Is There An Age To 'Throw In the Towel' for Women?

[verhrzn]

So your basing your worth as a person on how physically attractive the opposite sex find you?

 

Nah, I'd base it off something else if there was something else. I used to base it off my intelligence, til I got to college and realized I'm actually not that smart. I used to base it off being a writer, til I realized I have absolutely no talent for writing. I used to base it on having interesting hobbies, til everybody and their mother suddenly became a "nerd" and it was no longer unique or special.

 

There's just nothing left to base my worth as a person ON except that. The last frontier, as they say.

 

 

I'll attest to this. I'm no online dating expert, but I can honestly say that I didn't see anything overtly negative. V's sense of humor, as far as I can tell, tends to be fairly deadpan. So while she doesn't come across as a giggling, pig-tailed tart, I didn't find anything negative or "poor me" about her profile.

 

Can't say I agree with this at all though... For the millionth time on LS, I will echo the sentiment: it's not your looks.

 

Oh come on, the OKCupid forum HATED my pictures. One guy said they were the worst pictures of anyone he had ever seen. Another said that any girl who cosplays is a whore with a reputation all men will stay away from (didn't quite follow that logic but okay...)

[neowulf]

My self-awareness. Like I said, it's a double-edged sword... It is a good and noble thing to be self-aware and self-examining, but it also means I am a lot more honest and aware of the fact that I am average-to-awful at most things. IF most people honestly examined themselves, they'd find the same... but lacking in self-awareness, a lot of people live on in blissful ignorance of their own flaws.

 

Eh, I wasn't going to post in this... we've done this dance before V.

 

But you remind me so much of myself and others in my life.

 

V, what you believe about the world will shape your experience in it.

 

You're so hung up on being "right" about what you believe, that you don't bother to ask the costs of it.

 

I sincerely believe you are suffering from clinical depression. I say that because the phrases you use, the absolute hopelessness. The sense that no matter what you do, no matter what happens, you are critically flawed.

 

None of it is real V. It's all in your own mind, your interpretation of events and your lot in life.

 

I know this probably won't reach you. No one here ever has, but the fact that you keep coming back says to me that at some level, some part of you wants to get better.

 

We reach out, complete strangers, to you.. because we can all see the pain you're in. Just take a chance on being happy V. You don't even have to do it alone.

[tman666]

Oh come on, the OKCupid forum HATED my pictures. One guy said they were the worst pictures of anyone he had ever seen. Another said that any girl who cosplays is a whore with a reputation all men will stay away from (didn't quite follow that logic but okay...)

 

Why do you take what these random-azz mofos on OKCupid say so seriously?

 

Honest question.

[Mme. Chaucer]

You can do karate, you have a good job, you like working out, you like video games, and to top it all off, you're sexy, even if you think it's bogus.

 

Right there are some things to be grateful for. Along with thousands of other things.

 

I get that we all feel how we feel, and thinking about the plight of "starving children in Africa" or whatever doesn't really have an effect on either a depressed person or just a chronic ungrateful whiner who has not known any real hardships. You are probably a combination of both.

 

Nonetheless, it's possible to cultivate an "attitude of gratitude" on purpose.

 

Personally, v, though there is plenty to like about you, I could never tolerate your ungratefulness, and your absolute self absorption.

[gaius]

Oh come on, the OKCupid forum HATED my pictures. One guy said they were the worst pictures of anyone he had ever seen. Another said that any girl who cosplays is a whore with a reputation all men will stay away from (didn't quite follow that logic but okay...)

I was actually going to suggest you drop the cosplay references and pics from your profile in the other thread. I know if a guy was talking about how many video games he played the women around here would suggest he reference that less, for good reason. It's still an activity looked down on by many people. Especially if the person is so into it they go to conventions and stuff. A lot of who we pick to date ends up being about what value we put on that person, looks is only one part of it. You might be devaluing yourself in many peoples eyes. Might be causing some guy who likes those legs of yours to pass you up.

[Lonely Ronin]

Nah, I'd base it off something else if there was something else. I used to base it off my intelligence, til I got to college and realized I'm actually not that smart. I used to base it off being a writer, til I realized I have absolutely no talent for writing. I used to base it on having interesting hobbies, til everybody and their mother suddenly became a "nerd" and it was no longer unique or special.

 

There's just nothing left to base my worth as a person ON except that. The last frontier, as they say.

 

In my opinion, this is your problem, you base you worth as a person, on being seen as special or unique in some way by society.

[todreaminblue]

I was reading an article today about how, according to a national survey, women feel the most sexy at 28, and most confident at 32, and then confidence/sense of attraction for self begins to slide after that.

 

I hear very often-on forums, from comments said in the media and by guys around me (coworkers, friends, strangers)-that women are at "their best" in their early 20's, and by 30 have reached their peak and are no longer viable in the dating world.

 

I'm curious if this article changes any perspectives. I'm also curious to hear from other female posters... what age do you think you "peaked" at, in terms of feeling sexy and confident?

 

Do you also think there's an age where, if a woman has never been married, there's a good chance she won't be? Is there an age for women where dating becomes pointless? (For example, any woman over 30 might as well not bother according to the guys on this forum.)

 

Here's the article if you're curious: Women feel most attractive at 28 - Telegraph

 

 

I think if youa re not happy with yourself adn are depending on finding a relationship to fulfill a need in you then you need to give the towel a wash add some fabric softener dry it in a clothes dryer... make it a pleasure to rub against your cheek and appreciate the simple things in life...

if you can smile when you do it you can dry someone with that towel and make them feel good......really random.....but try a soft warm fluffy towel against your cheek and close your eyes...if you can smile you can date.....and you can bring happiness to someone elses life..never bring your unhappiness into a relationship.... makes others miserable that's when you need to catch up on your washing and drying..that fresh clean linen smell....mmmmmm...deb

[McGuffin]

Well, that's not my problem, as guys online aren't interested either, and they have only my photos to go off of. And to cut it off before it even begins, I can call TMan666 as a witness that my profile is NOT in any way negative. So, if my profile isn't negative and yet I'm still not getting any messages, fair to say it's my looks, yes?

 

I'm not sure what you mean. You don't get any messages at all or you get messages but they stop communicating before you meet?

 

My self-awareness. Like I said, it's a double-edged sword... It is a good and noble thing to be self-aware and self-examining, but it also means I am a lot more honest and aware of the fact that I am average-to-awful at most things. IF most people honestly examined themselves, they'd find the same... but lacking in self-awareness, a lot of people live on in blissful ignorance of their own flaws.

 

I can't argue with that. I often think people who are the happiest are the most delusional. But I think there's room in there to be self-aware and happy. Maybe a degree less than the delusional, but happy still.

 

 

Do you really play video games? For some guys, even an average girl who likes video games is hot. Adding a black belt = super hot.

 

til everybody and their mother suddenly became a "nerd" and it was no longer unique or special.

 

Ugh, I hate that too. I can't wait for being nerdy to "go out". But there is something still special in being an actual nerd.

 

Oh come on, the OKCupid forum HATED my pictures. One guy said they were the worst pictures of anyone he had ever seen.

 

Don't let d!cks get you down. Pimply faced 15 year olds get their kicks on being mean anonymously on the internet.

 

Another said that any girl who cosplays is a whore with a reputation all men will stay away from (didn't quite follow that logic but okay...)

 

Another d!ck. My boyfriend loves my cosplay.

 

You have a lot of great qualities from what I've read in this thread alone. Other than the negative outlook (which I can see why you have, because you're not too different than I used to be), you're the kind of person I'd want to be friends with. I'm not saying that to be nice. I don't say things that aren't true just to make people feel better.

 

I also think you're smarter than you give yourself credit for. You come off here as intelligent. Again, I'm not just saying that. I kind of enjoy telling morons that they're morons, but you're not.

[verhrzn]

Personally, v, though there is plenty to like about you, I could never tolerate your ungratefulness, and your absolute self absorption.

 

Isn't telling someone that they don't get to be sad about their life, that they have to be grateful for things just because you tell them to, also a little self-absorbed? You seem to take my "ungratefulness" and whining very personally, as if it is somehow inconveniencing you. I don't get that attitude... I don't demand people be grateful for things, I don't demand they feel the way I want them to. Posters have every right to express their opinion that I SHOULD feel this or SHOULDN'T do that, but then saying I'M self-absorbed seems a little pot-calls-the-kettle-black.

 

In my opinion, this is your problem, you base you worth as a person, on being seen as special or unique in some way by society.

 

And what exactly should you base it on? Just being alive? Then everybody has worth... which, conversely, means no one does. If everybody is special, then no one is special. If everyone has something, it no longer has value, because everyone has it.

 

So what exactly should someone base their worth or value on?

 

I was actually going to suggest you drop the cosplay references and pics from your profile in the other thread. I know if a guy was talking about how many video games he played the women around here would suggest he reference that less, for good reason. It's still an activity looked down on by many people. Especially if the person is so into it they go to conventions and stuff. A lot of who we pick to date ends up being about what value we put on that person, looks is only one part of it. You might be devaluing yourself in many peoples eyes. Might be causing some guy who likes those legs of yours to pass you up.

 

So, being myself is devaluing me? I mean, if you scrub me of my nerdiness, there also goes the only thing that makes me able to compete. I can't compete with other girls in terms of looks, charm, humor, intelligence, etc... having nerdy hobbies is kinda all I got.

 

Feels like another rock and hard place... People don't value my nerdiness, but it's the only thing about me that's even a little attractive. Major bummer.

 

I'm not sure what you mean. You don't get any messages at all or you get messages but they stop communicating before you meet?

 

I mean I don't get any messages period, or responses. So if my profile isn't negative, and I'm (supposedly) attractive, why do I get absolutely zero messages?

Edited July 25, 2012 by verhrzn

[Cracker Jack]

Compete? Why the hell are you of the mindset that you should be competing with other women?

[verhrzn]

Compete? Why the hell are you of the mindset that you should be competing with other women?

 

... Because I am? Unless everybody is suddenly poly, I'm pretty sure most guys only get 1 girlfriend, which means there's only one spot available. If I go in for a job interview, am I not competing with the other candidates??

[McGuffin]

I mean I don't get any messages period, or responses. So if my profile isn't negative, and I'm (supposedly) attractive, why do I get absolutely zero messages?

 

Don't know. I've heard a lot of stuff about online dating, but I only ever got a message from 1 guy who wasn't a sleaze looking for a hookup, so I'm not a good authority.

 

I've heard what you're doing in the picture can positively or negatively affect responses. If you look like you're having fun, the responses go up.

 

What kind of photos do you have?

[todreaminblue]

... Because I am? Unless everybody is suddenly poly, I'm pretty sure most guys only get 1 girlfriend, which means there's only one spot available. If I go in for a job interview, am I not competing with the other candidates??

 

I think if you go into a situation and I mean any situation including dating at any age.... unsure insecure and worrying about competition and the possibility of not being good enough.you are going to fail.....many of the jobs I have been in have involved a selection board me sitting explaining to five or six men why i deserve the job..........you need to be confident that you are the catch in online dating and job interviews... there are professional daters who will trump you every time....you need to know what is good about you what makes you the one that is a cut above......then you will have the advantage..you have to be able to take rejection with a shrug they are missing out.....they are not clued up enough to know a good thing even if they were obviously there and they slapped them in the face with a mullet..they must be senseless...you dont want them....good luck and best wishes....

[grkBoy]

If you want kids, then it'll be an issue.

 

If you could care less, then there is no age when you "expire".

[dreamingoftigers]

Once your laying on the morticians table. Then id give up.

 

Well, even then, there are still guys with that preference.

[mesmerized]

Probably around late thirties though with all the divorces now happening with men and women in their forties, the agism can't afford to be as strong as before.

 

If you're not an attractive girl, no matter what age, you're SOL.

[mesmerized]

Who defines attraction ? Attraction is a relative term. Agism. People fall in love at different ages and stages of their life. True story.

 

Well, a "thin" girl nowadays is more attractive to the majority of men than a "big" or even an average sized girl. So if you're not thin or considered beautiful by society's standards, you have much less options.

 

Oh come on. My coworkers in their thirties call women their own age "older women". It makes me a bit angry tbh and I make sure to point out their own wrinkles and age signs which offends them I think the existence of agism towards women is not something you can deny.

[brahmabull117]

Probably around late thirties though with all the divorces now happening with men and women in their forties, the agism can't afford to be as strong as before.

 

If you're not an attractive girl, no matter what age, you're SOL.

 

 

Check out this thread I started on bodybuilding.com - a website filled with young testosterone driven fueled men who work out 5 days a week. I asked them if they would be willing to date an average looking girl with a great personality

 

 

Would You Date a Chick Who Is Avg Looking But Great Personality? - Bodybuilding.com Forums

 

 

 

That forum is quite possibly the most shallow forum you'll ever see on the planet. Guys on there who feel like they're fat even when they have 4 out of their 6 abs showing and yet 12 out of 17 guys said they would date an average chick if they liked her personality

 

 

 

I don't want to hear anymore nonsense about how guys are only interested in playboy models

[Woggle]

Refusing to believe the opposite sex isn't as bad as you think they are is a bigger cause of dating problems than age can ever be. If a person comes with the attitude already in their head that men are scum it is a serious turn off just as it is the other way around.

[ThaWholigan]

Well, a "thin" girl nowadays is more attractive to the majority of men than a "big" or even an average sized girl. So if you're not thin or considered beautiful by society's standards, you have much less options.

 

Oh come on. My coworkers in their thirties call women their own age "older women". It makes me a bit angry tbh and I make sure to point out their own wrinkles and age signs which offends them I think the existence of agism towards women is not something you can deny.

I can understand this. In England, a lot of the women don't age well at all . Quite a few do, but where I live, they look old quite early on.

 

I think it's due to being unhealthy, smoking too much cigarettes and drinking too much fosters . My mum is past 50 and still looks in her 30s. She may be lucky though, seeing as she's been toking the green since 12 .

 

Honestly, I can say I have been more attracted to some 30 year olds than a lot of the girls my age and younger. I also like shape rather than thinness. But that's just me.......

[verhrzn]

Don't know. I've heard a lot of stuff about online dating, but I only ever got a message from 1 guy who wasn't a sleaze looking for a hookup, so I'm not a good authority.

 

I've heard what you're doing in the picture can positively or negatively affect responses. If you look like you're having fun, the responses go up.

 

What kind of photos do you have?

 

Uh.... me in a dress at a party, me in a dress I sewed, me in two of my cosplay outfits. I'm.... pretty sure I'm having fun in them?

 

But hey, at least it's confirmed that it's not my attitude. Finally, validation!! Sometimes I wish I could fly some of the posters out to my city and have them just follow me around for a few days to actually see some of this stuff in person.

[ThaWholigan]

Id love to see your pic, I bet your above average and not giving yourself enough credit.

She's alright, she kinda looks like Nancy from Hollyoaks (british show), if she did some squats and deadlifts, she'd have Nancy's butt . Great boobs too....

 

Her case is a strange one indeed. I suggest moving personally, I reckon London would actually be good for her.

[mesmerized]

I can understand this. In England, a lot of the women don't age well at all . Quite a few do, but where I live, they look old quite early on.

 

I think it's due to being unhealthy, smoking too much cigarettes and drinking too much fosters . My mum is past 50 and still looks in her 30s. She may be lucky though, seeing as she's been toking the green since 12 .

 

Honestly, I can say I have been more attracted to some 30 year olds than a lot of the girls my age and younger. I also like shape rather than thinness. But that's just me.......

 

The issue is it's just not the women who age badly, men do too...Most of my coworkers don't look young or even attractive by any means yet they judge women their own age. Like I said, I don't let them get away with saying stuff like that easily

[Woggle]

Most of the women I have known who aged badly smoke, have done some hard living or tan too much. The ones who take care of their body still look good.

[verhrzn]

She's alright, she kinda looks like Nancy from Hollyoaks (british show), if she did some squats and deadlifts, she'd have Nancy's butt . Great boobs too....

 

Her case is a strange one indeed. I suggest moving personally, I reckon London would actually be good for her.

 

*Scratches head* I look absolutely nothing like that character. Maybe you're smoking the green to stay young too? :-P