Is he Gay?.

[Wonder1]

Hi All,

 

It's my first time posting and kinda needed some advise why set up the account could not really get it anywhere else and I'm at a bit of a lose.

 

Ok I have been dating this man for 9 months, he is 31 I am 27. We have a very active sex life and he is the best guy I have ever been with.. Incredible in bed and very adventurous... Thing is he has this fantasy he told me about, he wants to give a guy a blow job and in his previous relationship with his ex gf, they had threesome and he sucked the other guy. He also admitted he met this guy on his own and they sucked each other but did not have sex. My boyfriend said he has no interested in doing a guy or them doing him, just sucking. I'm quite open minded and he said he is not looking for it actively but if I wanted to try it out with him he wouldn't mind. I'm a bit confused he said he is not bi sexual or gay so why would he want to suck another mans dick?.

 

Any help with this would be appreciated because I am very confused?. Do guys like that?. Is it normal?.

[UmbrellaBoy]

If he wants this, he is by definition bi in at least one sense.

 

Now, he may not have an overall orientation towards men in general. It may just be a fetish for the one act that he somehow developed from some experience or idea, and he may have no other holistic attraction to men.

 

But, I suspect it means he's at least bi.

[jeffmeyers]

Ha ha

 

The guy sucked a guy once. He liked it enough to do it again. Now even in a relationship with a girl, he still wants to suck a guy off (under the excuse of a threesome) but he's still straight?

 

I'm sorry, he's at the least bisexual. He's either lying to you or to himself. Some gays don't like anal sex, but do everything else.

[Feelin Frisky]

No, straight guys don't like or do this. There is however a segment of otherwise "straight" men who at certain times in their lives develop penis fascination--they get hot admiring cock and entertain fantasies involving it--but those types aren't attracted to the whole man in the sense of finding a guy cute and getting into the personality of another man. Porn is often made to exploit this fat--there are many videos made for men usually involving a woman but the big emphasis is on big cock and ejaculation. Usually they don't even show the guy's face. Bukkake films are like this where tens of guys dump their goo on a chick's face or body. Women rarely avail themselves of that kind of penis/semen-centric material.

To the men who watch and get hot it's just a headless male bodies shooting wads. The vast majority of men lose the attraction when it turns to reality where they can't control and make the fantasy do what they want--real personalities become involved and i becomes creepy to the otherwise straight guy.

 

This guy in the original post sounds like one of the smaller percent who who make the jump from fantasy to reality but still think of themselves as straight. I think it's denial but obviously there are guys in this demo. But the fact that he did this with someone he knew tends to imply he is really at least bi-sexual. Male friends don't have sex with each other--that implies homosexual attraction to the person and not that penis fixation scenario where it's just about dick fascination. In the world of male sex with other men, there is a long history of men going to bath houses or even public bathrooms in parks and crazy free-for-all cock sucking sessions in bars and on piers like in NY near Ramrods and West World. They don't want to know each other and just go at it with reckless abandon and then avoid each other because they lose the lust right after the act. Sex is said to be a "continuum" which can be tested by realities rather than a strict absolute. But for most men they want it to be an absolute--they want to be comfortable and secure that they are straight and aren't gay, or deviant. No homo. Just telling what I know and what I have extrapolated from legend. Personally I am grateful to have no such complications in my identity. Oh, OK, I do like to watch a good bukakke vid here and there but I don't see men in reality as objects of sexual interest or intrigue. Just doesn't happen.

[Forever Learning]

Hi All,

 

It's my first time posting and kinda needed some advise why set up the account could not really get it anywhere else and I'm at a bit of a lose.

 

Ok I have been dating this man for 9 months, he is 31 I am 27. We have a very active sex life and he is the best guy I have ever been with.. Incredible in bed and very adventurous... Thing is he has this fantasy he told me about, he wants to give a guy a blow job and in his previous relationship with his ex gf, they had threesome and he sucked the other guy. He also admitted he met this guy on his own and they sucked each other but did not have sex. My boyfriend said he has no interested in doing a guy or them doing him, just sucking. I'm quite open minded and he said he is not looking for it actively but if I wanted to try it out with him he wouldn't mind. I'm a bit confused he said he is not bi sexual or gay so why would he want to suck another mans dick?.

 

Any help with this would be appreciated because I am very confused?. Do guys like that?. Is it normal?.

 

I don't blame you for being confused!

 

This is not what most people would call 'normal'.

 

In that, I am not aware of most guys having this fantasy.

 

So I agree, your boyfriend sounds bi-sexual.

 

He's 31, and has this recurring fantasy. I think he might still have this fantasy at 35, at 38, at 43, at 50.

Maybe all his life. Maybe not.

 

But the fact he's actually made his fantasy come true, both on his own, and with another girlfriend via '3-some' in the past, means to me, it's a big part of who he is. He's bi-sexual.

 

So no, I don't think most guys have this fantasy, because most guys aren't bi-sexual.

 

Is this something that is cool with you in the long run? You have to think long and hard about this. If it's not cool, you may want to end this and move on.

 

I think many women would not be cool with this. It would make them wonder if, in the long run, he would want to be with men more than be with them. But that varies from person to person I suppose, how much it would bother them.

 

I personally would NOT want to be with a bi-sexual man, nor a man that had sexual escapades with another man, and still actively fantasizes about it.

 

I'm not up for that in my life. But there are women out there, for whom, it's not a big deal to them.

 

I'd prefer a monogamous relationship, where the only person he was interested in having sex with, was me! I think most people feel that way.

 

That's what you have to think about.

 

And, I think you should insist he get an HIV test, in fact a full STD testing would be best. You can get HIV testing kits at CVS Pharmacies here in the USA. Or you can go to your doctor or any number of testing clinics. Here is a chain of clinics in the USA to get tested at, it's called "Any Lab Test Now":

 

HIV test, Syphilis test, Herpes I (HSVI) tests, Herpes II (HSVII) tests, Gonorrhea testing, Chlamydia testing, Hepatitis B test, Hepatitis C tests STD TestsPanels > HIV test, Syphilis test, Herpes I (HSVI) tests, Herpes II (HSVII) tests, Gonorrhea te

 

Good luck and all the best to you!

 

p.s. you might also want to read some of the threads in the section here called "Gender and Sexual Identity". Cheers!

Edited July 26, 2012 by Forever Learning

[Wonder1]

Thank you for the replies, much appreciated.

 

I had a discussion with him and told him I thought he was bi sexual but he is still maintaining that he is not. I think he is.

 

I'm finding it quite hard to come to terms with it, I thought I was more open minded about things but I guess I am more traditional than I thought.

 

He is very caring, considerate, attentive and gentle otherwise the relationship is perfect and we enjoy each others company, have everything in common. I suppose I have to think more about it.

 

Thanks once again for your advice, made me see a bit more clearly.

 

(also learnt more phrases never heard of bukkake before had to google it)