Why do dumpees forget over time but dumpers come back after some time period with NC

[fificremefarben]

Why ? Let me tell you something. Most Women have a deep psycological feeling for someone they have had sex with. When they do their whole mindset changes. So for most dumpers when they have have had sex with another man it is game over for the dumpee. This a fact my friend.

 

No disrespect whatsoever, but I don't agree with this. I agree that in some cases sex with someone else can help the healing process, but I don't think it's the miracle cure to getting over your ex completely to the point that a reconciliation is forever off the table. What if it's crap sex? :|

[Zammo25]

My point is Women usually need to have an emotional connection to a man and have feelings for them before they have sex with them and then that just seals the deal. Men are different, most men could have sex with a woman they disliked as their brains are wired differently. Once a woman has sex with another man the 10% chance of a reconciliation with you is now 0% as it never happens.

[jmjacobs31]

Another reason this happens is because the dumper has already been working up to doing the actual dumping so once it's over they feel a sense of relief that it's done with. The dumpee is in emotional shock so they will spend the next several weeks to months getting over the person right away. It's not until down the road does the dumper start to second guess themselves and their decision and by that time the dumpee has already moved on.

 

Each person is in two different mental states at the time of the relationship ending..... One feels relief and the other feels enormous pain. Not all the time though.

 

Then eventually the tables switch.

 

I hope this happens in my situation. My ex of 12 years decided one day that he just didn't want to be with me anymore. I was forced to leave our house and my life without warning. While I was left to pick up the pieces and was out with other girls. He defiantly has GIGS and everyone seems to think that all of this will hit him like a ton of bricks one day. I just pray if that day come I am strong enough to tell him to go **** himself!

[barese1]

haven't read the full thread but will say this never ever has happened to me. Dumpers dump and move on, the ones that do come back aren't worth the time

[Zammo25]

My ex ex came back after she was with another bloke a year down the line however as he proved to be an idiot and she dumped him. She wanted to see me again. I refused her offer and 2 years ago I thought I was going to die without her.

[Dblock10]

well my ex came back. we slept together and she had slept with two other guys after me.

 

but yeah she has gone again now. left the country and for all i know is seeing one of those guys she slept with. sigh

[Zammo25]

I did get back with an ex after she had been with another guy and it was never the same. The sex was " soiled goods ". It had no chance. I would expect the same of an ex if I slept with anyone else. If you sleep with anyone else , either side, it is over, finito, done and dusted.

[Dblock10]

how do you mean it was never the same? soiled goods? as in it plays on your mind they have been else where? for me for some reason that never happened. only until she left me again did it bother me.

 

sex with the ex was good and just like old times for me.

[Zammo25]

how do you mean it was never the same? soiled goods? as in it plays on your mind they have been else where? for me for some reason that never happened. only until she left me again did it bother me.

 

sex with the ex was good and just like old times for me.

 

I could not get over the thought of some other guy banging her. I don't ask about sexual experiences before I have a relationship with someone but when someone I care about has sex with another guy that is game over and vice versa so I made a mistake. My recent ex is banging someone else already so at least she closed the door of hope for me as we could never get back together again now. I don't generally do sloppy seconds.

Edited August 1, 2012 by Zammo25

[Dblock10]

yeah i used to view it that way as well. but its normal for people to do that though. as long as they want to be with you and you dont break up again i think its fine. but as in my case im 26 shes 23 , just isnt going to happen. its hard to think now shes gone back out there and is sleeping with others.

 

i do feel stupid for sleeping with her knowing what i know and would be the case knowing she was leaving again.

[Zammo25]

yeah i used to view it that way as well. but its normal for people to do that though. as long as they want to be with you and you dont break up again i think its fine. but as in my case im 26 shes 23 , just isnt going to happen. its hard to think now shes gone back out there and is sleeping with others.

 

i do feel stupid for sleeping with her knowing what i know and would be the case knowing she was leaving again.

 

At pushing 50 I don't do sex for sex sake anymore. It has to mean something. Sex is great but I could live without it or irregular if the person meant a lot as it makes a great relationship even better and makes you closer but it is not the be all and end all , about 10-20% of what makes a successful relationship imo.

[SoConfusedAndInShock]

just realized what you said...but look at it this way: my first ex had the G.I.G.S big time and he dated girls one on top of another slept with so many chicks but guess what he was on his keens crying and pleading for a second chance around the 6th month mark...i was so over him by then. He swore up and down how none of those girls treated and and loved him like i did. swore he'll do anything just for one more shot (keep in mind i cried for weeks and wanted to get bck together when we BU) but i was just so turned off my his actions.

 

Lately, i've been thinking its the same case with my current Ex. i want everything out of his system if he ever does come back but who know when that will be IF EVER. now that im not there to say this/that is bad for you, hes out every day with his "crew" and chicks drinking, smoking, partying, and plenty of fu**ing.

 

so yeah i really do want/hope for another chance with him, but not before hes got that $hit out his system or has truly have had a change of heart and comes back looking for me again. its been over a month and i haven't heard from him so maybe this time its different.

 

My point is, we can't really say exactly how they might/not feel if/when they sleep around after BU cuz people/feelings change over time and they might find out that the grass is not greener after all. At least that's what i wanna believe for now... that's just my PO tho. theres plenty of threads on LS saying "he/she back" after one or more relationship so keep that in mind.