USMCHokie Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Would you date a woman that you don't feel that "spark" with, spark as defined by you? Desperate times will eventually call for desperate measures. And as people get older and options are perceived to dwindle, their preferences and priorities for a man/woman might change...perhaps they place less stock in the "spark"...or find a way to create in their minds some other source for that spark... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 Yes. I'm not looking to be swept off my feet and whisked away into the sunset. I'm looking to have fun with attractive women and see where it goes from there. Who knows, the spark may not be there initially, but might come at a later point in time. Fair enough. I am not completely closed to that concept either, even though it never happened that way for me in the past... Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Desperate times will eventually call for desperate measures. And as people get older and options are perceived to dwindle, their preferences and priorities for a man/woman might change...perhaps they place less stock in the "spark"...or find a way to create in their minds some other source for that spark... ADD: A good question to ask yourself is, if you are dating someone now, would the version of you 10 years ago have dated that person...? More often than not, the answer would be no. And then ask yourself, why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 Desperate times will eventually call for desperate measures. And as people get older and options are perceived to dwindle, their preferences and priorities for a man/woman might change...perhaps they place less stock in the "spark"...or find a way to create in their minds some other source for that spark... Perhaps...but people are different. I have no urgency to get married, even though given my age, I should feel that urgency. I just don't....I would rather wait for the right person, even with the prospect of more dwindling options. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 ADD: A good question to ask yourself is, if you are dating someone now, would the version of you 10 years ago have dated that person...? More often than not, the answer would be no. And then ask yourself, why not? Because as you mature, you evolve your preferences in a partner. 10 years ago, I was too immature to know what's important to make a relationship work. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Because as you mature, you evolve your preferences in a partner. 10 years ago, I was too immature to know what's important to make a relationship work. Armed with this notion, would you agree it wise for men to wait it out for women to reach this epiphany...? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 Armed with this notion, would you agree it wise for men to wait it out for women to reach this epiphany...? If you want a serious relationship then yes. But it's the same for men, they also mature and learn from their mistakes as they get older. So I don't really see it as anyone "waiting" for anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 You could say that. They lacked the "it" factor that really made me feel something.... I find it hard enough to even meet guys that have all that "on paper". I would definitely give them a shot and DID in the past. I am the type of person where either it's there or it's not and there is usually no in between. But yes, I am keeping an open mind and am prepared to meet a variety of men thorough OLD, even if I don't find their pictures/profiles that exciting. Do you think you might be one of those who are inflicted with the jaded effect? You sound like you are. Because of the availability of options (and it sounds like you have quite a bit on top of having so many dates so far) that's making you super picky or draping a curtain over your eyes that it's blinding you from creating a spark with someone? Or building intimacy that can lead to it? I've felt jaded about women on and off for the past few months, and OLD definitely has a way of making people feel that way. It's easy to discredit people when one can easily scroll through profiles and pictures. Or sort through guys' daily messages in your inbox and not feel happy with any of them. I know when people feel like they can't do better or don't really have options in the dating realm, they tend to settle down pretty quickly. If you lived in a small town and the internet didn't exist, do you think you would have found someone by now? Link to post Share on other sites
haribogumsnickers Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Waiting is for suckers. Just keep dating until you bored and then someone worthwhile will arrive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Negative Nancy Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Oh absolutely.. I guess that's what I was getting at rather clumsily Men hate the very term "spark" because they have no problems feeling it but they do have a problem finding a woman that feels it for them in return. Thus, they also lack empathy when women say they can't find a man they feel that "spark" with. So they do have spark related problems, just not in the same sense that women do. (spark=physical/sexual attraction for this post) It just means that men are less picky and basically any remotely attractive woman will do for them. What that also means is that women essentially are very replaceable to men (what a great feeling ). So men have no business in patting themselves on the back for seemingly being "less shallow" or "less picky" than women. No, you're not. Men DO go by looks first, after all. I doubt Chubby Chelsea would have have an easy time finding "love" anywhere. So when men complain, you really cannot take them seriously, because what they really complain about is that none of the HOT women gives them the tirme of the day, all the while they are ignoring the plain janes. Just because Sally with the long legs excites you as much as Betty with the nice azz or Tina with the big.....eyes () doesn't mean your dating approach makes you any better. What woman wants to feel replaceable? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 It just means that men are less picky and basically any remotely attractive woman will do for them. What that also means is that women essentially are very replaceable to men (what a great feeling ). So men have no business in patting themselves on the back for seemingly being "less shallow" or "less picky" than women. No, you're not. Men DO go by looks first, after all. I doubt Chubby Chelsea would have have an easy time finding "love" anywhere. So when men complain, you really cannot take them seriously, because what they really complain about is that none of the HOT women gives them the tirme of the day, all the while they are ignoring the plain janes. Just because Sally with the long legs excites you as much as Betty with the nice azz or Tina with the big.....eyes () doesn't mean your dating approach makes you any better. What woman wants to feel replaceable? Well, some of the plain janes, needs to tone down the fast food or eating out daily a bit, then they might get some attentions. Anyhow, I've been attracted to certain "chunky" women and some other men as well, she can even be remotely cute or average looking....if she knows how to keep the tonnage off...then she's all theirs., but most men are obviously turned off by the morbidly obese....unless it's a fetish, just the facts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Negative Nancy Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 My point was that women are interchangeable to men (woman A will be as good as woman B as long as she has certain physical traits), so they don't need to think that they are any "holier" or "less shallow" than women when it comes to dating. Men complain about women's boring personalities (or maybe they don't and would just be happy with a sex partner that is pretty much mute the whole time - except in the bedroom, of course - as long as she is hot ), but they are the ones who are only interested in a woman's external appearance anyway, so what exactly are they complaining about? Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 My point was that women are interchangeable to men (woman A will be as good as woman B as long as she has certain physical traits), so they don't need to think that they are any "holier" or "less shallow" than women when it comes to dating. Men complain about women's boring personalities (or maybe they don't and would just be happy with a sex partner that is pretty much mute the whole time - except in the bedroom, of course - as long as she is hot ), but they are the ones who are only interested in a woman's external appearance anyway, so what exactly are they complaining about? What the heck made you feel this way? 99% of the time when men talk about what they like in women it's bull****. It's a big act to compete with other men. I know a few guys that date the same exact looking woman over and over but they're a small minority. Link to post Share on other sites
Negative Nancy Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 What the heck made you feel this way? Walking through life with eyes wide open instead of believing in fairytales. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Walking through life with eyes wide open instead of believing in fairytales. So what happens when a guy hits on you? You just assume that he's desperate or trying to replace someone else with you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Walking through life with eyes wide open instead of believing in fairytales. And being attracted to jerks with tattoos. I still remember that thread where you said what you like your guys to look like. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Some decent guys have tattoos. Link to post Share on other sites
Negative Nancy Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 So what happens when a guy hits on you? You just assume that he's desperate or trying to replace someone else with you? Yes, that's exactly what I would assume. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 Some decent guys have tattoos. I like tattoos 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bristolius Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 You want to find a man that creates that spark, that feeling. But wouldn't the spark be created by you? An act of your imagination? I think good relationships are created and built up, not lying around somewhere waiting to be discovered. Just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 My point was that women are interchangeable to men (woman A will be as good as woman B as long as she has certain physical traits), so they don't need to think that they are any "holier" or "less shallow" than women when it comes to dating. Don't women do the same exact thing...? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 then be alone. i'm a good guy, have a good job, decent car, nice house in a nice community, have good manner but i'm a "meh" guy according to the ladies. i don't have that special spark or charisma or juice or whatever it is that ladies must see and they send me packing after the first coffee. maybe i don't blow them away with my sexuality or demand to have sex within three minutes of meeting them like they expect guys to do. so i'm a lonely "meh" guy. i don't feel sorry for you since ladies send me packing after the first coffee date consistently. This would be a sure way to send you packing So you complain but would you give some obese girl a chance? Didn't think so... Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 then be alone. i'm a good guy, have a good job, decent car, nice house in a nice community, have good manner but i'm a "meh" guy according to the ladies. i don't have that special spark or charisma or juice or whatever it is that ladies must see and they send me packing after the first coffee. maybe i don't blow them away with my sexuality or demand to have sex within three minutes of meeting them like they expect guys to do. so i'm a lonely "meh" guy. i don't feel sorry for you since ladies send me packing after the first coffee date consistently. there's more than enough single guys for ladies under 45. shouldn't be a problem. but "meh" guys don't count. you know the good guys who you just don't feel that initial mindblowing sexual attraction for. since "meh" guys don't count as guys there aren't enough guys to go around. You are getting first dates, so I presume you are physically attractive enough to make it past the initial surface trait binary test that determines whether women are interested enough to get to know you better; you're either a 1 or a 0. I would venture to say that it's your personality that's lacking something that creates that wow factor... The wow factor is generally either based purely on looks, purely on personality, or more commonly a combination of the two. If you can get coffee dates, then your looks probably aren't what's stopping you...but instead, it's when they get to know your personality during the first date, it leaves a bit to be desired... Just speculation though... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I hope the guys who complain that no women pay attention to them realize that they suffer from a variaiton of ES' syndrome (no offense ES). Sounds to me like they think that unless every single women they find cute is into them, that means they are lacking with the ladies. Again, you don't need every single women to be into you. You only need one. So stop agonizing and pretending that your anxieties are somehow ES' responsibility. They're not. They are within your control and you can challenge your own assumptions about your relationship to women. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 You are getting first dates, so I presume you are physically attractive enough to make it past the initial surface trait binary test that determines whether women are interested enough to get to know you better; you're either a 1 or a 0. I would venture to say that it's your personality that's lacking something that creates that wow factor... The wow factor is generally either based purely on looks, purely on personality, or more commonly a combination of the two. If you can get coffee dates, then your looks probably aren't what's stopping you...but instead, it's when they get to know your personality during the first date, it leaves a bit to be desired... Just speculation though... Or his pictures are very deceiving if he is talking about OLD.... Link to post Share on other sites
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