Shudupnkisme Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 [font=courier new][/font][color=darkblue][/color] I have been with the same man off and on for 3 years! The first year of our relationship every weekend i would stay at his parents house with him, 2 years ago he said he didnt want to see me anymore after we lost a baby and i wasnt welcome to sleep over anymore. I didnt throw a fight because it is their home and i respected them, My mom and stepdad dont really care for him either. I moved in with my Dad to be more independant, My dad gave me his old work car, i found a pretty decent job. We got back together but he told me it was just between us and a few friends.. He told me the reason why i wasnt welcomed anymore. His parents think im going to use him to get pregnant and take him for child support. (I dont know what its like to be a parent, and i have no plans to find out for a few years yet.) Which i had told him i was going on birth control. I made the appointment and took him along. Pretty much he knows when im due for a shot before i even get the paper to go back. After the parents thought we broke up i had stopped at the house while they were awake.. His mom was very nice had me stay for supper. Etc Then i would go see him when his parents were at work. I'd forget things.. Like my perfume on his dresser, my watch in the bathroom, hair clip on the coffee table.. but since i have been forgeting things and seeing his mom. Her attitude has changed His parents and other relatives keep asking him if we are together and he says no.. that him and I are just friends... (He's afraid they will throw him out of the house if they find out, which parents arent stupid. They have to know. He hasnt been on a date in forever) For the past week his mom has an attitude with him and is giving him the cold shoulder. July 7th was a busy day I had my new sports car towed home.. I was driving to see one of my dads friends, I was in a car accident , someone had side swipped me.. (Thank god it wasnt my new sports car or i woulda flipped) I got to the guys house and called my bf and told him i wanted to talk.. Well he was on his way out but he waited til i got there.. We were infront of his house talking his mom was in the backyard looking at me funny i waved.. She turned her head. My bf moved towards the fence to play with the dog.. She turned around and gave me a funny face, he did the same thing to her and she told him not to touch the dog.. So we walked up the street.. we talked for a minute , he said he wanted to go for a walk which made me slighly mad, but i just walked away. I didnt wanna argue.. His dad says he's old enough if he makes a mistake he has to learn. His mom doesnt feel that way, I assume she sees me as the devil. If She would know everything she would see im not trying to use him, but he's not ready to tell I'm thinking the reason he is getting the cold shoulder is because he isnt being honest. It matters in a way they accept me, but i dont want problems between him and his family. I just wanna be with him. Not his family. Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 People are quite territorial. When one of their young brings their mate around they tend to feel their space is be infringed. Link to post Share on other sites
jenk Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 So you end up getting pregnant, and his mom thinks you are to blame.....Really now, if he wouldn't have dropped his drawers, he couldn't have gotten you pregnant. Why is he so innocent, and you're the bad one? This guy allowed you to accept all the blame. No honey, that is wrong! This guy is a mama's boy and needs to grow-up and start becoming a man. Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 A mamma's boy is not necessarily a bad thing. Being a momma's boy has nothing to do with blaming women for things. Mama's boys love their mother and therefore respect all women. If this guy is a bad person its not because he is a momma's boy, it is the opposite. He is technically speaking a bastard. Also, before anyone goes up in arms, girls who are afraid of guy's mothers are only afraid because a) they know they are not good enough for the guy. OR b) they are doing some kind of bad by the guy. In any case, I think the whole mamma's boy thing is just a put down that certain kinds of women use and it doesn't have any meaning independent of its being a verbal weapon, unless you consider a mamma's boy to be someone that has a good relationship with his mother, in which case, why wouldn't that be a good thing provided that they are not more close than is healthy? Link to post Share on other sites
jenk Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Sorry, but a mama's boy is a guy who doesn't want to upset his mother - ever! So he hides and lies, to keep Mama happy at the expense of his girlfriend/wife. There comes a time when a guy needs to make his SO priority over his mom. Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 OK, i held my toungue last time but you are starting to annoy me. I think I am somewhat of a mama's man because I love my mother and have a very good relationship with her. I don't lie to her. I respect her and she repects me and she respects the women that come into my life. She never ever had one bad thing to say about my ex and there were alot of things to say. Stop looking for someone to blame. Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 I went shopping with my mother and my grandmother today and I was gettting checked out so to speak by alot of young attractive women, both employees and customers. Perhaps some women like a man that feels comfortable with being with their mothers. Perhaps it makes me look like a good person that is mature and reliable and can keep his mind on the things of life and is not out there being a playboy or cheating on and hurting people and perhaps there are women that want a realistic relationship with just a regular old guy. I am sick of the shallow judgmentalness that some people spout off. Link to post Share on other sites
jenk Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 Mamas’ man, I never said guys shouldn't spend time with their mother. I think that is wonderful, in fact! But, lets say your mother doesn’t care for some girl you brought home, but yet you really cared for her a lot. Would you get rid of her so mama doesn't get upset, or would you make YOUR OWN decision? That is the difference. Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 I would get rid of her because mothers know about who is right or wrong for their sons and daughters. They spend years gossiping about these kind of matters. From when girls are born they start talking and thinking about such things. If they are married then they feel its their task to direct their young. My mom and my grandma were just gossiping in the other room about different people's relationships in the family. Gossiping is what women do and relationships is what they love to talk about and to think about. Are you so blind that you can't even see that in your own behavior? What do you talk about? Maybe your just young yet? And when my mother and grandma and other women in my family gossip and I hear don't you think they wanted me to hear? If they didn't wouldn't they of done it when I am not around? Mothers happen to know what is good for their children when it comes to romance, even if they aren't the smartest mothers on earth, I happen to believe that to be a fact. They know what is REALISTIC for their children. They know that sometimes young people may not yet have an accurate perception of the world and of themselves. You are hooked into the Romeo and Juliet myth or have been taught by school to look at it the story the wrong way. Maybe your mother or mothers are not perfect and they don't always know what is best but don't make that your excuse so that you can make unrealistic demands that people have to accept your boyfriend even if he is not a good person and thats the only reason I think that a mother would ever stand firmly against their daughter or son going out with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
jenk Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 You sound young honey. Have you had a girlfriend yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Shudupnkissme, Okay first off, what did you expect. You and your boyfriend-in-hiding were careless once. His parents obviously think that you are trying to trap him. Instead of talking to both of them and clearing the air, their impression of you becomes bad. So what do you do - you sneak around and lie about seeing him. Then you wonder why they don't like you? Is it really that hard to see? Maybe you should try a little honesty and show them a little respect. And for the debate about mamma's boy: A man can get along very well with his mom without being a mamma's boy. When it crosses the line into being a mamma's boy is when he put his mom up on a pedestal and trusts everything she says as golden instead of learning to make decisions on his own and when she influences what he does/say and who he becomes friends with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shudupnkisme Posted July 12, 2004 Author Share Posted July 12, 2004 I asked my bf on several occasions to tell his parents.. He refused. I will not go behind his back and tell his parents until he is ready. When he is ready i will sit down with Him and His parents and talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shudupnkisme Posted July 12, 2004 Author Share Posted July 12, 2004 Originally posted by capitald 1.) I would get rid of her because mothers know about who is right or wrong for their sons and daughters. 2.)Mothers happen to know what is good for their children when it comes to romance, even if they aren't the smartest mothers on earth, I happen to believe that to be a fact. Alright.. Here goes.. 1.) So if you were deeply in love with a women and your mom didnt think she looked good enough for you or if she wasn't smart enough for you or she didnt make enough money. You would ditch her!? Here's a little example : My dads mom disliked my mom with a passion, She said my mom was going to use my dad for money. Well her darling son (My dad) wasnt very nice to my mom. My mom worked a Full time job, My dad drank and didnt work. My mom paid all the bills made sure i was taken care of. My dad did mental and bodily harm to my mom. My mom divorced my dad.. A few years later my Gram appoligized. So therefore NO MOTHER KNOWS THEIR SON'S WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS A mother has good instincts when their child is sick, hurt, or depressed etc. When it comes to someone's heart and what they really want only they themselves know. 2.) How does a mother know what her son or daughter wants in a relationship. Everyone is different (Some people are just out looking to get a little, Some are out looking to find their best friend, Some want commitment, others well i donno.) My Bf is my best friend, We do alot of things together. My favorite this is going to the park at 2 am and playing on the playground equipment. My mom doesnt know what i want in relationships.. My mom fell in love with 2 of my ex bf's but i didnt they werent what i wanted. They were both really really good looking.. One made $30.00 an hour, had a brand new truck and brand new car, and a very nice home. I saw something about him i didnt like. My mom wanted me to stay, She said i would of had it nice. I believe i would have, with just material things and not love. Which love is what i want. The other one is currently in the service, Great kid. This one wanted to give me kids. So if i really wanted kids i woulda went with this one. Yet again i didnt find anything to stick around for. My bf's Mom doesnt care for me because she thinks im going to use her son, Well she has another son. Older then my bf. Well hes been engaged to a girl for 6-7 years. WIth a few girlfriends on the side. His mom doesnt mind this. I Yi YI Link to post Share on other sites
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