mesmerized Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I think people have the right to any standards but if somebody is asking for advice on a board I think that honest and frank advice would help the best. She asks on here about her dating problems so how would it help her if we told her that she is flawless and all these other guys are just beneath her? If she just wants validation for that kind of view just say it and all guys should stop posting in this thread but if she wants real advice it is better not to beat around the bush. Yeah and all men think real advice is to tell her "lower your standards". I gave her real advice but she didn't comment on it. Maybe she didn't like that one either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
brahmabull117 Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 See, the issue I have with this is that nobody should have the right to dictate anyone else's preferences. I am not dictating anything. If you have standards like that and care about even the smallest things, then you gotta be prepared to pay the price Why is it acceptable to be picky about looks and personality but not about anything else, just because that is what YOU do? I couldn't give two hoots about looks - I do have requirements, but they are very basic and 90% of the male population could probably fulfill them. I do, however, care very much about intellect, and to a lesser degree education and career. I fail to see how wanting a 6-pack is any more reasonable and logical or makes a better 'difference' than my preferences. Like what you like and leave everyone else alone. It's okay to be excluded from some preferences, y'know. It weeds out the incompatible ones for you. When did I say that preferring intelligent men is a bad thing? I don't think your preferences are unreasonable at all You gotta admit women do have extremely high standards in a million different things. That's why you get threads like this Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 No, not all women are picky. Just the lonely ones. There are plenty of people out there who are in relationships and still feel lonely. I'd rather be picky, than be with someone just to say that I have a partner. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Yeah and all men think real advice is to tell her "lower your standards". I gave her real advice but she didn't comment on it. Maybe she didn't like that one either. I never said lower. I said maybe readjust. If a guy came here complaining that he can't be Batman I won't tell him to never settle because in reality he never will be Batman. When a woman comes here with the relationship version of that I will be honest as well. I will also be honest with men who won't settle for anything less than Mila Kunis with Oprah's Money and the brain of an MIT graduate. Link to post Share on other sites
brahmabull117 Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 You know this thread is fascinating to me because I have a friend of mine who is 34 years old and is exactly like the OP. She's a beautiful woman and a very nice person but she's perpetually single because she constantly looks for the negative in every guy she ever sees. Some of these guys that I've seen are very nice, pretty masculine, often good looking, often have good jobs and she will look for every reason not to date them. Nobody here is saying date the poor homeless guy, but that attitude where you're constantly looking for reasons not to date a guy will keep you perpetually single. When I'm talking to somebody, I'm looking for their positive traits and not rejecting them because they went to a top 50 school instead of a top 25 school If you have that positive attitude and put in the effort to make a guy feel comfortable and desired, he will often return the favor to you. The dating world is "you reap what you sow". OP's luck wouldn't be any better in any other city because she's going to again look for reasons to turn down men instead of putting forward the effort to connect with those men Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Also if she feels that no man is up to her standards then why come on a board for relationship problems and constantly ask for advice? I just don't see what the OP is looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Also if she feels that no man is up to her standards then why come on a board for relationship problems and constantly ask for advice? I just don't see what the OP is looking for. What about all of the guys who come on here purely to insult women? They aren't here looking for advice on how to date, they're usually looking to either tell all of us that we're in the wrong, for anything and everything. A number of us also aren't pretty enough, or young enough, to even be considered "date-able" anymore. Now, maybe that's good news for us, since I find their attitudes highly unattractive, but they are here to be rude, and tell the women of the world that they need to change. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 You cannot force a spark. I've tried myself when my friend's have occasionally introduced me to girls - it won't work. So just because it's a good fit on paper doesn't mean anything. There is just something missing. ES lives in a big city so there are likely datable men she can find, provided she looks hard enough. However, lets not fall into the trap of thinking that she's being wholly unreasonable just because we "think" women are pickier over little things that we don't understand. I personally don't care how picky women are, it has never been compelling enough for me to make noise about. It's funny sometimes though..... If ES isn't attracted to the men she has been dating in the end, then why should she continue to date them? Counterproductive if you ask me. She's better off taking comfort in loneliness rather than being unhappy in a loveless relationship and pretending she's content with her decision because she "didn't want to be alone". Once again, who cares if women are picky? I have my own standards, and I try to meet them rather than holler about trying to meet hers. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mesmerized Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 And you're basically saying that you're unrealistic and believed every little fairy tale thrown your way as to why you can't get a man. I don't remember making any statement about my personal life in this thread but good try. OP has to start changing herself if she wants to meet/attract men she likes. The easiest/quickest way to just find "a man" would be to lower her standards as others are saying but that hardly will guarantee her happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Once again, who cares if women are picky? It's the men who don't get picked who care. It's a blow to their ego. It's simple jealousy of those men who do get picked... You hardly see a man who possesses the qualities to routine attract women complain that women are too picky... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 What about all of the guys who come on here purely to insult women? They aren't here looking for advice on how to date, they're usually looking to either tell all of us that we're in the wrong, for anything and everything. A number of us also aren't pretty enough, or young enough, to even be considered "date-able" anymore. Now, maybe that's good news for us, since I find their attitudes highly unattractive, but they are here to be rude, and tell the women of the world that they need to change. I fully agree. They are just here to stir things up and should be ignored. I think most of the guys in this thread though except for a few who I shall not name are just offering honest advice. If any person male or female deals with the same thing with everybody they try and date maybe they should look at themselves. Now if a person just does not want to be involved with anybody just say it but don't repeat the script about all women being fabulous queens while all the men are lowly slobs that they feel forced to settle for. That is not reality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 It's the men who don't get picked who care. It's a blow to their ego. It's simple jealousy of those men who do get picked... You hardly see a man who possesses the qualities to routine attract women complain that women are too picky... You'd think one would attempt to acquire those qualities rather than bitch about not having them. It's like complaining that you keep getting passed over for promotion at work but never doing enough to improve and display that one can do a bigger, better job - just ambling by adequately hoping to get noticed for doing your basics. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
brahmabull117 Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I fully agree. They are just here to stir things up and should be ignored. I think most of the guys in this thread though except for a few who I shall not name are just offering honest advice. If any person male or female deals with the same thing with everybody they try and date maybe they should look at themselves. Now if a person just does not want to be involved with anybody just say it but don't repeat the script about all women being fabulous queens while all the men are lowly slobs that they feel forced to settle for. That is not reality. Agreed, nobody here is saying settle but dating is a self fulfilling prophecy if you go into a situation where you feel like any guy you meet will not be good enough for you because he has to be absolutely perfect, then that's what you will get. If you focus your energy on the positives of people, you will find that you have a spark and connection with a lot of men It's not 100% the men's responsibility to generate spark/chemistry. You can help out in that regard too Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 It's the men who don't get picked who care. It's a blow to their ego. It's simple jealousy of those men who do get picked... You hardly see a man who possesses the qualities to routine attract women complain that women are too picky... I have no issue getting women but I have even articles by dating coaches who get utterly frustrated because their clients are pretty much impossible to please. Trust me I am just honest with men who expect life to be a rock or rap video as I am with women who expect life to be a SATC episode. Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 You cannot force a spark. I've tried myself when my friend's have occasionally introduced me to girls - it won't work. So just because it's a good fit on paper doesn't mean anything. There is just something missing. ES lives in a big city so there are likely datable men she can find, provided she looks hard enough. However, lets not fall into the trap of thinking that she's being wholly unreasonable just because we "think" women are pickier over little things that we don't understand. I personally don't care how picky women are, it has never been compelling enough for me to make noise about. It's funny sometimes though..... If ES isn't attracted to the men she has been dating in the end, then why should she continue to date them? Counterproductive if you ask me. She's better off taking comfort in loneliness rather than being unhappy in a loveless relationship and pretending she's content with her decision because she "didn't want to be alone". Once again, who cares if women are picky? I have my own standards, and I try to meet them rather than holler about trying to meet hers. Yeah, but at a certain point, that's on her, not men. Let's not paint a grim picture that there is an entire city of men who just can't get the job done. I'm sure there are quality men, but she just isn't feeling it. That's on her. Link to post Share on other sites
brahmabull117 Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Yeah, but at a certain point, that's on her, not men. Let's not paint a grim picture that there is an entire city of men who just can't get the job done. I'm sure there are quality men, but she just isn't feeling it. That's on her. Agreed 100% I swear to god, ES is like the twin of my friend I talked about here - You know this thread is fascinating to me because I have a friend of mine who is 34 years old and is exactly like the OP. She's a beautiful woman and a very nice person but she's perpetually single because she constantly looks for the negative in every guy she ever sees. Some of these guys that I've seen are very nice, pretty masculine, often good looking, often have good jobs and she will look for every reason not to date them. Nobody here is saying date the poor homeless guy, but that attitude where you're constantly looking for reasons not to date a guy will keep you perpetually single. When I'm talking to somebody, I'm looking for their positive traits and not rejecting them because they went to a top 50 school instead of a top 25 school If you have that positive attitude and put in the effort to make a guy feel comfortable and desired, he will often return the favor to you. The dating world is "you reap what you sow". OP's luck wouldn't be any better in any other city because she's going to again look for reasons to turn down men instead of putting forward the effort to connect with those men Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Yeah, but at a certain point, that's on her, not men. Let's not paint a grim picture that there is an entire city of men who just can't get the job done. I'm sure there are quality men, but she just isn't feeling it. That's on her. Well, I did point out that she lives in a big city so there are likely lots of potential dates she has yet to find. I certainly don't think that there is an entire city full of inadequate men (although sometimes, they way I hear complaints I wonder....). If she's not feeling it, that is on her, but not necessarily her fault is it? Like I say, you can't force attraction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Well, I did point out that she lives in a big city so there are likely lots of potential dates she has yet to find. I certainly don't think that there is an entire city full of inadequate men (although sometimes, they way I hear complaints I wonder....). If she's not feeling it, that is on her, but not necessarily her fault is it? Like I say, you can't force attraction. Not at all, but she has to understand that no one is promised anything. Holding out does not promise prince charming. Holding out also will not get any easier going forward, as some have mentioned. Now she may not feel rushed to get married or have kids, but no doubt she is looking for someone. She has to decide if she wants to continue chasing a guy that may never come, or test the waters and see what happens. Like I said, attraction sometimes is a slow burner. I had girls that, initially you could tell were just throwing me a bone and giving me an opportunity to prove my worth. It wasn't long before I had them clawing at me. Attraction isn't always going to be like the movies where a guy literally just makes eye contact with you from across the room and you just know. The media sells that fairytale but that's not often a reality. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
brahmabull117 Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Well, I did point out that she lives in a big city so there are likely lots of potential dates she has yet to find. I certainly don't think that there is an entire city full of inadequate men (although sometimes, they way I hear complaints I wonder....). If she's not feeling it, that is on her, but not necessarily her fault is it? Like I say, you can't force attraction. I am not a homo and I don't date guys, but I can generate chemistry/connection with probably 50-60% of guys I talk to You got put forth the effort to connect with somebody instead of sitting there and judging them for every little "flaw" or except them to do 100% of the work in terms of generating chemistry If you make a man feel desired and comfortable, he will return the favor Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 You'd think one would attempt to acquire those qualities rather than bitch about not having them. It's like complaining that you keep getting passed over for promotion at work but never doing enough to improve and display that one can do a bigger, better job - just ambling by adequately hoping to get noticed for doing your basics. I would temper your ...'improvements = women' ... perspective. As an older guy. Just to let you know. Improving yourself won't bring about desire from women in that kind of a way. The guys who think women just chase after $ and abs, they don't know what they're talking about. Look at Hokie. He's got GREAT education, background, and has a great body (allegedly). And he's a military guy. Women supposedly 'love' that. That took many years of hard work, and he still struggles. It's a wiser idea to change your expectations to fit the kind of person you are. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I have no issue getting women but I have even articles by dating coaches who get utterly frustrated because their clients are pretty much impossible to please. Trust me I am just honest with men who expect life to be a rock or rap video as I am with women who expect life to be a SATC episode. Well of course, I agree, both men and women are equally prone to unrealistic expectations, but luckily I do not have a vested interest in these individuals. If they can't find someone because their standards are unrealistic, then they will die alone, and natural selection will have done its job. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Well of course, I agree, both men and women are equally prone to unrealistic expectations, but luckily I do not have a vested interest in these individuals. If they can't find someone because their standards are unrealistic, then they will die alone, and natural selection will have done its job. True but if they post a thread on here don't get mad when they got honest advice. Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I don't know if anyone brought this up yet but we are talking about one women vs an entire city of men here. Are we to say she's in the right and the entire male population in her city is in the wrong? What are the sheer odds of that? With no disrespect to the OP because she seems like she's a cool chick and reading some of her other responses in other threads, seems like she has her suff together. But logically, objectively speaking here, maybe she should do some introspective analysis? Link to post Share on other sites
brahmabull117 Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I don't know if anyone brought this up yet but we are talking about one women vs an entire city of men here. Are we to say she's in the right and the entire male population in her city is in the wrong? What are the sheer odds of that? With no disrespect to the OP because she seems like she's a cool chick and reading some of her other responses in other threads, seems like she has her suff together. But logically, objectively speaking here, maybe she should do some introspective analysis? Zero chance of that whatsoever. I'm willing to bet somebody with a more positive attitude could have generated spark/chemistry/connection with half the guys she has dated over the last 2 years Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 If they can't find someone because their standards are unrealistic, then they will die alone, and natural selection will have done its job. Wow. That's a pretty dark line. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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