Is There An Age To 'Throw In the Towel' for Women?

[MrNate 2.0]

Well, from my limited knowledge, it's not about failing really. It's about coming up with a proper functional fitness plan tailor to get the body you want. Like me, personally, I want perfect balance of speed, strength, power, flexibility, agility, stamina and endurance. So I would take those and see where I can improve my nutritional intake, what exercises to do, functional and compound, and how to make myself flexible, agile and quick. I'd like to be able to jump high as well - parkour intrigues me .....

 

I see. I feel like I have the joints of a sixty year old sometimes:laugh:

 

Parkour is pretty interesting. Reminds me of the classic:

 

[ThaWholigan]

I see. I feel like I have the joints of a sixty year old sometimes:laugh:

 

Parkour is pretty interesting. Reminds me of the classic:

 

It might be of interest to find some chek trainers or find a poliquin assessor if you can afford it. It's one of the first things on my to-do list after I start making money. The next is martial arts and the music career.

[Forever Silent]

Never Throw In The Towel. I will be old, grey, and damn near in a casket before I give up on some action.

 

On a more serious note, big business preys on your inadequacies, so as soon as you feel you are not worth it, or as not as beautiful as you were 3 years ago, big business has you were it wants you. I can see the adds now.

 

Advertising to a 40 year old woman,

 

"Hey do want to look as sexy as you were when you were 28, and as confident as you were when you were 32. Do you want your man to look at you like when you first fell in love. Then look no further, such and such indrustries has found the perfect solution for you." yadda yadda pay this amount of money and a sucker is born every minute.

 

Never Throw in the Towel!

[MrNate 2.0]

It might be of interest to find some chek trainers or find a poliquin assessor if you can afford it. It's one of the first things on my to-do list after I start making money. The next is martial arts and the music career.

 

Nice ha. I might just continue nerding it out with my atm websites and take up olympic lifting..get these joints functioning again, lol.

[Ruby Slippers]

BTW celebs/actresses are often times way too thin for me and a ton of other guys. Most of us like a woman with curves (as long as she's not fat). Stop listening to hollywood, stop listening to fashion designers. Listen to what guys tell you. We know what we like and it's not girls with the figure of an 8 year old boy

You renew my hope for humanity. I'm fit with curves, and once I accepted that men love it, guess what? They started loving it indeed.

 

Me myself, I have an average bust, no defined waist, and narrow hips, so I don't have the "correct" curves. Add chub on top of that, and it's very undesirable.

I guarantee you have some sexy, attractive body parts - could be your breasts, butt, legs, collarbone, back of the neck, ankles, whatever. Identify your strong points - inside and out - and highlight them. I KNOW what my assets are, and I flaunt them.

 

I'm no bombshell - but when I dress like one, smile like one, and charm like one, pretty much everybody treats me like one

[Woggle]

Women would save themselves a lot of hassle when they realize that men are not nearly as shallow as the beauty industry would have them believe. We really aren't.

[Ruby Slippers]

Women would save themselves a lot of hassle when they realize that men are not nearly as shallow as the beauty industry would have them believe. We really aren't.

[ptp]

 

I'm no bombshell - but when I dress like one, smile like one, and charm like one, pretty much everybody treats me like one

 

I would have to strongly disagree.

I uploaded a picture if anybody wants a peek.

[todreaminblue]

Why is it always the curvy girls who want to be slim and shapeless? . I remember when Jessica Alba was in Dark Angel, she was amazing. Then she got skinny and never looked as hot. It wasn't even the age, it was that she hated her curves and got skinny and slim.

 

 

The dark angel "probably" started her career that way the not so angelic one "probably" had a mother who bulldogged her food intake early in her career and completely in control,approve the menu plan her snacks tell the french chef who used to be in the french foreign legion how to cook....thats risky i think pretty stooooopid especially when he is hacking at a chicken with a meat cleaver....

 

demanding....special preferences and I cant think of the word at the moment that describes a mum who has full control who is on set all the time..stopping filming because her daughter must do this or do that **** the other actors who want to get it over with and relax for the day ......she was also "probably vegan".

 

Don't know about now..... But I do believe you only know what your mamma shows ya.....especially when it comes to image and how you treat people.

 

mum and daughter would "probably" not acknowledge an average person or bother to look up from texting... they are far too hot to bother with that....I believe there is ugly swag....i "probably"have no comment to who i think has that or not..I would want to know the chef....he is "probably" cool and much more interesting..definitely more adventurous.in my opinion only of course....how would i know...just guessin..deb

[utterer of lies]

Um... cause I am? Newsflash, I am 5'0" and 123ish pounds. That makes me, by BMI standards.... fat. Ta-da.

 

... Do you not understand what average is? If the majority of women are overweight, than the average woman... is overweight. A woman who is "thin" is in the minority, thus, not the average woman.

 

People, help me out, am I just not doing a good job of explaining this or is he just being dense on purpose?

 

You are not fat. You have big boobs and a well-shaped body.

 

Seriously V, it's not your looks that are the problem.

[somedude81]

Women would save themselves a lot of hassle when they realize that men are not nearly as shallow as the beauty industry would have them believe. We really aren't.

The fashion industry is run by women and gay men. Neither of whom are actually attracted to women.

[Lonely Ronin]

And what exactly should you base it on? Just being alive? Then everybody has worth... which, conversely, means no one does. If everybody is special, then no one is special. If everyone has something, it no longer has value, because everyone has it.

 

So what exactly should someone base their worth or value on?

 

this reminds me of something you said a while back that stuck with me.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/310459-finding-somebody-who-shares-your-sense-attraction

 

Because I want a guy who finds me hot. Not "attractive," but physically attractive. The kind of guy who first saw me across a room and thought," She is among the hottest/most beautiful women I have ever seen."

 

This is never going to happen for you. I'd be shocked if this happened for one person in a million. Hell most couples I know joke about free pass lists. why, because they know it's not realistic.

 

Your problem is you haven't learned (or most likely reject) what most people learn by their mid teens, that they are never going to be the best at something, very few people ever are. If they do set a world record, they are the best for a finite period of time, because some one will eventually break it. The hottest woman/man in the world will eventually age and no longer be the hottest.

 

Since your not the best at something, you automatically go to the extreme opposite. Since you can't be the best then you want to be the worst, because that to would make you special. You're not special V, you're just like everyone else, normal.

 

 

You need help V, please get it.

[brahmabull117]

This is never going to happen for you. I'd be shocked if this happened for one person in a million. Hell most couples I know joke about free pass lists. why, because they know it's not realistic.

 

Your problem is you haven't learned (or most likely reject) what most people learn by their mid teens, that they are never going to be the best at something, very few people ever are. If they do set a world record, they are the best for a finite period of time, because some one will eventually break it. The hottest woman/man in the world will eventually age and no longer be the hottest.

 

Since your not the best at something, you automatically go to the extreme opposite. Since you can't be the best then you want to be the worst, because that to would make you special. You're not special V, you're just like everyone else, normal.

 

 

You need help V, please get it.

 

 

Great post. She's so obsessed with being physically beautiful. I just don't get it, I really don't. There are lots and lots of women who are far less attractive than her who seem perfectly content in life and have normal boyfriends. Who told her that you need to look like a playboy model to be happy in life ?

 

 

News flash: the only guys who are going to expect their girlfriend to look like a playboy model are those who look like fitness models themselves. This is a small percentage of the population. The rest of the world is filled with regular people having regular relationships. So what the hell's the problem?

 

 

I've just never met somebody who was so hell bent on loathing herself. Did something bad happen in her childhood? Why does she hate herself so much?

[GildedLily]

To the original op; I'm 34 never married and seriously dating a doctor, it's never too late. The quality of men have gotten better as I've aged.

[Ruby Slippers]

The quality of men have gotten better as I've aged.

Same here. Once you start to get over yourself a little, the world really opens up.

[McGuffin]

If you're 5' and 120 lbs, then you're just slightly bigger than I am. I'm not fat. So at most, you're a little chubby. People who've seen your pics say you have big boobs, so if that's true, you're probably normal to thin.

 

I was thinking about whether it would be harder for me to get a guy if I was a little heavier, which made me think about my sister, who basically looks like a 50 lb heavier me. (But IMO, slightly less attractive facial features than me.) My less attractive, heavier sister has no problem with men. She generally dates men who would be considered by most people hotter than the men I date. Her ex husband was really cute and had a well-paying job. He gave her everything she wanted. The divorce was her choice, and it was because he gave her everything she wanted and she's one of those girls who wants their guy to be a "challenge". The same thing happened with her last ex, and he was really cute too. Though that guy sounded like a bit of a whiner and was totally lazy because his family was wealthy enough that he never had to work.

 

There's no way anyone would call my sister thin, she has normal sized boobs, and she finds men who adore her and can support a family financially. If she has no problem, I'm not sure why you do based only on your looks even if you're a little chubby.

[denise_xo]

Gratitude to....? Gratitude applies you have something to be grateful for, or someone to be grateful TO. Who or what am I supposed to show gratitude for?

 

With all due respect, you really have a pretty good starting point in life. I know people who would die to have a steady, secure income, a roof over their heads and enough money to buy food every month, have their physical health intact, have completed a college degree, and even have enough money to put some aside in a savings account every month. There are tons of people who have that as their "wants", but are in no material conditions to realise it. That you are trying to convince us that your life circumstances are uniquely unbearable is just extremely condescending and self centred. You really have a total lack of perspective.

 

You complain that you have debt - well, tons of people with higher education have lots of debts. You are capable of paying your debts and can even put money aside, which means you're doing better than a lot of other people.

 

You complain you can't buy a house. Most 27 year olds can't, without an additional income and/or the help of parents. I'm much older than you and can only afford to rent, and that applies to a lot of other people I know who are my age. Again, nothing particularly special about your situation.

 

You complain that you are not supremely talented at something. As others have pointed out, this is the reality for the majority of people. They don't allow that to keep them from leading full lives. Again, life as normal.

 

You complain that you are not particularly attractive. Again, the vast majority of people are average looking. And the vast majority of those people choose to deal with it in a way which is very different from yours. I've also had men tell me I'm not attractive. It's not an uncommon experience. Again, you're trying to turn a normal occurrence into a special case.

 

The essence of what you seem to try to communicate in your threads is "I am such a special case, with so particularly difficult life circumstances, than I'm objectively worse off than any other woman who struggles with finding a healthy relationship, or any person living in the third world who can't feed themselves/ are living in conflict/ can't afford education for their children, etc". And then you complain that we don't believe you.

 

I'm assuming you want to feel that you're a special case because that would alleviate you of some of the burden of having to actively address your issues. However, you're really going to lose out with that strategy in the long run. As far as I'm concerned, there's absolutely nothing that you have written that suggests your life circumstances are particularly different from anybody else, with the one exception that you clearly have some very distorted thinking patterns that are clearly interfering with how you approach life. That's the only 'uniqueness' I see in your situation, and that's not a uniqueness that is genetic or forever set in stone. It's something you can address, if you choose to.

 

You keep saying that people should give you suggestions. You have received TONS of suggestions in your threads, but rather than genuinely considering them, you put all your energy into refuting them. Counselling is one example. You said you have tried counselling once with a therapist who wasn't helpful. Well, then you need to try another one. Again, this is a pretty standard experience for lots of people: that one therapist doesn't work and you need to consider another one. Another member on this forum researched options for how you could find therapy that would suit your financial circumstances. Did you ever look into that? Rather than keep repeating how people don't like you, have you looked into how you can improve your social skills? And so on. You really can't blame anyone for not offering you suggestions anymore, because you are clearly not in a space where you are able or willing to work constructively on yourself. Until you get out of that space, no suggestions from anyone will make any difference.

 

I do have a lot of empathy for you, because you are clearly suffering. But to alleviate that suffering, you need a total change of strategy.

[Chocolat]

 

I've volunteered a few other places... museums, food pantries, churches... and it usually made me feel worse, not better, because it was hours and hours and hours of social interaction. I'm an introvert with marginally good social skills, so it was like having my head in a vice for an entire day.

 

So, can't volunteer with people, and volunteering with pets is a long waiting list... what else ya got?

 

How about volunteering at Hospice? Definitely a challenge that will force you to stop thinking about yourself for a while. And you might end up making a difference in someone else's life, which could, ultimately, make a difference in yours.

[CarrieT]

Ha! Read this article about "regressives" - 40-some women who are living like they are 25.

 

I'm 48 and am just now having what feels like my first "adult relationship" which is going to lead to marriage and a family (his, not mine; he already has kids and I'm going to enter his family and be a part of it).

 

But up until now, I've led quite the rip-roaring lifestyle and never once gave up the towel.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I don't feel there is an age limit, nor will I ever throw in the towel

 

If you want kids, yes there is a limit. If you want love, then no.

[irc333]

There are some women I feel they should just throw in the towel, they get SO frustrated when their LONG list of unrealistic expectations are NEVER Met (and probably never WILL be met)....might as well throw in the towel and start collecting cats as companions. lol

[RedRobin]

Gonna have to agree with this. The reason 30 is such a benchmark for women is because of pregnancy, pregnancy, pregnancy. Im not going to even get into the arguments regarding superficial aging, as it happens to both men and women, and people can still look hot to trot in their 30s and 40s if they take care of themselves.

 

Pregnancy is the culprit for why the tables turn in a mans favor at this age. And tbh...I dont find it to be in good favor. Women start worrying about finding the right guy and start chasing more because they dont want to have babies too late as it can be problematic. Problematic can be pregnancy issues or having a wrench thrown in her life plans. I know plenty of people have a particular age in mind where they want kids so they arent that much older than their kids growing up.

 

Because of this raise against different clocks, there are a number of women who end up settling for a "good enough" guy and not the guy they are madly in love with. This is where a guys point of view comes in regarding dating and the big 3-0. Men know many women are now in a rush...and the guys looking for love are put on edge at the idea that some girl he cares for might just be settling for him. Who wants that? Because it may not bold well for a happy marriage.

 

Plus with the over 30 crowd, many men, for the first time, know what it feels like to be chased and highly desired...so they play the field and enjoy their pick of the litter. But what will also make them standoffish is that many women will now put a time table on dating, engagement, and marriage because of her desire to get pregnant....and thatll scare a lot of blokes.

 

So I think pregnancy plays into all of this ageism. Ive always said Im open to women a few years older than me, but she would definitely have to be in the same life stage as me. I will say Im a little apprehensive because these chicks are usually ready to settle down and have kids soon, and Im not there yet.

 

There is a solution to this ladies...

 

spend your 20's building a career and a life that makes it possible to have kid (or two) on your own, if necessary.

 

Make sure to incorporate healthy social interaction during that period... there ARE men who want to have families and settle down too.

 

Don't waste time with the players and fun-boys... Past, or present. They don't make good partners.

 

It is only in their minds (the guys) that they think they are a hot commodity when they decide to finally get off their @sses and look for someone to settle down with. They are banking on your insecurity... have no doubts about that. You can see it in their posts.

 

These same guys become 40 or even 50... and are the ones spamming you ladies on the OLD sites looking for young-ins to start a family with.

 

Men have a bio-clock too. Don't let them make you think they don't.

 

If you don't reward them for it (as in, don't date much older men, fun-time boys, or players), and you create a life of abundance where you can have children on your own if you really want them... you will free your mind of these concerns and 'panic' about finding the right guy.

[stillafool]

If they started off beautiful, sure.

 

 

You know what I'm finding interesting as I've gotten older. The girls who weren't considered very attractive when we were young now look better than the ones who were beautiful when we were young. Some women don't bloom until much later in life.

[stillafool]

I don't feel there is an age limit, nor will I ever throw in the towel

 

If you want kids, yes there is a limit. If you want love, then no.

 

I like this. What I'm finding is a lot of women don't want to have kids these days. So for them there are no limits.

[verhrzn]

Your problem is you haven't learned (or most likely reject) what most people learn by their mid teens, that they are never going to be the best at something, very few people ever are. If they do set a world record, they are the best for a finite period of time, because some one will eventually break it. The hottest woman/man in the world will eventually age and no longer be the hottest.

 

Since your not the best at something, you automatically go to the extreme opposite. Since you can't be the best then you want to be the worst, because that to would make you special. You're not special V, you're just like everyone else, normal.

 

The key word you missed is "among." I don't need to be THE hottest. But I need to be AMONG. As in, he needs to consider me ONE of the more attractive women he's seen. Why in the world would you want to start a relationship with someone who saw you across the room and thought "Meh"?

 

And who wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't think we're special?? Is it really so much for me to ask that I want a guy to think I'm unique, special, and beautiful?? Is that really unrealistic?

 

No to skinny

Yes to fit curves

We need to make that a national poster

 

UGH. So long as they're CURVES IN THE RIGHT PLACES. For the last freaking time. Do you realize how often you talk out of both sides of your mouth... you claim men don't demand playboy models, that they love "curvy" women, and then in the very next post say that "overweight and chubby women" don't count, and that no one wants them or would care about them, obviously. You say women should stop thinking men are obsessed with looks... and then post pictures of these gorgeous, ideal women. Do you really not see what awful mixed messages you send?

 

The essence of what you seem to try to communicate in your threads is "I am such a special case, with so particularly difficult life circumstances, than I'm objectively worse off than any other woman who struggles with finding a healthy relationship, or any person living in the third world who can't feed themselves/ are living in conflict/ can't afford education for their children, etc". And then you complain that we don't believe you.

 

Actually, I don't think I'm a special case. One of the most frustrating things about this forum is this idea a lot of posters seem to have that women have it "easy" in dating. That all a woman has to do is through up an online profile, even without a picture, and she'll get tons of attention.

 

This is not true for me, and I believe it's not true for many women. The difference is, I talk about it openly. I think a lot of women are ashamed to discuss their single-life difficulties. There could be lots of reasons for this: you're less of a feminist if you admit you need a man, you risk a HECK of a lot of critism by opening up about your difficulties, you're made to feel like a freak ("Oh well I set up a profile with barely any information and got TONS of messages instantly.") People have assumed all manner of things about me JUST because I admit I have difficulty dating: I must have unrealistic standards, I must be fat (and not bothering to do anything about it), lazy, self-centered, sociopathic, on and on.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if there are plenty of female lurkers just like me on this forum, terrified of ever admitting they've had experiences like mine because they see the heat I get.

 

I also don't think I'm WORSE off than all the people you mentioned. Bad luck, or misery, or frustration with one's life, is not a zero sum game. I am neither better nor worse off than anyone else, because we're not on a ladder, and our emotions aren't determined by our place on that ladder.

 

Like I said before, I may be *objectively* better off, but only if I value those things I happen to have. As it is, I'd trade a lot of the things I have for a lot of the things I want. I could care less about having a college education, if I had a loving family. I could care less about my income, if I had someone just to share my life with.

 

I just think it's a very bizarre idea that you should be happy with your life, just because someone else might be happy with your life. Should I tell someone that they don't get to seek a divorce from their husband because some other woman would be happy with him?? I also have no idea how I'm self-centered about my own life. Do we not get to be want things in our lives?

 

You keep saying that people should give you suggestions. You have received TONS of suggestions in your threads, but rather than genuinely considering them, you put all your energy into refuting them. Counselling is one example. You said you have tried counselling once with a therapist who wasn't helpful. Well, then you need to try another one. Again, this is a pretty standard experience for lots of people: that one therapist doesn't work and you need to consider another one. Another member on this forum researched options for how you could find therapy that would suit your financial circumstances. Did you ever look into that? Rather than keep repeating how people don't like you, have you looked into how you can improve your social skills? And so on. You really can't blame anyone for not offering you suggestions anymore, because you are clearly not in a space where you are able or willing to work constructively on yourself. Until you get out of that space, no suggestions from anyone will make any difference.

 

Well.... I've tried counseling with 5 different therapists, ranging from a few sessions to 8 months steady (at least once a month.)

 

And yeah, I followed those options, but as I've explained before, money is the BIG obstacle. Even with the resources the poster gave, I can't afford it. The lowest sliding scale I could find was $100 a session, and they have no therapists available past 6 pm (which is when I work until.) I'm not sure people realize just how screwed up the health care system is, in regards to mental issues. Insurance companies won't cover it, the costs are astronomically high, the hours of operations suck... It's all well and good to say "get therapy, get help" but the reality of getting it is just insane.

 

I've tried to work on my social skills. I have bought DOZENS of self-help books, read thousands of articles. But that part of my brain is just broken it seems. How do you fix a broken brain?

 

But fine, people don't want to offer suggestions. The least they could do then is keep quiet, or at LEAST avoid being out-and-out rude about things. Hell, maybe even a little understanding would be nice once in a while.