Mimsicles Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 I have to pour my heart out here because I have nobody to talk to about my situation and I need to tell somebody. I met a man about 6months ago, he has been engaged 9 years and I knew this but we chatted as friends. Time went by and I realised I had feeling for him but I didn't want to say and ruin our friendship. Anyway I know it was wrong but one night when drunk we ended up kissing. I felt terrible the next day as did he and he said 'we can only ever be friends'. Anyway a week later I get a text off him saying he wants to end his enagement to his fiance as he has fallen for me! As much as I felt sorry for his fiance I was happy the he felt the same about me. We chatted all that week about general things as he was going away for the weekend. When he arrives back from his weekend away with his friends he rings me and says that he has kissed one girl and slept with the other and he is gutted he never asked for her number?!!!!! I was obviously upset at this as a week ago he loved me and then he does that. I went silent on the phone but acted like it didn't bother me. He's realised that he now must end his relationship as he doesn't love her anymore. I have no idea where I stand in all this. I feel hurt and used in a sense and so incredibly confused. How can you go from loving someone to hitting off with other girls the next weekend. I wish I didn't love him and I wish I'd never have met him because it saves all this heartache. One minute we're in love with each other and the next minute I'm a 'good friend'! I'm so upset, hurt and confused I've no idea what to do Link to post Share on other sites
sleepie Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 I know you're hurt. That's a natural reaction in your situation. But trust me: You are MUCH better off finding out that this guy is a douchebag now than if you hadn't found out until much later. Believe me, the sooner you get that knowledge, the quicker and easier you will heal. A man who says he "loves" one day and a week later is diddling another girl does not "love," does not know what "love" means, and will carelessly use the word "love" to get what he wants. It's a tool for him, not a truth. When I was younger, I used to say that there was always another man waiting to be plucked off the Man Tree. Callous and cold, perhaps, and I meant it flippantly as a way to soothe my broken heart. But, in a way, it's true. Lick your wounds, let them heal, and then find a man who isn't a douche. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 I have to pour my heart out here because I have nobody to talk to about my situation and I need to tell somebody. I met a man about 6months ago, he has been engaged 9 years and I knew this but we chatted as friends. Time went by and I realised I had feeling for him but I didn't want to say and ruin our friendship. Anyway I know it was wrong but one night when drunk we ended up kissing. I felt terrible the next day as did he and he said 'we can only ever be friends'. Anyway a week later I get a text off him saying he wants to end his enagement to his fiance as he has fallen for me! As much as I felt sorry for his fiance I was happy the he felt the same about me. We chatted all that week about general things as he was going away for the weekend. When he arrives back from his weekend away with his friends he rings me and says that he has kissed one girl and slept with the other and he is gutted he never asked for her number?!!!!! I was obviously upset at this as a week ago he loved me and then he does that. I went silent on the phone but acted like it didn't bother me. He's realised that he now must end his relationship as he doesn't love her anymore. I have no idea where I stand in all this. I feel hurt and used in a sense and so incredibly confused. How can you go from loving someone to hitting off with other girls the next weekend. I wish I didn't love him and I wish I'd never have met him because it saves all this heartache. One minute we're in love with each other and the next minute I'm a 'good friend'! I'm so upset, hurt and confused I've no idea what to do This man seems to be a commitment phobe...who is really engaged for 9 YEARS??? That is the first clue that something isn't right. Why would anyone need to be engaged for almost a decade??? He seems quite fickle and doesn't seem to know what love is. He seems emotionally immature and reminds me of an ex of mine who literally tossed the word love around. When we dated he said it very quickly and I thought it was because I was so special. I came to realize I wasn't. He truly was just an impulsive guy and after we broke up (abruptly) he immediately got another gf, told her her loved her...broke up with her, got another, did the same thing...and so it continued and now he's engaged smh. This guy you're with seems just like that. Engaged for 9 years, cheated on her with you (probably not the first time), told you he loved you, then cheated on you with two other women. He's a hot mess and this has nothing to do with you. This is how he is for his own reasons and you need to realize he probably is not good relationship material for anyone. Maybe you like how he made you feel but what do you actually know about him and love? And if it's stuff like he is funny, cute, nice etc...those aren't that deep and lots of people possess such qualities. I think you should be glad you've been warned about how he really is, lick your wounds and run far away from this man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 I think it's wonderful you met him. Never wish that you didn't experience something in life. Life is filled with trails and tribulations, if you never have them you wouldn't learn and grow as a person. I'm sorry for the pain you are in but look at it as a blessing. He is honest and upfront with you. You are not the woman who spent 9 years of her life waiting for him to get his act together. 6 months of your life is a small price to pay for a great lesson. Be thankful. Link to post Share on other sites
Fitz Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 When relationships are new, and you get the "butterflies" in your stomach (some call it the honeymoon stage) it's like being drunk or on drugs. The word "love" gets thrown around loosely. Sure, you "love" eachother in a way. But this kind of love is likely a superficial one at best. Deeper, more meaningful love takes time to be discerned from the shallow kind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happyface Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 He sounds dangerosuly unstable. I wouldn't like to let him into my life, let alone have a relationship with him. Happyface Link to post Share on other sites
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