what is going on here?

[dragoncake]

became friends with this guy who showed so much interest in me. He

was really shy and made a real effort to talk to me. I'm western and

living in Beijing and he's a local and I know he was worried about his

job prospects. We worked together in an office and he would come up to

my desk and then lose his words. Or he would make up excuses to talk

to me. He would stare when he thought I wasn't looking. He showed

fear when a new guy started in the office... He also showed fear when

I went away for 2 weeks...he asked me who I was going away with....

 

Anyway I showed interest in him by inviting him out for dinner. He accepted within a minute of texting. I was told that a Chinese guy would never make a move on a western girl.

Then he told me he's got a promotion with the same company. I was

happy for him because I know he needs a step up. Our office is really

competitive and he started uni late. So I know this was a big deal for

him. We said goodbye. He said to keep in touch and that I am welcome

anytime.

 

I recently made the effort to visit him. He was happy to see me and we

got on great. On the last day he was a bit distant. While he was

working in the late afternoon I bumped into a managing editor of a

well known newspaper (I'm a journalist) and we had a brief chat and he

basically offered me a job.

 

Then I went to meet the Chinese guy (who is also in media) and told

him who I bumped into. He was really encouraging and said why don't

you work here then? That really freaked me out that he said that.

Anyway so then I told him I have feelings for him. He said he was

surprised and wasn't prepared for that news. He said why I'm Asian? I

hated him saying that because I like him for who he is not because of

where he is from. He said to keep in touch but he didn't say how he

feels.

 

I'm so unsure about whether to take this job. The contracts are

flexible and if it all goes wrong I guess I can move on. I have 3

months left in China so I have so many options. I just feel

overwhelmed that he asked if I'd live in his city before I told him my

feelings.

 

I feel like I've pursued him. So I'm going to step back and let him

digest what I said. So do I apply the no contact rule to see if the

feelings are reciprocated? I still don't believe he didn't know I

liked him. I text him on his birthday, emailed him when he left and

invited him out for dinner...

 

I just feel like he was more into me when I didn't show interest.... confused!

[NoMagicBullet]

It's hard to say what's going on here, given the different cultures you two come from. Are you sure you didn't mistake his interest, that it may be more of a friendly or professional one? You both work in media after all. What he said about living there seems to be in response to your news about the job offer, which a friend or professional contact might suggest. Is it possible that you misread his initial actions as romantic interest, when he might be considering office dynamics and the value (or political detriment -- this is China, after all) of having a you as a professional contact in Western media? And he may have interpreted your friendliness as just being an outgoing Westerner.

 

Just some other stuff to think about. I'd suggest whatever decision you make about accepting the job offer not factor him into the equation at this point.