not your problem. She could be flying in mostly because of that guy and just meeting you as well because it's convenient. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 She could be flying in mostly because of that guy and just meeting you as well because it's convenient. I hope that's the case...though she made it abundantly clear to me that he was third wheel in the arrangement and that she was meeting him because she was going to be in the area...I kept offering to leave her with him on Saturday night so I could just come home and not pay for another night, but the whole stranger danger thing came up, so I may just be sitting in the hotel room watching HBO... Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I hope that's the case...though she made it abundantly clear to me that he was third wheel in the arrangement and that she was meeting him because she was going to be in the area...I kept offering to leave her with him on Saturday night so I could just come home and not pay for another night, but the whole stranger danger thing came up, so I may just be sitting in the hotel room watching HBO... Haha then that's just weird. I do hang out with male friends that I know want more out of loneliness. I make it very clear that I have no romantic interest and they seem fine with it. I sort of sense that they are hoping for more but I trust people to know themselves and pull away if they are getting hurt. It's not *my* responsibility to make decisions for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 If she insists on hanging out just as friends then she can come out to you. The rest of her trip there she is on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 If she insists on hanging out just as friends then she can come out to you. The rest of her trip there she is on her own. It's like me coming out to see you and CE, and you insisting that I go to your place instead of meeting you in Indiana... Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 It's like me coming out to see you and CE, and you insisting that I go to your place instead of meeting you in Indiana... there is no need to go to Indiana because you can watch the grass grow and paint dry here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 there is no need to go to Indiana because you can watch the grass grow and paint dry here. But what if you wanted to go to Indiana anyway and hated your grass...? Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 How far does she live? Is this a long trip for her? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 But what if you wanted to go to Indiana anyway and hated your grass...? IF I ever did want to go then I would. Link to post Share on other sites
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