SouthernSunshine Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 <<Venting>> He's at it again... it's been a little over a month since his last "episode"... Things felt good, and life was going great! Then yesterday he started criticizing me for wanting intimacy with him. He made me feel like a chore, a burden, a problem.. He blew up and started yelling at me telling me all I want is sex. Then this morning he texts me from work being all nice and loving... said he was gonna take me out when he got home. So he gets home, and takes me out... we have a few drinks then come back home, I bring up sex and he blows up again... but this time it lasts longer, like 3 hours long! I try to tell him it's ok, and he doesn't have to have sex with me ( yea, that makes me feel really beautiful) but he continues to bash me and brings up things from several months ago. He then throws up things that he's done (nice, good things) like he's keeping score of all the nice things he's done, and all the terrible things I do. I try to snap him out of this very hateful, and cold mood he's in by holding him, hugging him... but his arms just lay flat beside him.. I said "please hug me, stop being so mad"... and he says "I don't wanna hug you"... Its extreme again... like the end of our relationship. He's telling me "Go find someone else... bye... leave... go on"... But I know once I leave or withdraw he comes back like the perfect guy and does everything so right! By him treating me like a chore sexually really messes with my head, because when we are intimate I'm wondering "does he really wanna do this, why is he suddenly wanting to be with me"... because there is no cause & affect with him... He just suddenly wants to have sex with me after making me feel like **** for wanting it. I'm just so tired of this lifestyle, up and down manipulated rollercoaster. When we were dating he acted like a sex fein, but now it's like pulling teeth to get any from him, and I'm damned to hell if I even hint around or mention it because he blows up and starts yelling and calls me names. I feel he abuses me verbally and mentally. I get mixed signals from him and he attacks me. I just cant talk to him, and I don't know what to do. When he gets like this I absolutely cannot stand him. He makes me hate him. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Can you explain to me why you are with him? I don't get it. Why are you subjecting yourself to that? I dated someone with strong, strong, personality disorder traits. You need to stay away from him. There's no way that this can end up pleasant for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 With billions of eligible men in the world, why do you stick with someone who makes you post in an abuse thread? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SouthernSunshine Posted July 27, 2012 Author Share Posted July 27, 2012 (edited) Yes, I know I need to leave. Reading back through this post, it's obvious I'm wasting my time with this man. It's funny this morning he texts me "Good morning baby, i love you"... I told him he confuses the hell out of me, and he said "All i did was tell you good morning and I love you"... (heavy sigh) ETA: Me and my child lives with him... and my child has made many friends here in the nbhd and likes her school... so I feel stuck. I will ultimately leave one day, but I hate to uproot my kid. Edited July 27, 2012 by SouthernSunshine Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Yes, I know I need to leave. Reading back through this post, it's obvious I'm wasting my time with this man. It's funny this morning he texts me "Good morning baby, i love you"... I told him he confuses the hell out of me, and he said "All i did was tell you good morning and I love you"... (heavy sigh) ETA: Me and my child lives with him... and my child has made many friends here in the nbhd and likes her school... so I feel stuck. I will ultimately leave one day, but I hate to uproot my kid. Please consider what kind of relationship examples are currently being modeled for your child............ Your child will end up getting the message that it's okay to put up with abusive behavior. (and could end up having similar relationship difficulties in his/her life as an adult. Kids can make new friends. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I was thinking the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SouthernSunshine Posted July 27, 2012 Author Share Posted July 27, 2012 Thanks. That's a positive way to look at things. I want the best for my kid, and this relationship is unhealthy. Some families move all the time huh? I guess I can move but stay in the same school district. It will be hard, but better in the long run. Damn... after this realtionship I think I'll just stay single. It's like I go from one bad relationship to another! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 What happened to the girlfriend you were in a very serious relationship with just 2 months ago?!?! You just started a relationship with this man and then moved in with him … with your kid? Sorry, but that is not good. Anyway, this relationship is very new, and (sadly) you must have been "uprooting" your child like crazy to get to this place already, so please just end it. SS, I have been following your posts for a while (obviously) and have participated in your threads. I have to say that you show a tremendous amount of instability, though you tend to write about the behavior problems of your various partners. I didn't realize you had a child who was going through all of this with you. Please, please get some help for YOURSELF. Consider taking a break of at least several months (preferably over a year) from getting into any "serious" relationships and especially cohabiting with anybody. And, move away from this jerk, who you barely know anyway. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I'm telling you, if he really does have BPD or even just very strong traits, it would take EXTENSIVE, INTENSIVE therapy and therapy very, very specific to his condition, which you just can't get anywhere. The therapy should be very specialized. It will take YEARS for him to get better. Run. Don't look back. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SouthernSunshine Posted July 27, 2012 Author Share Posted July 27, 2012 I'm still with her... it's actually my girlfriend not boyfriend. I put boyfriend in fear of being discovered some how. If she were to go through my stuff and see what I wrote about her on here... or if by chance someone that knows us would piece together the puzzle, idk... And my child was living with her father up until a few months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 But right before that you had the cheating boyfriend, right? Anyway, she sounds messed up but above and beyond that, you are not happy, you are not getting your needs met, you are exposing your daughter to bad crap, you still seem very unstable to me, and I hope you will move on and stay single for a while. Concentrate on getting your life in order and providing a safe haven where both you and your child can thrive. If you haven't, why don't you try to OBJECTIVELY read your past posts here and see what kind of story is told through them … Take care 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SouthernSunshine Posted July 27, 2012 Author Share Posted July 27, 2012 Oh gosh... I just read back through my threads, and if my gf found this she would have my a$$!!! I completely forgot about my previous thread... thought I said it was my bf not gf. ETA: I love her and I wanna make it work... but it's insanity. My mom says I will end up needing medication if I don't get out now. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 ETA: I love her and I wanna make it work... but it's insanity. My mom says I will end up needing medication if I don't get out now. Well, that whole hormonal bathroom extravaganza was more about you and where you're at on your own than your girlfriend … I really mean it. Take care of YOURSELF. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SouthernSunshine Posted July 27, 2012 Author Share Posted July 27, 2012 Well, that whole hormonal bathroom extravaganza was more about you and where you're at on your own than your girlfriend … I really mean it. Take care of YOURSELF. So besides moving out, are you suggesting I seek therapy for my high sex drive and hormones? I was molested and raped before. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 When you're tired enough of it, you'll leave him. Until then, he doesn't sound much fun. It's abusive to treat someone like he treats you, emotionally if not physically. Look up push/pull tactics. You might find that useful. Are you separating out what he says and what he actually does? Do they match? He might say nice things but how does he behave towards you? Behaviour is a much more reliable indicator about a person. Link to post Share on other sites
TG1 Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 You deserve better and your abuser at the end of the day he doesn't really love you because if he did, he wouldn't be treating you this way, now would he? And hitting someone or even emotionally and or verbally abusing them shows me, and it should show you that that isn't love and you need to be with a man who will treat you right Link to post Share on other sites
Wantsmore21 Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Hi there I read your post because it sounded a lot like the one I posted. I had no idea my boyfriend could be suffering from some kind of personality disorder. I love him with all my heart. But he is the same as you described. Won't have sex with me anymore- up and down all the time with no real pattern. Drives me crazy. He is nice when he wants to be- it has nothing to do with the way I act. I am in the process of breaking free of him. It's hard. But staying in this relationship is harder. I don't know exactly how to leave him for good - every time I've tried in the past he has me come back. It's only been a day. I'm hoping I'll be strong enough to stay away for good this time. I want to be with someone who loves me all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I am a post-therapy BPD sufferer. There is no reasoning, action, musical composition or car you can buy this person that will ever, ever stabilize them or help then understand your pain without serious, years-long therapy. She can't see two feet in front of her the damage she causes either. She might be able to empathize with others at a distance but she can't ever see that her actions have the power to hurt others as much as she feels hurt by any implied slight. Get out, all that you are doing is impairing yourself and your child. You are even impairing her by showing that how she is, is just totally acceptable to relate to people and that it IS your fault. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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