100% Proven method to attract women

[jakelongot]

It is a 3 step process

 

1.) Love yourself

 

2.) Keep yourself busy / social

 

3.) Be present in the moment

 

 

Ever notice how those who are the most focused on finding a woman or have the most regret over not having a women are constantly lonely, bitter and wondering what they are doing wrong?

 

Here is the thing...there is no tricks or games that will consistently bring good women into your life. The only way to accomplish this by living the happiest and most fulfilling life you can. When you are happy, women will naturally want to be around you and with you.

 

Love yourself - how can you expect a woman to love you unless you love yourself? You need to treat you and your body right. Eat healthy, exercise, read.

 

Keep yourself busy social - I had this concept best explained to me in the book "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. Think of your life as a box. Within the large box is several smaller boxes that represent different aspects of your life. Family, hobbies, work, relationship, religion, friends, etc...

 

Life is a series of ups and downs and at any given time in your life you will struggle with any one of these given aspects. Now here is the key...the more boxes you fill your life up with, the less you need to focus on one particular area. So if you are having trouble at work, at least you can escape to your friends or family. If you have a problem with your family member, maybe you can realease stress with a hobby or spend more time at work. The problem occurs when your large box is only filled with only two or 3 boxes (or even worse one!). If all you have is work and relationships, when one isn't working, there is no escape for you. It becomes an area of focus and eventually it consumes you. When you become too focused on one negative area of your life you tend to forgot what is good and can quickly become lost.

 

Be present - this is important. You need to be present and attentive in the moment. IF you are with family focus on them...don't let your mind stay focused on that problem at work. If you are out with friends, try to be the best friend you can. Don't worry about not having a girl with you and feel bitter about it.

 

I guarantee if you love yourself, fill up your life and be present in the moment in everything you do you will have a very rewarding life and women will be naturally attracted to you.

[Silly_Girl]

Do those things and regardless of your romantic status you'll be pretty darn happy. I recommend it

[Silly_Girl]

I wouldn't say it's proven to attract women but what you're saying is definitely accurate. For the first time in my life I really couldn't give a **** if I have a woman or not, I'm focussing on me and yet hey presto I get a bit of interest. Whether that's a result of me not giving a **** or not I have no idea, but yeah you're right the more you get a woe is me attitude of not having a woman the more bitter you'll feel. Been there and done it.

 

One guy who was trying to get a relationship going with me actually told me how unlucky he'd been in love and then went on to share bitter, resentful stories of colleagues or acquaintances who had the temerity to 'steal' the women he was pursuing.

[ThaWholigan]

Been said plenty of times, but it's always refreshing to see that someone gets it

 

 

Expect it to fall on blind eyes however.......

[jobaba]

It is a 3 step process

 

1.) Love yourself

 

2.) Keep yourself busy / social

 

3.) Be present in the moment

 

 

Ever notice how those who are the most focused on finding a woman or have the most regret over not having a women are constantly lonely, bitter and wondering what they are doing wrong?

 

Here is the thing...there is no tricks or games that will consistently bring good women into your life. The only way to accomplish this by living the happiest and most fulfilling life you can. When you are happy, women will naturally want to be around you and with you.

 

Love yourself - how can you expect a woman to love you unless you love yourself? You need to treat you and your body right. Eat healthy, exercise, read.

 

Keep yourself busy social - I had this concept best explained to me in the book "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. Think of your life as a box. Within the large box is several smaller boxes that represent different aspects of your life. Family, hobbies, work, relationship, religion, friends, etc...

 

Life is a series of ups and downs and at any given time in your life you will struggle with any one of these given aspects. Now here is the key...the more boxes you fill your life up with, the less you need to focus on one particular area. So if you are having trouble at work, at least you can escape to your friends or family. If you have a problem with your family member, maybe you can realease stress with a hobby or spend more time at work. The problem occurs when your large box is only filled with only two or 3 boxes (or even worse one!). If all you have is work and relationships, when one isn't working, there is no escape for you. It becomes an area of focus and eventually it consumes you. When you become too focused on one negative area of your life you tend to forgot what is good and can quickly become lost.

 

Be present - this is important. You need to be present and attentive in the moment. IF you are with family focus on them...don't let your mind stay focused on that problem at work. If you are out with friends, try to be the best friend you can. Don't worry about not having a girl with you and feel bitter about it.

 

I guarantee if you love yourself, fill up your life and be present in the moment in everything you do you will have a very rewarding life and women will be naturally attracted to you.

 

I agree this will make you happier in life.

 

I'm not sure about the women part though...

 

One guy who was trying to get a relationship going with me actually told me how unlucky he'd been in love and then went on to share bitter, resentful stories of colleagues or acquaintances who had the temerity to 'steal' the women he was pursuing.

 

Unfortunately, it seems you added to his despair and rejection count.

[jakelongot]

I agree this will make you happier in life.

 

I'm not sure about the women part though...

 

I think it will.

 

First, by filling your life with more people, hobbies and activities you will naturally become more social. It isn't easy at first making that first step, but becomes much easier with each subsequent step

 

Two, when you are happy you will be confident and live a life of abundance. No longer will each pretty girl become a target or focus, but rather you will be able to interact with them as people. And that in itself is attractive. Women don't like to be treated like an object or slobbered over. They want to interact with you as peers. It's amazing how much differently your life will go when you are just trying to be happy vs. thinking "ok, this could be the girl".

[Silly_Girl]

I finally get it, on a deep level, what the op is saying and it feels good and feels good to be at the start of doing just that, even at the age of 31! The sooner people take this way of thinking on board the better,

 

Hey Fats, it took me to 35 I'm ashamed to say. I was too busy studying whilst working, being a mum, a stepmum, a 'carer' (almost) to an idiot boyfriend etc etc. Took a while but boy am I glad to be here!

[jobaba]

I think it will.

 

First, by filling your life with more people, hobbies and activities you will naturally become more social. It isn't easy at first making that first step, but becomes much easier with each subsequent step

 

Two, when you are happy you will be confident and live a life of abundance. No longer will each pretty girl become a target or focus, but rather you will be able to interact with them as people. And that in itself is attractive. Women don't like to be treated like an object or slobbered over. They want to interact with you as peers. It's amazing how much differently your life will go when you are just trying to be happy vs. thinking "ok, this could be the girl".

 

How old are you?

 

I disagree. You could meet a woman you click with or connect with six ways from Sunday and she'll still reject you if there's no physical attraction.

 

Better to get that part over with in the beginning.

[Forever Learning]

Yeah, the OP in short I sometimes hear phrased as just "be yourself" and you are going to run into people with similar interests. I really loathe all this so-called pick-up artist literature with this mysogynistic manipulative crap. I had a college room-mate really into that and he never had success with women.

 

I didn't realize he was into it until I mentioned I had seen it somewhere and how stupid and backwards it was. So he says "no, no - you just need to read more to understand." He had a whole box full of it! The more I read the more I thought how nasty and creepy it all was.

 

I don't drink and I have never picked girls up at bars because you always have girlfriends from the things you are into, but I was his designated driver a bunch of times for him, like St. Patrick's Day, his birthday, or if a party was going on, whatever. For a lot of years, actually.

 

So I got to see this thing deployed, and it was just as revolting as it appeared in print. He was always telling me that I was "doing it wrong", meaning answering questions directly and telling the truth. The most important principle to him though was called "neg theory". He did not love himself, and his way of compensating for that was being the put-down artist.

 

So in failing number 1) he was all about deception and creating a false front, the most prominent aspect of which was being nasty. Girls like the jerks, he would say. Gosh - what I saw was he made just about every girl he met angry at him, and who wouldn't be? Unless she's mal-adjusted. He got us thrown out of bars with that attitude.

 

Being room-mates with the same majors and also on the same college athletic team - those are pretty strong bonds that are going to last decades, growing up in nearby towns too, so many mutual friends and this guy is the best man in my wedding. You finally have to admit he's just a prick and that's why he has been fired from every job he ever had. He's living in a back room of my house at age 54, and working two nights a week driving cab.

 

Here is such a HUGE surprise too - Mr. Expert Pick-Up Artist has not had a girlfriend or functional relationship for his entire life. That is what forty years of pick-up artist literature will do for you. You get the fattest, oldest strippers to give you a BJ instead of cab fare a couple times a year.

 

And wow, was he seething in resentment. He dropped out of college before finishing and took up different jobs he hated and had extremely poor work ethics with. He was a bartender for a few days at one place before he got too drunk at the bar and passed out. So these customers are stepping behind the bar and pouring their own drinks the rest of the night. Come next morning like 6am, some people I don't know carry him into his room, telling me just the rough outline of this story. He's fired that same day as management catches wind of the legendary party at the Copper Dollar, but not a dime in the till.

 

I thought it was funny back then, as a college student. But that's the kind of performance he's racked up for 35 years now so he has no retirement account, no medical insurance, no job and no prospects because he has no references. So what woman in their right mind is going to give him a second look?

 

There are some basics here that demonstrate a long-run view like showing up to work on time and being reliable, not stealing, not pulling mean dirty tricks on people, just being a good person - if anyone here thinks they have it bad now, just remove all those things and see where you end up! It won't be in the arms of a decent woman. I had to evict him, and it was a pretty pathetic thing. Yet he retains his arrogance, Mr. Pick-Up Artist King.

 

Wow, what an interesting post! Thank you! Many very good points throughout.

 

One question - do you still have this fellow living with you? What a bad situation for you!

[Forever Learning]

Oh thank you, no - I evicted him, and it was the most pathetic thing with him alternating between crying and accusing me of the most heartless back-stabbing, over 30 years of friendship being destroyed.

 

Look man, I am just asking you to pay your own rent, in your own place, on time, the full amount - grow up. I have children of my own so I don't need an extra 54 year old child. If his vehicle breaks down, that's my problem now because he's in the way and needing me to fix it for him. He couldn't afford his own computer to do his internet porn surfing, but I would not let him use one of my computers if he was drinking. So he would wait for me to fall asleep and then use the computer drunk, fry the keyboard, and have no money to pay me back.

 

In five years, one girl came to the place, in her own car. It seemed like she turned around and left right away. I mean like one look and gone. His car was given to him by his father because he could not afford to buy one. I never saw another girl in his car, and the one chance was because of me. This little scrumpet would not leave me one night. I'm married, no thanks. But she followed us out to his car. We use his car and his gas when I am DD. She took one look in it and said "too dirty", and marched straight back in the bar.

 

I have always worn jeans, t-shirt, and work boots. Because that's functional for what I do, living in a rural homesteader-type setting. He had amassed over these five years a pick-up truck full of second-hand suit coats, but I mean ritzy stuff like three piece suits and Itailan shoes. On Ebay.

 

This was serious enough money that he went bankrupt on credit cards to to accomplish it. Like $36,000 to be exact. I had no idea! He was so clever he always got to the mailbox before I did to get these receipts to pick these expensive suits up at the post office. I never went into his room, and it was big enough to pack this amazing wardrobe, so it grew until collection agencies were on him and he's moping around woe-is-me. So I did his bankruptcy filing for him. He tried to get me to go on a shopping spree right before filing -whatever you want kid, rack it up. I couldn't do it. That's stealing! So I am in the bankruptcy filing too for being owed about $6k too. He will never repay, no big deal but that's why I had to get rid of him.

 

Girls ran from this guy. Also, it was 100% guaranteed that he would put a hate on the youngest, hottest girls in every bar. He had to say nasty things about them or to them like she looks like she's 12 years old. This is an age 21 state so it is such a retarded thing to say. WTF is your problem. Those are the girls that go on magazine covers, why do you have to hate them.

 

There was this mercenary, predatory aspect to the whole thing, "them vs. us" I just disagreed with. Like you had to go under cover, Mr. Secret Agent Man, to get the women. You like the girl on the left, but you have to identify her wing-girl, a lesser girl in the pecking order to the right, and flirt with her, while pretending to snub the girl you want. That will get under her skin and she will come to you.

 

I have always had a girlfriend or wife except for the stretches in-between. I never dated actually, so this is all just gibberish to me. Why can't I just talk to them like they're real human beings with hopes and dreams of their own, not trying to con them into anything, not treating them like an enemy I need to outfox.

 

He was targeting the fuglies, because they had low self-esteem, so these elegant theories of his - pffft. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. Show me the girls this is actually working on. You don't have any! So tragic because 35 years ago we were very similar, having the same kinds of prospects. I thought he was better looking than me, certainly more glib and charming, but he didn't make varsity because he didn't put the work into it. And girls kind of like the guys that work hard and do their job well.

 

So at 54 this guy is in a three piece suit, white scarf, in a cab telling people that this is just a part-time job for him while he is doing work for a lot of other important projects. And when we went out he was the International Man of Mystery or a gangster or a lawyer - he actually played these roles and I pretended to be his body guard a couple of times. He asked me to do it, we were out of town, so I thought WTF who cares I am not trying to pick girls up, and I am actually pretending to be a thug instead of a guy who owns a research company. You can't say too much without laughing so I am not too good at it.

 

That is a really mind blowing story, that there are some men out there that act this way. I believe it, I don't doubt you are giving an accurate account of how this man viewed women and how he acted towards them. And how he failed miserably.

 

Your story about your childhood friend gives so much creedence to what the OP Jakelongot said, regarding the basic ways to attract women (or for a woman to attract a man, I think it works both ways) -

 

Jake said:

 

"It is a 3 step process:

1.) Love yourself

2.) Keep yourself busy / social

3.) Be present in the moment

Ever notice how those who are the most focused on finding a woman or have the most regret over not having a women are constantly lonely, bitter and wondering what they are doing wrong?

Here is the thing...there is no tricks or games that will consistently bring good women into your life. The only way to accomplish this by living the happiest and most fulfilling life you can. When you are happy, women will naturally want to be around you and with you."

Your childhood friend was all about deceit, tricks and games. Your story about him proves how this never works in the long run. I'm so glad you kicked him to the curb and banished him from your life. Good job. And thanks for sharing your insight about him!

 

People in their 20's sometimes can't imagine these type people actually exist and live their entire lives this way, - but they certainly do! I've seen them as well. All the best to you.

Edited July 25, 2012 by Forever Learning

[Snakechammah]

OP, that is fantastic advice. Keep it up! We could all learn a lesson or two about loving ourselves and believing in our abilities.

 

Thank you for the insightful post!

[NoMagicBullet]

This is one of the best threads ever. Thanks for your OP, jakelongot! It's good advice. One of the best things I've read here on Loveshack or elsewhere.

 

This too:

 

... just talk to them like they're real human beings with hopes and dreams of their own, not trying to con them into anything, not treating them like an enemy I need to outfox.

 

Treating people like real human beings works wonders in so many different situations, but especially in relationships. Thanks, guys!

[TheWatcher]

 

It is a 3 step process

 

1.) Love yourself

 

2.) Keep yourself busy / social

 

3.) Be present in the moment

 

 

 

No offense meant (at all) to you but I find this advice to be

cliched,hackneyed and amorphous;along the lines of Just be

yourself, be confident. Catch-phrases that are thrown out

to placate people

 

I agree fully with the concept of self-acceptance and pursuing

your interests/hobbies but they will not result in success with

the opposite sex.

[threebyfate]

There's a story goes a bit like this:

An old man was sitting on a park bench when he was approached by a much younger man,

 

‘Excuse me sir, can I ask if you live locally?’

 

‘I’ve lived here all of my life’, the old man replied, ‘why do you ask?’

 

Oh, because I’m considering moving to the town and I’m wondering if you could give me your opinion on what sort of place it is.’

 

‘Ah well’, said the old man, ‘tell me about the place you’re living at the moment.’

 

‘Oh it’s a wonderful place’ the young man replied, ‘I have lots of friends and it’s a strong community, people support each other and look out for each other… the only reason I’m considering moving is because I’ve been offered a great job here.’

 

The old man smiled… ‘I think you’ll find it much the same here,’ he said.

 

The young man departed, much re-assured.

 

By the sort of artificial coincidence that only happens in myths, the same man was approached later that day by another young man with the same question. When asked about his current home, however, the second man had a very different answer.

 

‘It’s a terrible place, I have no friends and people who pretend to be my friends always end up stealing from me, the neighbours don’t so much as acknowledge you, nobody is interested in anybody and they do nothing to help each other.’

 

‘Oh dear’ replied the old man… ‘I think you’ll find it much the same here!’

 

I'm sure you can work out how this applies...

I'm quoting this post for every single thread that needs it which means most of them.

[jakelongot]

Thank you everybody for the kind words!

 

Ever since i started living my life like this, things have changed for me 100%

[Ross MwcFan]

I bet it wouldn't work for me.

[jakelongot]

I bet it wouldn't work for me.

 

you will never know unless you try. And what is the worst case scenario if you gave it a shot? You will have tried to add a bit of diversity to your life and maybe find something you really enjoy.

 

And if you don't? You continue miserable down your current path focusing on why you are lonely and unhappy.

 

Doesn't seem like there is much to lose by keeping an opening mind and trying something different.

[runner]

i think it goes beyond just 'trying' for some. it's easy for the rest of us to give to OP a thumbs up because many of those points are pretty self-explanatory to us; but for some others you may as well have written it in chinese.

[Romanticlove263]

It is a 3 step process

 

1.) Love yourself

 

2.) Keep yourself busy / social

 

3.) Be present in the moment

 

 

Ever notice how those who are the most focused on finding a woman or have the most regret over not having a women are constantly lonely, bitter and wondering what they are doing wrong?

 

Here is the thing...there is no tricks or games that will consistently bring good women into your life. The only way to accomplish this by living the happiest and most fulfilling life you can. When you are happy, women will naturally want to be around you and with you.

 

Love yourself - how can you expect a woman to love you unless you love yourself? You need to treat you and your body right. Eat healthy, exercise, read.

 

Keep yourself busy social - I had this concept best explained to me in the book "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. Think of your life as a box. Within the large box is several smaller boxes that represent different aspects of your life. Family, hobbies, work, relationship, religion, friends, etc...

 

Life is a series of ups and downs and at any given time in your life you will struggle with any one of these given aspects. Now here is the key...the more boxes you fill your life up with, the less you need to focus on one particular area. So if you are having trouble at work, at least you can escape to your friends or family. If you have a problem with your family member, maybe you can realease stress with a hobby or spend more time at work. The problem occurs when your large box is only filled with only two or 3 boxes (or even worse one!). If all you have is work and relationships, when one isn't working, there is no escape for you. It becomes an area of focus and eventually it consumes you. When you become too focused on one negative area of your life you tend to forgot what is good and can quickly become lost.

 

Be present - this is important. You need to be present and attentive in the moment. IF you are with family focus on them...don't let your mind stay focused on that problem at work. If you are out with friends, try to be the best friend you can. Don't worry about not having a girl with you and feel bitter about it.

 

I guarantee if you love yourself, fill up your life and be present in the moment in everything you do you will have a very rewarding life and women will be naturally attracted to you.

 

I hate pick up artists to me they see women as robots which have certain pick up lines already programmed in them to accept:laugh: