Mount Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 (edited) I have to be honest with you guys - me and the MM we met again last Friday after work and being intimate for a little while. I have to admit this is what I chose to do - not some vicitim that pulling back by MM. However, somehow I feel our A is not intense, he did send me a few txt msg WHEN HE WAS OUT OF HOUSE during weekend claiming he loves me, dreaming about me...etc, but somehow I feel the A is not intense after the first month June (probably he's not that into me ). Even though we work at same workplace, becoz his important role he is very busy so we don't often see or talk to each other everyday. Also I try not to be needy so I don't initiate contact that much either. I am not certain how we move forward, but maybe it is a good thing that it will die itself? How did others' A look like? Any other perspective? Edited July 25, 2012 by Mount Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 It's not going to work..Go re-read your other threads.. Go back to NC and be civil/professional with him at work, that's it. Outside of work do complete NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted July 25, 2012 Author Share Posted July 25, 2012 I understand. That is why I said it might die naturally, isn't it? It's not going to work..Go re-read your other threads.. Go back to NC and be civil/professional with him at work, that's it. Outside of work do complete NC. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 You need to stop being intimate with him. That keeps you attached and feeling needy/emotional towards him. Also, detach by not including him in your life - At work, outside of work and also in your thoughts. Only speak to him when you absolutely need to at work and always keep it professional and non personal. don't ask him how he is, what's new in his life etc.. That's how it'll fizzle out but you need to be very pro active in helping that process along. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted July 25, 2012 Author Share Posted July 25, 2012 Guess you are absolutely right. I need to choose not to be intimate with him again. As for daily contact, as mentioned above, he is busy and I am busy as well, and I don't initiate contact. Guess will see if it dies naturally. Again, I was trying to be honest with you guys...let you know I slipped a bit. You need to stop being intimate with him. That keeps you attached and feeling needy/emotional towards him. Also, detach by not including him in your life - At work, outside of work and also in your thoughts. Only speak to him when you absolutely need to at work and always keep it professional and non personal. don't ask him how he is, what's new in his life etc.. That's how it'll fizzle out but you need to be very pro active in helping that process along. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 You need to tell him too, to respect your wishes to back off and only speak to you when need be (work related issues).. not to call, email, text anymore. And let him know the other day in bed, that was last bit of intimacy that will ever happen between you two. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 I won't die until you start saying NO MORE! YOU have choices! Best choice would be to change jobs and/or move! Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 I am not certain how we move forward, but maybe it is a good thing that it will die itself? Lets change that we to I. How would you like to move forward? What's your expectations? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 Lets change that we to I. How would you like to move forward? What's your expectations? The way to move forward is for YOU to take ACTION and completely dump him! That will help YOU move forward. There's no need to keep handing him all your power by leaving it up to HIM - he'll never turn down free sex on the side of being married!!! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 As I suggested before - quit that job! Get a new job - one where you don't have sex with the married boss. If YOU don't CHANGE the situation - expect it to be the same or even get worse. This was the suggestions I gave in your last thread you started - same as now! You don't need to keep going backwards - move forward and leave him and the job that keeps you tied to seeing him! For YOU to do nothing will keep it exactly as it is now - but the years will pass by and you'll be left asking yourself 5 or 10 years from now why it hasn't changed. BE the change you wish to see. Link to post Share on other sites
GettingOver Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 However, somehow I feel our A is not intense, he did send me a few txt msg WHEN HE WAS OUT OF HOUSE during weekend claiming he loves me, dreaming about me...etc, but somehow I feel the A is not intense after the first month June (probably he's not that into me ). I did nearly the same thing, we were LDR and after break up I happened to be in his country and couldn't help seeing him. No victim either. A lot of sweet words, tears at the airport BUT it is now definitely LESS intensive then it ever was. He doesn't put much effort into it. Sometimes I feel like crap, sometimes I don't care. Also I try not to be needy so I don't initiate contact that much either. The sad part is that he doesn't initiate much contact either. I am not certain how we move forward, but maybe it is a good thing that it will die itself? I am waiting for it to die itself. I mean it is dieing... You are getting less and less, your illusions disappear, your belief that he would have been with you if only he could fades away as you see that you gave him a chance to be with you, to stay in touch, etc. BUT he is quite lazy!!! You ask me why do I not break it up completely? Because it is easier for me to have it like this that not to have at all. My feelings are also much less intensive. And I also think it will just die itself or I will eventually get fed up. I hope it helps Link to post Share on other sites
Happyface Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 YOu know, there is no "moving forward" or "we" for you and MM. It's like saying what's in our future... you don't have one with him. You have your own future. His future and moving forward is with his wife. Don't waste another minute on him, or risk your professional reputation. NC can take the intense edge off the A but it will soon return if you keep up the intimacy. Be civil and professional at work and nothing else. It's up to you. Happy. Link to post Share on other sites
sleepie Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 In my own A, we continued on-again-off-again behavior for a YEAR after the point where, as I look back, was probably really the end. Each time we went back on it would be less contact, less intimacy. So, in a way, maybe it did die off naturally. (Although if I hadn't decided once and for all to end it with NC, it probably would be going on right now still.) My point: Sometimes the death of these things is LONG and SLOW. If you really want it to end, cut it off now. It's faster, less painful, and ultimately the best for all involved. Link to post Share on other sites
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