Why do dumpees forget over time but dumpers come back after some time period with NC

[SoConfusedAndInShock]

has this ever happened to you? i'm just curious....

 

This has happened to me before with my 1st ex. He dumped me and i went M.I.A then he came back 6 months later after a couple of failed relationships crying and begging. im actually in NC with my recent BU (1 month so far!)

 

WHY DO MEN TEND TO DO THAT?!!?

[SoConfusedAndInShock]

Mina: you are very right and i get that with him but with lots of people i know even if the guy/dumper leaves they tend to want to keep in touch or give it another try after some time has passed.

[Ajax]

 

why do men tend to do that?!!?

 

why do women tend to generalize?!!?

[blotter]

I don't think it's a man or woman thing. It's more of a just having a back up piece of a$$ in case the current relationship doesn't work out.

[Canadian731]

It's GIGS (grass is greener syndrome) basically they think the relationship isn't good enough for them and think they will be happier elsewhere, once they learn how lonely it gets being alone out there and how the people they date arent as good as you they regret it. As for the dumpee, they are hurt an once they recover from the loss they are already heading in the direction to happiness and realize they don't have to be in a relationship to be happy.

[Jamesblame]

I just recently had an ex do that.

 

She turned down the idea of reconciling, but every week or so sends me an email or text describing how much she misses me and wishes things worked out.

 

If I rise to her bait, she'll not respond for hours, and then when she does, she'll just spend the conversations saying how she doesn't have romantic feelings for me.

 

Haha it's really ridiculous, and used to bother me a great deal. But I think at the end of the day, she's much less healthy than I am, and suffers from the GIGS syndrome.

[Svet74]

I think if your ex was a good person they are worth going back to and making it work. people make mistakes. But if he was already treating you badly and there were problems in the relationships then your just gonna end up going back to the problems.

 

My ex would always come back, not committ to me but any time he needed me. like when he was lonly or other reasons. But when he was happy I didnt hear from him. I could go on and on. Just stay NC so you dont have to go through the headache. Heal, move on

[Lisa_Lisa]

Darn, I wish my ex would come crying back to me.

[Kovalchoke]

damn, I just heard my ex is sorta having a friends with benefits thing with this one guy she "likes". There's absolutely no relationship whatsoever, and she knows the guy's a player but won't stop hanging out with him. Even though it's none of my business, I'm having fun watching on the sidelines. I don't even know what goes on in her head, if it's the GIGS like everyone says it is.

[Sheppy99]

Another reason this happens is because the dumper has already been working up to doing the actual dumping so once it's over they feel a sense of relief that it's done with. The dumpee is in emotional shock so they will spend the next several weeks to months getting over the person right away. It's not until down the road does the dumper start to second guess themselves and their decision and by that time the dumpee has already moved on.

 

Each person is in two different mental states at the time of the relationship ending..... One feels relief and the other feels enormous pain. Not all the time though.

 

Then eventually the tables switch.

[SoConfusedAndInShock]

Another reason this happens is because the dumper has already been working up to doing the actual dumping so once it's over they feel a sense of relief that it's done with. The dumpee is in emotional shock so they will spend the next several weeks to months getting over the person right away. It's not until down the road does the dumper start to second guess themselves and their decision and by that time the dumpee has already moved on.

 

Each person is in two different mental states at the time of the relationship ending..... One feels relief and the other feels enormous pain. Not all the time though.

 

Then eventually the tables switch.

 

 

That's so true and that's exactly what all my friends are telling me. cannot wait for my current ex to come to that stage on his own terms though lol

[Kovalchoke]

Another reason this happens is because the dumper has already been working up to doing the actual dumping so once it's over they feel a sense of relief that it's done with. The dumpee is in emotional shock so they will spend the next several weeks to months getting over the person right away. It's not until down the road does the dumper start to second guess themselves and their decision and by that time the dumpee has already moved on.

 

Each person is in two different mental states at the time of the relationship ending..... One feels relief and the other feels enormous pain. Not all the time though.

 

Then eventually the tables switch.

 

I think the way it works is once the dumpee starts to not care and moves on and begins to enjoy life again, times passes by quicker and the dumpee won't know anything about the dumper after the breakup. So once the dumpee stops caring the dumper usually starts.... weird ... but thats how it usually goes...

[Gulf-Delta]

I think the way it works is once the dumpee starts to not care and moves on and begins to enjoy life again, times passes by quicker and the dumpee won't know anything about the dumper after the breakup. So once the dumpee stops caring the dumper usually starts.... weird ... but thats how it usually goes...

 

I wish that'd happen to me... :/

[Kovalchoke]

I wish that'd happen to me... :/

 

 

Things take time!

[Gulf-Delta]

Things take time!

 

6 months since the split...3 months super, super LC, 1 month NIC...she has someone else

 

 

It ain't happenin'

[Coffee20]

I don't think it's that easy.

I know only one dumper who begged and pleaded to get back, other people who dumped someone never do it.

I am called the dumper although our break up was mutual. After a fight he started, he told me he didn't want to see me anymore....so I asked whether he wanted to break up, he answered yes.....because I though it was stupid to break up on chat, I decided I would wait a few hours and if he didn't change his mind I would come to his place and told him bye face to face.

He didn't change so I came to his place told him bye but he didn't tell nothing back. I thought he was shocked. That's why I am called the dumper and he was the poor one who was dumped. But two weeks later when I begged, he was COMPLETELY over me. I know he was over me two months before we broke up, I even think he has another girl somewhere. His behavior changed rapidly and I still don't know why.

[Zammo25]

Why do people think the dumper will come back ? My ex has moved on in less than 2 months to a younger, shinier, wealthier bloke and I think the chance of her ever reaching out to me again in the future is , well , 0%.

[Kovalchoke]

I think the chances of them coming back greatly increases when they're suffering from GIGS

 

Oh and also when they have troubles with their new partner

 

What i'm kinda hoping for is that my ex gets whats coming to her. Hoping she'll experience what i did when she dumped me coldly.

 

 

The weird thing i'm noticing is it seems she's trying to see how i'm doing. Her sister texted me out of no where after a month of not talking to her, and wanted to visit me at work but i said no cuz i had a hunch they would both be coming. Also what's weird is my ex unliked some of my pictures on facebook, probably to get a reaction from me. (Also proves she creeps my profile regularly)

[Buttercup84]

Because they realize being single isn't that fun , they felt in control because we were crying and begging . They thought we would be mourning them and it made them feel good .

 

But then we stop contacting them , stop the pleading and begging and then they feel undesirable again . They might play the field a bit which is fun at first , then they realize that they are lonely and finding a good relationship is hard . And we are familiar and secure . So they come back knowing ( or thinking ) that we will be around for them .

 

My ex did that earlier this year , then changed his mind and just this month he contacted me again saying he should have never dumped me .

 

We are still talking now ( as friends ) and I have no romantic feelings for him anymore .

 

I would not give in if I were you , but this is your relationship and sometimes people deserve another chance , only you know if he deserves it .

 

But he was willing to lose you forever , remember that .

[SoConfusedAndInShock]

I would not give in if I were you , but this is your relationship and sometimes people deserve another chance , only you know if he deserves it .

 

But he was willing to lose you forever , remember that .

 

 

yea so very true!!!

 

i sent my 1st ex back running becuase by the time he was back i was SO over him. trust me when we first broke up i cried and begged for days but the table changed soon after.

 

cant wait for my recent ex (Ex # 2) to do the same haha

 

But i've come so far and am very proud of my strict NC for almost a month now. i'm going to live my life and focus on myself (FOR ME). If he wants to come he should/will on his own terms/timing.

[Thisisbs]

Because they realize being single isn't that fun , they felt in control because we were crying and begging . They thought we would be mourning them and it made them feel good .

 

But then we stop contacting them , stop the pleading and begging and then they feel undesirable again . They might play the field a bit which is fun at first , then they realize that they are lonely and finding a good relationship is hard . And we are familiar and secure . So they come back knowing ( or thinking ) that we will be around for them .

 

My ex did that earlier this year , then changed his mind and just this month he contacted me again saying he should have never dumped me .

 

We are still talking now ( as friends ) and I have no romantic feelings for him anymore .

 

I would not give in if I were you , but this is your relationship and sometimes people deserve another chance , only you know if he deserves it .

 

But he was willing to lose you forever , remember that .

 

This exactly.

 

They will probably come back, but by then you are long long long over it.

[Gulf-Delta]

I think the chances of them coming back greatly increases when they're suffering from GIGS

 

Do you really think this, or just hope it's true? MY ex was a GiGs split, and I told my situation above...

[Kovalchoke]

Because they realize being single isn't that fun , they felt in control because we were crying and begging . They thought we would be mourning them and it made them feel good .

 

But then we stop contacting them , stop the pleading and begging and then they feel undesirable again . They might play the field a bit which is fun at first , then they realize that they are lonely and finding a good relationship is hard . And we are familiar and secure . So they come back knowing ( or thinking ) that we will be around for them .

 

My ex did that earlier this year , then changed his mind and just this month he contacted me again saying he should have never dumped me .

 

We are still talking now ( as friends ) and I have no romantic feelings for him anymore .

 

I would not give in if I were you , but this is your relationship and sometimes people deserve another chance , only you know if he deserves it .

 

But he was willing to lose you forever , remember that .

 

 

god talk! that last sentence really struck me. I think i'm going to remember that sentence whenever I have the urge to reconcile with my ex.

[Kovalchoke]

Do you really think this, or just hope it's true? MY ex was a GiGs split, and I told my situation above...

 

Without a doubt. What i see...is usually people that suffer from GIGS get tired of that new, exciting lifestyle and eventually settle down and start realizing what they've lost - commitment, balance, and consistency. I'm guessing you're a real calm and safe person whereas your ex is the complete opposite?

[Gulf-Delta]

Without a doubt. What i see...is usually people that suffer from GIGS get tired of that new, exciting lifestyle and eventually settle down and start realizing what they've lost - commitment, balance, and consistency. I'm guessing you're a real calm and safe person whereas your ex is the complete opposite?

 

Well, sort of. I've always been a home body. A creature of habit. I'm set in my ways, and would rather enjoy dinner and movie on the couch with my woman instead of going out clubbing or something. I guess I'm what most would call "boring"... My ex was the same way. We both wanted a family, the dog, the house, the picket fence, etc. She has always had an impulsive streak, but it was never to crazy. It was usually like seeing something in a store, buying it, and wearing it once...not really tihnking ahead that she'd never wear it more than once.

 

All of the sudden she chagned and started going out more. I did it for a while, but I was out of my element in that scene, so stopped going. She didn't. She went out, met new people, and decided, for whatever reason, I didn't fit, and she didn't want me anymore. This was 6 months ago, and she shows no signs of slowing down, or coming back.