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Why do dumpees forget over time but dumpers come back after some time period with NC

SoConfusedAndInShock

By SoConfusedAndInShock,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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SoConfusedAndInShock

SoConfusedAndInShock

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so in my case, does NC have any effect on him(the dumper) or no? does it make him wonder about me at all cuz after pleading/crying for few days i just went full on NC AND DISAPPEARED from the face of the earth. i mean its been a month already(omg!)...

 

NC has been so helpful on my side so far. i feel a lot better than the first two weeks. no more crying or thinking about him 24/7. no more checking my phone every time it beeps. Some days i just wonder how the he** someone could just change over night. specially when the night before the BU he keept calling and leaving msgs saying hes crazy about me how sorry he is for not calling me, making me wait for him, and even after the BU he still professed his love and wouldn't let go right away for the next two days. kept calling, texting me, called me by pet names, even did the whole night time talk over the phone thing for hours andddd went to the movies a week later. After that night i just said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Started NC. Here i am 4 weeks later hes made no attempts to even check up on me. WOW!

 

i still do hope for reconciliation though but ONLY if and when he has truly learned his lesson that the grass isn't always greener on the other side && he stops letting his buddies make decisions for him.

 

(here's my first thread): http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/334714-nc-4-days-now-im-going-crazy

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Kovalchoke

Kovalchoke

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Well, sort of. I've always been a home body. A creature of habit. I'm set in my ways, and would rather enjoy dinner and movie on the couch with my woman instead of going out clubbing or something. I guess I'm what most would call "boring"... My ex was the same way. We both wanted a family, the dog, the house, the picket fence, etc. She has always had an impulsive streak, but it was never to crazy. It was usually like seeing something in a store, buying it, and wearing it once...not really tihnking ahead that she'd never wear it more than once.

 

All of the sudden she chagned and started going out more. I did it for a while, but I was out of my element in that scene, so stopped going. She didn't. She went out, met new people, and decided, for whatever reason, I didn't fit, and she didn't want me anymore. This was 6 months ago, and she shows no signs of slowing down, or coming back.

 

 

I know what you mean. I think the saying "nice guys finish last" applies here. Like you, i was considered "boring" because according to my ex, i dont "drink, do drugs or party". Your situation is exactly the same as mine except im alot younger. Maybe you never knew your ex as much as you should have? Right now mine is with the bad crowd, people she claimed she wouldnt associate with. Really though, sooner or later they will recognize their loss. This could take years.

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Gulf-Delta

Gulf-Delta

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I know what you mean. I think the saying "nice guys finish last" applies here. Like you, i was considered "boring" because according to my ex, i dont "drink, do drugs or party". Your situation is exactly the same as mine except im alot younger. Maybe you never knew your ex as much as you should have? Right now mine is with the bad crowd, people she claimed she wouldnt associate with. Really though, sooner or later they will recognize their loss. This could take years.

 

Nah, we were together two years, and (for better or worse) lived together almost since day 1...

 

I knew her pretty dang well...I know it could take years...and I've talked to lots of different girls more recently...but all they do is remind me how great my ex used to be, and why we fell for each other.

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leoc1973

leoc1973

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I think its different with men and women. As a man I think that lots of women try to change us and the constant nagging just wears on us. You women all do it even if you don't nag then there is some kind of other passive aggressive thing that we hate.

 

We go from dating and falling in love with you onto holding your purse while you try on clothes. We hate it!!! Absolutely hate it! So after we turn into your little puppy and it still isn't enough(its never enough) we are miserable.

 

Then on top of it the saying "show me a supermodel and I will show you a man that is tired of banging her" its true. We are visual creatures and something new is fun!

 

OK so we dump you and then as time goes on we forget about all the things that we hated about you and we go sleep with a few women and then it hits us that we made a huge mistake.

 

We start to miss the very things that we hated about our ex we miss your bodies and face and it hits us that you were attractive all along.

 

Thats when we come back.

 

With women... who the hell knows? Your minds are so screwed up you don't know yourselves what you want on a given day! ;-) Just kidding!Just kidding!(kinda)

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Kovalchoke

Kovalchoke

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Nah, we were together two years, and (for better or worse) lived together almost since day 1...

 

I knew her pretty dang well...I know it could take years...and I've talked to lots of different girls more recently...but all they do is remind me how great my ex used to be, and why we fell for each other.

 

 

she'll be bound to at least come back and explain herself, but for now just let it go..

 

hang in there buddy

 

btw can i pm you?

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Stanza

Stanza

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Without a doubt. What i see...is usually people that suffer from GIGS get

tired of that new, exciting lifestyle and eventually settle down and start

realizing what they've lost - commitment, balance, and consistency.

 

I would imagine this is very true, Kovalchoke.

 

Gulf-Delta, hang in there, I know this is tough on you but if you compare new girls to her, I'm fairly sure she does the same at times.

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Gulf-Delta

Gulf-Delta

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she'll be bound to at least come back and explain herself, but for now just let it go..

 

hang in there buddy

 

btw can i pm you?

 

Sure :) :)

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Gulf-Delta

Gulf-Delta

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I would imagine this is very true, Kovalchoke.

 

Gulf-Delta, hang in there, I know this is tough on you but if you compare new girls to her, I'm fairly sure she does the same at times.

 

I can only hope.

 

It's not like I willfuly make comparisons...after all that's kind of a ****ty thing to do, comparing people

 

I remember on July 4th my two best friends introduced me to this AMAZING looking girl. Like jaw-droppingly pretty. WE all four hung out for the day, and while she was gorgeous (her and my female friend, a model, were discussing modelling!), and really funny, and even flirted with me a tiny bit...in the back on my mind, all I could think was "Wow, there is zero spark here". THAT feeling just wasn't there like it was when I met my ex

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pathetic1999

pathetic1999

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I can only hope.

 

It's not like I willfuly make comparisons...after all that's kind of a ****ty thing to do, comparing people

 

I remember on July 4th my two best friends introduced me to this AMAZING looking girl. Like jaw-droppingly pretty. WE all four hung out for the day, and while she was gorgeous (her and my female friend, a model, were discussing modelling!), and really funny, and even flirted with me a tiny bit...in the back on my mind, all I could think was "Wow, there is zero spark here". THAT feeling just wasn't there like it was when I met my ex

 

I do that too, I meet guys who are better looking than my ex but "it's" just not there like it was when I met him :(

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Kovalchoke

Kovalchoke

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I can only hope.

 

It's not like I willfuly make comparisons...after all that's kind of a ****ty thing to do, comparing people

 

I remember on July 4th my two best friends introduced me to this AMAZING looking girl. Like jaw-droppingly pretty. WE all four hung out for the day, and while she was gorgeous (her and my female friend, a model, were discussing modelling!), and really funny, and even flirted with me a tiny bit...in the back on my mind, all I could think was "Wow, there is zero spark here". THAT feeling just wasn't there like it was when I met my ex

 

Happens to me too. I think "this girl's alot better than my ex but why can't i forget about her?"

 

The messed up thing is my ex is doing a friends with benefits thing right now and basically shows she wants to have fun and wants nothing to do with committment. It's so bad. She's in high school too. Poor choices..

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Gulf-Delta

Gulf-Delta

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I'm a noob at LS, how do I pm you?

 

Just click my name and a little menu should drop down..."send private message" or something should be on there :)

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Gulf-Delta

Gulf-Delta

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it's not there -_-

 

Oh, I guess you need a certain number of posts...I thought that number was 50 :/

 

I'm sorry, I can't PM you either

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Zammo25

Zammo25

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If your ex, a Woman, has sex with another guy you are done. They will never come back to you after that. So if that is your situation move on.

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stealth95

stealth95

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A guy I had gotten involved w/ does the same thing to me. He disappears for weeks on end ( kind of like getting dumped) and when he comes back he tells me, " No one treats me the way you do " etc.. and stupid me keeps taking him back ( and i feel crappy afterwards)... Hopefully, next time he comes back ( I know he will ) i am strong enough to put an end to this Vicious cycle.

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Gulf-Delta

Gulf-Delta

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If your ex, a Woman, has sex with another guy you are done. They will never come back to you after that. So if that is your situation move on.

 

LOL.

 

That's funny.

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Zammo25

Zammo25

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LOL.

 

That's funny.

 

Why ? Let me tell you something. Most Women have a deep psycological feeling for someone they have had sex with. When they do their whole mindset changes. So for most dumpers when they have have had sex with another man it is game over for the dumpee. This a fact my friend.

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SoConfusedAndInShock

SoConfusedAndInShock

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Why ? Let me tell you something. Most Women have a deep psycological feeling for someone they have had sex with. When they do their whole mindset changes. So for most dumpers when they have have had sex with another man it is game over for the dumpee. This a fact my friend.

 

 

Uhm..and what about men? specially after a LT BU? hows their mindset when they go off sleeping with a new chick??

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Gulf-Delta

Gulf-Delta

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Why ? Let me tell you something. Most Women have a deep psycological feeling for someone they have had sex with. When they do their whole mindset changes. So for most dumpers when they have have had sex with another man it is game over for the dumpee. This a fact my friend.

 

Hmmm....don't tell that to the thousands of couples who reunite after breaking up and seeing other people...you might blow their minds lol

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Zammo25

Zammo25

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Hmmm....don't tell that to the thousands of couples who reunite after breaking up and seeing other people...you might blow their minds lol

 

Very few people get back together buddy about 1 in 10 and those that do usually split up again. Look I don't know if you are holding out for some mircalous getting together with your ex but is not going to happen and the sooner you realise that the sooner you can heal.

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Zammo25

Zammo25

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Uhm..and what about men? specially after a LT BU? hows their mindset when they go off sleeping with a new chick??

 

When an ex has sex with someone else either way it is over. A 100-1 chance at best of reconciliation. Forget it and move on.

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Gulf-Delta

Gulf-Delta

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Very few people get back together buddy about 1 in 10 and those that do usually split up again. Look I don't know if you are holding out for some mircalous getting together with your ex but is not going to happen and the sooner you realise that the sooner you can heal.

 

Yeah, that statistic....you made it up.

 

I know it ain't happening for me, and sorry it didn't happen for you. Doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I t happens more often than not.

Edited by Gulf-Delta
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