mem11363 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Mme, This you have made "THE" key distinction here. Doing it "to" her, not "with" her. Completely different. Her part of the setup: She isn't liking (x,y,z) the state of the house/his lack of making the "handy man" effort. He doesn't like: - Their sexual frequency - The avoidance games that he sees as dishonest and selfish His part in this: - He gets the vibe - maybe he is angry - maybe he wants her to feel what it is like to not seem desired by your spouse. He delays his response. When he does respond, she is annoyed. After ALL this rejecting HIM, he had the gall to make HER question her own desirability for a few minutes. Hmmmm I can't get a sense of how indifferent her vibe was. I can say, that as a guy there is no way to be aroused, and minutes later have your partner touching a spooning you and not get turned back on very quickly. So if I am him I AM expecting her to get turned on. By the time she doesn't I am pretty far along. Not a good situation to be in. Having been on the receiving end of two completely different patterns I will share the "higher desire" spouse's viewpoint: Context: It has been longer than I prefer since we have connected. She isn't "in the mood". Doesn't matter why. She just isn't. Scenario 1: W: "Babe - I know we haven't had sex in months. Would it be ok if we connected tomorrow night?" Light humor is always good social lubricant - and implied is recognition that my perception of time and hers are different where sex is concerned - this is both the prelude to an apology and a mild caricature of my "high drive" induced temporal distortion. All done in a sincere tone that conveys she wishes she had more desire. Note what she does NOT do. She does not explain why. LOVE that. Because it shows two things: - She doesn't OWE me an explanation of why (sometimes she explains, but more often not) - She is comfortable being completely transparent with me: "I do not wish to do X tonight" - full stop. This is not the game of "I wish we could but I have to get up early, or I wish we could but I have a headache". Scenario 2: She watches tv until she is too tired and walks in the bedroom radiating the "I am dead tired vibe". Not the end of the world - but not exactly considerate either. Would not be a good thing if it happened frequently. He was having sex "ON" her, and / or "IN" her, but not "WITH" her. There really is a big difference. I'm sure you won't take my word for it, but just because you can't understand something does not mean it is not really true. And she didn't pull a "cold fish" routine in the middle of anything. He f**ked her when she was unresponsive from the start. Im pretty sure that if you ever found yourself in a situation where a woman was "available" for sex even if she was not interested in having it, you'd behave just as her husband did. I'm very grateful that my husband (and my exes as well) weren't of that mindset. It sounds barf inducing, rather than orgasm inducing. I prefer the latter in my sexual life! Link to post Share on other sites
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