An old colleague

[JoshK]

Hello everybody,

I'm a guy in the low-twenties. I used to work as a substitute at the local hospital cleaning all kinds of things. During last summer (iirc), I had about a week in the same department. This colleague of mine, whom I've no contact with whatsoever before, came around one day and we started chatting. The following week, she kept coming back every day, during her breaks. I enjoyed it, but didn't think a whole lot about it. I had a girlfriend at that time, so I was just making friendly chat - no more, no less. At one point, she told me, which department she worked in fulltime. After one week, I was moved to substitute in another department from day to day, so she no longer knew where to find me. I, however, did not go to her department during my breaks, even though I knew exactly where it was (mainly because I had a girlfriend at that point, as noted above and therefore I wasn't on the look-out for anything else.)

 

For me, things kind of just stopped there - we hadn't exchanged numbers or anything.

 

Here's the thing, though:

Over the past year, she has been seeking contact with me, when we rarely meet at bars, while going out. I haven't been able to remember her name twice, I believe, as I met quite a few girls at that heavily women-dominanted workplace, so nothing has happened as a result of that, I guess....

 

Last weekend, I was at a bar with some friends and she approached me. I finally managed to get her name right (yeah!) and I bought her and her friends a few beers. She exclaimed to her friends: "Girls, this is the sweetest guy in the world!" to which I jokingly said something like: "Thats not necessarily a good thing. Girls generally don't want the good guy, huh?". "Thats not always the case", was her answer, smiling.

We talked until about 7 AM and each went our own way to go to bed. She went with her friends, I went with mine.

 

During the night, I made a move, as I tried to massage her lower back under her blouse, while she was sitting next to me. She turned me down and I initially thought of it as a good thing, as she "wouldn't just want to jump in bed with any guy".

Before she left, I asked for her number, which she gave me, accompanied by a kiss on the cheek.

 

Over the past week, I have been trying to start a bit of conversation, while not seeming desperate, which is not the case! She has responded, while not really actively seeking anything, when I haven't contacted her for a few days.

 

I've thought of it as a summerflirt until now, but I'm starting to think if I've been mislead by my mind and not analyzed her signals correctly.

 

We have an appointment this Sunday, but my past few relationships with girls this summer have ended with me being disappointed after a period of waiting for them to make up their minds, so I'm not really too keen on using too much energy on this, if she sees me as a friend.

 

I'm a deep thinker and consume a lot of energy and time analyzising the events, so here's what I've been thinking - both positive and negative:

 

+ She has been continually approaching me, even after I have not been able to remember her name, which I really can't wrap my mind around, if all she wanted is a friend. Why would someone work that hard for a friend? I have most likely hurt her, I would suppose?

+ Last weekend, she told me, how she was hurt when I didn't come to her department, during my breaks

+ Got her number and a kiss on the cheek

 

- She pretty much turned me down at the bar

- She doesn't seem too keen on contact

- She told me I'm the sweetest guy in the world. I know it might be stupid to think of such a compliment as negative, but isn't sweet like a notoriusly feared word for boys? I could think of a million things I would rather be called than sweet, when it comes to potential flirts.

 

Our appointment has never been refered to as a "date" by any of us, I said: going out

 

Whats your call, forum? Friend or flirt?

Also: I guess its completely forbidden to ask her, whether I might have misunderstood her signals prior to our appointment? Getting a point across like: "Its silly, but I've been thinking of this as a summer flirt and I feel like you might just want to be friends?"

[JoshK]

As noted in my post, I spend a lot of time thinking, so I probably laid bare my soul. My apologies for the looong post!

[NoMagicBullet]

Massaging her back under her blouse was a very sexual move, in public with her friends present. She might have been put off by that, and became suspicious of your motives after that. It seems that she likes you, and she may be interested in dating you instead of casual sex, but both of you are sending each other different signals.

 

What do you want? A fling or something more? Figure out what you want and have an honest talk with her about what she wants from you.