ihateslowjams Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 I've read countless threads where everyone have suggested to move on completely and thats when your ex will truely start to miss you again and want to come back. You haven't gotten over your ex but she still came back which makes me wonder what i should do. Your situation is almost the same as mine with the ex partying and hooking up with other guys Well, his ex went after him. If you're planning on contacting your ex and initiating the reconciliation, be weary of the repercussions. If you're the dumpee and still in pain, I advice you to keep NC for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Kovalchoke Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 (edited) Well, his ex went after him. If you're planning on contacting your ex and initiating the reconciliation, be weary of the repercussions. If you're the dumpee and still in pain, I advice you to keep NC for now. She dumped me under really bad terms. I've been in NC for just over a month and it's been just over 2 months since the BU after a year long relationship. Apparently she's involved in a friends with benefits right now. Is 1 month too too soon to really have a good perspective? Haven't heard from her but she's asked one of my friends before if i was at the friend's house. Edited August 2, 2012 by Kovalchoke Link to post Share on other sites
ihateslowjams Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 She dumped me under really bad terms. I've been in NC for just over a month and it's been just over 2 months since the BU after a year long relationship. Apparently she's involved in a friends with benefits right now. Is 1 month too too soon to really have a good perspective? Haven't heard from her but she's asked one of my friends before if i was at the friend's house. I say to stay away from her and try to keep yourself busy/productive. Try to improve your life on things you've always wanted to accomplish, but don't break NC. Even though she asked your friend about you, that doesn't mean anything. You're looking for reasons to break NC, but it'll only backfire on you. I'm in the same shoes as you: BU 2 months ago, 7 weeks NC, and keeping myself busy. Ive deleted my Facebook because we have too many mutual friends and I didn't want to see what she's been up to. What have I realized in this NC period? Contacting the dumper with the motive of trying to convince a reconciliation process is stupid. It has to be their own choice to want to be with you, not convinced into being with you. You have to let go and if she somehow comes back in the future, then and only then is when you decide if you want to give it another go. That is the only true meaningful reconciliation. Until then, treat yourself well and your happiness will come after. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kovalchoke Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 I say to stay away from her and try to keep yourself busy/productive. Try to improve your life on things you've always wanted to accomplish, but don't break NC. Even though she asked your friend about you, that doesn't mean anything. You're looking for reasons to break NC, but it'll only backfire on you. I'm in the same shoes as you: BU 2 months ago, 7 weeks NC, and keeping myself busy. Ive deleted my Facebook because we have too many mutual friends and I didn't want to see what she's been up to. What have I realized in this NC period? Contacting the dumper with the motive of trying to convince a reconciliation process is stupid. It has to be their own choice to want to be with you, not convinced into being with you. You have to let go and if she somehow comes back in the future, then and only then is when you decide if you want to give it another go. That is the only true meaningful reconciliation. Until then, treat yourself well and your happiness will come after. Do you still have feelings for your ex? Mine has done alot of horrible things to me but I still do. I know what you mean. I've stayed on facebook and haven't looked at her stuff for over a month and i feel great about it. I also have learned to not contact them under any circumstance. I feel great and have been alot more successful ever since she broke up with me, but i still feel like something's missing. Could what she be experiencing be a rebound? seeking comfort? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ihateslowjams Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 (edited) Do you still have feelings for your ex? Mine has done alot of horrible things to me but I still do. I know what you mean. I've stayed on facebook and haven't looked at her stuff for over a month and i feel great about it. I also have learned to not contact them under any circumstance. I feel great and have been alot more successful ever since she broke up with me, but i still feel like something's missing. Could what she be experiencing be a rebound? seeking comfort? I dont wanna jack DisGai's thread, so Ill start posting on your OG thread about your BU right now. EDIT: just posted Edited August 2, 2012 by ihateslowjams Link to post Share on other sites
ihateslowjams Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 Any update on this? Im curious... Link to post Share on other sites
Skalabanan Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 Not seeing him on the forums for a few days could only be considered a good thing? I would love to hear an update mind! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DisGai Posted August 6, 2012 Author Share Posted August 6, 2012 Hello there , You're right Skalabanan, I must admit that I mostly visit these forums when feeling a bit confused/lost. So... here I am now. --- We spent the past week texting cute things here and there, she called me to chat for an hour one time, but we didn't meet up again until yesterday. She had gone on a short weekend vacation with her family. Now, I was feeling pretty jolly about my whole situation.. the girl is still the sweet, cute, funny, etc. girl that I know and like her for; we've been getting along quite well. We even ended up getting tickets to a concert in a few weeks. Although I can still say my heart is still guarded, I'm starting to feel more vulnerable around her. She's got me all caught up. So today I decided I'd unblock her on Facebook, because, well, we aren't in such a position to be blocking each other anymore. Bad idea. I really didn't think I'd get hit so emotionally..thought I'd be beyond that point. I saw a photo of her at some party a couple of months ago, clearly intoxicated, with the "other guy" wrapping his hand around her waist. Does it really matter? Not really, but these negative emotions were augmented by a few more things. I've noticed that she acts a little differently around just me versus amongst our friends. Our friends are awesome kids, but some of 'em do have some attitude problems and do engage in activities that I am not so fond about. Around me, she does not curse and is noticeably more positive/less critical. This bothers me, because I know her group of friends back at school are like our friends at home. I ignored it before, but mentioning it seems more applicable now. And as I was scrolling through our mutual friends' Facebook group, I was reminded even more so about her "party lifestyle" that particularly bothered/has been bothering me, such as advertising that her friend is selling cheap fake-id's. Soon after, she created an event inviting our friends over tomorrow to swim, eat, smoke, drink, etc, and invited me too. (She just invited the whole Facebook group. I'm going to be at work, so I won't be attending.) Now, I don't want to sound like a snobby, critical, naive, Christian child here, but I must reiterate that I am bothered by this. Some of you here have been saying that her actions should complement her spoken profound love for me, but honestly, she should know that I do not quite condone this outward expression of her party lifestyle. Either I'm just being a stupid baby, or this is an issue that I really need to ponder about... Thanks for reading... Link to post Share on other sites
SoConfusedAndInShock Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 omg dude im so happy for you! you sounds positive and looks like things are falling into peaces for you. Congrats again! would love to read more threads like this from others as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DisGai Posted August 11, 2012 Author Share Posted August 11, 2012 We haven't seen/spoken since last Sunday...she texted me that night saying she missed me while away for the weekend on a family vacation, but I didn't know what to say and didn't respond. On Tuesday, she asked, "Are you ignoring meee," and I just ignored it again. My sentiments were still the same; not sure if I really want to take her back and leaning more towards not. I felt bad acting indifferent and ignoring her. She said she'd be visiting school again for a week on Thursday and coming back the following Friday. So on Wednesday night, I texted her saying let's talk when she got back.. She responded, "I'm still around.. did I do something? But ok." I told her, "Yeah I know you're still here. And no." She said, "Ok. You should be sleeping! Good night." A couple days pass, and today, she sent me an email containing lyrics to Robin Thicke's "Complicated". Guess she's putting herself in Mr. Thicke's shoes. Complicated I wish I could change I wish I could change I wish I could stop Sayin the same old things I wish I could be Who you want me to be I wish I could stop Being the same old me I wish I could lose All of my blues I wish I could stop Puttin my blues on you I wish I could love Like nobody loves I wish that my goods Outweighed my bads enough Theres no way Theres no way Theres no way I can get back that girl Cause I'm too complicated And shes not complicated But I'm too complicated I wish I could change I wish I could change I wish I could stop Placing the blame I cant stop it I cant break down I cant drop it cant see how I wish I could lose All of my blues I wish I could stop Puttin my blues on you I wish I could love I wish that my goods Outweighed my bads enough You know it's killin me Baby how can I let you go Suddenly theres nothing I need more Theres no way Theres no way Theres no way I can get back that girl -Robin Thicke --- Now, I really am feeling her sincerity right now. I can feel that she wants to "change" to be with me, but I really really don't know..it's been on my mind this entire week. I've been jumping back and forth between thinking that I definitely don't want a girl whose lifestyle isn't really aligned with mine (alluding to partying, clubbing, etc.) and then thinking that deep inside, she does want her life to align with mine--it's just that her environment is preventing her (art school). I don't want her to change herself merely for the purpose of being with me; I'll know it's genuine if it's for herself and only herself. I guess I'll find out more about what I really want after talking with her this coming Friday. Link to post Share on other sites
ihateslowjams Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 I guess I'll find out more about what I really want after talking with her this coming Friday. Is that this coming friday? Why so long from now? just wondering... Since you guys already haven't even spoken to one another for a week except for those "I miss you" texts. I mean, wouldn't she at least text you a bit more? Im confuzzled... haha BTW, i have no experience in this topic... just a few thoughts that I'm wondering about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DisGai Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 Is that this coming friday? Why so long from now? just wondering... Since you guys already haven't even spoken to one another for a week except for those "I miss you" texts. I mean, wouldn't she at least text you a bit more? Im confuzzled... haha BTW, i have no experience in this topic... just a few thoughts that I'm wondering about. Yep that's this coming Friday, well... actually it's Thursday, and because she's back at her apartment near school until then. She's been shooting me a couple random cute texts/emails but I haven't been responding. And she gave me a call two nights ago to ask me why I was waiting till Thursday, so I said I just needed my space.. she agreed. Then she asked me what I thought about her, but I said to put it off until we meet in person on Thursday. Haha I appreciate that you're following up on this though. Link to post Share on other sites
Skalabanan Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 I don't know why but I just get the feeling your playing a massively dangerous game dude! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DisGai Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 I don't know why but I just get the feeling your playing a massively dangerous game dude! Hmmm could you elaborate? Is it the fact that I'm ignoring her and pushing off a conversation? If so, I really don't believe I'm purposefully playing a game.. it's mostly a result of my confusion/uncertainty about a relationship with her again. Link to post Share on other sites
steelgator Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 hey man i just think when you have the talk that you need to tell her that she shouldn't be changing herself for you but for her own benefit. Personally, I am going through changes myself...my ex wants me to grow up, stop smoking weed, and drinking so much. All these things I personally wanted to quit before I met her and since I have they have been happening less frequently and i have now since we broke up I've quit smoking for 2 months cold turkey. I drink maybe once every other week now too. I knew it was just a phase I would go through because I'm young and now I think(hoping) it's almost over. I don't want to raise a family with me doing that stuff. But dude she's young so you need to realize that and it seems she's very regretful of what she's done, but also help her realize it's something she needs to grow out of in order to have a healthy relationship with not just you but anyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jimloveslips Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Dude you're just doing this as there's nothing else in your life right now. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DisGai Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 Dude you're just doing this as there's nothing else in your life right now. Move on. Hah, okay man! Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Run from any woman that quotes Robin Thicke. Link to post Share on other sites
Skalabanan Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 Any Update? Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 (dup. post deleted) Link to post Share on other sites
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