Is There An Age To 'Throw In the Towel' for Women?

[Els]

BitTorrent - Delivering the World's Content

 

I know what a torrent is. I just did not know what his writing torrent contained.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I consider a person worthless if no one would care if they died.

 

Even the virtual strangers here on this board would care if YOU died, as would the "acquaintances" (who evidently don't shower you with enough attention to qualify as your "friends") you mention. And I am sure your family would be devastated.

 

Don't bother telling me about how none of the above would care if you died. I can already read it on the computer screen in my mind ...

[verhrzn]

Why do you need a goal? Why can't you just have a hobby because you like it? Or are you saying that the only way you can enjoy something is to be an expert at it?

 

I only enjoy it if I'm good at it. Again, I don't need to THE BEST or an expert, but I do need to be good at it. Otherwise I just see it as a waste of time. I don't enjoy, unless I'm decent at it.

 

I mean, would you have a hobby of falling on your face repeatedly? No. Why? Because it's painful. For me, doing something I am bad at is painful in the same way. Like banging my head against a brick wall.

 

I'm sure I sent Verhrzn a MASSIVE writing torrent to help her a little. God knows if she downloaded it. I swear, I get all these goldmines of information and share with people and nobody ever takes it .

 

Yes, I downloaded it, but there's a difference between studying something and doing something. I could read about how to be a good writer for the rest of my life and still not actually BE a good writer.

 

Dying as a completely average, unremarkable person. Or maybe reality tv.

 

Yay, are we finally agreeing suicide is a good way out?

[verhrzn]

Even the virtual strangers here on this board would care if YOU died, as would the "acquaintances" (who evidently don't shower you with enough attention to qualify as your "friends") you mention. And I am sure your family would be devastated.

 

Don't bother telling me about how none of the above would care if you died. I can already read it on the computer screen in my mind ...

 

What, facing the truth is too annoying for you?

[utterer of lies]

Yay, are we finally agreeing suicide is a good way out?

 

I never disagreed...remember?

 

If something thinks suicide or euthanasia are for them, I don't have any problems with that, as long as they take care not to harm innocents.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Yay, are we finally agreeing suicide is a good way out?

 

So, you are not only working your booty off to try to corner your online pals here into saying you are ugly and despicable, but that you should commit sewerpipe? That is just bad. Really.

[Mme. Chaucer]

What, facing the truth is too annoying for you?

 

Au contraire! Truth is most excellent! You should investigate it soon!

[verhrzn]

So, you are not only working your booty off to try to corner your online pals here into saying you are ugly and despicable, but that you should commit sewerpipe? That is just bad. Really.

 

Why? (10 characters) Again, truth too annoying?

[Pirouette]

I use "friends" to mean "they would show up to my funeral, and not just for the free food." I'd say I have a fair number of acquaintances; people I watch movies with, or go to parties with. But none of them would notice if I disappeared tomorrow, let alone care.

 

Yes, I have looked around at women my age, and they are all FAR more gorgeous than I am. That's why I was also interested in the age question... I mean, if I'm not attractive at THIS age, I must be in for a real bumpy ride as I get older.

 

No, I don't enjoy my job. Part of that is politics has slowly taken over the office, and part of it is having no room for advancement; being "stuck." And feeling like I'm awful at it. I wake up every morning in a panic that they will fire me today for sucking.

 

I actually do have a cat, but I don't get a lot of enjoyment out of him. He's rather selfish.

 

If your friends didn't notice or care if you disappeared tomorrow, they would hardly go to your funeral would they? What stops you from deepening these friendships? I assume you have tried to connect with them on a more emotional level?

 

I think you have blinkers on if you don't notice the young women who are less attractive than you. I mean you aren't the elephant man. I believe there are loads of more attractive woman than you, just as there are of me, but I also see the some who are objectively less attractive.

 

As for your finances, have you gone over them with a fine toothed comb to see where you can cut back and aggressively tackle your debt? Have you talked to a financial planner? I believe most banks offer that service for free. There are also plenty of books on the subject.

 

Realize that if you got the dog or the child that you so want, the reality can be far from the dream. They can be just as selfish as that cat of yours, and way more draining. You should get another cat, and look for the ones that are friendly and cuddly.

[McGuffin]

I've been poking around at those and have not found an affordable one. The other problem is I can't afford doggie daycare, and it would not be fair to a dog to stay locked up for 10 hours every day (I work 9 hours, and then the commute is about an extra hour.) Not sure how to work around that one, any ideas?

 

It's totally fine. Though you may have to work with the dog if it has separation anxiety issues. My dog tears things apart if she's left alone, so she has to stay in a crate for 9 hours a day. I've tried letting her out and sometimes she does fine, but then out of nowhere, she'll tear things apart. The dog experts say that there's nothing wrong with a full-grown dog being crated for 9 hours, because dogs feel safe like it's a den.

 

Yeah, I've done fan fic, and... it didn't turn out well. I've joined a couple of writer groups, but honestly, I didn't get any good feedback, because everyone wanted to talk about their own stuff. Horrible stereotyping ahead, but the creative types ARE usually ones who crave attention and spot-lighting. Also, the feedback I usually get is "It was okay." "Meh not my thing." Not super helpful there guys...

 

I think you were in the wrong group. The people I see reading fan fic are very nice. There are a lot of people who join groups just to read fic, because they're not writers themselves. The highest number of readers are probably in "shipper" communities. Maybe it's what you were writing fan fic for or the types of groups you're joining. I wouldn't suggest joining one dedicated to just writing straight off the bat, but only after getting familiar with some other writers and joining groups they're part.

 

I suggest joining a livejournal community that's for a TV show or movie you like. Start reading and commenting on other people's stuff. Then start submitting your fics. Ask people whose work you like to beta (another word for proofread and offer suggestions) for you. The betas are most helpful, because they can get comfortable offering constructive cricitism and a lot of them are more than willing to do it. Many will sugar-coat it for you but be brutally honest if you ask them to be. If you ask for honesty though, it's important not to take personal offense at genuine constructive criticism.

 

I've noticed that the people who leave a lot of positive comments on other people's fics and interact with the community a lot tend to get the most feedback on their own fics.

 

Personally, I don't get a lot of feedback when I write compared to what others get, but I don't participate that often. I write shipper (romance) fics that don't turn out to be all that romantic, but a few people still enjoy them. The readers are usually very nice. I think my writing is not what most of them like, but I've had one person who loved it and my writing style.

 

Yeah, trying hard is all well and good, but there's a certain point where you have to realize a goal is just a time-sink and not achievable. So, when you are not good at anything, what is a reasonable good goal to have??

 

Why does the goal have to be achievable for something good to come out of it? If my goal is to climb every large mountain in the US, it's probably not going to happen. But I only ever climb one, I still climbed a mountain.

[Lonely Ronin]

No, I really don't want to be exceptional, the BEST. I just want to be "talented." I want to be able to read my writing without flinching, or look at my black belt group and feel embarrassed beyond belief how I look beside all the rest of em. I just want to be GOOD, why is that so terrible?

 

You have a black belt, that probably puts you in the top 1% of humans, that's not enough for you though. Being in the top 1% or whatever small percentage of the population that has managed to obtain a black belt isn't good enough for you. You want to be the best, you want to be superior to those around you.

This is a mentally destructive mentality, as it's not an obtainable goal. As the saying goes "there will always be someone who is better".

[Els]

I feel quite sad that I spent all that time asking around about V when she went missing, but she somehow managed to still believe that nobody here would care if she died.

 

Ah, well. Them's the breaks.

[Cracker Jack]

What exactly do you want, V?

[utterer of lies]

What exactly do you want, V?

 

She craves the attention of random strangers in the internet. Isn't it obvious?

[verhrzn]

You have a black belt, that probably puts you in the top 1% of humans, that's not enough for you though. Being in the top 1% or whatever small percentage of the population that has managed to obtain a black belt isn't good enough for you. You want to be the best, you want to be superior to those around you.

This is a mentally destructive mentality, as it's not an obtainable goal. As the saying goes "there will always be someone who is better".

 

For the last time... the black belt is worthless. It's a participation award. Guess what, I bet if you showed up, you would have gotten one too. Am I in the 1% of humans for simply being in a place?

 

If your friends didn't notice or care if you disappeared tomorrow, they would hardly go to your funeral would they? What stops you from deepening these friendships? I assume you have tried to connect with them on a more emotional level?

 

As for your finances, have you gone over them with a fine toothed comb to see where you can cut back and aggressively tackle your debt? Have you talked to a financial planner? I believe most banks offer that service for free. There are also plenty of books on the subject.

 

What stops me is I don't understand social situations. I just seem to.... annoy people. My mother says even when I'm in a good mood (aka not negative), I'm emotionally draining, because I love analyzing and discussing, and most people just want to "have a good time."

 

Yeah, I've gone over my finances. Sadly, tightening my belt anymore would come down to a matter of priorities. For example, if I canceled my gym membership that'd be an extra $60 a month... but there goes working out and trying to get physically fit. The sad thing is, even if I cut out everything but absolute necessities, I STILL couldn't afford therapy. It is unbelievably frustrating, trust me.

[verhrzn]

What exactly do you want, V?

 

Sympathy. Having people understand how I feel.

 

Not being called a liar or an attention whore at the very least...

[Mme. Chaucer]

Why? (10 characters) Again, truth too annoying?

 

Again, no. And again, what you write is not the truth.

 

Making everything as ugly as you possibly can is not different from depicting everything festooned with rainbows and fluffy kittens.

 

Both - FALSE.

[verhrzn]

I feel quite sad that I spent all that time asking around about V when she went missing, but she somehow managed to still believe that nobody here would care if she died.

 

Ah, well. Them's the breaks.

 

And if the answer had been "Oh yeah she died," what would your reaction have been? Probably "Oh. Okay," right? I mean, come on, be honest, I'm a random stranger on the Internet.

 

Though I suspect if you'd told LS at large, they'd have a party. Mme Chauncer would bring the party hats.

[ThaWholigan]

I feel quite sad that I spent all that time asking around about V when she went missing, but she somehow managed to still believe that nobody here would care if she died.

 

Ah, well. Them's the breaks.

Yep. I've actually put her on ignore . I can't read all that self-hatred, it's disheartening.

[Cracker Jack]

People are sympathetic to your situation, for the most part.

[utterer of lies]

Sympathy. Having people understand how I feel.

 

Not being called a liar or an attention whore at the very least...

 

So you honestly don't think you are craving attention? ....Seriously?

[Els]

And if the answer had been "Oh yeah she died," what would your reaction have been? Probably "Oh. Okay," right? I mean, come on, be honest, I'm a random stranger on the Internet.

 

Though I suspect if you'd told LS at large, they'd have a party. Mme Chauncer would bring the party hats.

 

....V, I don't know about you, but I don't actually send out multiple feelers to find out if someone is okay, if I don't care about the result. I don't want to pile on you, but have you ever thought that the entire reason your social and dating life is so shaky is precisely because you persistently bite the hand that attempts to feed you? Why would anyone want to be nice to you or show care for you when all they get for it is derision and scorn? People will try, and eventually give up. When you have finally succeeded in making everyone give up, then your self-fulfilling prophecy will come true.

[McGuffin]

Sympathy. Having people understand how I feel.

 

Not being called a liar or an attention whore at the very least...

 

There are people here (myself included) who have said we believe you and are just looking for ways to help you despite your situation and disadvantages.

 

Do we not matter or do the people who think you're a liar and attention whore matter more than we do?

[Els]

Yep. I've actually put her on ignore . I can't read all that self-hatred, it's disheartening.

 

I try not to put genuine posters on ignore, for the most part. I mean, I tried for a while with SD, but I just didn't see the point in it. I totally get you, though, and I'm sorry nobody takes your information. I'm sure someone will someday.

[tman666]

And if the answer had been "Oh yeah she died," what would your reaction have been? Probably "Oh. Okay," right? I mean, come on, be honest, I'm a random stranger on the Internet.

 

Though I suspect if you'd told LS at large, they'd have a party. Mme Chauncer would bring the party hats.

 

BS. I, for one, would be greatly disturbed and saddened to see that a young life was lost in such despair. I would always wonder if there was something that I could have said to change your mind or help you out of the quicksand.

 

Seriously, you must have a bleak view of humanity to think that most people would simply shrug and go "oh, whatever" at something like that.