Why'd she give me her number?

[haribogumsnickers]

At work, I notice this new temp who's really attractive and I decide to approach her informally rather the formal way of "Hi, I'm so and so...followed by either asking her name or asking how she's doing. So then I say, "Hey, the boss just informed me to relieve you from work and you're good to go home with pay...everything's all good." I'm bad at ice breakers but this was my first natural approach. Just as I expected, she laughed only after recognizing my lame sarcasm of an attempt at humor. Laughing along or laughed at my lameness? Idk. Now, because she's a temp, she's only working at my office for a few days. After my ice breaker, I follow up and converse with her on multiple occasions throughout the first day. I'm a goofball so I humor her into laughter and I see she's gaining interest. After work, we walk and talk together into the parking lot. We small talk for a bit and I walk her to her car. She asks me if I'm working the next day and I say that I am. We both bye each other off and go home. Day two arrives. I'm late for work and after I arrive my co-workers tell me that she asked for me. Day rolls by, and I stop over to talk to her...normal small talk, you know not too personal but personal enough to see this potentially developing into something outside work. Now, I find out that she's working a half day which wasn't too surprising because after all she's a temp but that was way too soon. At this point, I've got work to finish and so I step up my game and decide to ask for her number. Being the goofball I am, I approach her and say, "Hey, it's nice that you're working a half day but it's too soon to see you go. I was wondering if I could get your autograph for keepsake?" I held a memo pad and pen in hand. At first she asked, "Why my autograph?", and then I replied, "I meant to ask for your number but somehow autograph got in the mix". She laughed perhaps at my lameness but proceeded to write her number down...with her name on it! Haha. I'm overly analyzing this as you can see.

 

Next, I strategically planned to take my lunch at the time she was leaving. I see her gearing up to leave and I shoot her a text: "Leaving? Noooooo." She replies: "See Ya!" So then being the idiot that I am, I test the waters and text back: "No hug"? She replies: "Hurry up".

 

She's walking to her car and I run after her and catch up to help carry her belongings and etc. We talk a bit and I placed her stuff in the trunk. She then hugged me and said bye. I then asked if I can call her later that day and she said yeah. So, I'm excited now but that fades as I return to slave away at work.

 

After work, I decided to call her on the drive home. It's ringing....then voicemail. I don't leave a VM but I texted: "Hey, I called just to see what's up with you. I'm finally off and driving home now. Bye." Now, I'm expecting (as I shouldn't) a call back but rather she texts me way later that evening in response to my text, this: "Haha. Okay, bye". Yes!

 

At this point, I thought of waiting a few days to follow up with either a call or text. Next day arrives, and I just went with it ignored the whole system of waiting a few days for a follow up. So I texted her a short and simple, "Hey, what's goin on?" The response= radio silence.

 

I thank everyone way in advance for reading this far. I'm assuming there's no interest left and maybe I'm being too impatient. I could wait a few days and hit her back up but I'm skeptical about showing to be too available, desperate, needy,..because I'm fast on the replying back on texts/calls. If not fast then courteous enough to say that I'll get back to you later. This happens very frequently to me. I'm able to break the ice and get the number, but that's where it ends. I just feel like she felt it was courteous to give me her number because perhaps I was nice and funny; instead of just staying she wasn't interested or lying that she's in a relationship, or just saying NO. As mentioned earlier, I could WAIT a week or so and hit her up again. But, why wait for someone who's not that into me, right? Idk.

 

I gladly welcome all comments/input.

[WordvAction]

You pushed too hard mate

[NYC-BigKat]

You pushed too hard mate

 

Um...no. I think the OP didn't push hard enough for her. If it was me I just ask girls out real fast. I get rejected alot yea but I cant help trying .

[haribogumsnickers]

You pushed too hard mate

 

You're right but sometimes you can't help but to push. Lesson learned too frequently for me.

[haribogumsnickers]

Um...no. I think the OP didn't push hard enough for her. If it was me I just ask girls out real fast. I get rejected alot yea but I cant help trying .

 

I tend to take rejection too personal. Something fixable but I'm stubborn.

[NoMagicBullet]

...

Next, I strategically planned to take my lunch at the time she was leaving. I see her gearing up to leave and I shoot her a text: "Leaving? Noooooo." She replies: "See Ya!" So then being the idiot that I am, I test the waters and text back: "No hug"? She replies: "Hurry up".

 

She's walking to her car and I run after her and catch up to help carry her belongings and etc. We talk a bit and I placed her stuff in the trunk. She then hugged me and said bye. I then asked if I can call her later that day and she said yeah. So, I'm excited now but that fades as I return to slave away at work.

 

After work, I decided to call her on the drive home. It's ringing....then voicemail. I don't leave a VM but I texted: "Hey, I called just to see what's up with you. I'm finally off and driving home now. Bye." Now, I'm expecting (as I shouldn't) a call back but rather she texts me way later that evening in response to my text, this: "Haha. Okay, bye". Yes!

 

At this point, I thought of waiting a few days to follow up with either a call or text. Next day arrives, and I just went with it ignored the whole system of waiting a few days for a follow up. So I texted her a short and simple, "Hey, what's goin on?" The response= radio silence.

 

I thank everyone way in advance for reading this far. I'm assuming there's no interest left and maybe I'm being too impatient. I could wait a few days and hit her back up but I'm skeptical about showing to be too available, desperate, needy,..because I'm fast on the replying back on texts/calls. If not fast then courteous enough to say that I'll get back to you later. This happens very frequently to me. I'm able to break the ice and get the number, but that's where it ends. I just feel like she felt it was courteous to give me her number because perhaps I was nice and funny; instead of just staying she wasn't interested or lying that she's in a relationship, or just saying NO. As mentioned earlier, I could WAIT a week or so and hit her up again. But, why wait for someone who's not that into me, right? Idk.

 

I gladly welcome all comments/input.

 

You were nice and funny, so she responded in kind, but she wasn't interested. See how she replied to your other responses -- she's ending the conversation. That's why you got nothing when you asked "what's going on?" You weren't getting the hints.

 

Asking for a hug seems a bit much here -- after all, this was someone you didn't really know, even if she was leaving. I don't think she should have gone along with it, but she probably wanted to leave her assignment in a way that no one could say anything bad about her. Temps get evaluated by the clients they're assigned to, so I suspect she agreed to the hug, lest you have the boss's ear and could say bad things about her. For that matter, can you be sure she wasn't just being friendly versus interested? She's under pressure to get along well with a bunch of people she doesn't know for a short amount of time; her future work assignments depend on it.

 

I'm not sure why she gave you her number in the first place. Maybe it would have been awkward of she didn't. Then again, she probably wasn't expecting you to contact her while she was still there. It would have been better and less awkward if you'd just taken her number and let her finish her job, then contact her a day or two after she left. I think you came on too strong for a work environment.

 

But it's pretty clear she's not interested, so don't contact her further.

[haribogumsnickers]

But it's pretty clear she's not interested, so don't contact her further.

 

Too late, I text her a few days later saying: "I put you on spot by asking for your number. Saying no is easier than you think."

 

Yes, I did..ha. Oh well.

 

Why do you have to be so right about my petty encounter with rejection? One's thing for sure, if you were the chick, then I wouldn't be posting here about why you haven't responded.

[NoMagicBullet]

I may not be THE chick, but being a chick, I like to think I'd have been less ambiguous about it. You wouldn't have gotten a hug from me, though. Unless I really dug you, and then we'd probably still be in touch and have a date this weekend.

 

But the good thing about this is that you tried! As a woman, I find it far more frustrating when men seem to be checking me out or seem to be interested, but never ask for a number or take any sort of action. Unless a guy is hitting on me in a seriously weird or tacky way (like PUA crap), I still appreciate a direct gesture of asking for a phone number or to go out sometime, even if I'm not interested.

 

So do keep trying. Maybe tone it down a little for the office, but do keep trying!

[Eddie Edirol]

"Hey, the boss just informed me to relieve you from work and you're good to go home with pay...everything's all good." I'm bad at ice breakers but this was my first natural approach. Just as I expected, she laughed only after recognizing my lame sarcasm of an attempt at humor. Laughing along or laughed at my lameness? Idk.

 

If youre going to have no confidence when you do ice breakers, make sure you walk away like you just told the best opener ever. Dont wait for her to laugh, it shows her you dont need her approval.

 

I'm a goofball so I humor her into laughter and I see she's gaining interest.

You dont realize this, but she isnt gaining interest just because she laughs at your jokes. If she starts asking a few questions about you, THEN she is gaining interest.

After work, we walk and talk together into the parking lot. We small talk for a bit and I walk her to her car. She asks me if I'm working the next day and I say that I am.

Youre walking her to her car on the first day? For what? You just showed her that you are desperate and will do anything to kiss her ass. She now knows you are too easy and her challenge and interest is over, while yours gets harder. She knows she dosnt have to try with you, and no one wants anything they dont see a challenge in. She doesnt need to know anything else about you because most guys she meet do this, and she goes back to thinking about the guy she sees mystery in.

 

We both bye each other off and go home. Day two arrives. I'm late for work and after I arrive my co-workers tell me that she asked for me. Day rolls by, and I stop over to talk to her...normal small talk, you know not too personal but personal enough to see this potentially developing into something outside work.

Youre hounding her on the second day, was she asking you questions about you? did you spend a few minutes there with her? You shouldnt have. A minute tops, and youre too busy to talk. Problem is, you are supposed to make her so interested in you on the first day that you get the number then. If you arent sure, then you leave her be. She will make it obvious when she is interested. You dont talk with her twice a day for a few minutes to feel her out. If you dont know what youre doing, she will pick up on it, and that blows your chances.

 

Now, I find out that she's working a half day which wasn't too surprising because after all she's a temp but that was way too soon. At this point, I've got work to finish and so I step up my game and decide to ask for her number. Being the goofball I am, I approach her and say, "Hey, it's nice that you're working a half day but it's too soon to see you go. I was wondering if I could get your autograph for keepsake?" I held a memo pad and pen in hand. At first she asked, "Why my autograph?", and then I replied, "I meant to ask for your number but somehow autograph got in the mix". She laughed perhaps at my lameness but proceeded to write her number down...with her name on it! Haha. I'm overly analyzing this as you can see.

Well this goes back to my last point, youre spending too much time with her. You played your hand and she could see it a mile away. if youre going to ask for a number, you have to have a line ready that works, so you dont sound stupid. Otherwise you will be getting numbers and getting blown off. Women dont say no anymore, they just give you their number to keep you from asking why they dont want to give it, and to make you go away. Its even worse at work, because some people wont date at work.

 

Next, I strategically planned to take my lunch at the time she was leaving. I see her gearing up to leave and I shoot her a text: "Leaving? Noooooo." She replies: "See Ya!" So then being the idiot that I am, I test the waters and text back: "No hug"? She replies: "Hurry up".

 

She's walking to her car and I run after her and catch up to help carry her belongings and etc. We talk a bit and I placed her stuff in the trunk. She then hugged me and said bye. I then asked if I can call her later that day and she said yeah. So, I'm excited now but that fades as I return to slave away at work.

This is so desperate, she felt pity for you and thought shed give you a thrill. You were so outta the ball park here, youre like 50 miles away from the park. Why would you ask for a hug from a woman who doesnt know you? You had her number, there was no need to meet her in the lot as she left. Youre supposed to be too busy. Theres a thing called social value. It means youre an important person, everyone wants you and youre too busy to slow down. Its a game but it exists. You had no social value when youre a guy with a secure job at the company, looking for her 3 times a day, while shes a temp.

 

After work, I decided to call her on the drive home. It's ringing....then voicemail. I don't leave a VM but I texted: "Hey, I called just to see what's up with you. I'm finally off and driving home now. Bye." Now, I'm expecting (as I shouldn't) a call back but rather she texts me way later that evening in response to my text, this: "Haha. Okay, bye". Yes!

 

At this point, I thought of waiting a few days to follow up with either a call or text. Next day arrives, and I just went with it ignored the whole system of waiting a few days for a follow up. So I texted her a short and simple, "Hey, what's goin on?" The response= radio silence.

After everything I posted, by this point you should understand why she didnt answer or reply to your text.

 

 

I could wait a few days and hit her back up but I'm skeptical about showing to be too available, desperate, needy,..because I'm fast on the replying back on texts/calls. If not fast then courteous enough to say that I'll get back to you later. This happens very frequently to me. I'm able to break the ice and get the number, but that's where it ends. I just feel like she felt it was courteous to give me her number because perhaps I was nice and funny; instead of just staying she wasn't interested or lying that she's in a relationship, or just saying NO. As mentioned earlier, I could WAIT a week or so and hit her up again. But, why wait for someone who's not that into me, right? Idk.

 

I gladly welcome all comments/input.

 

 

So youre skeptical about showing that youre to available in replying to texts, but you didnt do this in real life? Theres a lot to learn about talking to women, it takes practice, and you have to understand the dynamics of whats going on if you want a chance with every woman you run into. if you just want to wing it, MAYBE on of them will deal with the low social value behavior, if you get lucky.

Edited July 27, 2012 by Eddie Edirol

[haribogumsnickers]

Well said Eddie. You're absolutely right about everything. Nonetheless, I was well aware of her lack of interest but I tried anyways. I was also fully aware of my desperate and pitiful gesture to walk her to her car but that's just who I am. I tried when there was never a chance. It was DOA. I know, you're supposed play if safe and cool to avoid looking pathetic and desperate...I get that. But, when you meet someone and you have that feeling (damn that feeling) and you think there's something when there's really nothing..I just went with it recklessly.

 

I risked humiliation and depreciated my social value because I thought she was worth it. I tried in my own way.

[haribogumsnickers]

So do keep trying. Maybe tone it down a little for the office, but do keep trying!

 

You're generously supportive of my reckless behavior. Nonetheveryless, I'm truly appreciative of your support!

 

Unless I really dug you, and then we'd probably still be in touch and have a date this weekend.

 

Hypothetically for our first date (and perhaps last ), what would you want to do this coming weekend?

[Eddie Edirol]

Well said Eddie. You're absolutely right about everything. Nonetheless, I was well aware of her lack of interest but I tried anyways. I was also fully aware of my desperate and pitiful gesture to walk her to her car but that's just who I am. I tried when there was never a chance. It was DOA. I know, you're supposed play if safe and cool to avoid looking pathetic and desperate...I get that. But, when you meet someone and you have that feeling (damn that feeling) and you think there's something when there's really nothing..I just went with it recklessly.

 

I risked humiliation and depreciated my social value because I thought she was worth it. I tried in my own way.

 

Well then youre on the right track. At least you know that you were out of the running. Its all practice, to realize some things and act accordingly. Like fighting that feeling when it comes on. But you have to try again with another woman quick so you remember how to fight the feeling when it comes on. It takes practice, but you will learn to not make any expectations or care about the outcome after a while. Then you wont count on anything until you KNOW she is into you.

[Snakechammah]

OP, I like your sense of humour - I think that's what got you the number in the first place...

 

however...

 

After awhile, your persistent texting is annoying.. it reeks of desperation and overwrites every humour and coolness that you've brought onto the table. I suspect that's the reason she's now keeping a distance.

 

And as a closing shot, when she ignored you, you texted that VERY needy message: "I put you on spot by asking for your number. Saying no is easier than you think." This will send any woman running for the hills.... it's just... unattractive and bitter

 

Ever wonder why you started off so well but in the end you always lose? This is why. Keep the sense of humour and confidence - but lower your expectations. Maintain the mystery and aloofness, and you will get the girls. Good luck.

[haribogumsnickers]

Well then youre on the right track. At least you know that you were out of the running. Its all practice, to realize some things and act accordingly. Like fighting that feeling when it comes on. But you have to try again with another woman quick so you remember how to fight the feeling when it comes on. It takes practice, but you will learn to not make any expectations or care about the outcome after a while. Then you wont count on anything until you KNOW she is into you.

 

The force is strong with you. You know your sh*t, Eddie...thanks for the help and it helped! I have poor tendencies to repeat mistakes. Resisting that feeling or urge is my problem. 'Cause when I get that feeling...I want...sexual healing!

[haribogumsnickers]

Ever wonder why you started off so well but in the end you always lose? This is why. Keep the sense of humour and confidence - but lower your expectations. Maintain the mystery and aloofness, and you will get the girls. Good luck.

 

Roger that maam. My brother knows me the best and says the same that I have great starts but lousy endings. It's in my nature to be fast at everything and that's been my problem. Too aggressive and desperate..ha. But this is the fourth number I've wasted this month. The first one was given to me and I scared her off with my humor(or lack thereof), while the second I got but abandoned after I learned that she's married but sneaking on the side. The third number was on the rocks with her new engagement. I'm on a roll..to nowhere fun.

 

So snakechammah(nicely put), have you acted like a fool just as I did after getting a really hot guy's number? But, not that I got a guy's number...you know what I mean.

[Freckas]

Maybe you can invest in some research on how to make small talk, aswell as find out what women think is normal and what they think is too fast. I think going on here is a very good start.

 

I think there is a irony in dating... If you actually like the person, and it shows, something clicks in thier head to put you on the back burner they already have your interest so to speak.

 

you almost have to be dis-interested at first to get an equal playing field.

Not hard to get but as a friendly fixture.

 

keep in mind aswell that the pace of the friendship or relationship seems based on the first interactions.

 

I am female and even dealing with other females have noticed if Im too nice and too informative chatty communicative etc, it really gives me a 50% chance of networking.

 

what has given me a 98% is courting people.

I once gave my neighbor my phone number incase her dog gets lose or mine we can let each other know quickly, she gave me her email and I wrote her an email with all the Farmers market locations, beach restraunts, and fun places to go for people not from here.

 

I didnt hear from her for a LONG TIME

I asked my Cousin who is very much extroverted and she informed me

the more adult way to handle this for a longer lasting effect was to take it slow.

 

meaning 1) ask the person if you can text them some advice if you come across it, to help them out.

2) dont follow up with too much, you dont want to run out of stuff to talk about or overwhelm anyone.

 

I dont know why but that has helped me tremendously in my efforts to be more social.

 

And though your seeking romantic advice the same rules kind of apply.

If I were a single man, and Ive advised this more than once, I would:

Look at relationships as a plus whether they stay friendships or advance to romance. Your friend that you once thought was cute may introduce you to someone cuter with MORE in common.

 

What about being a gardener, plant your seed

metaphorically this is a reference to a friendship.

Move along after work plant a seed at the grocery store by saying

" my goodness I do not know how to grill a steak and Im a MAN "

its humbling and funny! This kind of statement can really deliver many results ranging from Agreement, Identifying with you and sharing tips, or she will divulge to you her husband knows and its fairly simple, you marinade in not marinade out yada yada yada.

 

I myself am very verbose, and tend to over communicate, be too nice which really comes off as neurotic, now you know you can save it for the forums! or a journal if you share this tendancy.

[Snakechammah]

So snakechammah(nicely put), have you acted like a fool just as I did after getting a really hot guy's number? But, not that I got a guy's number...you know what I mean.

 

A guy can give me his number, but before the night is over, I will have already misplaced it. If he's serious about wanting to keep in touch, he can ask for mine.

 

He initiates, I respond. If he doesn't... who is he again? teehee..

[NoMagicBullet]

... It's in my nature to be fast at everything and that's been my problem. Too aggressive and desperate..ha..

 

Well, at least you know what the problem is. Now it's a matter of slowing it down. Patience, Grasshopper... take your time. Freckas gave some good advice and examples.

 

 

... But this is the fourth number I've wasted this month. The first one was given to me and I scared her off with my humor(or lack thereof), while the second I got but abandoned after I learned that she's married but sneaking on the side. The third number was on the rocks with her new engagement. I'm on a roll..to nowhere fun.

 

There are no wasted numbers. A number is just a way to contact a person. What is more important is if you really want to contact this person in the future. Obviously, there are people you find out later that you don't want to stay in touch with, like #2 and #3. You can't always know in advance who you're dealing with. Even more reason to slow down and get to know the person better.

 

Oh, and our hypothetical date this weekend -- miniature golf. Dorky, I know. I haven't played it in years, but I remember it being fun.

[GLDheart]

Failure or Success, give yourself credit for atleast going after it. It's a numbers game, JUST KEEP PLAYING!