What is the truth or is this description hypocritical?

[spooky48]

If you're overweight & I'm talking over 50lbs or more yet, people ALWAYS in your personal life (parents, friends, relatives, colleagues, work personnel), tell you, "it's not your appearance & weight, you just have to be more positive & like yourself then, people will want to like & date you" is this then, hypocritical?

 

Here's a classic example for which I hope you'll understand where I'm coming from:

 

I have a good friend who is overweight but, his Dad always tells him if he were to remain positive, like/love himself & just live & not worry what others think then, he'll meet a great woman. His Dad never tells him he has to diet, exercise, change his hair or clothes styles either. He always says that he sees other men WAY heavier than himself with cute women either married or dating them so, he goes by his Dad's advice. He goes to the doctor, optometrist, dentist though but, he just does NOT diet, work-out or change his style. He is though, a very, very positive person. Do you think he's wise to be this way & not change physically in order to meet a woman?

 

So, is this being hypocritical?

 

How fat is too fat to be accepted in society?

 

OR......

 

Should one just say the heck with what ANYONE says & live life, doing what you want, how you want & when/where you want? Should one just then, not care at all?

 

Look around you, you see people who are WAY, WAY heavier than you but, they are happily married & in love & are loved by their partner so....what is their secret? What if you're even skinnier than this person but, they have a partner/spouse, are they just "settling" or is it a fetish? Or, do they just not care?

[Eternal Sunshine]

Weight is a big issue and there is no sense in burying your head in the sand. It will hugely limit your dating pool, be it male or female.

 

In my opinion, people are doing others a disservice by telling them "It's not your weight, be more positive". It's dishonest. You can be the best, most positive person in the world and others won't give you a chance because they lack sexual attraction.

 

There is a small % of people that have fetishes, true. As for those that are obese and married, you don't know if they were at that weight when they met their SO. Most likely not.

 

I am not saying it's not possible to find a partner when you are overweight or obese. Anything is possible, just your probability of doing so drops way down. It's like starting a race with a blindfold over your eyes. You are at a huge disadvantage.

[spooky48]

Weight is a big issue and there is no sense in burying your head in the sand. It will hugely limit your dating pool, be it male or female.

 

In my opinion, people are doing others a disservice by telling them "It's not your weight, be more positive". It's dishonest. You can be the best, most positive person in the world and others won't give you a chance because they lack sexual attraction.

 

There is a small % of people that have fetishes, true. As for those that are obese and married, you don't know if they were at that weight when they met their SO. Most likely not.

 

I am not saying it's not possible to find a partner when you are overweight or obese. Anything is possible, just your probability of doing so drops way down. It's like starting a race with a blindfold over your eyes. You are at a huge disadvantage.

 

Hi,

 

Your note reminds me of times when my Mom says that to me even at my old age now. She is not being unkind or ignorant but, just kind of telling me that I would be in a better "pool" and have an "easier" time so-to-

speak regarding meeting anyone. That hit me hard but, it is truthful.

 

I am asking b/c I am a member of this group. They're all bbws. I am NOT a bbw. I am an ABW (average big woman). All of them I feel are trapped in the hypocritial stance as maybe I was but, am starting to release myself since, I am just surrendering things. It's similar to self-discovery then, you have to make changes after the firm realizations.

Thanks.

 

_____________________________________________________________

 

What does everyone else here think too? Just asking...