I broke it off with the Other Man, he hates me

[Princesslove79]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I am in a terrible predicament and I could really use some advice, last year I befriended one of my male co-workers. We found we had a lot in common from music to television shows. We spoke daily at work until one day I decided to give him my phone number so we could talk outside of work. I always told him that I would be there if he ever needed someone to talk to. At this point is was all platonic, he would on occasion say inappropriate things to me like “you look sexy today” or “if I was your man I would be so lucky” I just kind of blew these things off because he is engaged with a child and I am married with a child. A few months went by and we became really close, he would even call me after work to talk. In October of last year, we went out with a few co-workers to a bar; him and I got drunk and ended up kissing. He confessed to me he liked me and could tell I was into him. I admitted I liked him but was happily married so it would never go anywhere. He seemed to be ok with that and we remained friends. In December, he asked me out for a drink this time alone. We ended up making out in his car and he again confessed he liked me, I admitted I was very attracted to him but could not go any further because I did not want to betray my husband. He seemed ok with this and told me I was worth waiting for but did not stop pursing me at work. Shortly there after I made the biggest of my life and began a sexual affair with my co-worker, the affair lasted several months. I became very emotionally attached to him and felt as if I was falling in love with him. Knowing things would never go any where between myself and the co-worker I began to feel depressed. I know the relationship was toxic and needed to end. I could not get over the tremendous guilt I felt for what I was doing to my family so recently I broke things off with my co-worker. I sent him a text explaining how I felt and that I could not see him anymore. He said he understood and just wanted me to be happy. I confessed to my husband what I did and we are trying to work things out. The problem comes in at work; the co-worker I had the affair with is ignoring me and giving me the silent treatment. He gives me mean looks all day and is now flirting with other woman in the office to get me upset. I don’t understand why he is making my life so miserable at work when he said he understood why we can’t be together anymore. I would like to be able to just get over him, its hard enough I have to work with my ex lover and see him everyday but for him to put salt on my wounds it is unbearable. If anyone can give me some advice on why he is doing this to me and who to get through this please let me know. I expect I will receive a lot of judgment because my affair. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[mercy]

I don't think he is doing anything to you. He is being himself, a player. He's moved on to the next woman. Be glad you're rid of him.

[BetrayedH]

For the sake of your husband and yourself, you need to leave this job. I truly commend you for disclosing to your H. This is the next step so you can heal your M. No job is worth your M and this voluntary step is something your H needs (whether he says it or not) and a sacrifice you need to make.

 

Good luck.

[Stoneman70]

I don't think he is doing anything to you. He is being himself, a player. He's moved on to the next woman. Be glad you're rid of him.

 

Do you really think all men are horrible cheaters, liars, players? It seems to me thar he is incredibly hurt by the affair ending and trying to make her feel bad. I don't think he's just moving around the office for a new piece of tail. They were in love and both are hurting. A lot of people use jealousy to deal with their pain. I know I did.

 

Op..it will get better...I'm 3 months out my affair ending and its bad, but getting better each day. I would try to find a new job too.

[Furious]

Do you really think all men are horrible cheaters, liars, players? It seems to me thar he is incredibly hurt by the affair ending and trying to make her feel bad. I don't think he's just moving around the office for a new piece of tail. They were in love and both are hurting. A lot of people use jealousy to deal with their pain. I know I did.

 

Op..it will get better...I'm 3 months out my affair ending and its bad, but getting better each day. I would try to find a new job too.

 

 

The other woman you are in love with is not the first woman you cheated with on your wife. You have been cheating on your wife for the entire length of your marriage. You are not being honest in your statement to this poster.

[Stoneman70]

You are right, I'm just reacting because his act of giving mean looks and flirting in front of her w other women is not due to him being a player, it seems a reaction out of pain. Men don't make women jealous for no reason, there is more to it. When i am hurt by a women, I've done that before. Childish,yes, I know it. I think he is feeling the pain of the break up, not moving on to see who else he can screw, in my opinion.

[mercy]

Do you really think all men are horrible cheaters, liars, players? It seems to me thar he is incredibly hurt by the affair ending and trying to make her feel bad. I don't think he's just moving around the office for a new piece of tail. They were in love and both are hurting. A lot of people use jealousy to deal with their pain. I know I did.

 

Op..it will get better...I'm 3 months out my affair ending and its bad, but getting better each day. I would try to find a new job too.

 

Calm down, you'll be ok.

[Artie Lang]

first off, let me say that I commend you for confessing to your husband.

 

now, you have to realize the stark truth.....you were only another notch on this serial cheater's belt- THAT'S ALL! nothing more, nothing less.

 

you gave away what was only meant for your husband(your "womanhood") to some jerk, who most likely has done this before.

 

you need to quit your job asap.

 

comprende?

[nofool4u]

He confessed to me he liked me and could tell I was into him. I admitted I liked him but was happily married so it would never go anywhere. He seemed to be ok with that and we remained friends. In December, he asked me out for a drink this time alone. We ended up making out in his car and he again confessed he liked me, I admitted I was very attracted to him but could not go any further because I did not want to betray my husband.

 

You already did betray your husband at this point. What makes you think you didn't?

 

 

He seemed ok with this and told me I was worth waiting for but did not stop pursing me at work. Shortly there after I made the biggest of my life and began a sexual affair with my co-worker

 

I'm assuming you meant to say "mistake" in there somewhere.

 

No, it wasn't a mistake, you did it because you wanted him. End of story.

You admitted to him in the beginning that you were attracted to him. Then you made out with him. Then you had sex with him.

 

No mistake. You did each of these things because you wanted to.

 

 

I confessed to my husband what I did and we are trying to work things out.

 

Well at least you had the decency to come clean, I'll give you that.

 

The problem comes in at work; the co-worker I had the affair with is ignoring me and giving me the silent treatment.

 

So what? The OM should be completely insignificant to you if you are suppose to be "working things out" with your husband.

 

In fact, you should be looking for another job.

 

 

He gives me mean looks all day and is now flirting with other woman in the office to get me upset.

 

So what? He isn't your man and isn't your husband. The very fact that you are still concerning yourself with the OM indicates how insignificant your husband is to you, and as such there can't be any working on the marriage when you disrespect your husband by worrying about this other man.

 

 

I don’t understand why he is making my life so miserable at work when he said he understood why we can’t be together anymore.

 

 

Again, so what? Ignore him. You think he is making your life miserable by ignoring you? What do you think you just did to you husband? Your HUSBAND is the one you need to be worried about and concentrating on.

 

 

I would like to be able to just get over him, its hard enough I have to work with my ex lover and see him everyday but for him to put salt on my wounds it is unbearable. If anyone can give me some advice on why he is doing this to me and who to get through this please let me know. I expect I will receive a lot of judgment because my affair. [/sIZE][/FONT]

 

What difference does it make WHY he is doing this. Its irrelevant unless you plan to leave your husband. If you were in the process of setting your husband free from you, then you could worry about why he is doing this all you want.

But you don't get to have that luxury. You cheated on your husband and now he is the one you need to focus on. If thats too much of a stretch for you, then set your husband free.

 

You expect to receive alot of judgement because of your affair? No, not really. But you should expect to receive it because of the continued and ongoing disrespect of your husband because of you worrying about what the OM is doing or thinking.

 

But if you really must know what we think he is thinking, then here it is IMO.

 

He played you, he only wanted to get in your pants and was telling you what you wanted to hear the entire time. Then when he could no longer get you to betray your husband, it angered him. You cut off his taboo sex with a married woman, he didn't like it.

 

Now, about that husband of yours, are you going to drop this idea of giving a crap about what this OM thinks and start respecting your husband and marriage?

[Princesslove79]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I really appreciate everyone’s advise and honesty, I guess the real reason I care what the other man thinks is because I developed deep feelings for him I thought I was falling in love with him. As terrible as that sounds it is the truth. My husband and I have not had the best marriage he cheated on me in the past and it hurt so I never wanted to hurt him but it happened and I must deal with my mistake. I am going to do my best to ignore my feelings and not let the other man get me angry or upset at work it is not worth it. I really do want to try to save my marriage and I cant put all my energy into that if I am still focused on the other man. I know this may sound crazy but at one point I thought I might love them both how selfish is that? [/sIZE][/FONT]

[nofool4u]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I really appreciate everyone’s advise and honesty, I guess the real reason I care what the other man thinks is because I developed deep feelings for him I thought I was falling in love with him. As terrible as that sounds it is the truth. My husband and I have not had the best marriage he cheated on me in the past[/sIZE][/FONT]

 

Well, with this new info, I guess there is a reason your husband couldn't just dump the marriage if he did it as well. Would be a huge double standard.

 

But yes, if you are to work on the marriage then the OM needs to be insignificant to you.

[Artie Lang]

sounds like you had a "revenge" affair, but don't want to admit it