Sheppy99 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Sooooo, I think I figured out finally what happened to me and why a relationship got so serious so fast and why it also ended so fast as well. I was the dreaded rebound guy. Makes sense now which is why I was introduced to the family so soon and why I was rushed so fast. To be honest this realization has made me feel a lot better as it has given me the closure I needed. My question is this but before I ask, I wanna let everyone know I'm sticking to NC with my main #1 goal moving on for good and forgetting her. But If as the rebound person, you were extremely amazing to the ex..... does that ex ever realize later on what they could of had with you and come back? Obviously this would take some time as in waiting for the other relationship to ultimately fail for good before said ex would come crawling back. Does the rebound girl/guy ever get any love down the road? I remember personally falling for one of my rebound girls but it was only after I put her through emotional hell when I was younger and she didn't want me anymore afterwards. This situation was a lot cleaner though. Any experiences of being the rebound person and having the ex come back to you and missing you? Link to post Share on other sites
princess_e Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 It always depends, its very hard to say since everyones different. Do you have hope that your ex will come back for you? Thats gotta be a lingering daily experience! personally it hasnt happened to me Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 From what I understand the rebound guy is "fake love" love that she transfered from her ex to the new guy. Who knows tho I was a rebound 2 times. First girl went back to her ex for about a week and then dumped him for good and we had a 6 year relationship. Second one she went back to her ex for one day. I think she just wanted to know she could have him back and then dumped him and ended up with me for 6 years. I had lunch with that second one a couple weeks ago and she has been with a rebound guy for a while now. She says she doesn't even know why she is with him. She can't stand the guy(so she says) I think you have to find out something tho. I think with women(and a lot of men too) there is always that one guy in their lives that they just can't get over. The one that years down the road just thinking of him can bring tears to her eyes. You have to find out if your girl went back to "that guy" for her. If she did then I don't think you have a chance. Unless he dumps her again. But do you really wanna win by default? When having her means knowing that she is longing for another man? When she sleeps with you she is thinking about him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheppy99 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 It always depends, its very hard to say since everyones different. Do you have hope that your ex will come back for you? Thats gotta be a lingering daily experience! personally it hasnt happened to me I did have hope until I realized I was the rebound. Which makes total sense and why she was rushing us along so quickly and out of no where ended it. I treated her amazingly so part of me hopes she realizes what she lost and comes back but I don't even know if I'd take her back anyways so I think most of my hope is just validation for my own ego which I shouldn't need anyways. I care for her a lot but it isn't worth going through her mine field of demons. She needs to get herself right first before I'd ever consider dating her again. The good news I guess is I treated her amazingly and I left the relationship with dignity and poise. I didn't throw a temper tantrum or hissy fit. I sent her a nice text message the next day saying my piece and that was that. Day 3 of NC and I am starting to feel a bit better finally. Link to post Share on other sites
Xestenz Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Wow! The original post here was so enlightening. I just went through a tough break up after a really fun six month relationship that I now see had all the hallmarks of a rebound, just as yours: moved fast, intense intimacy, met family and kids too soon, a lot of talk and complaints about her ex husband, and then a sudden end right when things got more 'serious'. Reading your post and recognizing the similarities and doing more research on rebounds has answered many many of the questions about 'why' she left and did what she did. This has been a huge relief to me! 6 weeks of NC now and feeling really good again. Thank you loveshack! This place is amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 If as the rebound person, you were extremely amazing to the ex..... does that ex ever realize later on what they could of had with you and come back? yes. this happened to me. and i will spare you the details but basically a few months later when she came back, i had moved on and no longer wanted her in my life like that.. i felt she wouldn't change and i didn't want to stick around to find out later that she may go back to old ways a leopard doesn't change its spots Link to post Share on other sites
Push_Through_It Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 I treated her amazingly so part of me hopes she realizes what she lost and comes back but I don't even know if I'd take her back anyways so I think most of my hope is just validation for my own ego which I shouldn't need anyways. I know exactly what you mean Shep, I am going through this same thing. Things were great and then they just stopped like somebody popped a balloon. I've accepted her decision to return to the ex even though I obviously feel it was the wrong one....but part of me wants to make sure that she knows what she passed on. The part about her coming back isn't driven by love and a burning desire to spend your life together, it is just your hope to regain the power that way you can be the one to decide if things can pick up again. It's purely ego driven as you said and I think the best thing is for us to show the world what she passed on, even if she never realizes it herself. Use it as motivation to life a happy and successful life. We still have the power, even if it's tough to see it sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearcher22 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Wow! The original post here was so enlightening. I just went through a tough break up after a really fun six month relationship that I now see had all the hallmarks of a rebound, just as yours: moved fast, intense intimacy, met family and kids too soon, a lot of talk and complaints about her ex husband, and then a sudden end right when things got more 'serious'. Reading your post and recognizing the similarities and doing more research on rebounds has answered many many of the questions about 'why' she left and did what she did. This has been a huge relief to me! 6 weeks of NC now and feeling really good again. Thank you loveshack! This place is amazing. Yeah man. Me and you both. Its crazy how similar all the rebound stories are. All the traits of the girls actions are the same. My ex moved so fast and i didnt mind it because i lkked her immensely. She was very infactuated with me and i loved it lol. Compared me to her ex a few times here and there. Very intense sex. Insane. Still pissed at her for it. But not very sad anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Jamesblame Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 I think I'm mid rebound. I'm in a relationship with a great girl. Both of us just left a relationship and then BAM spent all the time in the world together. It was very intimate and intense. Then it both kind of hit us that we dove head first into this thing, and are now going much slower. It just feels really nice to have the intimacy of your old ltr, and it's really attractive to transfer over that commitment. Of course, I think we're lucky enough to really enjoy each other's company and genuinely respect each other as people. I hope it works out, but it's definitely a crap shoot at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenAnna Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 What causes rebounds to fail? Missing the ex or actually moving on and realize the person that you used as your rebound doesn't really match up to your standards? Link to post Share on other sites
Xestenz Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 From what I understand, and in my own experience, the rebound relationship fails because the rebounder is never really 'in it' to begin with. In other words, because their heart and emotions are with someone else, despite what they might say and do, they were never really available. This is exactly why these relationships can be so devastating to the person who is 'used' by the rebounder. They can be the best person in the world, do everything right, provide support, shelter, intimacy, engage in great sex, etc. But it just doesn't matter! And the used person is left to ask 'what did I do wrong?' or 'what is wrong with me?' It sucks, and I will be honest with myself about the signs early on in my next relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Sooooo, I think I figured out finally what happened to me and why a relationship got so serious so fast and why it also ended so fast as well. I was the dreaded rebound guy. Makes sense now which is why I was introduced to the family so soon and why I was rushed so fast. To be honest this realization has made me feel a lot better as it has given me the closure I needed. My question is this but before I ask, I wanna let everyone know I'm sticking to NC with my main #1 goal moving on for good and forgetting her. But If as the rebound person, you were extremely amazing to the ex..... does that ex ever realize later on what they could of had with you and come back? Obviously this would take some time as in waiting for the other relationship to ultimately fail for good before said ex would come crawling back. Does the rebound girl/guy ever get any love down the road? I remember personally falling for one of my rebound girls but it was only after I put her through emotional hell when I was younger and she didn't want me anymore afterwards. This situation was a lot cleaner though. Any experiences of being the rebound person and having the ex come back to you and missing you? I re-connected with an old friend of mine from many..many years ago about 2 years ago (we were both 42 yrs.old) She was a month or so out of a relationship (yeah red flag I ignored) and we hit it off and dated 1 year. Several times she mentioned she still had feelings for her ex. (he walked out on her) yeah I know another red flag. We both felt so comfortable hooking up because we already knew each other and had GREAT times together talking about the "old days" etc. I treated her very well and she told me that she loved me...that I was amazing and I did all the right things that he (the ex.) didn't do. She also assured me then reassured me many many times that she would NEVER go back to him....that I made her sooooo happy. Well out of the blue one year ago this month she dumped me for him....she said it was something she just had to do!!! We talked a few times after that then I went strict No Contact never ever expecting to hear from her again. 6 months later she sends me several emails saying how so sorry she was for hurting me..that she regrets it...that I was so good to her and she thinks about me every day blah blah blah but nothing about wanting to "try it again" I know now all she was doing was dumping the guilt she had been carrying around with her and I haven't heard from her again and I'm ok with that now!! Bottom line is that even though she loved me she wasn't IN LOVE with me...she was still IN LOVE with her ex. I don't know if they are still together (2nd maybe 3rd time they have broken up) and I don't care!! Link to post Share on other sites
Breck Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 From what I understand, and in my own experience, the rebound relationship fails because the rebounder is never really 'in it' to begin with. In other words, because their heart and emotions are with someone else, despite what they might say and do, they were never really available. This is exactly why these relationships can be so devastating to the person who is 'used' by the rebounder. They can be the best person in the world, do everything right, provide support, shelter, intimacy, engage in great sex, etc. But it just doesn't matter! And the used person is left to ask 'what did I do wrong?' or 'what is wrong with me?' It sucks, and I will be honest with myself about the signs early on in my next relationships. I agree completely with this comment. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearcher22 Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 I keep reading about rebound relationships and the signs and it just pisses me off that someone could do this to another person, completely disregarding the reboundee's feelings...man...f**k my ex. I still miss her though 1 Link to post Share on other sites
manormachine Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 I keep reading about rebound relationships and the signs and it just pisses me off that someone could do this to another person, completely disregarding the reboundee's feelings...man...f**k my ex. I still miss her though This is why I hate the advice people give about just finding another girl right after a break-up, whether it's just a fling or a relationship. You're just using the person and should be upfront about that with them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
steveblack Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 Sheppy hope you recovering well. As for me, all of my rebounds I did not give. I knew they were a rebound and never got emotionally attached to them, cause I was still dwelling over my ex. -- I hope you are not really thinking of this at all: If as the rebound person, you were extremely amazing to the ex..... does that ex ever realize later on what they could of had with you and come back? Obviously this would take some time as in waiting for the other relationship to ultimately fail for good before said ex would come crawling back. Rebound, getting cheated on, 'i need space', etc.. whatever, it doesn't matter. She might come back, she might not. Remember, you have 00000 control over what is going on. All you can control is yourself and your mind. Try to move on! Link to post Share on other sites
witmadskilllz Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 Welp, this isn't really advice per se but from my experience, my ex hit it off with another man within a week after our break up. They hit it off pretty well and are still going as of now(year and half). It just depends on the girl, some might just fall in love quickly and forget about the past. Link to post Share on other sites
coolonyourisland Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 my situation is a little weird. had a intense wonderful 3.5 month relationship with a man who was the most attentive loving guy I have ever dated. It was serious but not like ridiculous serious. he was not saying I love you just saying the things leading up to that. He did meet my friends and family as he pushed for that and did talk about moving close to me. We talked constantly all day every day. We were super close and had an amazing connection in every sense. suddenly had epiphany that he wasn't over his 1.5 year ex and ended it. I was devastated and went into no contact mode with him. He went into therapy for months never contacted ex and contacted me 4 months later. I was not convinced he was over her though based on things he said so I sent him on his merry way for another month. He contacted me again 5 months after break up I agreed to see him and we dated for 1 month. Initially, first 2 weeks he was super excited and acting just as he had first time around but I wanted to take it slow and as I was still crazy about him, expressed my fears that he would hurt me again. At that point, even though he was still contacting me all the time and wanting to see me all the time, when he was with me, I could feel he was not totally present and even worse he seemed like he was getting annoyed at me over dumb things... like he was trying to keep me at a distance, push me away. It was obvious to me that he still wasn't over the ex despite not going back to her or contacting her and still not ready. VERY very sad I just couldn't bear to watch as it was so different from first time we dated so I ended it. I could still see him struggling. I know that he was so frustrated too. He could not go back to that relationship (he broke up with her for a dealbreaker reason) yet he was stuck and could not move forward either. Still upset over this. So yeah sometimes they come back but it just sets you back again Link to post Share on other sites
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