Rejection feeds one's insecurities

[ptp]

Hmm. Puzzling.

 

Flirting, either verbal or non-verbal cues and signs to a woman that she - yes, she! - is lucky enough to have caught your eye, is definitely something that can help steer things your way. I suppose that it is a form of aggression (assuming we don't see all forms of aggression as bad) just as the assertiveness is, but it doesn't have to be aggressive (as in hostile, the more common sense of the word). But then sometimes we just don't feel up to being the one who takes the lead all the time, and if it feels like hard work, it's not very fun, is it? Let the mood take you, but don't sweat it if the mood doesn't appear. Honour your feelings, I suppose.

 

I'm sorry I can't be of more help. I know that it seems to me that I get more lucky when I'm doing stuff I like doing, and there's women around. Whether that's down to me being more aware of signs they're looking, or them looking more, or a bit of both, I don't know, but everyone likes someone who likes what they're doing and besides, doing something you like doing is an end in itself, no?

 

Easier said than done, I know, but when you have a conundrum or puzzle or question you're trying to solve, and you don't seem to be getting far with doing so, it's often best to put it to one side and do something else. I believe this is one of those times for you. If you can accept you're having a dry spell, that there are far too many variables and ambiguities to pin down the cause definitively, and that it's not a chronic problem as you've cracked this particular egg in the past, you can put it in a box, put the box on a shelf and get on with other stuff.

 

Only 3 people tried to help me in this thread so you have been very helpful.

 

I think that another my personality sucks when it comes to this kind of things that my interests usually don't coincide with the interests of women.

 

I don't know how this happened or how I developed this crappy personality, but I guess dating just isn't in the cards for some people. Depressing thought really.

[durentu]

How do I deal with this, how do I prevent rejection from feeding my insecurities and making me feel a whole lot worse?

 

You have to understand the true nature of things.

 

The most common error most people have is thinking that dating is a linear phenomena. Something like Success = +1, rejection = -1. Track record grand total is -50000 therefore, probability of next success is 1/50,000

 

This is completely wrong because the dating market with people's ever changing states are complex, not linear. That's right, it's non-linear.

 

This means that what you do almost has nothing to do with the outcome. Sometimes with a little effort, you score big. Or sometimes with huge effort, we crash and burn.

 

In all cases, you must at least do the approach. Ante-up.

 

 

But the grand fallacy is that you make assumptions. The reality is that NOBODY can predict the future for certain. Even if you think the probability is near 0%, you still attempt it because, you still don't know.

 

An example is that I'm a geek. Studied all my life, won awards and crap and always thought that I can never have that hot model. I was once depressed enough to run through the actual probabilities with all the math and scientific glory. The answer was still the same. The answer was "when hell freezes over". After that, I basically gave up dating because engineers are the nice guys and that's the end of that. So I focused on helping people with their subjects.

 

One day, I was helping a girl online in one of her engineering courses. She asked me to help her build her prototype so I said sure. I'll pack my equipment and drove over. She was a smoking hottie. 3-way interracial mix, spoke 4 languages, does modeling, and studying to be an electrical engineer. She was in a skirt, a top and heels (this was montreal). My first reaction was to run, but since I was there to help, I has to ask if it was her. It was, and got to helping her. I told her flat out: "I'm an engineering geek who's here to help you build something. It would be of great help to me if you wore something that was less flattering". She was sweet enough to understand and wear something hideous for me. The prototype was built and I left. A relationship formed and got to dating and it was great. We broke up in the end, but that was because my insecurities kept getting in the way.

 

The problem was my assumptions. In my tiny world, I thought I had accounted for everything but it wasn't true. It turns out that I don't have all the information until I'm actually in the moment. Assumptions KILLS. So I stopped doing that. This is true for so many things like investing, business, family, politics etc.

 

The #1 rule for investing is that the past performance DOES NOT guarantee future performance.